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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28656768">Oh, I Love You.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/BinaryStars3/pseuds/BinaryStars3'>BinaryStars3</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars Sequel Trilogy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>American Politics, F/M, Feeding the Rats, HEA, I forgot to put the tags in but, I just know I hate zoom and zoom classes, Romantic Comedy, Star Wars Modern AU, Yes this is a 2020 au that decided to make itself present, and I wanted to do that experience justice, and also I cope through comedy, but not really, it starts out really funny but it gets serious fast, just so we're aware of that fam, nobody asked for this, oh also finn shows up in this but he's not a main character... im sorry my boy, reflection piece? idk, same with rose poe and jannah, therapy piece? idk, they will get their time but we gotta social distance y'all im sorry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 03:33:48</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>123,024</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28656768</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/BinaryStars3/pseuds/BinaryStars3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It starts out fine, as all things do, but then it goes dangerously downhill from there. And it doesn't stop. No matter what Rey does, it doesn't stop.</p><p>Like a tricycle, missing a wheel and rolling down a steep hill as its passenger screams in horror because everything is bad and awful-</p><p>It goes downhill. Fast.</p><p>Seven months later, stuck in her apartment while the tricycle continues its downhill trip, Rey has the weirdest experience of her life.</p><p>And it only gets weirder from there.</p><p>『✰』</p><p>On Tuesday morning, early September, in the year of hell, 2020, at approximately eight thirty nine am, Rey chokes on her morning cup of tea as she watches a half naked man walk behind her professors zoom screen without a care in the world. Was that-? It couldn’t have been. Could it? Oh my <i>god.</i></p><p> </p><p>  <i>What the fuck?</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>441</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>190</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I love doing drops good god.</p><p>Hi again! So, this year sucked. It sucked bad. But I wanted to kind of...</p><p>memorialize the suck-iness. Take some lemons, and turn em' into lemonade.</p><p>So this is that.</p><p>A story about 2020, and the shitshow that it was. The shitshow that it still is, with some VERY real anecdotes from my real life and my own experiences. Something that started as a planned five chapter quick-write just to get it out of my system, and something that kind of exploded into a time-capsule of the past couple months. Something that I've been writing as time goes on, (which I will never do again, because it made finding a cohesive storyline FUCKING HELL but I enjoyed very much anyways [also I don't know if I pulled it off but what else did we expect from this hell year]) and that I hope someone finds in a while and reads back on to experience what this crazy time was through these two characters perspectives. </p><p>Because I cope through comedy, and this was my way of processing the overload of information I was getting. My way of turning a really awful situation into a better one, and trying to find the bright spots along the way.</p><p>So, enjoy! and let the upload train begin 😈</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>On Tuesday morning, early September, in the year of hell, 2020, at approximately eight thirty nine am, Rey chokes on her morning cup of tea as she watches a half naked man walk behind her professors zoom screen without a care in the world. Was that-? It couldn’t have been. Could it? Oh my <em> god. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What the fuck? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She just blinks in confused shock, as her professor yanks something off of her desk and chucks it at the very tall figure, now off screen, that had just walked behind her in his black underwear. “Ben, you are on thin fucking ice right now.“ She hisses, all red in the face as the other students who have their cameras on for this zoom lecture stare in equally confused shock.</p><p> </p><p>It couldn’t have been.</p><p> </p><p>But like, what if it was?</p><p> </p><p>Holy shit, was that her <em> son </em>?</p><p> </p><p>He’s <em> jacked </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” A deep voice sleepily grumbles to her professors left, as Rey’s eyes widen. She hides behind her blue mug, eyes peeking over the top as she double checks she’s on mute and a couple other students quickly switch their cameras off.</p><p> </p><p>Professor Organa-Solo likes cameras on, but that doesn’t mean every student follows directions. And although Rey loves Leia, it’s unlikely she’ll notice at this point.</p><p> </p><p>She is not, to put it lightly, a zoom aficionado. Although, Rey can hardly claim the same. This was not the first semester she was expecting when she transferred from her state university to her fancy private university, not one bit.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m teaching a lecture, <em> Benjamin </em>.” Leia hisses, motioning to her laptop as Rey giggles.</p><p> </p><p>She double checks that she’s on mute again, just to be certain. Leia’s son is kind of hot? Is that wrong to think? Inappropriate? He has nice thighs, at least. Rey can <em> appreciate </em> it. The shape of them, that is.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Oh.” </em>The mystery man, Ben, hums from his place off screen. Something clatters, and it sounds like maybe he’s grabbing a  glass of water or pouring coffee? Something along those lines, maybe. It would make sense, it is stupid early to be up right now.</p><p> </p><p>Rey hears a loud sip, as Leia grabs <em> another </em> item from her desk and chucks it at him. He yelps as she sighs and crosses her arms, exhaustion at this whole shitty situation <em> and </em> her apparent briefs wearing son <em> extremely </em> clear.</p><p> </p><p>Leia quickly excuses herself, shutting off her camera but forgetting to turn off her microphone as Rey takes another long sip of her drink in an attempt to stop herself from fully dissolving into childish giggles.</p><p> </p><p>She watches a few more cameras go off, some students poorly hiding their laughter behind palms and a few outright grinning as Rey enjoys another sip of her tea. Poe, the TA, seems to be particularly enjoying the spectacle.</p><p> </p><p>She wishes she knew her classmates a little better, they seem nice. Interesting, at the very least.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, I am teaching a <em> zoom lecture. </em> Over <em> zoom. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>“And?” The voice grumbles again, as Rey giggles.</p><p> </p><p>Leia makes some type of pained sigh, as Ben loudly sips again.</p><p> </p><p>“And I have my camera on in front of thirty students and a recording going for another seventeen, <em> dear son of mine </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>There is a long drawn out silence, and Rey wonders if Leia finally went on mute again.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” He hums, instead. It takes him a second longer to get it, which is absolutely hilarious. </p><p> </p><p>There’s another, “<em> Oh </em>,” and then about three seconds later, “And I-“</p><p> </p><p>“Just walked in front of all of them wearing nothing but your underwear and an old Nirvana shirt? Yes. I don’t know how I spawned you, honestly. You manage to astound me with your bullheadedness, every single day. It’s like a never ending horror show between you and your father. Honestly, Ben-“</p><p> </p><p>Rey watches a few more cameras go off, it’s only her and like three students left.</p><p> </p><p>Poe is still there with her though, bless the crazy son of a bitch.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright! I get it!” He grumbles, <em> stomping </em>past her. “I’m an idiot! You don’t have to point it out!”</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus Christ-“</p><p> </p><p>“What did Ben do now?” Another masculine voice shouts, as Ben groans and continues his stomping off to somewhere. </p><p> </p><p>“Your son walked in front of my zoom lecture in his underwear, Han.”</p><p> </p><p>The man, Han, starts cackling as Rey giggles again. That must be Leia’s husband, who she sometimes shoots glances at off screen and blames if there’s an odd noise coming from the garage. He’s a retired mechanic, that much Rey knows.</p><p> </p><p>“No way!” He gasps, a little wilder than Ben's voice. He sounds older, more expressive in his tones. </p><p> </p><p>Rey doesn’t know what stage of quarantine she’s in if she’s starting to examine people by the tone of their voice over a zoom call.</p><p> </p><p>Ben groans again, and although the audio is muffled by distance, Rey can make out one distinct “Fuck you! I don’t know why I even decided to stay with you guys!” As he clomps off. </p><p> </p><p>She giggles again, as Leia turns on her camera and turns off her audio.</p><p> </p><p>She starts speaking, and Rey has to be the one who tells her in chat that her audio isn’t working. </p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t mention that the entire class heard that fucking mortifying family argument. </p><p> </p><p>Leia doesn’t need that type of pressure, not when everyone is just trying to survive the fucking day.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Leia sends them an email later that afternoon, Rey digging through the last of the groceries in her fridge to make lunch for herself as she checks the notifications on her phone. She pokes at a turkey, cheese, and avocado abomination with her spatula as it sizzles and hisses in a shallow pan on her stovetop, whole wheat bread unevenly toasting as she checks for doneness.</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiles as she reads the message.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: Sorry About My Child</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Dear Esteemed Students, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sorry about my son. He’s an idiot. Please don’t be mean to him, he’s a very sensitive boy. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He apologizes for forgetting the importance of pants. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> -Leia </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey hates grocery runs.</p><p> </p><p>Not that Rey hates grocery stores in general, or food in either theory or practice, but she hates grocery store runs. She hates having to crunch numbers in her head as she coasts down aisles, hates having to load her cart with <em> healthy </em> options (even if they’re a little more expensive than the cheap shit she knows and loves). </p><p> </p><p>It’s agonizing, to constantly be so close to so much food and also always be so far away. To have <em> self-control. </em></p><p> </p><p>Rey hates grocery runs, especially when she’s surrounded by people wearing masks and generally being a nuisance. She feels like she’s always dodging <em> people </em>, she just wants to get her damn bi-monthly grocery store trip done and dusted. Go home, treat herself to the goldfish she bought, and avoid people for another two weeks.</p><p> </p><p>But of course, she has no such luck, ending up close to some produce when it happens. Peaches, although she has absolutely no clue if peaches are even in season or not.</p><p> </p><p>She stares at them for a while, trying to decide if they’re worth the cost, when she spots a pair of black and white shoes out of the corner of her eye. She follows them up a pair of very long legs with her eyes, curious as to who they might be attached to. Whoever it is, they know how to wear jeans. Very nicely, if she might add.</p><p> </p><p>She takes him in all at once, eyes snapping up to his face as he sighs and she physically lets her eyes adjust. The tall-man with the dark hair is staring at asparagus, maybe twelve feet away from her current position, crossing his arms and stretching his leather jacket as he impatiently shifts on his feet. It takes her a second to place him, mask and actual-human clothes disguising him well, but she gets it as he grumbles to himself and huffs.</p><p> </p><p>Holy shit, it’s the underwear man!</p><p> </p><p>She nearly says that out loud, her excitement almost getting the best of her. </p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t, thank god.</p><p> </p><p>She tries to remember his name, deciding to just fucking go for it because what else does she have to lose? Everything is weird and bad anyways.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!” She shouts, waving a hand in the air. “Ben!”</p><p> </p><p>He jumps, yelping as he flips around and stares at her with wide eyes. He clutches a plastic produce bag to his chest, asparagus held safely inside as she giggles. His black mask moves a little as he works his jaw, just staring at her in confusion for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>He scowls at her, brow furrowing as he awkwardly stands still. Rey watches as he twists the top of the produce bag closed, tilting his head at her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi.” He hums, that same deep voice grumbling in her direction. It is, quite frankly, even better in person. “Sorry, have we met?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shrugs, because her current standing with Ben is more akin to a parasocial relationship than anything else. “I’m in Professor Organa-Solo’s Psych course, I was there when the-“</p><p> </p><p>She twists her hand through the air, as she leans against her grocery cart and Ben groans. The incident. She was there when the incident occurred.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Jesus Christ.” </em> He mutters, as Rey giggles. She can’t stop it! It was a really funny moment. It made her entire week, to be honest.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, and his shoulders slump as he closes his eyes and furrows his brow again. He goes pink at the column of his throat, and Rey so wishes she could see his blush right now. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I- <em> that </em> happened. Apparently I’m dead to the world before I have my first cup of coffee, and I completely forgot my mom was teaching. I can <em> promise </em> nothing of the sort will happen again.”</p><p> </p><p>He huffs, not so gently tossing the asparagus into his cart. He moves to leave, but Rey stops him.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, it was kind of funny!” She hums, desperate to keep this conversation going. This is the most human contact she’s had in <em> months </em>, and she can’t deny it kind of helps that it’s with a very cute man. Professor’s son or not, she wants to get to know him better!</p><p> </p><p>“It was at least interesting, you know. And as far as I know none of the other students actually <em> know </em> each other, because there’s no space to make friends, you know? So nobody is talking about <em> it </em> or anything. If that, uh, eases your conscience?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just stares at her, as Rey realizes she’s kind of been rambling. She must look like an idiot.</p><p> </p><p>Ben obliges her, though, resting an arm on the handle of his shopping cart as he looks her up and down.</p><p> </p><p>Rey vaguely recognizes he might be checking her out, although she can’t be certain. She hasn’t exactly been <em> checked out </em> in a very long time.</p><p> </p><p>“What was your name again? I can’t remember if I asked or not.” He hums, as Rey grins. <em> Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea after all. </em></p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“How was the outside world, kid? Still stupid?” Ben’s father calls, as Ben huffs and shuffles across the living room to the kitchen. He shoots him a side eye, as he washes his hands and peels off his mask with a groan. </p><p> </p><p>He lets his parents attack the grocery bags, his mother checking out all of the produce she requested he get. Ben has been doing all the shopping recently, what with his fathers heart condition and both of his parents being older…</p><p> </p><p>It just seems the right thing to do, to go out and face the world together.</p><p> </p><p>Against the odds, Ben Solo is <em> trying </em> to be a good son.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I had a run in with one of your students, Mom.” He grumbles, shaking the water from his hands as he shrugs off his jacket. He throws it over the back of the couch as his mother snorts, his father busy reading ingredients on a bottle of kombucha with a look of pure disgust on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> No! </em>” His mother gasps, in what he can only categorize as glee, as she sets down a carton of raspberries. “From my eight AM class? One of my psych kids?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, groaning as his father grins. He shuts his eyes, and prepares for the inevitable.</p><p> </p><p>“Which one?” His mother asks, an innocent enough question.</p><p> </p><p>“Was it a girl?” His father hums, far less innocent. “Did she see you in your little undies and go ‘oh! I have to get myself some of that’?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben rubs the bridge of his nose between his fingers, as his mother smacks his father on the arm and hisses a gentle but chiding “<em> Han! </em>”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just groans, opening his eyes and taking a deep breath. “Rey Niima, engineering major from England. New transfer to Coruscant, went to college in Jakku for two years on a scholarship and student visa. She’s twenty-one, and is taking your course to fill a GE.” He shrugs, as his mother just stares at him. He might actually know more about one of his students than she does. “Seems nice enough, didn’t really get a chance to get to know her better. Says she doesn’t know anyone around here, none of the students are friends with each other. Seems kind of lonely, but I think she’s genuinely excited to be taking your class.”</p><p> </p><p>He shifts on his feet, as his mother tilts her head in curiosity. “Niima… Rey Niima…” She hums, going to her computer and pulling up her class list. She scrolls for a second, his father joining her to Ben's absolute mortification.</p><p> </p><p>He focuses on getting the milk and eggs in the fridge, as he watches his parents with one eye and puts away groceries with the other.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! She’s cute!” His mom hums, tilting her screen so his father can get a good look. “I recognize her, she’s a sweet girl! A little quiet in class, but she always has really good points when I can get her to speak up. Smart thing, I wonder if she’s one of Lukes?” </p><p> </p><p>She turns to his father, who just shrugs as his mother tries to find out more about <em> Rey </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Ben turns to them, in confusion. “Quiet?” He hums, shutting the fridge door. “Girl nearly talked my <em> ear </em> off, are you sure you’ve got the right person?”</p><p> </p><p>His mom flips the screen to Ben, and sure enough Rey’s face is right on her canvas profile. Grinning from each to ear in her photo, holding a succulent and wearing a sunhat.</p><p> </p><p>She has a beautiful smile, Ben wishes he had been able to see it in person.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, beyond confused on this <em> Rey Niima. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What does she want from him? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“Finn!” Rey screams into the microphone of her earbuds, as she climbs up the stairs to her apartment. She tried to call her best friend in the car, her only friend really, but he didn’t pick up. He was probably busy being all <em> adult </em> and <em> responsible with his time.  </em></p><p> </p><p>Gross.</p><p> </p><p>He picks up now, though, once Rey texts him that there’s an update on the underwear-man from her professor's zoom lecture. Finn has been fascinated by this whole situation, spending their first call after the incident making up all sorts of funny background stories for why this man walks around his parents house in his little black briefs.</p><p> </p><p>Her favorite is the one where Ben is a secret agent, and he has to be ready to pull on a full tux at any second to go full bond-mode. Therefore, less clothes to take off before putting on different clothes. Efficiency, in its finest nude form.</p><p> </p><p>That one came after about half a bottle of wine, if Rey is honest.</p><p> </p><p>“I saw him at the grocery store.” She laughs, scrunching her nose up as Finn gasps. She hums as she pulls the keys to her apartment from the lanyard around her neck, giggling as he continues to speak. She nods in agreement as she approaches her door, fumbling with the bag in one hand and her keys in the other. Her sunglasses tilt forward from their place on her forehead, and she struggles to keep everything together as she finally slips the key into her lock on the third attempt.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s a lawyer, from New York City…” She hums, twisting the key with a firm yank of her wrist. It doesn’t budge, to her chagrin.</p><p> </p><p>She has to sharply wiggle it a little, pulling on her doorknob to try and loosen up the whole locking mechanism that never fails to frustrate her <em> or </em> unlock on the first try. She grunts as the bolt finally goes, slipping into her apartment only looking like she got hit by <em> half </em> a train. All in all, not a bad day. She thinks.</p><p> </p><p>She blows on a loose strand of hair falling over her face, sunglasses fully caught and hanging from her locks like a fish on a line. She shakes her head, and the glasses go clattering to the floor in response. She’ll pick them up in a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, he came home when things started to get bad there. He’s been living with his parents ever since, working from home.” It’s a good thing, honestly, she’s sure his parents feel better about him being at home than in the middle of a packed city right now.</p><p> </p><p>And it’s good that he’s not alone, Rey knows how much it fucking sucks to be alone right now.</p><p> </p><p>She nods, setting her reusable grocery bags on the counter as she hums. “Exactly, who knows when he’ll go back! He let his lease go up on his apartment last month, and all his stuff is currently in a storage unit on <em> Long Island </em> apparently.”</p><p> </p><p>She starts unpacking as she snorts, humming along to all of Finns statements about the chaos of the world as she pulls out a package of spinach and a box of jello. </p><p> </p><p>“No! That’s the thing!” She gasps, leaning against her counter and letting the groceries be forgotten for a moment. “He’s actually super nice, and smart! He said he just can’t function properly before coffee, and he genuinely feels <em> awful </em> about the whole thing. It was <em> really </em> sweet.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey runs a hand through her hair, undoing her bun that’s falling apart anyways. It was <em> really, really cute. </em></p><p> </p><p>“He’s twenty-eight, and my professor's son.” She sighs, groaning as she bites her lip and rubs her cheek with her hand. There are so many reasons why she shouldn’t even be entertaining this. “I know, I know, but he’s <em> really </em> cute. <em> Finn-“ </em></p><p> </p><p>She groans, as he does the mental math to see if the age gap between them is too big. She doubts Ben is interested in her like that, but it’s kind of a fun idea. Isn’t it? A hypothetical?</p><p> </p><p>Something to entertain, at least.</p><p> </p><p>Finn finishes, laughing with her as Rey grins. Thank god she turned twenty-one earlier this year, she’s right on the line with this one if they follow the mean-girls rules. Which, of course, are the <em> only </em> rules for this type of thing.</p><p> </p><p>“Finn, if I see this man again you’ll be the first to know. I promise. And I’ll even get a photo! How’s that!” </p><p> </p><p>Finn laughs, as Rey goes back to unpacking her groceries. God, she hopes she sees him again.</p><p><br/>She <em> really </em> wants to see him again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben and Han become common occurrences in Leia’s classes after that, and Rey gets the feeling that the three of them are trying to live and work in a house that is way too small for all of them. They always seem to be getting in each other's way, a disembodied voice helpfully providing Professor Solo with a quick calculation or the name of that celebrity that she’s trying to use as an example. </p><p> </p><p>Han has an astounding list of old movie stars in his head, always providing a classic line or a badly sung lyric along with his description of their work. It’s ridiculous, really. He can’t sing for shit, but Rey smiles every time Leia lights up at his poor attempts at love songs.</p><p> </p><p>Ben, on the other hand, has an odd knowledge of old greek literature, and literature in general. Rey swears he makes a Tempest reference at one point, a play she only saw once when Finn dragged her to local production at their local Shakespeare festival back in Jakku.</p><p> </p><p>It makes her laugh anyways, although Ben doesn’t hear because she’s muted.</p><p> </p><p>She finds herself wishing she could talk to him again.</p><p> </p><p>She finds that she misses him, despite only seeing him once. </p><p> </p><p>She finds, in her little studio apartment in a new city with no new friends, that she’s really lonely.</p><p> </p><p>Leia asks one day, near the end of September, how all of the students are boding. If they’re holding up well. Rey is celebrating her first month and a half at this new college, when she realizes she’s made absolutely no new companions to celebrate <em> with </em> . She has the phone number from one girl in her engineering class, a Rose Tico, but that was only for a partner project. Not actual making <em> friends </em> phone numbers.</p><p> </p><p>Even if Rey did want to be friends, which she kind of does, she doesn’t even know where to begin. It’s not like she’s having any shared experiences with any of these students, they just show up for the meeting and then go home. No after class chats, no catching lunch at the student union, no shared glances across a classroom.</p><p> </p><p>It’s kind of boring. </p><p> </p><p>And <em> really fucking lonely </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Rey watches as students shrug and stay silent, red muted microphones next to all of the name tags. Leia waits for someone to speak up, all of the students just staying quiet and staring at their screens.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, if nobody says anything I’m going to have to cold call. I have a vested interest in your well-being, as a psychology professor and a fellow human. Tell me what’s been going on, I know a lot of you are first and second year students and I doubt this is what you were expecting when you sent in all your applications last year.”</p><p> </p><p>A couple students nod, Rey included, as Leia sighs. </p><p> </p><p>“Alright, Poe. How is my favorite TA holding up?” She hums, Poe snapping to attention. He scrambles to unmute as Rey smiles. </p><p> </p><p>“Good, except I’m back home with my parents.” He sighs, as a dog barks in the background. “Bebe, the one currently barking his head off, is thrilled that we’re all together again, although I miss seeing you all in person. It’s definitely more difficult to focus at home,” he shrugs, curly hair flipping to the side. “But I think the worst part is meeting new people. I got lucky because I already have friends in my major, but I can’t imagine what it must be like to be a first year student right now. There’s literally no way to meet new study partners, or make friends. It sucks, you guys should be really proud of yourselves for making it through this.”</p><p> </p><p>Leia seems satisfied with that answer, clicking away on her keyboard. “I’m going to set up an anonymous poll, just for my own curiosity, to see if you guys have felt like you’ve been able to meet new students via online classes or not. No grade or anything, I just want to see what the general response is.”</p><p> </p><p>The poll pops up, Rey selecting a resounding “No.” </p><p> </p><p>She has not made a single friend in her time at college, and she is fully aware of this fact.</p><p> </p><p>“Anybody else have anything to add? Remember, part of this class is participation. If you haven’t spoken up yet, now would be the time.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey groans, because she hasn’t spoken up yet and she really needs the points. Leia is a good teacher, but this is a tough class. Anywhere she can make up credit, she needs to make up credit.</p><p> </p><p>Her finger hovers over her space bar, and she takes a deep breath before pressing down and speaking.</p><p> </p><p>“I think Poe hit the nail on the head with that one, I’m a transfer student for engineering and it’s tough enough to start at a new school this late into a major that’s so difficult. And demanding. I’m already expected to know students in my classes, but I don’t even know where to begin. When I need help in courses, I don’t have <em> anybody </em> to contact. It’s been really tough-“</p><p> </p><p>Something <em> crashes </em> in the background, Rey recoiling from her keyboard as Leia snaps her head up. </p><p> </p><p>“Fuck!” Ben screeches, Leia staring at him in shock. “Fucking- shit! Motherfucking- bastard door!”</p><p> </p><p>Her professor slaps a hand to her mouth, hiding a grin behind her palm as Ben continues to curse. </p><p> </p><p>“This fucking door can rot in hell! Who the hell thought it was a good idea to put a glass door to a reading room! Inside doors shouldn’t be made of fucking <em> glass! </em>That’s an outside door material!”</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck is going on?” Han calls from somewhere else in the house, as Ben groans in what Rey thinks might be agony? She honestly can’t tell.</p><p> </p><p>Leia just stares for a second, before addressing the class again. “Sorry, Rey, for cutting you off there. My adult son just fully walked into a glass door.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben curses again, as Rey claps her own hand over her mouth and giggles in shock. Oh my <em> god </em>, Ben is a mess. </p><p> </p><p>Why is it so cute?</p><p> </p><p>“Am I bleeding?” He asks, voice a little stuffier than usual.</p><p> </p><p>Leia just grimaces, and nods. “Okay, students, I need to go and make sure my son didn’t just break his nose. Class is dismissed, check the syllabus for your Tuesday assignment, we can continue this next week. If anybody knows how to set a broken nose… wish me luck. Bye!”</p><p> </p><p>Leia shuts off her camera and mic, as students start leaving the meeting in rapid succession. Rey clicks out of the class, still giggling as she goes to check the syllabus for her assignments and pops open her planner.</p><p> </p><p>She goes to text Finn as she bites her thumbnail and the page loads, thrilled to tell him the continuing saga of Ben, the underwear-door-walking-literature-lawyer man.</p><p> </p><p>What a weird day.</p><p> </p><p>What a weird <em> human </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Why is she so attracted to him again?</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“What the hell happened?” Ben's father hums, placing his hand on Ben's forehead and leaning his head back. Their eyes meet, Ben furrowing his brow at his dear old dad from his place at the dining table.</p><p> </p><p>His mom sat him down, when they both realized Ben's nose wasn’t going to stop bleeding on it’s own.</p><p> </p><p>“I walked into the door.” Ben mumbles, shivering as he feels warm blood slide down the back of his throat and he holds a rag tighter to his face. He <em> hates </em>bloody noses, they make him feel like he’s going to puke. The coppery, acidic tang of blood never fails to activate his gag reflex.</p><p> </p><p>He groans as his father takes his hand away, and Ben lets his head lean forward again in an attempt to not vomit all over the floor. His head spins, his eyes wide as he groans again.</p><p> </p><p>He hears his mother come back to his side before he sees it, sighing at him as she scrolls through her phone in search of web medicine. “Okay, so I don’t think it’s broken.” She hums, as she gently prods at the bridge of his nose with her fingers. “Does this hurt?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben mumbles a quiet “no.” Only his pride is shattered.</p><p> </p><p>His mom pats his head, running her fingers through his hair as she sighs. “That door has been there since you were a teenager, hon. Are you okay?” </p><p> </p><p>He nods, sighing a quiet, “yeah.” </p><p> </p><p>He is not okay, clearly, but his parents don’t need to know that.</p><p> </p><p>Said parents stay silent, his mother still fretting over him and playing with his hair as his father taps his foot along the ground.</p><p> </p><p>“Was this because Rey spoke up during class, and hearing her voice caught you off guard?” His mother <em> coos </em> with a smirk, Ben trying not to show her any type of body language that could give him away. She doesn’t have to be so fucking <em> patronizing </em>about it.</p><p> </p><p>Because, yes, hearing Rey’s voice may have caught him off guard. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to the next time he heard her voice, despite only having experienced it once before. She has a very nice voice, in his defense. A pretty accent, too.</p><p> </p><p>God, he’s fucking pathetic. Pining over a girl <em> seven years younger than him </em> in his mothers class that he met at the grocery store <em> once </em> three weeks ago. </p><p> </p><p>He’s a fucking loser, that’s what he is. </p><p> </p><p>He groans, as his father gasps. “Finally, Leia, proof that our son is human! He has feelings for a girl! We didn’t raise a complete robot!”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Dad- </em>“ Ben hisses, as his mother giggles. </p><p> </p><p>She slides her hand down his face, patting his cheek and effectively shutting him up. “I think it’s sweet, honey. Maybe you should try and get to know her? I could send her your email, since you took that engineering course with Luke freshman year. I think it would be good for you, both of you.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben glares at her, because he fucking hated that engineering course. He took it because he sucks at sciences, at least in an academic setting, and he needed a GE. He was hoping having the professor as his uncle would make it easier, having a somewhat decent relationship with your professor tends to do that, but instead Ben nearly flunked out because Luke is a selfish <em> bitch </em>who decided to work Ben harder than literally any other student in the class.</p><p> </p><p>They still argue about it on the rare occasion they see each other.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, because he <em> does </em> want to talk to Rey again, though. His desire to see her outweighs his hatred of Luke Skywalker.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes.” He mumbles, his mother going back to her laptop. She clicks away at her email as he groans, resting his elbow on the dining table as he waits for his nose to stop spewing copious amounts of blood. God, what is he getting himself into here? What is he <em> doing </em>?</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, the good news is she’s already seen you in your underwear.” His father laughs, starting to wander back to the garage as Ben huffs. “I mean, she has to like you at least a little bit if she approached you in a grocery store after <em> that </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben rolls his eyes. The circumstances of this whole situation are truly bizarre.</p><p> </p><p>“Your father isn’t wrong, Ben. It’s a great story.” His mom hums, continuing to type away.</p><p> </p><p>Ben just groans, as his father mutters something about “zoom calls, pandemics, grocery stores, underwear, and bloody noses. What a fucking time we’re all having.”</p><p> </p><p>For the first time in his life, Ben Solo thinks he <em> agrees </em>with his father.</p><p><br/>Christ, what is <em> wrong </em> with him?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey gets an email about thirty minutes after her class ends, although she doesn’t see it until a chunk of her mechanical engineering homework is done. </p><p> </p><p>That is to say, she doesn’t see it until that night. Near midnight, to be more precise. </p><p> </p><p>Who thought being a fucking engineer would be this difficult? Not that she isn’t enjoying it, but <em> its fucking difficult. </em></p><p> </p><p>She sighs, as she runs a hand through her hair and puffs out her cheeks. The last thing she wants to do right now is check her emails, but she knows how important it is to stay up to date.</p><p> </p><p>So she puts on her bravest face, and does it anyway.</p><p> </p><p>She clicks through a couple canvas notifications, an email from the engineering department about staying on track during the semester, and an email from her psych professor.</p><p> </p><p>Oh shit, her psych professor emailed her.</p><p> </p><p>Oh <em> shit, </em> did she miss an assignment or something? Why the hell would her psych professor be <em> emailing her </em>?</p><p> </p><p>She groans as she opens it up, grimacing as she prepares to be verbally lambasted for whatever the fuck went wrong this time. Not that Rey has even gotten an email like that, but she wouldn’t be surprised if she did eventually get one.</p><p> </p><p>She seems the type to get chewed out over email, really. </p><p> </p><p>Rey skims it first, eyes tracing over the contents as she feels her stomach twist into knots.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: Standing Offer</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey, </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> I’ve been thinking about what you said in class today, and I wanted to extend an offer of help. My son took a couple courses in engineering when he was a student at Coruscant, and we know how difficult Prof. Skywalker’s classes can be. If you need any help, you can contact him at </em> <em> B.C.Solo@email.com </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Good luck, don’t let the old man scare you off. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Leia </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Oh.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh thank god. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey breathes a sigh of relief, before she realizes what just happened.</p><p> </p><p>She freezes in her seat.</p><p> </p><p>Leia just gave Rey her son's email address. The same one who fully walked into a glass door today, and who she has a massive crush on despite only seeing <em> once </em> at the grocery store three weeks ago. Same one who she's seen in his underwear.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey has the underwear boys email address. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She pulls up a new email window, typing out a quick hello before she loses her nerve and her heart decides to just fucking quit on her.</p><p> </p><p>Finn is going to have field day with this.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: Grocery Store/Underwear/Glass Door Boy (Sorry, you’re never going to live any of this down)</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Hi Ben, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> This is Rey. The girl who accosted you in the grocery store. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Your mother gave me your email, as she said you took a couple engineering classes with Professor Skywalker. I’ve been having more than a little trouble in his class recently, and in my engineering courses in general, and I was hoping you might be able to offer some assistance or at least a second set of eyes. I know you might be more than a little rusty with all of this, but I don’t exactly have anybody else to talk to right now. If you have the time, I would love to get in contact. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey Niima </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben just stares at the email, silently pumping a fist in the air as he spins around in the desk chair his parents helped him set up in the guest bedroom. Well, his old bedroom. Now the guest bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>She emailed him, fuck yes. She <em> wants </em> to get in contact with him. That’s the best thing to happen to him in <em> months. </em></p><p> </p><p>This is progress, he counts this as progress. Now they actually have a way to talk to each other, so maybe he can stop fucking pining over her like some lovesick puppy and either get over her or get… get something with her. Coffee, maybe. Ben doesn’t really know what yet.</p><p> </p><p>Ben actually doesn’t know how to date, especially now. This is where he starts to get clueless. He is getting ahead of himself anyways, he doesn’t even know if she’s interested in him like that. He doesn’t want to be presumptuous, or anything.</p><p> </p><p>Ben reminds himself he is not a teenager anymore, if he wants something it is entirely within his rights to go for it.</p><p> </p><p>Who is he kidding, he’s a coward. If it were up to him, he would secretly long after this girl until the day he <em> died </em>. He’s not going to make a move, she just needs help with her engineering homework.</p><p> </p><p>Engineering homework he has absolutely no clue how to do.</p><p> </p><p>He emails her back, trying to avoid digging himself deeper into any holes.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: In My Defense, It Was Very Clean</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Don’t worry, I remember who you are. And all accosting is forgiven, not that it even needed to be forgiven in the first place. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m afraid my mother may have talked up my expertise in engineering, I took one foundational course with Skywalker and never looked back. He’s a hellish professor, and we never got along well. If anything, I would recommend you avoid speaking to him about me. I’m sure he remembers me, and I don’t think you want to be associated with his worst student. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> On the other hand, I can sympathize with you. What are you working on? I might not understand all of the technical stuff, but I would happily listen to you complain about him. I’m all ears, perhaps too literally if you ask my mother. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Next time we meet at the grocers, you have full permission to accost me again. Maybe this time you can laugh at me for walking into that door, or the next stupid mistake I make in front of your class. At this point, I’m sure there will be another. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> P.S. I didn’t break my nose, by the way. Just badly bruised. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey giggles as she checks her email, leaning back in her chair and smiling. They keep on missing each other, it seems. He sends his emails early in the morning, and she doesn’t get to send one back until late at night. </p><p> </p><p>It’s so weird to talk to him like this, he sounds so… professional.</p><p> </p><p>She kind of likes it, it feels like he put thought into his response. She feels <em> valued. </em></p><p> </p><p>She starts typing back, just barely avoiding the impulse to google “how do I flirt over email.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey can figure this out, it can’t be that different from texting. Not that she actually has any experience in flirting over text.</p><p> </p><p>Correction: Rey <em> hopes </em> she can figure this out.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: You Still Have A Potty Mouth</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben,  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Glad to hear you remember me, and I agree on all fronts about Skywalker. I’m about one more week from throwing my computer out the window and moving across the country to raise succulents in the desert again. This man is driving me insane. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> To start: I had an issue with my class registration, so I got officially added into his course a week later than everybody else. That means I didn’t have the zoom link at all, and despite my numerous emails to tech, I still wasn’t able to join his class until two weeks into the semester. I then went to his office hours to catch up and figure out what I missed… </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And the man wasn’t there. I waited for two hours, in front of my computer, for this man to arrive. And he didn’t. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> So three weeks in I finally get to class, and I stay behind in the zoom meeting to chat with him, and you know what he basically tells me? Good luck, finish three weeks of homework by Monday. No extensions. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Skywalker should consider himself lucky he didn’t have to interact with me in person, I think I would have throttled him if given the chance.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And that’s only the beginning! I have at least three more horror stories about this class to tell, if you’re interested in hearing them. Can I ask what he put you through to make you hate him so much? I feel like all of his other students adore him, and I don’t know what I did wrong. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> P.S. - I need your opinion on pineapple, I bought one during our grocery run in and I don’t know what to do with it. Is it supposed to burn when you eat it? How do I use up the rest of it before it goes bad?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> P.P.S. - Good to hear your nose is doing better, please start looking where you walk for all of our sakes.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey </em>
</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: I’ll Try To Curse Less For Your Delicate Sensibilities</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Shit. That’s rough.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Skywalker can be a dick, (in fact he is almost always a dick) but the best way to respond to his dickish-ness is to grin and bear it. His foundational courses are essentially weed-out classes for engineering students, from what I’ve heard, and I know from personal experience that he finds a certain joy in working his students until they break.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He thinks the excess work makes them better engineers, I think he likes to see you suffer.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> My unsolicited advice? Kill him with kindness. I am not nearly patient enough to do that (remind me to tell you about the chair incident someday) but I think you could. Smile and nod in his classes, participate every chance you get, show up and do the work. Spend twice as long on the assignments if you can swing it, force yourself to the top of the class and give him no wiggle room to complain about you. Be the model student, and he can’t write you off for anything.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Frustrate him as much as he frustrates you, and force him to pay attention to you.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’ll ask my mother about office hour rules, maybe she can get the school to crack down a little on making sure they’re followed. I don’t like the fact you’re paying for an education you’re not getting, that just doesn’t sit well with me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> P.S. - There is no way you’ll be able to finish a whole pineapple by yourself, and cooking that fruit into anything else will be disgusting. Freeze it for smoothies, maybe. Share it with your roommates. I don’t know, I don’t buy pineapple because fruit shouldn’t make you feel itchy. It’s fundamentally wrong. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> P.P.S. - I'll try. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey just stares at her computer. Okay, first off, pineapple tingles. It doesn’t itch, so Ben definitely has an unresolved pineapple allergy he doesn’t know about. Second off, that actually sounds like it might work. Skywalker definitely has favorite students, Rey just has to weasel her way into <em> becoming </em> one of his favorite students.</p><p> </p><p>Easier said than done, she knows.</p><p> </p><p>She checks the rest of her inbox, spotting an email from the aforementioned professor, and she loudly curses as she reads the subject line and the opening sentence. </p><p> </p><p>He has to be fucking kidding.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: The Man is Going ASYNCHRONOUS</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben, please help.   </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The hell professor is going asynchronous. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> We’re apparently only going to meet for class one day a week now, and have to do self-directed learning for the other class days. I can barely study in my own apartment as is, I’m not going to survive this. I have no idea how to do this. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I am paying 10,000 dollars a year, scholarships included, for Phoenix university online. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You know, the worst part is I actually applied to Coruscant because I heard of Skywalker’s work. It was at the top of my list for university, because of his experience with working in robotics and prosthetics. I was so excited when I got my letter back, I used my fake ID to get into a club and I got so drunk my friend Finn had to carry me home. He says I sang ABBA all the way back, and I don’t even know any ABBA when I’m sober.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And now I’m stuck with an asynchronous class with him, and he hates me, and I’m going to flunk out of college in my first semester going to a big girl school. I’m going to die, Benjamin. Please, either help me or help off me. Either will do. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> P.S. - I’m not letting you near a pineapple ever again. Just out of curiosity, are you allergic to them? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> P.P.S - I put it on pizza. With avocado. It was delicious. I only mention this because I think it will horrify you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben furrows his brow, deeply disturbed by this revelation.</p><p> </p><p>Rey is a pineapple on pizza girl. He cannot date a pineapple on pizza girl. Hell, he doesn’t even know if he can be <em> friends </em> with a pineapple on pizza girl, and the avocado? Truly horrendous.</p><p> </p><p>The other stuff isn’t so good either, really. </p><p> </p><p>He stands up, stretching his arms and reaching up to the ceiling as he thinks. That doesn’t sound like Luke, doing an asynchronous class. He was always so <em> anal </em> about everyone coming to lectures on time, even going so far as to lock students out of the classroom if they were late. Ben spent more than one afternoon in the hallway, clicking a pen and working on homework as he waited for his uncle to finish teaching so he could unsuccessfully contest the legality of locking students out of the classroom. </p><p> </p><p>Ben remembers one famous response after an equally famous argument, which still worms its way into his head on his worst nights. One of those things you hear, even though maybe you weren’t supposed to hear it, and it spends the rest of your life kind of tucked in a little corner of your brain. Just waiting to reappear at a moment's notice.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> “Maybe if you weren’t so much like your grandfather, you would understand the importance of following rules!” </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Luke compared him to a fucking <em> murderer </em> . His own uncle compared him to a <em> murderer. </em></p><p> </p><p>For showing up three minutes late to class.</p><p> </p><p>He fucking hates Luke Skywalker.</p><p> </p><p>Ben shakes his head, wiggling the thoughts loose before they take root and he gets all upset again. He turns to walk down the stairs of his parents little townhouse as he thinks. He knows, deep down, that Luke isn’t an outwardly malicious person. He came to terms with that over a year ago with his mother, over a late night, a long conversation, and a lot of crying.</p><p> </p><p>Luke doesn’t mean to piss Ben off, he just reminds him too much of his own father. Luke thinks they share too much blood, and Ben knows this. His uncle doesn’t know how to deal with Ben, how to deal with the fact he’s an emotionally driven person. That his moral compass doesn’t always run on the same logic Luke’s does.</p><p> </p><p>Ben came to terms with this a long time ago. Doesn’t mean it hurts any less.</p><p> </p><p>Doesn’t mean he doesn’t dislike his uncle any less.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey Mom,” he hums, strolling into the tiny dining space that’s tucked next to the kitchen. It’s the same one she teaches all of her classes from, the one that he has to walk through to get to the coffee maker in the mornings and has been commandeered as her at-home desk. Currently it looks like a paperwork tornado has rampaged across the wood surface, the tabletop covered in various assignments and printed readings as she wields a yellow highlighter and a red pen between her fingers. </p><p> </p><p>Ben realizes he does not miss being in college.</p><p> </p><p>She looks up at him, as he leans against the doorframe and exhales. He tries to remember why he came down here in the first place. “Did you keep all of my old college work? Binders, folders, et cetera? I need to grab some of it.”</p><p> </p><p>His mom furrows her brow, tilting her head in confusion. “Yes,” she hums, although there’s definitely a slightly tentative lilt to her voice, “it’s all in the garage, check in the bin under the Christmas decorations. Your father should be able to help. Why?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, because he isn’t looking forward to explaining this.</p><p> </p><p>Because he also happens to know there will definitely be follow-up questions.</p><p> </p><p>“Luke’s class is going asynchronous, and Rey is struggling. She tried to go to his office hours, but he didn’t show up and she’s really freaking out. I want to see if I can dig up any of my old work, see if I can help or something. She doesn’t know what to do, and I think I’m her last hope right now.” </p><p> </p><p>He shuts his eyes as he dramatically sighs, because he is so not ready to deal with whatever smart remark his mother has for him.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, and goes back to highlighting and marking up her papers. “Goddamnit Luke, he said he wouldn’t do that.” She hums, angrily huffing as Ben peeks an eye open and looks down at her. She’s scrunched her nose up and furrowed her brow, as she writes a little more harshly. “I know he was considering it, because he hates teaching so late at night, but I didn’t think he would actually go through with it. I <em> told </em> him it was a jerk move, and students already struggle enough in that class. I’ll see if I can knock some sense into him, and tell Rey if he doesn’t show up at his next office hours I’ll kick his ass!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, as he turns and walks to the garage. “I’ll be sure to relay the message.” He hums, shoving open the squeaky door and taking the two steps down to the concrete subfloor. He passes by his dad on the way to the storage shelf, too entrenched in some cocktail of engine oil and eighties rock to pay much attention to Ben right now.</p><p> </p><p>He stops by the old storage shelf, leaning down and crouching by a bin labeled “BEN - SCHOOLWORK”. Ah, there it is. Right where his mom said it would be</p><p> </p><p>He yanks it out from the shelving unit, popping open the lid and praying he didn’t burn <em> all </em> of his engineering courseork in a fit of rage post-semester.</p><p> </p><p>He would really like to be able to help Rey out, here.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. DO NOT EMAIL THE EMAIL ADDRESS IN THIS CHAPTER. I DOES NOT EXIST. I MADE IT UP, AND I AM TOO LAZY TO MAKE A FALSE ONE OR CHECK IT OUT. </p><p>im here for a fun time not a long one im sorry. you will not get a funny response if you use this email, you will get a mailer daemon wrong address notification.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey gets an email later that afternoon, checked during a rare bout of <em> free time. </em></p><p> </p><p>It’s from Ben, because of course most of her best emails seem to be from Ben these days. It seems he might actually like to talk to her, or at least bear with her because he has nothing better to do.</p><p> </p><p>It’s close enough to a friend, it’ll be enough for now.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: Don’t Diss Online College, It Has Its Merits</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey,  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Skywalker is a bitch. He doesn’t deserve you.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Also, here are all of my notes from that class. They might be messy and a little out of order, but hopefully it should help you piece together what you’re actually supposed to be learning from the madman. If you need me to explain anything just ask, although I can’t promise my explanations will actually be any good.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> P.S. - I asked my mother about the pineapple allergy, and she says she has no clue because she’s never actually fed me pineapple. Are they not supposed to itch? I thought you said they burned? Am I allergic to pineapple? I am extremely confused right now. Don’t ever subject me to pineapple pizza, I don’t want you to kill me with your food monstrosities or apparent fruit allergies I’m just learning I might have. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’ll check it with my doctor, at some point in the future. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Attachment: Engineering Notes - Niima</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey clicks on the attachment, not really knowing what to expect. If his notes are half as meticulous as hers, she’ll be impressed. Maybe he typed up the most important bits? Did he do them on his computer? She has no clue what to expect here.</p><p> </p><p>It loads, and she gasps in awe.</p><p> </p><p>Okay, well, what she wasn’t expecting was two hundred pages of carefully taken and <em> extremely </em> thorough notes, all on paper and scribed with what looks to be black pen. He must have spent <em> hours </em> scanning all of this in, this is ridiculous. Ben Solo is ridiculous, he didn’t have to do this.</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo has fucking beautiful handwriting, by the way. He writes in cursive, all gently slanted but even and clear. Extremely easy on the eyes, just like him.</p><p> </p><p>The man writes in<em> cursive, </em> for fucks sake. Who the hell still writes everything in <em> cursive? </em></p><p> </p><p>She continues to gawk, periodically gasping and giggling every time she comes across a diagram or a more visual section of his notes. She loves his drawings the most, somewhat shaky lines accompanied by clear labels. He is clearly, extremely, <em> especially </em> attentive to detail. She is extraordinarily impressed by his ability to take clear and concise notes and capture the most important parts of a lecture. That is more than a skill, that is a fucking <em> gift </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Rey never thought she could find engineering notes so sexy, but this is the hottest thing she’s ever seen. She all but <em> swoons </em> over his penmanship with a deep sigh, continuing to scroll through the document as she sets her head in her hand and reads. It’s just beautiful, so understated and soft.</p><p> </p><p>Rey could absolutely drown in his handwriting. </p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben doesn’t normally check his email at night. It’s a rule of his, everybody in his office knows that it’s a rule of his. Don’t try to contact Ben after five, he won’t answer. He does it for his sanity, he refuses to be plugged into his computer like some lawyering machine. His time is valuable, and he expects his colleagues to respect that. He’s earned it, after everything he’s been through.</p><p> </p><p>Which makes it extremely odd when he does check his email, at eight PM that night.</p><p> </p><p>Something in his gut <em> told </em> him to. That he had to. He was trying to hide away from his parents' monster movie marathon, because now that October is starting to go into full swing, Halloween is slowly descending upon the Solo household like some locust plague that Ben can’t escape. Even with everything happening, his mother seems determined to try and keep some element of the holiday alive.</p><p> </p><p>And Ben also hates scary movies, he’s a wimp when it comes to this stuff and they all know it. His mother always extends an invitation to join them, but he has refused since <em> The Ring </em> scarred him when he was eleven.</p><p> </p><p>His dad picked it up from blockbuster, when his mom was out on a business trip, and Ben still gets the heebie-jeebies when tvs go all static-y. His mother nearly killed his father when she found out, and Ben had nightmares for two months straight about long haired girls and telephone rings. It got so bad they had to throw him into <em> therapy. </em></p><p> </p><p>So Ben hates scary movies, he hates them with a <em> passion </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He checks his private email instead, dealing with a wrong address message and not much else that one could consider vaguely exciting.</p><p> </p><p>Except for Rey, because she got back to him. And Rey’s messages are always exciting.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: You’re Insane (But Thank You)</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Please don’t tell me you scanned all of this in for me? This is so much? You’re too kind? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I genuinely don’t know how to thank you, I am not especially good at receiving acts of kindness or gifts like this. I feel like I owe you something in exchange. How can I repay you? This email isn’t doing justice to the gratitude I feel for you right now, please let me do something. I owe you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He grins, and starts typing up a response. </p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: You’re Insane (See What I Did There?)</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey,  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Don’t even think about trying to repay me, it was a welcome distraction and walk down memory lane. You could even say I enjoyed it. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Repay me by making Skywalker’s life hell. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben </em>
</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: Re: You’re Insane (See What I Did There?)</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> This doesn’t mean I’m going to stop emailing you, by the way. You’re not getting rid of me that easily, you big dumb oak tree.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey </em>
</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: You Forgot To Change The Subject Line (Also, Ouch?)</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Good. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey and Ben have been emailing for what feels like months. </p><p> </p><p>In reality it’s only been about three weeks, and they’ve still got about a week left until Halloween and Ben has to start contemplating the best way to avoid a virtual thanksgiving dinner, but it feels like he’s known Rey for <em> lifetimes </em>. It’s fucking fantastic.</p><p> </p><p>They have the kind of friendship where you just know it’s something special, that you have something special <em> together </em> . Where you can catch each other across the room (or over email or a stray appearance during a zoom call in this case) and just <em> know </em> what the other is thinking. It feels like lightning in a bottle, and Ben hasn’t even seen this girl in the flesh since the grocery store incident. </p><p> </p><p>Thank god she didn’t let him leave without rambling at him about his underwear. </p><p> </p><p>Ben has started checking his private emails at night, and Rey has started checking her emails during the day. They write to each other and respond to their thread at <em> least </em> twice a day, in which they average between three to four exchanges, and their record is seven in one twenty-four hour period. Email servers <em> hate </em> them. </p><p> </p><p>Ben still grins every time he sees a new unread message in his inbox, servers be damned.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: You’re Wrong And I Hate You</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You’re wrong and I hate you. Terminator is a good movie, and I’m going to force you to watch all of them. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He scoffs as he emails her back, shoving his case file to the side to deal with this extremely pressing issue.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: You’ll Have To Shoot Me First</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You’ll have to hogtie me to your couch before I watch all of those films. Name one pop culture reference they left for this world, one big impactful thing they did for our universe. (Besides “Hasta La Vista, baby.” Obviously.) Terminator doesn’t have nearly the same power that other movies from its time do, you’re delusional if you think it’s mandatory watching. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben </em>
</p><p> </p><p>There. That should fix it.</p><p> </p><p>His email dings almost immediately afterwards, with what looks to be an <em> essay </em> on how Ben needs to watch all of the terminator movies.</p><p> </p><p>Okay, so, maybe that <em> didn’t </em> fix it.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey grabs her tumbler, taking a long sip of her cold brew as she reads Ben's latest email. </p><p> </p><p>It’s a new day and he’s gone off on a tangent about reptiles, again, after the terminator conversation ended last night. Apparently his current case isn’t getting any easier, one of the clients is still threatening to take the dog <em> and </em> the lizard if his soon-to-be ex-wife doesn’t drop part of her claim.</p><p> </p><p>Ben doesn’t see what all the fuss is about. He could understand wanting to keep the dog, but it’s a fucking lizard. A lizard that doesn’t even respond to general conversation, let alone its own name. He thinks the client should just let it go, and focus his efforts elsewhere.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> It’s a fucking lizard, Rey. It eats bugs, I once saw it swallow a whole worm in one sitting.” </em>His email reads, as she giggles. </p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head, and responds as she rereads his words.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: Sometimes, Family Is Your Lizard</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Don’t underestimate the power of lizards. They’re more ancient than either of us know, I’m still convinced they hold the earth's most closely held secrets. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> This could be the deciding factor for the case, anyways. It doesn’t matter what you think, if both of these people would die for this lizard then it’s going to be a strong bargaining chip. Use it, Ben. Use the lizard. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Who keeps lizards anyways? What type of person keeps a lizard as a pet, and doesn’t forget about it’s existence half of the time? Back in Jakku, lizards were everywhere. They have little blue bellies, and if you’re very quiet, you can catch them and keep them as pets. For half an hour, maybe. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Trust me, they’re a novelty that runs out fast.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> If it’s any consolation, I’m not a lizard person. If I were to have an exotic pet, I think I would get a sugar glider, or a hedgehog. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> If we got divorced, would you take the hedgehog? Or maybe a chinchilla. I see you as the chinchilla type of man, someone you look at on the street and go “wow he’s a badass” and then he turns around and is petting the literal softest creature on planet earth. You could probably pull that off, with the leather jacket. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’ve decided. We’re going to get a chinchilla. This is final. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey </em>
</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: No.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> We are not getting a fucking chinchilla. This is final. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Also, no way in hell am I divorcing you. You would make court hell, you’d give one doe eyed look at the judge and suddenly I will have lost everything. You would make a mean lawyer, I hope you know this.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben </em>
</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: ;)</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You flatter me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m going to name our future chinchilla Jeffrey. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey </em>
</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: NO.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> We are not getting a fucking chinchilla. Prove to me you won’t kill a fish after a week, and then we’ll talk. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben </em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>rey is just here to sow chaos and I love her for that.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two days before Halloween Ben wakes up with a start as his phone goes off with a loud buzz, the custom alert he has for Reys email pinging as he groans into the darkness and turns to look at his alarm clock. It’s not even six in the morning, what the fuck is she <em> doing? </em> Why the fuck is she up so early? Why is she <em> emailing him? </em>Didn’t she say she was going to stay up and try and finish her engineering midterm last night?</p><p> </p><p>Wait.</p><p> </p><p>Oh.</p><p> </p><p>Ben comes to a horrifying realization, as he blindly scrambles for his phone and nearly knocks over his two day old water glass on his nightstand in the process. Oh, oh <em> no. </em></p><p> </p><p>The woman must have pulled an all nighter.</p><p> </p><p>She must be fucking dying.</p><p> </p><p>He grabs his phone, and blinks at the light of his screen as it hits his eyes and a sudden wave of nausea washes over him. Christ, this fucking device. The things he does for Rey. </p><p> </p><p>He waits for his Face ID to unlock, admittedly taking a second longer than usual in his tired state, and immediately goes to the email application.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: I’ve Made An Awful Mistake</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Good Morning Benjamin Solo, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It’s me, Rey Niima. The girl who you’ve been emailing for nearly two months. You might know mee! I’m currently writing you from my couch and squinting at my phone to try and update you on my night. Everything looks blurry, and my whole body feels like the letter U (Ugh./Ew.). I think my eyes are dying. They itch. Please send help. I did finish the paper, though. I beat Luke Skywalker and his impossible standards. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> (Don’t tell him I said that, I feel like I’m going to look at the paper and see 300 mistakes when I read it over later) </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Btw, It’s 5:30 AM. And I haven’t slept since 7:30 yesterday morning. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m fucking dying, babe. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Anyways, just wanted to let you know I’m suffering. I hope your lizard case is going well, and everything is good. Please tell your mother I might be a couple minutes late to class, I’ve set five alarms for when I need to wake up and get ready for her lecture but I can’t promise any of them will work.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I sleep like a log, you know. It’ll be a miracle if I wake up halfway through. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben just stares, blinking at his phone.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, she’s not going to class today. Either she won’t wake up, or she’ll be so exhausted she won’t actually gain any information from the lecture. It’ll be an hour and half wasted, time she should spend <em> sleeping </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He opens up a new draft to reply, and furrows his brow as he responds. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: Why Are You Like This?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Please just fucking sleep. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I will handle the class stuff, I will get notes for you. You’re forgetting I live in the same house as the lecturer, I can handle this. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Also, send me your fucking address. I’m bringing you food, because I’ve seen the way you shop and you’re going to need an immune booster after this. I know how much this sucks, but I’m also very proud of you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Just don’t fucking do it again. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He sends the message, and turns off his phone with a groan. </p><p> </p><p>This <em> girl </em>.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey sleeps through the first four alarms. </p><p> </p><p>It’s not her fault! She’s exhausted! That paper was way more difficult than she anticipated, and it’s not her fucking fault her peer reviews didn’t come back until <em> two days </em> before it was due and she had two other big projects due the day before!</p><p> </p><p>Rey is normally very good at time management, this is an exception beyond exceptions for her.</p><p> </p><p>She whines as she stretches across the couch, having not even made it to bed before passing out. She arches her back, like a sickly cat, as she grabs her phone. She winces as tiny pops ripple down her spine in response, and she shudders. She feels awful, her whole brain is like a smushed pancake of goo that she doesn’t even <em> want </em> to begin to unravel.</p><p> </p><p>She grumbles as she reaches for the device, following instinct and automatically turning off the alarm as she wraps her fingers around the back and presses her thumb to the home button.</p><p> </p><p>It takes a second to unlock, immediately opening up to her email.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, shit, that’s right. She emailed Ben.</p><p> </p><p>She squints as she blinks at her phone, letting her eyes adjust to the light. She’s got about fifteen minutes until class starts, just enough time to brush her hair and get set up. She doesn’t even have to change, because she’s still wearing the same clothes as the day before! What a miracle.</p><p> </p><p>Rey tries to talk herself into it and hype herself up, as she checks to make sure there is nothing immediately nipping at her heels and begging for her attention right now.</p><p> </p><p>But Ben emailed her back, right around six. Why the fuck was he up at six?</p><p> </p><p>She clicks on it, and scans the message.</p><p> </p><p>Slowly, she makes sense of it. It takes about two read throughs to do so, though, in her exhausted state.</p><p> </p><p>He’s offering to take notes for her, he’s going to bring her <em> food. </em></p><p> </p><p>She exhales in relief, as she realizes what he’s offering to do. He’s a fucking <em> lifesaver </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She opens up a response, and quickly sends a grateful reply before flipping to her side and promptly passing out again on the couch. She snores, beyond relieved that she doesn’t have to worry about this for one more day.</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo is a fucking <em> lifesaver </em>.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben searches through the pile of notebooks on his desk, most of them half filled with notes or diary entries from his teen years. He realizes he spent a lot of time starting journals when he was really angry, feeling better about himself once it was all out, and then abandoning the project.</p><p> </p><p>He continues to search for paper, as his phone buzzes again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Subj: jerk</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ben, </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’ll do you one better. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Here’s my phone number, coward. Get me soup. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> (XXX) XXX-XXXX </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Rey </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She gave him her phone number, thank god. Finally.</p><p> </p><p>Ben realizes he was kind of waiting for this to pop up, for the little bubble they’re made in their emails to explode in some way or another. For them to finally move out of the self-imposed cage of emailing each other like two victorian children desperate for a Letter From Thy Neighbor.</p><p> </p><p>Ben outright smiles as he reads her message, scanning it over and over again before he forms any thoughts.</p><p> </p><p>Beautiful, crazy girl. </p><p> </p><p>He pulls off three sheets of notebook paper, all blank except for the standard college-ruled lines, and trots down the stairs as he adds her to his contacts. She gave him her <em> phone number </em>. Does that officially make them friends? What does that make them, text-friends instead of email friends? Where do these lines cross?</p><p> </p><p>Ben tries to remember when they went from being email acquaintances to actual friends.</p><p> </p><p>Ben thinks it was when she texted him in a panic about Luke originally going asynchronous. </p><p> </p><p>It’s a stupid, simple thought, but Ben <em> really likes </em> knowing Rey. He really likes the way she makes him feel, the way he feels when he talks to her.</p><p> </p><p>He texts her, as he gets to the bottom of the stairs and wanders through the living room of his parents house.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Soup requests? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t respond, although he doesn’t expect her to, as he sets down his papers and sits across from his mom at the dining table. He steals one of her pens as she stares at him, looking up from her lesson plan for the day with narrowed eyes.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you up to.” She asks, watching him in suspicion as he tests the pen on the paper. That’ll do.</p><p> </p><p>“Sitting in on your class.” He grumbles, leaning back in his chair and shrugging. “You know, might <em> refresh </em>the mind.” </p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t buy it, Ben knows she doesn’t buy it the instant her eyes narrow a little more.</p><p> </p><p>His mom taps her pencil against her notes, continuing to glare at him as he smiles and rests his locked hands behind his head. He hopes to look innocent, or at least innocent enough, to not raise any Rey related questions until <em> he </em>chooses to tell her.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Why? </em>Did Rey put you up to this? Is this a prank?”</p><p> </p><p>Oh, okay, plan b. Plan b works.</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, as his mom groans and rolls her eyes. Her shoulders tense, and remain tense, as he watches the clock click down on the oven. </p><p> </p><p>She’s got about three minutes left until class starts, might as well tell her now so she stops thinking he’s either going to give her a heart attack or commit a crime.</p><p> </p><p>“She stayed up all night writing a research paper, I told her I would grab notes.” He admits, his mom visibly relaxing as she rolls her eyes and goes back to giving her laptop her complete focus.</p><p> </p><p>“All nighter?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>“Luke’s fault?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben solemnly nods.</p><p> </p><p>His mom sighs as she continues to work on her laptop, Ben dating his paper and setting up his notes as she works.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to kick my brother's ass.” She quietly hums under her breath, Ben smiling as they look up at the same time and meet eyes.</p><p> </p><p>He goes back to quietly setting up his notes, as his mom loads up her zoom page and starts teaching to a group of silent students.</p><p> </p><p>He’s pretty lucky they’re on good terms, now.</p><p> </p><p>Never would have met Rey otherwise, after all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey wakes up sometime around ten thirty, her phone ringing like the devil itself has come to collect her soul as she groggily snaps to attention. She reaches out and grabs it as she groans, looking at the unsaved number as it rings in her hand.</p><p> </p><p>She huffs as she cancels the call, knowing it’s probably just a telemarketer or spam, and taps the big red X on her screen with a small grunt of disgust. She sighs in relief as the device quiets down, placing it back on her coffee table as she curls up tighter under the many throw blankets she usually keeps spread throughout her little living room.</p><p> </p><p>The phone starts ringing again, buzzing on her coffee table as she groans into the empty air. </p><p> </p><p>“Fucking- shut up.” She mumbles, reaching out and grabbing the device. It’s the <em> same </em> unsaved number, what the fuck do they want?</p><p> </p><p>She cancels it again, fighting the urge to chuck her phone across the room and instead just jamming it under her pillow as she smacks her lips and settles in again. There, now it should stay quiet. Peace and quiet, perfect.</p><p> </p><p>It starts buzzing about fifteen seconds later, incessantly. She can’t hear the ringing, but the rhythmic vibrations under her head tell her that someone is <em> definitely </em> trying to call her again. </p><p> </p><p>She’s going to kill a man. Rey Niima is going to kill someone.</p><p> </p><p>She whines as she grabs the device, staring at it and blinking as her eyes adjust to the screen. Maybe it’s Finn? She can’t think of anybody who might be trying to reach her right now. Who would have her number, and be comfortable calling it?</p><p> </p><p>She stares for a moment longer, before deciding to pick it up. It might be the sleep-brain thinking, but if someone is calling her this much they must be having a fucking <em> emergency </em> and need to know she can’t do jack shit right now.</p><p> </p><p>“This better be life or death<em> . </em>” She grumbles into the device as she picks up the call and places the phone against her ear, resting her head back on the couch as she closes her eyes and listens to a deep laugh reverberate from the other side of the line.</p><p> </p><p>She smiles, as she gets a small hunch about whose number it might be. Bastard.</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning to you too.” Ben huffs, <em> stuff </em> getting jostled around and moving as she listens to him. It sounds like he’s busy, why is he calling her?</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning.” She wearily hums, grinning as he quietly chuckles.</p><p> </p><p>He stays quiet for a moment, Rey not really knowing what to do next.</p><p> </p><p>“I watched a movie two days ago-“</p><p> </p><p>“I took notes for you during my moms lecture-“</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinks, as Ben stumbles over his words and they both finish mid sentence. They completely spoke over each other there, whoops.</p><p> </p><p>“You should, uh- speak first-“ Ben hums, all sorts of quiet sweetness on his end of the line.</p><p> </p><p>Rey exhales in confusion as she furrows her brow, “notes?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben chuckles, as Rey sleepily grins into her throw pillow. Did he take notes for her? That’s so sweet. “Yeah, notes. Took notes for you. I’ll drop them off with the soup you requested, I just need your address or something. So I can do that. If that’s okay.”</p><p> </p><p>She hears a voice on the other side of the line, and Ben shooing someone away. Or, something like that. She isn’t entirely certain. </p><p> </p><p>“Uh, yeah.” She squeaks, sitting up and rubbing her eye with the heel of her palm. “I’ll text you my address, I trust you.”</p><p> </p><p>Something drops and breaks on Ben's side of the line, and she hears him lowly growl like an animal possessed into the receiver. It does things to her body she would rather <em> not </em> admit right now, if she’s perfectly honest. She had no clue he could make <em> noises </em> like that.</p><p> </p><p>If he isn’t more careful she’s going to be thinking about the other types of noises he might be able to make with that handsome voice of his, which is an <em> awful </em> idea the moment it enters her developed brain.</p><p> </p><p>“You have to be <em> fucking </em> kidding me.” He sighs, someone laughing on his end of the line. Rey can’t tell who it is, but she bets it’s one of his parents.</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes she forgets exactly how she met Ben, until something small like his fathers laugh has her crashing back to reality.</p><p> </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“I just dropped an entire container of half frozen tomato soup on the floor.” He pauses, groaning as Rey giggles. “There’s soup everywhere. I don’t know what to <em> do </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>She tilts her head as she thinks, he wasn’t <em> actually </em> serious about bringing her food. He had been joking, right? This is just a joke?</p><p> </p><p>“Ben-“ </p><p> </p><p>“Christ, it’s under the fridge. The soup is under the fucking fridge, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey listens in bewilderment as he curses at himself, huffing and puffing as he moves around the kitchen in what she can only call <em> distress </em>. He has a conversation with one of his parents, of which Rey only catches his end of, and she listens as he goes back to trying to clean up the soup he has dropped all over, what she assumes is, the kitchen floor.</p><p> </p><p>He groans as she smiles, biting her lip as she listens to him and his antics.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, it’s really okay-“</p><p> </p><p>“No it’s not!” He all but <em> whines </em>, as she giggles again. “I was going to bring you food because you asked me to and I don’t want to let you down! Because your immune system is going to tank and I really don’t want you getting sick right now, with everything going on. </p><p> </p><p>“I made a promise and I’m gonna keep it. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Okay, </em> sheesh.” She laughs, rubbing her cheek as she giggles. Her skin feels warm to the touch, or at least warmer than usual. “You are allowed to bring me soup, <em> but only this once. </em> And it has to be from <em> you </em>, not your parents or anything because that’s weird. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Okay.” </em> He sighs into the phone line again, as Rey laughs.</p><p> </p><p>She hears another voice on his end of the line, and Ben sighs as she throws her head back against the end of the couch and grins. </p><p> </p><p>“Don’t look at me like that- Yes, I’m talking to her right now- <em> No! </em> I am not going to ask her that! That’s wildly inappropriate!- <em> I told you not to look at me like that! </em>”</p><p> </p><p>He groans, as Rey brings her blankets up to her chest and giggles.</p><p> </p><p>“You need me to go?” She hums, whispering through the line as Ben dryly chuckles.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, and she revels in the noise. “Yes, that might be a good idea. Get back to bed, hang tight. Text me your address before you fall asleep again, please.”</p><p> </p><p>“Got it, soup boy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jesus Christ- Rey-“</p><p> </p><p>She hangs up, giggling as she goes to her very short text exchange with Ben and sends her address and a pin.</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head, how in the hell is she attracted to this man?</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Don’t </em>.” Ben growls, pointing at both of his parents as they stand in the door to the kitchen. His father had watched Ben drop the entire pint of soup, and his mother had come down from upstairs when she heard it crack open and splatter everywhere.</p><p> </p><p>And by everywhere, Ben means everywhere. It’s on the floor, the cabinets, his <em> socks. </em> It’s even gone up his legs, the lower half of his black jeans bearing the mark of the cold tomato soup war of 2020. The one Ben has officially lost.</p><p> </p><p>His mom just sighs, as his father verifiably loses his shit. </p><p> </p><p>“You just can’t win, kid.” He hums, wiping away the tears under his eye as Ben scowls at him. His dad doesn’t have to be a <em> dick </em> about it. About his many misfortunes all centering around one Rey Niima. </p><p> </p><p>His mother scolds him, as she walks past Ben and the mess on the floor. Ben helps her traverse it a little, letting her grab onto his arm as she inches past him and towards the other end of the kitchen. Last thing he wants is for his dear mother to slip, really.</p><p> </p><p>“Leave the boy alone, Han. He’s trying his best.”</p><p> </p><p>She opens the pantry, and pulls the mop off of it’s place on the wall. “Clean this up,” she hums, holding the lime green swiffer out to him, “and then go and run to the store before you visit Rey. Pick up some vitamin C or something while you’re at it, and if you really want to woo her try chocolate. She likes dark, none of that milk shit. Says it’s too powdery.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben watches as his mother shuffles back past him, fixing her glasses on her forehead as he huffs. “How do you know what kind of <em> chocolate </em> she likes?” He grumbles, already trying to figure out how the hell he’s going to clean this up. Ignoring the fact that he’s mildly upset his mother knows something about Rey he didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>A swiffer mop seems a little inadequate, here.</p><p> </p><p>His mother shrugs, already walking back to the staircase as his father grabs his refilled water bottle to head back to the garage.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m a psychology professor, Ben. I have my ways.”</p><p> </p><p>“Stop doing recon on our son’s girlfriend, sweetheart. It’s not normal.” His father calls, as Ben’s whole body stiffens.</p><p> </p><p>Ben shouts back, in some last ditch attempt to save his sanity, “She is <em> not </em> my girlfriend!”</p><p> </p><p>His dad just laughs, as his mother scoffs at him. Ben takes a deep breath, and goes back to trying to figure out how to clean this mess up as his face near bursts into flames.</p><p> </p><p>She is <em> not </em> his girlfriend.</p><p><br/>Well, not <em> yet </em> at least.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>s o u p b o y</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Rey gets the text sometime around eleven thirty, while she’s midway through an engineering lecture. Luckily she actually likes this teacher and this class, and Rey is currently just trying to take notes that make some sort of sense in some sort of capacity.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Five minutes into the lecture, and she already knows she’s going to need Ben’s help on this. Or, at the very least, the internets.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her phone buzzes, and she sighs in relief at the minor distraction.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’m here, should I just drop it off at the door?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yes.</span>
  </em>
  <span>😢 </span>
  <em>
    <span>remember, apartment 14.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I’m in class right now, I wish I could come say hello but if I leave for even like three seconds I’ll probably end up getting called on. You know how it is.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Kill me, I don’t want to be here.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I think that’s illegal, will soup suffice?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>yes</span>
  </em>
  <span>🥰</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey grins as Ben texts back a smiling emoji, and she turns back to the lecture. She’s got her camera off, thank god, but she knows she just missed a massive chunk of information.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She tries to catch up, as she hears Ben outside her door. He knocks twice, before he’s gone. She ignores the way her heart sways, because she was actually really hoping to see him today or something. She misses seeing his face, even if she’s really only seen the top half of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, we’re heading into breakout rooms. Discuss your work with your partners, and answer the questions I’m putting in the chat.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey still might be able to catch him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She taps her foot along the ground, as she writes down the questions in her notebook and waits for the breakout room to pop up. She knows she’ll have about thirty seconds before anybody speaks up, so she taps on the button to join her breakout room as soon as it shows up on her screen and she </span>
  <em>
    <span>bolts</span>
  </em>
  <span> to the patio of her tiny apartment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She squeezes out onto the deck, dodging her succulent collection as she giggles.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She catches Ben come out of the front door of her apartment building, hands in his pockets as he strides across the parking lot.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ben! Ben Solo!” She shouts, waving down to him as she giddily laughs. She watches in amusement as he turns in a small circle, seemingly lost on where he might be being called from. He has very poor directional hearing, apparently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She continues to wave as he freezes in the parking lot, and he turns to look up at her on her little meter and a half long balcony.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The first thing that Rey thinks is that Ben has a fucking beautiful smile. He has a </span>
  <em>
    <span>wonderful</span>
  </em>
  <span> smile.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grins as he spots her, black mask tucked in his palm as he laughs. “What are you doing? Aren’t you supposed to be in class?” He asks, prominent nose and plush lips searing themselves into her brain as she grins.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her heart thuds, and she forgets how to speak for a moment, because Ben Solo is fucking </span>
  <em>
    <span>gorgeous</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah!” She squeaks, Bens grin widening as she jerks her thumb back to her computer. “I’m currently ignoring my breakout room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laughs, and Rey could die listening to his laugh. He has the </span>
  <em>
    <span>best </span>
  </em>
  <span>laugh, all dark and low. She loves his laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Go! I don’t want to keep you. And grab the stuff I left by your door when you have the chance, I don’t want the neighbors stealing your lunch!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She giggles as she scrunches her nose up at him, hanging on to the balcony railing and avoiding her responsibilities for a little while longer as he slowly steps backwards towards a car she </span>
  <em>
    <span>thinks</span>
  </em>
  <span> is his. She doesn’t think any of her neighbors own a black Audi, after all. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, okay. When will I see you again, fair Romeo?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It takes Ben a second to get the reference, as he rocks on his heels and tilts his head at her in confusion. His face goes all pink once she watches the recognition wash over him, and he </span>
  <em>
    <span>beams</span>
  </em>
  <span> up at her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sooner rather than later, I should hope, fair Juliet. Depends on the castle guards… availability of poison… the weather. You know.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey just giggles, as Ben grins at her. “You’re ridiculous, Solo.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just shrugs, opening his mouth to say something as a car honks at him and he jumps about a foot in the air.  He scurries over to the sidewalk to avoid getting run over as the vehicle slowly crawls past him at a snail's pace, pulling into a far section of the parking lot. Maybe they shouldn’t be having this conversation right now, while Ben is standing in the street.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turns back up to her, motioning his head to his car. “Uh, I should get going. Make sure you eat, please, and pay attention to your class! I don’t want you getting in trouble because of me, or anything.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey nods, looking back to her computer. She really should get going. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, drive safe! And don’t talk to any weird guys trying to sell you poison, I’d like to avoid imminent death.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ha ha.” he dryly laughs, as he opens his car door and looks back up at her. “Don’t you have professors to go harass or something?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Rey nods, because she does, waving goodbye to Ben before he disappears into his car. She slips back into her apartment, listening to her group discuss the work she doesn’t understand as she wanders past her little couch and to her front door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pops it open as someone mentions thermal dynamics, which Rey doesn’t even know if they were supposed to be talking about or not, and her eyes land on a little plastic grocery bag. There’s soup, a vitamin C immune booster thing, and a small chocolate bar all sitting on top of a small stack of notepaper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She giggles as she pulls out the container of soup, careful not to drop it as the warm paper cup heats her fingers. She can’t believe Ben actually bought her </span>
  <em>
    <span>soup</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he’s ridiculous. She can’t remember the last time someone went so out of their way to do something nice for her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She can’t remember if anyone ever </span>
  <em>
    <span>has</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She grabs the rest of the bag, starting to look over Bens notes as she smiles. There’s a message from Leia, in the corner. Her handwriting is just as pretty as Bens, if a bit more delicate or less heavy handed with the ink.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Rey, don’t forget to check canvas. You have two assignments due next week. Feel better soon!</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Leia O-S</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Halloween passes without a hitch, and Rey thinks her luck in this hell year might finally be turning around. </p><p> </p><p>Granted, she spent it at home alone eating copious amounts of candy, but she watched a movie over text with Ben. Neither of them have been brave enough to call or video call yet, because Rey thinks it’s astronomically weird to be video calling her professor's son while they’re living in the same house, but they’ve been pretty consistently chatting over text now.</p><p> </p><p>The email servers have been spared, with this newfound development in their relationship. Friendship. Something-ship.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs as she makes her way up to her apartment, two days after Halloween. She’s got a small haul of discount candy, groceries, and a book she already knows she’s probably not going to finish. But she bought it, and she calls that a victory in itself considering what tomorrow is.</p><p> </p><p>But it was good, mentally, to get out of the house. Good to have a break, even if it’s starting to get a little chilly out and she’s starting to realize that this winter might be a tough one. She’ll have to figure out how to stretch her already dwindling savings a little farther, and get a space heater or some warmer clothes.</p><p> </p><p>God, she hopes she kept her jackets from when she lived in London. They’re hardly the most fashionable things, all second hand, but they’ll keep her warm. Warm enough, that is.</p><p> </p><p>Actually, she wishes she could find a fucking <em> job </em>. Even with her visa allowing work for students with severe economic hardships, which she unfortunately falls under, it doesn’t look like she’ll be able to find work any time soon. Jakku at least had the public library, Coruscant’s library isn’t even open right now.</p><p> </p><p>In this economy? In this country? Actually finding legal work with an F1 Visa right now? No way. She’ll be lucky if she finds a part time job by next <em> fall</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Thank god for her savings, and Finn for letting her crash with him at his parents house all summer once their lease went up. She might actually be able to pull this one off, if she’s lucky. </p><p> </p><p>She sighs as she gets to her door, with money problems still on the mind, and wiggles the doorknob. She can’t wait-</p><p> </p><p>Wait.</p><p> </p><p><em> Her keys </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Rey’s hand freezes at her chest, where her keys usually are. She had reached up to grab them from her lanyard, only to find, well-</p><p> </p><p>They’re not there.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck!” She curses, at nobody in particular besides the peeling yellow wallpaper that borders the hallway. She can’t believe it, she’s locked herself out of her own damn apartment. She knows she <em> left </em> with her keys, and she had them at the grocery store as well, she thinks, which means she must have left them at the bookstore maybe? She knows they have to be <em> somewhere</em>. She can’t just have <em> lost </em> her keys.</p><p> </p><p>She groans, and leans her head back with a sigh. She’s a fucking idiot, that’s what she is.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben exhales in relief as he picks up his phone, currently trying to work through and understand a new set of cases he has to try and argue over the next two weeks. Cases that he <em> really </em> doesn’t want to work on right now and that he honestly can’t focus on as his eyes flash to the date on the home screen of his phone.</p><p> </p><p>He grumbles to himself as he unlocks the device, really needing a break or something from this shitshow of a workload. Shitshow of a week really, he can’t wait for this week to be over. It’ll be so much better once it’s all <em> over. </em></p><p> </p><p>Landlords are trying to evict tenants left and right while everyone is distracted with the election, so Ben has been temporarily moved from corporate law to the closely related residential law. It took a little brushing up on New York's justice system to get the hang of, but he feels much more secure in his position right now than he was twenty four hours ago.</p><p> </p><p>Except, he’s working for the landlords. Because he’s a corporate lawyer. Who works in a corporate law. </p><p> </p><p>Ben hates his job sometimes. </p><p> </p><p>He’s currently debating either throwing the cases or taking a two week leave, neither of which he knows are really feasible, because he’s not quite sure he has the guts to deal with this. He knows his boss doesn’t really give a shit, as long as they’re turning green at the end of the month Snoke doesn’t care about who he hurts, but Ben does.</p><p> </p><p>Ben really does.</p><p> </p><p>So, he’s currently trying to look at the moratorium for evictions New York has put in place for people who are not his clients. Trying to prevent the worst from happening to people who can’t prove on paper that they’re being taken advantage of. Trying to do the right thing, for once in his miserable life.</p><p> </p><p>Ben can be a jerk sometimes, he knows this, but he’d like to think he’s not a total monster.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs as he scrolls through his text exchange with Rey, grateful for the reprieve from this assignment as he groans. He knows nobody is actually going to get evicted, but it doesn’t mean landlords aren’t fucking demonic and trying their best to throw everything upside down. Making their tenants lives hell when everything is already so bad.</p><p> </p><p>What the hell is Rey doing?</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’m an idiot.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’ve locked myself out of my apartment. Im an idiot.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Her self deprecating claims are followed by a short video of her violently shaking her apartment doorknob, cursing as she kicks at the bottom and the whole thing rattles on its hinges.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’ve locked myself out of my fucking apartment, and I have class in half an hour.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, and really tries not to smile as he texts her back. This is <em> not </em> funny. Not at all. Not something he should be laughing at.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Kick it harder </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Fuck you.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He thinks for a second, tilting his head back as he tries to remember what his mom threw out and what she kept when he moved to New York. She would keep something like that, right? It was nice, he doesn’t think she would throw it out without asking him about it first. And he doesn’t think his parents asked him about it, at any point. They still should have it somewhere.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Did you call a locksmith? Landlord? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Landlord can eat a dick, locksmith won’t be here for another hour and a half. I’m stuck, and I have frozen chicken nuggets in my bag. My nuggets are going to go bad, Ben.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Why did you buy chicken nuggets? You’re an adult? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>An adult with the cooking skills of a child. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Now stop judging and let me COMPLAIN.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben stands up before he can overthink this, overthink going back to her apartment. He has no idea if this is the best idea he’s ever had or the absolute <em> worst</em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Cancel the locksmith, I’ll be there in 20.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>What?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben tucks his phone in his pocket, grabbing his jacket and quickly slipping it over his shoulders as he scrambles down the stairs, “Hey mom, where’s my lockpicking kit? Do you still have it?” He shouts, turning into the dining room as she rubs her forehead and groans. Oh, what’s going on here?</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Class </em> , Ben. I’m teaching my four PM class. I’m <em> trying </em> to teach a class.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben grimaces, as his mom sighs. Whoops.</p><p> </p><p>She huffs, turning to look up at him as she mutes herself. “It’s in the garage, your father keeps it in the tool chest. Ask him.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, turning on his heel and fixing his jacket as he thinks about how the hell he’s going to explain this later. His mom apologizes to her class for the interruption, as his head fills with the possibility of seeing Rey again. Well, less possibility really, and more reality.</p><p> </p><p>Ben has never wanted to be near someone more, needed to be near someone more.</p><p> </p><p>He’s terrified of what that means.</p><p> </p><p>He gets to the garage door, opening it before shouting back to clear up any misconceptions her students might have about his life. You know, just to save his reputation with the class. “It’s not illegal or anything, I swear! My friend locked herself out of her apartment, I’m not a criminal!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!”</p><p> </p><p>He closes the door, fleeing to the garage as his mom angrily calls after him. He’s going to pay for that later, because that definitely didn’t make him sound any less incriminating.</p><p> </p><p>He is really 0-2 today, huh?</p><p> </p><p>His dad looks up from his latest project’s engine as Ben steps down to the cold concrete subfloor, which also happens to be Ben's car. His father is going insane without having any new cars or pet projects to work on right now, so therefore the Audi is getting torn apart a little and <em> re </em>double checked for any manufacturing problems or general maintenance issues.</p><p> </p><p>Forced retirement via pandemic is not suiting Han Solo well, Ben knows.</p><p> </p><p>“Where's my lockpicking kit?” Ben hums, quickly walking over to the large black tool chest his father keeps in the garage. He starts sorting through the mess of spanners and clamps and engine parts as his dad just stares at him in mild confusion, clearly weirded out by his son's presence. And Ben knows he looks insane, he is aware of this. Ben Solo may not know a great many things, but he knows he’s acting a little crazy here.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Why? </em>” His dad manages to ask, recapping the coolant on the Audi’s engine as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>Ben exhales, frantically pulling open another drawer of the cabinet system. He hopes the Audi is in a drivable state, because he does <em> not </em> want to take the Falcon right now and he <em> knows </em> he’s kind of on a tight schedule. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey locked herself out of her apartment, and she can’t get a locksmith there for another two hours. She just bought groceries, and her class starts in half an hour, so I need to go break into her apartment for her before she breaks her leg trying to climb in a window.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” His dad hums, pausing over the engine of the black car before walking over to Ben and quietly reaching past him. He opens a drawer within a drawer, Ben’s lock-picking tools carefully stowed away in their shiny leather case along with some old calligraphy stuff. </p><p> </p><p>Oh. Okay.</p><p> </p><p>Good to know they’ve been well taken care of, at least. Ben will remember this has been stored here just in case any of this is needed again. And that apparently his dad kept this stuff for him, weirdly enough.</p><p> </p><p>Ben doesn’t really know how to react to that revelation, in all honesty.</p><p> </p><p>He pulls the kit into his palm, gently thumbing open the zipper and making sure everything he needs to get into Rey's apartment is still in it. His father sighs next to him as he flips through the metal picks, trying to get used to holding them again. Ben can’t tell if that’s a good or a bad reaction. If this is a good moment or not. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, if that’s it, go have fun trying to break into a girls apartment. I’m sure you’re making your mother <em> very </em>proud.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben glances down at him, smirking as his father crosses his arms. Likely story, and they both know it. “She’s the one who told me to come find you, she’s <em> thrilled </em> her son is back to his thieving ways. That I’m becoming a local hoodlum again.”</p><p> </p><p>His father snorts, turning back to Ben’s car. Ben never actually stole anything or did anything illegal, but that doesn’t mean his mother ever approved of his habits. She only encouraged his hobbies because Ben really didn’t have much else going on for him at the time, and this was at least more productive than staring at the wall and watching paint dry.</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo has never seen himself as a very interesting person, but he kind of became a hotshot once people learned he could break practically any lock put in front of him. It wasn’t until law school that he decided to put down his thieving ways, although more out of a lack of time than any actual desire to stop causing trouble or pulling it out at parties.</p><p> </p><p>His father shrugs, giving the engine a final once over before closing the hood and throwing the keys to Ben. Ben barely catches them in his palm, nearly dropping them on the ground as he grabs the fob and unlocks the car with a loud beep so he can get going. So he can go and make sure Rey isn’t stuck outside her apartment for the rest of her life. </p><p> </p><p>He realizes he’ll happily be her shining knight with a lock pick, any day.</p><p> </p><p>“I think it’s cool, you know.” His father hums, stepping back and towards the garage door remote as Ben gets the driver side door open. At least his dad thinks it's interesting, although Ben doesn’t know how much confidence that really instills in him during this particular situation. </p><p> </p><p>“Your mom’s just a buzzkill, go have fun! And if she invites you in, after you break into her apartment for her, at least use protection. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Dad </em> .” Ben growls, shutting his eyes and rubbing the bridge of his nose with the same hand currently holding his car keys. His dad laughs as Ben slips inside the car, sitting down with a sigh. They were having a <em> moment </em> and everything. Of course his father had to ruin it.</p><p> </p><p>Ben starts up the car, as his father steps back and puts his hands in the air with a laugh and a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m kidding! I’m kidding. Go have fun. Don’t let me stop you from wooing your <em> lady friend</em>. Just make sure you don’t do anything stupid, kid.”</p><p> </p><p>“So nothing you would do, got it.” Ben quips, closing the door and letting his father open the garage with a loud laugh as Ben prepares to go and pick a lock for the first time in five years.</p><p> </p><p>Christ, he hopes he remembers how to do this.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Ben pulls up to her apartment Rey is standing outside, staring up at her balcony with her hands on her hips. She has a look in her eye that concerns him just a little, as he steps out of his vehicle and stands a safe couple feet away from her.</p><p> </p><p>The leaves from a maple tree, sitting in a yard across the street, blow around his feet as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you think the odds are I break my leg trying to climb up the side of my building.” She turns to him and asks, pushing a stubborn lock of hair behind her ear as Ben shrugs in response. She’s wearing a yellow mask today, dahlia doodles all over the front, and it looks like her succulents are having a tough time with the sudden onslaught of cold weather. They’re a little brown at the edges, from what Ben can tell. She’ll have to bring them in soon.</p><p> </p><p>“Seventy-five percent, the other twenty-five includes you cracking your skull open on the concrete.” He sighs, motioning his head to the front door of her building. That’s something he’d like to avoid, if it can be helped. “You like those odds or you want me to try and get you inside my way, without any major injuries or imminent death?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey seems to actually think about it for a moment, which both deeply concerns Ben and makes him smile.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, crossing her arms and starting to walk towards the door with a shrug. “Will it be as good of a story?”</p><p> </p><p>“You won’t be <em> dead </em>, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>She snorts at that, welcoming him in and leading him up the stairs to the second story of her apartment building. They walk in relative silence, Ben following a couple feet behind her as she grumpily exhales and stares at the puke green carpet in her building.</p><p> </p><p>“You know where your keys are?” He asks, making sure to be gentle as he blinks against the harsh yellow light and she tiredly nods. She looks emotionally and physically <em> exhausted </em>. </p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t blame her.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, called the bookstore. Left them on a table, I’m going to go pick them up tomorrow.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods in response, because that makes sense. He’s definitely left stuff in bookstores before, they’re easy to get lost in.</p><p> </p><p>“How’d you get home then?” He asks, as they arrive on her floor. He spots her grocery bag, slumped over on it’s side as she sighs in defeat. He knows she has a car, because she’s half afraid it won’t start when the winter gets bad. They’ve discussed this before, Ben hates her car.</p><p> </p><p>“Walked, car is in the shop. Needed my brakes changed.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben freezes in the hallway, trying to remember how far the closest bookstore and grocery store is. He watches in horror as she grabs her stuff, moving to make room for him as he exhales. Now he sees it, the sore muscles in her legs when she stretches them out.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, that’s like three miles. Six round trip. That’s ridiculous.”</p><p> </p><p>She just shrugs, sliding her back down the wall and sitting on the floor as she sighs. “Girls gotta eat, and my car won’t be ready until tomorrow morning. I had to walk past the grocery store from the repair shop anyways, it was more like four miles. According to my phone.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just blinks at her, shaking his head as he turns to her door. “Well, next time, call me. Especially after it starts snowing. I don’t want you walking <em> four miles </em> just because you’re too proud to ask for help or get an uber. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She kicks his ankle, missing as he yelps.</p><p> </p><p>Okay, fine, he probably deserved that.</p><p> </p><p>She watches him as he pulls the lock picking kit from the pocket inside of his jacket, kneeling and examining the mechanism with a sigh. It looks a little like an older model, luckily, so he shouldn’t have too much trouble with security pins or anything. He wishes he could see her key right now so he knows what type of lock he’s dealing with, but he wouldn’t exactly be here in the first place if she had a key.</p><p> </p><p>He zips open the kit, as Rey watches him in fascination. “Wait, what are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>“You cancelled the locksmith, right?” Ben hums, pulling out his favorite tool. He loosens the handle that comes with the kit, taking out an old curved pick and putting in one that more closely resembles the curves of a bobby pin.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, but I thought you just had a plan to get me inside? Boost me up the wall or something with those big shoulders of yours. Are you going to pick my lock? Where the <em> fuck </em> did you learn how to do that?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben smiles, as he tightens the handle and grabs a tension wrench. He places it inside the lock, testing the pull before inserting the pick and starting to work. Rey sounds almost <em> excited </em> to see him do this.</p><p> </p><p>That’s hilarious.</p><p> </p><p>He takes a deep breath, shutting his eyes and starting to work by feel as he focuses. Now he<em> really </em> has to do this right.</p><p> </p><p>“I wasn’t exactly the coolest person in high school, and I had a lot of free time. Lock picking kits are relatively cheap.”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, as Rey snorts.</p><p> </p><p>“And?”</p><p> </p><p>“And my poor mother thinks I’m a delinquent, when really I just learned how to do this because I <em> knew </em> a pretty girl would need me to save her chicken nuggets in about ten years time.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Ah </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Ah.” </em></p><p> </p><p>Ben continues to work, as Rey watches him from her place next to him. He gets the first and second pin up relatively easily, but this third pin is a little more difficult to navigate.</p><p> </p><p>He jiggles the lock a little, finally slipping underneath it and slowly pushing it up until it clicks into place with the others.</p><p> </p><p>“How long is this gonna take?” She hums, sighing as Ben wiggles the lock again.</p><p> </p><p>“Five minutes total, maybe? How long until your next class?”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a moment of silence, in which Ben thinks she might be checking her phone or something. </p><p> </p><p>“Seven, my computer is already set up at my kitchen counter though so I should only need two or three minutes to get into the classroom. Think you’ll be done by then?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, already on the fourth pin. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, should be. Your lock is really easy to pick, you know. You should call your landlord about this, at least get one with security pins or something.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey huffs again, as Ben smiles. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re grinning, why are you grinning? What’s so funny about this?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shrugs, straightening his back and pushing the fourth pin up. “Nothing, absolutely nothing.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a moment of silence, in which Rey sighs. He hears something thud next to him, and when he looks at her she’s flat on the ground, belly up. </p><p> </p><p>“You think my misery is hilarious.”</p><p> </p><p>“No! Just funny, funny that the one day you don’t need your keys to drive home you leave them at the bookstore.”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, biting his cheek as he starts working on the fifth pin. He knows he’s nearing the end of the lock. This should be one of if not <em> the </em> last one.</p><p> </p><p>Rey just groans, whining as he sighs. Poor thing, doesn’t sound like she’s had an especially easy day today.</p><p> </p><p>“What class do you have next?” He hums, slipping under it as Rey sighs. He is immensely grateful for his black mask right now, the fact that his face is so well hidden. </p><p> </p><p>He’s not quite sure he would be capable of not smiling right this moment, because this whole situation is so absurd. If things hadn’t gone <em> exactly </em> the way this whole year has been going, Ben would not be here right now. He would still be up in New York, suffering through cases that he doesn’t want to work, and wading miserably through a packed city.</p><p> </p><p>Instead he’s trying to break into this girls apartment for her, as she lies flat on the ground, and stresses about getting into an online class which only exists because of a fucking pandemic. Oh, and he’s back in his hometown during a massively important presidential election. Which is admittedly a trip and a half itself.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Professor Skywalkers </em>.” Rey whines, moving to place her hands over her eyes before quickly retracting her palms. “It’s fucking Skywalker. Because of course it had to be Skywalker.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, furrowing his brow as he gets the fifth pin up. It clicks into place, and he takes a relieved breath.</p><p> </p><p>He shakes the lock a little, sighing when it doesn’t budge. There’s at least six pins in this lock, because of course there is. Any other time and he would be very happy that this is at least a six pin lock, for Reys sake.</p><p> </p><p>Right now, though, they’re kind of on a time crunch.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, here’s what’s gonna happen.” Ben hums, closing his eyes and trying to get the sixth pin up as fast as possible. He groans, when it slips a little and he has to restart on it. “When I get the door open, you <em> run </em> to your computer. Get into class as fast as possible, I’ll get your groceries away. Do you need any texts for the class? Any pens or notebooks?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shakes her head, as he turns to glance at her and she gets to her feet. “No, I have all of my school stuff by my computer. I just need to make sure I get into the classroom before he does attendance.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, finally clicking the final pin into place. He turns the tension wrench, and the lock seamlessly twists open with a click.</p><p> </p><p>He turns her doorknob, and the ugly wooden door swings inward to reveal her apartment with a loud squeak of its hinges. “Ta-da.” He quietly sighs, as Rey stares for a moment in disbelief. </p><p> </p><p>“Impressive.” She hums, before zipping into her little space. Ben stands up as she opens her laptop, fingers furiously tapping against her keyboard as he moves into her living room. “You alright if I take my mask off? I don’t want people to think I’m as disorganized as I am.”</p><p> </p><p>He takes a second to admire her space, nodding as he realizes how cluttered and mismatched it is. She has a yellow couch that looks like it’s seen better days, and a coffee table with scuffed corners that he feels like didn’t start out as her own. He grabs her grocery bags after tucking all of his lock picking stuff back into his hand, he’ll organize it once they’re inside and he isn’t on his knees anymore, and he walks inside.</p><p> </p><p>He groans as he dusts himself off a little, shutting the door behind him once he gets into her space and she sets her now folded flower mask on a hook with a couple others.</p><p> </p><p>Rey keeps a busy space, to put it kindly. </p><p> </p><p>To put it less kindly, it looks kind of like a flea market. </p><p> </p><p>He wanders over to her kitchen as she sighs, and he stands across from her at her kitchen peninsula as she opens up her absolutely <em> ancient </em> laptop. Nothing in her apartment really matches, at all, and that seems to be the only theme of the space. She has a fruit bowl in the shape of a chicken, with avocados and an onion in it for some reason, and the only ‘art’, if he can even call it art, consists of a tapestry that he vaguely recognizes from target and floral prints without frames that have been stuck on the walls.</p><p> </p><p>There’s one picture of her and a man back in Jakku, and he points at it as he leans over the counter. “Who’s that?” He hums, suddenly <em> really </em> hoping Rey isn’t in a long distance relationship. That he isn’t infatuated with a woman who’s already taken. (Although, seriously, who would put that past him at this point.)</p><p> </p><p>The man is about the same height as her, grinning as they throw peace signs to the camera and wear matching t-shirts for what looks to be a local gardening project. Rey is holding a shovel, and they’re both covered in dirt. It’s cute, it’s really cute.</p><p> </p><p>She turns, looking at the photo with a hum and a snap of her fingers. “Finn, best friend back in Jakku. Studying to work in art and early education. I promised I would send him a photo of you, shit!”</p><p> </p><p>She scrambles for her phone, as Ben furrows his brow. </p><p> </p><p>Her computer must finally open zoom or something though, because when he moves to ask exactly <em> why </em> this Finn wants a photo of him she holds up a finger in a gesture of silence as she sets her phone back down.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, and sets his lockpicking kit on the counter as his uncle starts the lecture and Rey grabs her notebook. His grating voice fills the space, and Ben can’t help but grimace as she sighs and flips to a blank page of her graph paper notebook. Great, now he’s going to have to listen to his uncle <em> speak </em>. Horrendous.</p><p> </p><p>He focuses on putting everything back in the kit just so, zipping it up before moving to the two bags. He starts trying to figure out what should go where, focusing on getting frozen foods in the freezer and refrigerated foods in the fridge.</p><p> </p><p>She really only bought perishables, which makes Ben's eyebrow raise in curiosity. It all seems necessary, sure, but weird.</p><p> </p><p>That’s when he sees it, the schedule she’s taped to the side of the fridge. He doesn’t mean to snoop, really, but the scribbled in little “food pantry” grabs his attention faster than it probably should.</p><p> </p><p>It shouldn’t bug him as much as it does, but something about that pulls at a cord deep in his chest.</p><p> </p><p>Ben realizes he doesn’t like the fact that Rey is visiting a food pantry, but he can’t really identify <em> why </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He finishes getting all of her stuff in the freezer and the nearly empty fridge, furrowing his brow further.</p><p> </p><p>Why does this bug him so much? Why does not knowing why it bugs him so much bug him so much? <em> Why does he care so much about her? </em></p><p> </p><p>He turns back to her, pointing to his mask and trying to grab her attention with a wave of his hands. She nods, and he pulls it off with a huff. </p><p> </p><p>He knows Rey, he trusts Rey, he knows she hasn’t been interacting with anybody else. He knows they’re both being as careful as possible with this whole thing, and they can allow a little human contact in her apartment. </p><p> </p><p>They’re both just trying their best here, they can have this right now.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m muted, by the way, if you have any colorful commentary or amusing stories you want to share.” Rey hums, speaking behind her fist as she listens and takes notes.</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, although he really doesn’t trust the mute function on zoom all that much. </p><p> </p><p>He rolls his eyes as his uncle speaks though, grumbling as he wanders around her empty kitchen. He doesn’t really know what to do here, but he also isn’t ready to leave. He groans when his uncle makes some poor joke about stress testing everybody this semester, and he turns to Rey as she quietly smiles and goes back to note taking.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s been making that joke since I was a kid, it’s a bad joke. You don’t have to laugh.” He mumbles, shrugging as he grabs an apple from the fruit/avocado/onion bowl. It’s a <em> really </em> bad joke, shame that Rey has to be subjected to it.</p><p> </p><p>He plays with the stem, twisting it back and forth as she glances at him. “How long have you known Skywalker, by the way? You seem like you have a lot more history with him than just a single semester engineering class. Does he know your mum or something?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben freezes in place, trying to go over their past two months of text exchanges and emails. Did he never mention-</p><p> </p><p>Holy shit, did he never tell her that they’re related?</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve definitely discussed the fact he’s my uncle, right?” He hums, pointing back and forth between them as Rey’s eyes go as wide as saucers.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Excuse </em> me?”</p><p> </p><p>Oh, turns out they didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>Whoops.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Once Rey is all filled in, and Ben helps her cope with the fact that he’s related to not one, but <em> two </em>of her professors, she does her best to focus on her work. </p><p> </p><p>She finds it very difficult to do so, though, as she takes notes that are absolutely unfocused and everywhere in every sense of the word. She doubts she’s actually been listening all that well, really, she’s too in her own head now. She’s too stressed out today.</p><p> </p><p>She has no idea what she’s doing. </p><p> </p><p>Ben snaps in her face at one point, frantically trying to get her attention over the top of her computer. His eyes are wide, and she doesn’t miss the worry in his eyes as she rubber-bands back to reality.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey? Yoo-hoo, earth to Rey.” Luke hums, Rey feeling her heart skip at <em> least </em> three beats as it sinks in her chest like a rock. She slams her finger down on the space bar of her keyboard, panic filling her veins as she shakily responds.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, I’m here, just got a bit distracted is all.”</p><p> </p><p>She feels her face get hot, and she <em> sees </em> her blush in the reflection of her appearance on screen as Luke sighs. Oh, god. She fucked up. She definitely fucked up badly. And being able to actually see how red her face is getting definitely isn’t helping.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s alright,” Luke hums, sternly sighing and shaking his head in disappointment, “but next time we should be paying attention during class, <em> not talking to other people </em> . Good engineers know when to put their nose to grindstone and <em> work </em>, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey feels like she’s going to cry as she gulps, and Luke moves onto another student to ask the question she apparently <em> missed </em> . She feels so fucking defeated, and humiliated, and overall <em> awful </em> because today has just been one bad thing after the next. One miserable failure after another. Luke has <em> no </em> fucking clue what she’s been through today, what things look like for her right now, and how this is really starting to look like the tip of the iceberg for her.</p><p> </p><p>She takes a deep breath, and although she thinks she does a pretty good job of keeping her expression neutral, something must show in her face; because Ben quietly moves to stand next to her. He stays off camera, of course, just out of view from the rest of the class as he reaches a hand under the edge of the counter. Offering himself to her, reaching out when nobody else can or will.</p><p> </p><p>She is suddenly extremely thankful that he’s here, as she uses him to ground herself in the moment.</p><p> </p><p>Rey takes his hand without another thought, squeezing tight to his fingers as she really tries not to cry in front of Ben and her entire class of thirty engineering students who are having vastly better days than her.</p><p> </p><p>She vaguely recognizes, as he rests his other hand over hers to rub his thumb across her knuckles, this is the first time they’ve actually touched each other. </p><p> </p><p>This is the first time someone has touched her in <em> months </em>, and she really fights back the wave of emotion that comes with that revelation.</p><p><br/><em> She has a friend </em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>this is my favorite chapter. there are so many things about this chapter I like. </p><p>I really like this chapter.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I’m going to kill your brother.” Ben declares, pointing at his mother upon returning home from Reys. She’s sat on the couch with his father, the two watching some masterpiece classic show on tv as he slowly stomps over to the staircase from the garage. </p><p> </p><p>“What did Luke do now?” His father sighs, leaning back in his chair as Ben groans. He’s still pissed, and frustrated, and <em> upset </em> that Luke is being such a dick. He didn’t let himself get angry until Rey reassured him that she was okay, and she told him she would be fine with the notes he gave her earlier when he realized it was getting late. He only left because she said she had everything under control, and that she promised if she needed anything else she wouldn’t hesitate to call.</p><p> </p><p>But he’s still fucking furious at Luke, and he feels like this is justified.</p><p> </p><p>Ben freezes on the staircase, leaning over the railing as he speaks to his parents. “He humiliated her in front of the entire class, just like he used to do to me. He’s <em> picking </em> on her, and I don’t know why! He’s a fucking monster-”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Ben </em>.” His mother sighs, putting down her phone.</p><p> </p><p>“No! No, I know you don’t think Luke has favorites or whatever, but I swear to god! He picks on her just for the fun of it! He was so <em> patronizing </em> every time she tried to contribute to the conversation, and it was so rude! And the worst part is <em> I still don’t know why he’s doing it </em>. At least with me I know it’s because of-”</p><p> </p><p>He motions his hands through the air, for lack of the right words. Family drama, legacy, whatever. That’s a whole truckload of shit he’s not going to acknowledge right now. </p><p> </p><p>“With Rey it’s like- I have no clue what’s up his ass! And I don’t want her to go through the same bullshit that I did! It’s not-”</p><p> </p><p>He was about to say it’s not <em> fair </em>, that she’s already dealing with enough on her plate. He doesn’t finish the statement though, because he isn’t entirely sure she wants that information being publicly shared.</p><p> </p><p>He turns to finish stomping up the stairs, as he fumes. He slams the door, without really meaning to, as he sulks to himself and sits down on his bed with a groan.</p><p> </p><p>He flops back on his sheets with a deep sigh, rubbing his face as he processes. Maybe he’s being irrational. He knows Rey can stand up for herself, she’s far stronger than he is in that regard, but he doesn’t think she sees this the same way he does. Ben is viewing the situation as an outsider, and although certainly not impartial, he has a bit of separation between himself now and himself during his college years.</p><p> </p><p>That is to say, hindsight is 20/20. Unfortunately.</p><p> </p><p>And he also thinks Rey is being bullied by his uncle, but he has no idea <em> why </em> . Getting distracted for a couple seconds at six in the afternoon is hardly the time or place to criticize someone's work ethic. It’s just not right, something about this whole situation just <em> isn’t sitting well with him </em>.</p><p> </p><p>His mom knocks on his door, as he sighs in defeat. Jesus Christ, this is not what he needs to be dealing with right now.</p><p> </p><p>She slowly cracks open the door, though, watching him as he stares at the ceiling and sulks. He knows what she’s about to do, and he has to mentally prepare himself for this conversation as much as possible before she opens her mouth.</p><p> </p><p>She gives him a second, as he takes a deep breath and exhales with his eyes closed.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna talk?” She hums, as Ben groans in pained agony. “I mean, I can go and come back later, but I can’t promise your dad won’t try to do something stupid. You know how he is when it comes to you and developments in your personal life. The man wouldn’t know privacy if it bit him in the face.“</p><p> </p><p>Ben thinks, rubbing his forehead as he processes all of this. Processes today.</p><p> </p><p>He nods, because he does kind of want to talk about this.</p><p> </p><p>His mom walks around to the other side of the bed, sitting down next to him on the white sheets. She pushes on his side a little, to get him to move, before she lies down next to him and he grumbles. </p><p> </p><p>They lie there for a moment, both sighing into the air. Not really bothering to fill up the space yet.</p><p> </p><p>“Is this about Rey or about you?” She asks, turning to him as he continues to rub his forehead. </p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, because he doesn’t really know yet. He has yet to figure out that conundrum, if he’s angry on her behalf or his own. If this is selfish or not.</p><p> </p><p>“Both?” She asks, exhaling as Ben nods and crosses his arms defensively.</p><p> </p><p>Both, it feels like it might be both.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s using the campus food pantry, mom.” He sighs, letting it all slip out as he tries to relax his muscles a little. Privacy be damned, he’s worried about her. He wants her to be safe, and right now a lot of alarm bells are going off in his head that are telling him she <em> isn’t </em>. He needs advice on what to do, how to be there for her. </p><p> </p><p>He kind of <em> needs </em>his mom right now.</p><p> </p><p>He stumbles on, “And I think her car is falling apart, and Luke is being a fucking thorn in her side about her work when I know she’s just trying to get through the day, and I don’t know how to help her without sounding like a <em> freak </em>-”</p><p> </p><p>He whines as he rubs his face with the heels of his palms, exhaling with a deep groan. His mother reaches over and soothingly rubs his chest, as he grumbles into the darkness.</p><p> </p><p>“You really care about her, don’t you bug?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, because he does. </p><p> </p><p>“And you’re worried, because you’re <em> intuitive </em> . And <em> sensitive. </em>And you want to protect her, the way someone should have protected you?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t <em> know </em>-“</p><p> </p><p>“Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>He turns to look at his mom, as she stares back at him.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay to admit we haven’t been the perfect family. If I could go back-“</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I know.”</p><p> </p><p>They sit in silence for a moment, Ben exhaling as he turns back up to the ceiling and furrows his brow. He knows.</p><p> </p><p>His mom sighs, continuing to rub his chest as he counts back from twenty in his head. Just trying to ground himself in the moment, keep himself centered. Try to stop himself from getting overwhelmed with his own emotions, because this is all so <em> overwhelming </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you gonna do, kiddo?” She asks, as Ben whines.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t <em> know </em>-“</p><p> </p><p>“What do you <em> want </em> to do?”</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t <em> know!” </em></p><p> </p><p>His mom sighs, as he groans and rubs his face with his hands. He genuinely doesn’t know what he wants to do here, what he <em> should </em> do here. His instinct is telling him to worry, to ask her if everything is okay, to fret over her.</p><p> </p><p>But his heart tells him he doesn’t want to lose her, and the last thing he wants is to come on too strong and freak her out.</p><p> </p><p>And his logic is telling him to chill the fuck out, it’s not like he’s in-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Oh, Ben Solo is totally falling in love with Rey Niima.</p><p> </p><p>He groans, placing both of his arms over his head as he grumbles to himself and his mom laughs. Shit.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey gets a text later that night, after she’s decided to take a break from studying and curl up on her couch with a warm cup of tea and about three blankets. Trying to keep herself sane before the next day arrives.</p><p> </p><p>Her phone buzzes, just as she gets a feel good movie playing on the tv. She doesn’t really want to answer it, but…</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>So, just out of curiosity, if you needed a ride to go pick up your car tomorrow what time would I have to be there</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Just want to know.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>She rolls her eyes, snorting into her hand when she rubs under her eye and sniffles. She managed not to cry until Ben left, practically pushing him out the door before she had a full breakdown. She really didn’t want him to see her cry, at least not yet, but he was being very pushy with trying to stay. He was worried over her, which she doesn’t really know how to respond to.</p><p> </p><p>She gets the sentiment, she really does, but sometimes she needs to deal with this stuff on her own. That’s how she’s always done it, after all.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> No. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>No what? No you trudging through the snow we were just forecasted to get? No getting frostbite?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>If you don’t want me to drive you that’s fine, but you can’t walk all the way to the garage tomorrow.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinks, staring at her phone. Snow? They’re forecasted to get snow?</p><p> </p><p>She presses her home button, checking her weather app as she holds her breath. Please don’t let there be snow, please don’t let there-</p><p> </p><p>They’re getting snow. Of fucking course they’re getting <em> snow </em>. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I am NOT making your drive all the way out here, Benjamin </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>Please don’t call me by my full name.</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Fine, Ben. No full name. And no driving me to the garage to pick up my car, I can do it myself. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>There’s a silence in her text messages, as Rey groans and throws her head back. Is she going to have to ride the bus, then? She doesn’t even know how to use the public transit system in Coruscant, and she already knows it’s going to be hell because American public transit just doesn’t function fifty percent of the time-</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Hey, you know you can trust me, right? I’m here if you need me. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Rey?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey just sets her phone back down after texting back, grumbling to herself as she tries to figure out what to do.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yeah, I know. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben is panicking, as he stares out the window of his childhood bedroom and looks down at the ground outside his parents townhouse. At the rooftops, newly dusted with a thin layer of snow, and the quickly blurring landscape dotted with little election signposts in the yards.</p><p> </p><p>He takes a long sip of his coffee, as he scratches his stubble.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, he’s kind of panicking.</p><p> </p><p>He’s worried he took it too far with Rey yesterday, that he pushed too far and stepped a little too far into her space. But this is <em> not </em> walking weather, not in the slightest, and he really doesn’t want her out there today. There’s too much happening, things just don’t feel <em> right </em> today and there’s an overall sense of concern up in the air. It doesn’t feel like a good day, not at all. Ben is kind of dreading <em> today </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She’s a desert girl, she’s been thriving in <em> Jakku </em> of all places for two and a half years. She might have dealt with snow in England, but that doesn’t mean she has any recent experience. Especially any experience in <em> Coruscant </em> snow, which is always too thick and clingy for his liking.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs as he takes another sip of his coffee, running a hand through his bedraggled hair as he grumbles. </p><p> </p><p>He really needs her to call him or something, tell him she’s okay. He doesn’t like the way they ended things last night. It didn’t leave him in especially high spirits, especially hopeful for their future. And with this whole he-might-be-falling-in-love-with-her revelation, he really wants her in his future.</p><p> </p><p>He turns back to his desk, sighing as he stares at his work.</p><p> </p><p>It’ll be easier to forget if he focuses on something else, he thinks. It always is.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey stands outside of her apartment, teeth chattering as she shoves her gloveless hands in her pockets.</p><p> </p><p>She managed to find her heavy duty winter jacket last night after about half an hour of searching, and a matching scarf and hat at the bottom of her closet, but she couldn’t find her snowshoes or her winter gloves. They must have gotten lost in one of her moves, and of course she forgot to restock her winter supplies <em> for winter </em>. </p><p> </p><p>She can be <em> such </em> an idiot sometimes, really, this shouldn’t be as surprising as it is.</p><p> </p><p>But it’s fucking <em> November, </em> she isn’t used to snow until late December at the very earliest back where she’s from. England doesn’t get snow like <em> this </em>. When leaves are still dropping from the trees, and it was summer before she blinked her eyes. </p><p> </p><p>This is just <em> wrong, </em> on <em> so </em> many levels.</p><p> </p><p>She grumbles as she steps out into the parking lot, making it about three steps before she loses her balance and her feet go flying in the air. She <em> screams </em> as she falls flat on her back, getting the breath knocked out of her as she feels the sharp sting of concrete on her skin. Ouch, shit. God damnit. That hurt.</p><p> </p><p>Or maybe it’s ice, she can’t really tell as she groans and stares up at the cloudy sky from her place in the parking lot. It could be ice, it’s probably ice. She probably just ate <em> shit </em> on some ice.</p><p> </p><p>She takes a deep breath, groaning into the air, because maybe she does need to surrender to the cold weather and call Ben on this one. She might not be able to do this alone, unfortunately.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck, this is not where she wanted to end up today. </p><p> </p><p>She feels weak.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben was <em> worried </em> when he got the text from Rey to come by and pick her up. Not severely concerned by any means, just a little worried about Rey and why she suddenly changed her mind on taking his offered help. She doesn’t strike him as the type to change her mind too easily, so it left him a little frazzled when he got her text about wondering if his offer still stood.</p><p> </p><p>Which, of course, it did. He meant it when he said she could always count on him, and he’ll do whatever he can do to help make things a little easier on her right now. She needs it, clearly, and he’s always happy to be there for whenever she needs a shoulder to lean on or a hand to hold.</p><p> </p><p>That is to say, Ben was’t worried until he arrived at her apartment and he found her shivering on the sidewalk outside her apartment like some stubborn snowman. What the <em> fuck </em> is she doing out here, all alone? What is she thinking? It’s fucking freezing outside!</p><p> </p><p>He pulls into a parking spot and steps out of the car in a hurry, ditching the mask altogether and just angrily slamming the car door shut behind him as he wraps his scarf around his face. “Rey, what the <em> fuck? </em> ” He shouts, starting to rush over to her once he realizes she isn’t wearing <em> gloves for fuck’s sake and she’s covered in a light layer of snow and what is she doing out here all alone </em>-</p><p> </p><p>Jesus Christ, what is she doing outside in the first place? She should be trying to warm up or something inside, right? She’s going to <em> freeze </em>out here like this. Why is she doing this to herself?</p><p> </p><p>He knows she didn’t lock herself out again, because she has a spare key. He saw it himself, she showed it to him yesterday. There is literally no reason for her to be out here right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait!” She yells, standing up and throwing a hand out in front of her as Ben stills, “There’s ice, a lot of ice. Just be careful, I don’t want you to fall. I can’t have you getting hurt right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Oh, okay, that explains <em> everything </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Not.</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods in confusion, restraining the urge to roll his eyes as he carefully steps forward with a quiet sigh. His boot slides a little along the ground as he takes a step towards her, despite the weather proof treads on them, and he realizes she might be right.</p><p> </p><p>There’s a lot of black ice out here, thank god his dad already changed his tires last week. </p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing outside?” He hurriedly asks, trying to ignore the blood pounding in his ears or the stress that rises through his throat as he slowly makes his way across the parking lot. He doesn’t exactly have the luxury of seeing Rey's face as he moves forward, hearing her groan as he slips and slides a little more across the ground. He has to keep an eye on where he’s moving, after all. No time to look into her pretty eyes.</p><p> </p><p>He lifts his head up as she snorts at him, and he narrows his eyes and huffs at her in response. Stubborn girl.</p><p> </p><p>“I tried walking to the bus stop.” She explains, crossing her arms and sniffling as she waits for him on the other side of the asphalt. “I took three steps and fell, decided maybe I’m not cut out for this yet. You’re the only person I could think to call on such short notice, I’m so sorry for being such a nuisance. I owe you one, I know. I’m sorry, Ben-”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, staring at the concrete as Ben worriedly looks her over. The last thing she’s being is a nuisance, truly. There is nothing Ben looks forward to more than having Rey talk to him in any capacity, because she matters to him. She makes him feel like he’s a little bit more in his own body these days, if he’s honest.</p><p> </p><p>She opens her mouth to apologize again, and Ben shuts down that train real quick.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, no. It’s okay. Are you okay? Did you get hurt?” He hums, being really mindful to be gentle with her even as his heart thuds in his chest. She’s more delicate than he remembers, than he’s seen her before. That adds a whole new level of worry to the situation, because he has no fucking clue how to navigate this. How to do the right thing here.</p><p> </p><p>He gets the sudden feeling Rey might not be giving him the full picture as to why she’s out here, as she shrugs, and he furrows his brow and shifts closer to her. He wants to help, but he can’t do that if he doesn’t know what the problem is in the first place. She's given him quite the conundrum to figure out, here.</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head, although Ben can see her wince as she uncrosses her arms. “I might be a little bruised, but I’ll be fine. I’ve seen worse.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben hates that she’s seen worse, and then he hates himself for hating that she’s seen worse.</p><p> </p><p>He grumbles, finally getting within a couple feet of her. “Here, grab my hands. I’ll help you across. I don’t want you doing this alone, sweetheart. It’s really bad out here.” </p><p> </p><p>She just stares at his gloved hands for a moment, as he stretches them out to her and gently calls her name again. He can’t quite reach her from where he’s standing, so she has to take the next step towards him for herself. He can’t do this for her. She needs to meet him halfway.</p><p> </p><p>She looks up at him, all sorts of uncertainty in her eyes, and Ben smiles in an attempt to get to her to trust him just a little more. She has to trust him, he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if she didn’t trust him with something as simple as crossing the street.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, it’s just me.” He hums, patiently holding his hands out as she sighs. “Just us. You’re safe, I’m not gonna let you fall, okay? I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>She just stares at him, blinking in confusion as he adjusts his footing. He doesn’t know how to make this better. He doesn’t know why she’s acting like this, but he wants to. He wants to know her <em> so </em> badly.</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo wants to understand Rey Niima more than he has wanted to understand anybody else in his life, and he honestly can’t tell if that's terrifying or not, yet.</p><p> </p><p>She grabs his hands and yanks herself onto the ice with a squeak, finding her balance as Ben steadies her. His hand automatically goes to her hip as she slides on the ice, one palm digging into his shoulder and the other going straight to his bicep.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.” he hums, pulling her closer into his chest as she shivers. “It’s okay, you’re okay. I’m not gonna hurt you, I’m here. I’m here, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>He swears she sniffles as he awkwardly pats her back, and he realizes he’s way in over his head right now. Ben Solo isn’t good with people crying, especially pretty young women who he’s just getting to know. This is going to be an issue for him.</p><p> </p><p>He scoots a little ways away from her, tugging off his gloves and sliding them on her own hands before she can so much make a quiet noise of protest. She’s not bleeding, but he can definitely see where she’s gotten her skin a little scratched up. </p><p> </p><p>Christ, this woman is going to kill him. </p><p> </p><p>He grabs her face, checking her over as she sniffles again. She’s gone all red in the nose, resembling more Rudolf than herself as she exhales in large puffs of cold air. “God, you’re freezing. Why the hell were you out here? You nearly gave me a heart attack, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>She just shrugs, sniffling and scrunching her nose up as she rubs her eye with the back of her sleeve. “I don’t know, I don’t know-”</p><p> </p><p>He exhales, bringing her back into his body. Okay, clearly she doesn’t want to talk about why she nearly gave herself hypothermia. That’s not <em> great, </em>all things considered. Ben doesn’t like that one bit.</p><p> </p><p>He sets his cheek against the top of her head as he exhales. As he tries to figure out what to do next and his fingers take the brunt of the frost. It is far too frigid out, too cold for either of them to be out here for much longer. They should get moving, and soon.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, don’t do it again. <em> Please </em>. I don’t want you turning into a popsicle, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, as he wraps his arms around her and holds her tight against his chest. She can’t be doing this to herself, Ben can’t have her doing this to herself any longer. He won’t survive her putting herself in danger like that any longer.</p><p> </p><p>He just holds her for awhile, as they stand in the parking lot of her apartment complex and try not to fall on the ice, because he’s not really willing to let her go yet as she sighs and succumbs to the fact that he’s a lot warmer than she is right now. That he’s here, and he’s here because she asked him to be here. And he’s happy to be here, because he <em> deeply </em> cares about her. And he wants her to be safe, and to always feel safe around him.</p><p> </p><p>He withholds from worrying over her too much, ignoring that twitch deep in his stomach that still tells him something is very, <em> very </em> wrong here. That he knows he doesn’t have the full picture, and he’s terrified that Rey isn’t giving him the full picture yet.</p><p> </p><p>But he can be patient, he tells himself that he can be patient, because he has to be. Because she needs to let him in on her own time, and Ben isn’t going to be the type of person who hurts her.</p><p><br/>She sniffles against his chest again, and Ben swears to himself that he <em> cannot </em> be the type of person who hurts her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben opens the door for her, like a gentleman, as she slips into the warm interior of his car. She sits down as he hurries to the other side, running around the front of the vehicle and climbing in after her.</p><p> </p><p>He shakes his hair out, snow caught in the black curls haloing his head, as she shuts the door and starts playing with the hem of his gloves. The pressure isn’t the most comfortable against the scratched up skin of her hand, but she likes how warm they are and how soft the interior is.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, as she takes stock of her situation. Ben keeps a clean car, nearly spotless besides the dirty snow and ice they’ve dragged in. She’ll be sure to apologize for that later, of course. She’s certain he hardly expected that to happen when she called him up earlier today. </p><p> </p><p>“You scratched your face.” He sighs, reaching out and placing his hand on her cheek. His thumb is warm against her skin, as her brain shorts out and he stares at her. </p><p> </p><p>She nearly swats him away, thankfully freezing in her seat as he cleans her up a little. She is <em> not </em> going to freak out over him gently stroking her cheek, not at all.</p><p> </p><p>He points a finger in her face, before he starts the car, “Don’t fucking do that again, or I’ll tell my mother.”</p><p> </p><p>She rolls her eyes and looks away, quietly giggling with a raw voice as he smiles and she tries to ignore the way her soul weeps as his hand pulls away. How she almost craves his touch, after three seconds of gentle contact. It’s, quite frankly, pathetic.</p><p> </p><p>“You wouldn’t.” She hums, sighing and wiggling her nose to try and get her blood flowing once again. Hoping it didn’t freeze while she was outside, sitting on the concrete.</p><p> </p><p>“Try me, sweetheart.” He hums, gently smiling as he starts the engine and slowly pulls out of her parking lot. He heavily exhales as they start on their way, Ben saying he already knows where they’re going when she offers up the address on her phone. That’s right, his father was a mechanic. He probably knows every car shop around here.</p><p> </p><p>They sit quietly for a while, the radio quietly buzzing some talk show between them as Rey curls up on his leather seat and stares at her hands. She pulls off his gloves as she looks at her shoes, deciding not to bring her feet up as Ben sighs and turns to glance at her. They’ve still got snow and ice on the sides, after all. She really wants to be as unobtrusive as possible right now.</p><p> </p><p>“You still cold?” He hums, furrowing his brow as she shakes her head.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a lie, she’s fucking freezing, and one he apparently sees right through as he silently bumps the heat up.</p><p> </p><p>She huffs, placing her hands in front of the hot vent as he exhales again. But only because the heat is already on, and she isn’t going to waste it.</p><p> </p><p>She looks out the window, as Ben drives.</p><p> </p><p>“How are you feeling, about… you know.” He quietly asks, turning to glance at her as she shrugs. She doesn’t know yet, she hasn’t processed it all yet.</p><p> </p><p>They pass by a church, with a bunch of political signs and slogans in front of it. It seems nobody is going to escape the election this year. Not even the priesthood.</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighs, trying to find the bright spot in the anxiety that’s been slowly eating away at her stomach. She knows she’s lucky, she’s a white college student from England with a solid GPA and good prospects, but she’s still an immigrant.</p><p> </p><p>An immigrant without a job, during what might turn out to be a massive recession. During what might turn out to be a really violent time in a country she was kind of hoping to start over in despite all of its root deep problems. </p><p> </p><p>She shrugs again, bringing her shoulders to her ears. “Scared. Excited. Ready for it all to be over, I think.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ready for the political ads to stop running?”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh <em> god </em> yes.” She laughs, turning to look at Ben as he smiles. They’ve been brutal this year, although this is the first American election Rey has lived through. The first one she’s really, truly, <em> aware </em> of.</p><p> </p><p>Knee-deep might be more appropriate, though, at this rate. </p><p> </p><p>“Swing state.” Ben hums, corners of his mouth quirked up. “You’ll get used to it, this year is just really bad.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey looks out the window again, as they arrive at a stoplight, and a mother walks hand in hand with a little boy. They’re both wearing masks, his has little dump trucks and fire engines on it, and she presses the button for the crosswalk with her elbow. It’s a sight and a half, really. Not one Rey likes.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, this year has been really bad. There’s no denying that.</p><p> </p><p>She furrows her brow, as Ben shifts next to her. </p><p> </p><p>“I voted, by the way. Two weeks ago, right after I got re-registered. Got a sticker and everything.”</p><p> </p><p>She turns to look at him, realizing he’s gone all red in the face. His fingers nervously tap against his steering wheel as he clears his throat, and seemingly refocuses on the road as he drives ahead. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” She hums, not really knowing how to respond to that. Politics are the last thing she would have expected to be talking about with him when she asked him to drive her to pick up her car, but considering…</p><p> </p><p>They pass by a big political sign on the side of the road about halfway there. And a long line for a polling place when they turn down a side street Rey didn’t know about. </p><p> </p><p>It was unavoidable, really, like everything in this whole mess is. </p><p> </p><p>Rey won’t admit that she’s terrified for tonight, she hasn’t been this stressed since Jakku nearly lost her immigration papers when she applied to transfer to Coruscant. Her whole life could be on the line here, she knows this.</p><p> </p><p>“And I-I’m my mothers son, you know, so- you don’t-“</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ben </em>.” She giggles, turning to look at him as he puffs out his cheeks and huffs. He looks all sort of distracted, as she watches his face with her full attention.</p><p> </p><p>He turns to glance at her, almost like he’s looking for her approval. Like he’s testing the waters to make sure they’re in agreement here, and he isn’t befriending someone who disagrees on such a fundamental level. Vetting her, before they get too <em> involved </em> or something.</p><p> </p><p>Luckily, it seems like they are in agreement. Considering Leia has reminded her students multiple times to vote blue, all the way down the ballot.</p><p> </p><p>“Good.” She hums, turning back to look out the window as she smiles. A mild sense of relief washes over her, as she feels her fingers start to regain some feeling. “You’re voting for me too, so. You know.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” He sighs, shuffling again as she watches buildings go by. Rey's fate could literally be in Ben's hands right now, she isn’t an idiot. She knows what could happen if this doesn’t go the way she wants it to.</p><p> </p><p>When she turns to look at him next, once they’ve settled back into a less uncomfortable silence, she realizes his hand is palm up on the console between them. He probably wants his gloves back, or something. He’s just being nice about it, not asking her outright or being rude or anything. Gentlemanly, again.</p><p> </p><p>She sets his gloves back in his hand, although his fingers jump up and grab hers as soon as she presses them into his palm.</p><p> </p><p>He turns down to look at their locked hands, grumbling to himself as he shakes the gloves loose and knocks them back towards her with an incomprehensible grunt. His hand more surely grabs onto hers as she stares at his fingers, how his hand almost entirely encapsulates hers like something that should be illegal.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t say anything, as he starts rubbing the outside of her thumb with his own. Soothing strokes, meant to comfort and reassure her that everything is going to be alright.</p><p> </p><p>Rey lets him, adjusting her fingers so they’re more surely interlocked. She can let him have this.</p><p> </p><p>She can let herself have this, just this once.</p><p> </p><p>She turns back to look out the window, as Ben quietly squeezes her hand in reassurance. She’s <em> not </em> going to let him see her smile into her fist as he stares at the snow outside. She won’t be weak in front of him, not yet.</p><p> </p><p>She really tries not to laugh as he holds her hand and refuses to let go. He can be <em> so </em> unpredictable sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe <em> this </em> is where you went to get your car fixed.” Ben grumbles, pulling up and stopping outside of <em> Plutt’s Garage and Autoshop </em> . The old building looks a little cleaner in the snow, rust covered up by fresh powder and ice, but it’s an undeniably shitty building. Ben isn’t even sure if it’s still up to code, or if it ever <em> has </em> been.</p><p> </p><p>God, fucking Plutt. Ben hates Plutt, he tried to get his dad's shop shut down with a bunch of bad yelp reviews when Ben was a teenager. It didn’t work, of course, but the man was relentless with his anonymous comments and one star ratings. </p><p> </p><p>The egg marks on the walls, from when he and his father came out here one Saturday night to get revenge, have long since faded, unfortunately. Ben might have to come back at some point and rectify this, if Plutt decides Rey should be victim to one of his predatory business dealings.</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighs, trying to shove his gloves back towards him <em> again </em> as she wraps her scarf around her neck. Why won’t she just take them? It’s not like Ben needs them right now, he’ll be fine. “It’s the only place that could take me on such short notice, I don’t like it either, okay? The guy is a <em> creep </em>, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>“You mind if I stay, then?” He sighs, watching as she turns to him and gets her mask on with confused eyebrows peeking out from under her hat. She reaches for the door handle as he grabs her hand again, rubbing her knuckles with his thumb. Making her listen. </p><p> </p><p>He really likes holding her hand, now that he’s been able to do it a couple times.</p><p> </p><p>“I meant it when I said you can count on me, Rey, I don’t want to leave until I know this guy isn’t going to try and take advantage of you,” He sighs, imploring her for an answer as she scowls at him. God, he wishes she wasn’t so <em> stubborn </em> sometimes. That she would just get it through her thick skull and let him <em> help her </em> once in a blue moon <em> . </em> </p><p> </p><p>He sighs, tilting his head as he implores her for an answer. “Look, if anything happens just text me or something, promise? I’ll be right here, not a big deal.”</p><p> </p><p>She rolls her eyes at him, dramatically, as he huffs. “I’ll be fine, Ben. I can do it on my own.”</p><p> </p><p>“You said that yesterday when I offered to drive you here, and look at how that turned out.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben immediately knows that was the wrong thing to say, as Rey narrows her eyes at him and <em> violently </em> opens his car door. “Well, thanks for proving me <em> wrong </em> then, Ben-“</p><p> </p><p>“Rey-“</p><p> </p><p>She <em> slams </em> the car door in his face as he reaches out to apologize, watching her stomp away in a hurry. She looks <em> furious </em>, and Ben really shouldn’t be as surprised as he is that he’s already offended her. It was bound to happen, he knows, with his track record. </p><p> </p><p>He quickly realizes he’s disappointed he didn’t see this coming.</p><p> </p><p>He leans forward on his steering wheel and groans as she scampers off to the open garage door, ducking underneath it and disappearing from sight. She slips into the darkness, alone, because he <em> really </em> fucked this one up. He just <em> royally </em> fucked this up. Ben has fucked this up, <em> badly </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He makes sure his car is turned off as he waits for her, pulling the gloves she left on the passenger seat of his car back into his hands as he rubs his forehead.</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo is a fucking idiot, that’s what he is.</p><p><br/>And right after he <em> finally </em> got to hold her hand, too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>empathy is important, kids. use it.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey is going to punch Unkar Plutt.</p><p> </p><p>That’s the first and foremost thought that enters her brain as he slowly goes over her car and it’s engine, directly after telling her how lucky she is that he was able to find time to fix up her little station wagon. That she should be <em> honored </em> he was able to do this, and she’s <em> lucky </em> they were able to make this work.</p><p> </p><p>She places her hands on her hips, as he explains how bad the situation is. What awful shape her poor little Speedy is in. Which is all fine and good, really-</p><p> </p><p>Except Rey knows he’s full of hot air, because she normally fixes up this car herself. The only reason she isn’t doing maintenance on her right now is because she doesn’t have the fucking <em> time </em> , and she had to sell her tools to afford things like <em> rent </em> and <em> food </em>.</p><p> </p><p>So, when he tells her she needs an oil change she imagines kicking him in the balls. When he tells her that she needs to check her timing belt because it’s in bad shape she imagines twisting his arm until he begs for mercy. When he tells her she really needs to invest in snow tires, and that he could easily do that for her if she just pays a little <em> fee- </em></p><p> </p><p>Rey really nearly punches him across the face. She doesn’t, of course, but god-</p><p> </p><p>She nearly does it, and the fact that she came in here all riled up because of <em> Ben fucking Solo </em> really didn’t help.</p><p> </p><p>She knows she’s being irrational, for the record. Plutt is not someone she really wants to be around for more time than is strictly necessary, and if Ben had worded <em> that </em> any other way she probably would have gone out to grab him by now. She probably would have conceded to herself, already.</p><p> </p><p>But Rey Niima is a stubborn girl, and she can do this herself.</p><p> </p><p>Until Plutt gives her the estimate for all the “repairs” he wants to do, along with her invoice for the brake change that she’s really thinking she should have just done herself.</p><p> </p><p>“That’s not what we agreed on!” She gawks, staring at the oil stained slip of paper he’s given her. It’s nearly double what he originally estimated for her, and she <em> cannot </em> afford a surprise like this right now. This is <em> not </em>in her budget.</p><p> </p><p>The man sneers, as she wrinkles her nose up at him in disgust. “Well, that was the price before I had my men work overtime to fix it, sweetheart. It costs <em> money </em> to run a business. You just don’t understand.” </p><p> </p><p>He slams her hood door shut as he turns to her, patronizing her for like the fiftieth time since she first walked in here and tried to intimidate her with his ugly stare. And how <em> dare </em> he call her sweetheart, <em> only </em> Ben is allowed to call her that. Which, now that she thinks about it, she has no clue when that became a rule at <em> all.  </em></p><p> </p><p>“You owe me, I did what you asked.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey crosses her arms and narrows her eyes at him, as a guy wearing a red baseball cap turned backwards slips out from the shadows and Rey realizes she also hears a couple more masculine voices around. All coming from the back, louder and tougher than she might feel comfortable with right now.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah okay, this has officially crossed into unsafe territory.</p><p> </p><p>Rey will do the fucking walk of shame, if Ben is still out there in his car.</p><p> </p><p><em> God </em>, please let Ben be just as stupid as her. She doesn’t know what she’ll do if he isn’t out there.</p><p> </p><p>She points to the open garage door, tilting her head as Plutt crosses his arms at her. “I’m going to go talk to my friend, be right back.” She hums, slowly walking backwards as he stares at her. His fleshly hands dig into his arms as she gulps, hoping her mask hides it.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t turn her back until she’s outside, and Ben can theoretically see her from his car. If he’s still here.</p><p> </p><p>And she sees his car, thank god, as she crosses her arms and strides over to his vehicle. She takes the fifteen, no, sixteen steps over his driver side door to try and form a response. An apology, maybe, as she schemes for how to both get him to help her without showing or expressing any weaknesses.</p><p> </p><p>She comes up with nothing, as she realizes he’s completely absorbed in his phone and resting his chin against his steering wheel. The boy wouldn’t even see her if she <em> tried </em> to get his attention right now, jeez.</p><p> </p><p>She knocks on his window, as he startles and stares up at her in confusion. It takes him a second to realize what’s going on, as she crosses her arms and narrows her eyes at him.</p><p> </p><p>He opens the door, standing up and near falling on the slippery ground as she taps her toes against the concrete impatiently.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you going to make fun of me?” She asks, gathering up as much courage as she can before bringing him inside with her. If Ben is going to tease her about this, they can’t be friends any more. That’s a hard rule she’s setting into place right now.</p><p> </p><p>She thinks she could stick to that, although she also thinks it would also be very difficult to stay away from him now that she’s gotten to know him a little better. Now that she also knows what kindness he’s capable of, when she isn’t being overly stubborn around him and he isn’t being an ass.</p><p> </p><p>He makes a zipper motion over his mouth, with an ungloved hand, as she exhales in relief. Okay, so, he’s not angry or weird about this. About the apparent argument they just had. Thank god. </p><p> </p><p>“Tease you about what?” He sighs, shrugging his shoulders like he has no clue what she’s talking about. “No teasing here, just two friends helping each other out. That’s all.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighs and lets her shoulders drop, before uneasily stepping forwards and into his space a little. She face-plants into his chest before she can overthink the act, not really certain how else to express herself right now. He smells like warmth, and a hearth, and a <em> home </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She keeps her arms crossed against her chest, though, not giving him that. He doesn’t deserve that yet.</p><p> </p><p>Ben just kind of stands in shock for a couple seconds, before setting his hands on her shoulders and squeezing. He sighs as she takes that as permission to move closer to him, not really sure what to do next. What to do at <em> all. She doesn’t know how to talk to him like this. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Sorry if I prodded at something sensitive earlier,” he sighs, resting a hand on the small of her back as she shivers. “it just bugs me that you don’t trust me, Rey. I don’t know what else I can do to make you trust me, and that irritates the fuck out of me.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, because she knows she can be annoying. She knows she isn’t an easy person to be around sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>“Time.” She sighs, rubbing her cheek against his chest as she inhales and shuts her eyes. “Just give me time. And stop making fun of me when I fuck things up, I’m trying. I’m really trying, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, wrapping his arms around her as she shifts her weight. They should get back inside the garage, get this over with so they can just <em> move on </em> . “I know, I know you’re trying. I just don’t know why you <em> insist </em> on doing everything yourself, and that kind of freaks me out.”</p><p> </p><p>She pulls away from him, giving him a look that she hopes conveys how <em> not now </em> she feels about this conversation. She doesn’t even understand herself half the time, let alone how she reacts to Ben when he offers to help her out.</p><p> </p><p>She grabs his hand, starting to gently urge him towards the garage. “Look, are you gonna help me out or not, Solo.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, making a close lipped smile as he leans back into the open car door and grabs his mask. Rey waits for him to get ready as she steps away and kicks at the frost, staring at her feet as she thinks.</p><p> </p><p>“And I’m sorry that I overreacted, for the record.” She sighs, shrugging as she protectively tightens her arms back around herself. “I just- I don’t like it when you try to step in before I ask for help. If I need you I’ll call you, I promise. I think I have a thing about, you know, being <em> forced </em> to do things I don’t want to. Being <em> made </em> to count on somebody else. It doesn’t make me feel good.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stills, and she looks up to watch his eyes as he thinks. He goes kind of stiff in front of her, as he leans against the side of his car and closes his door with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not <em> forcing </em> you to do anything, Rey. I just want you to know you’ve got someone in your corner, okay? I’m here if you need me.”</p><p> </p><p>He reaches out and places an arm over her shoulders, as she grumbles. </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Don’t </em> even start with me, Ben.” She sighs, turning to look up at him as she leans into his shoulder. He laughs as she hides under his arm, really not wanting to fight with him right now. Really just needing him to support her right now, in whatever way he can possibly give.</p><p> </p><p>“Now, who do you need me to beat up?” He asks, starting to lead her across the street and back towards the garage. She groans as he chuckles above her, because he is <em> way </em> too happy about her failure to take care of herself. Not in a bad, aggressive way, just in an annoying <em> Ben </em> way.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m revoking your friendship rights.” She sighs, as he pulls her tighter against his side.</p><p> </p><p>Ben chuckles, as she grabs his hand and quietly examines his scarred knuckles. She sighs, and leans against him as he protectively sets his hand on the curve of her waist.</p><p> </p><p>She kind of really likes having someone to ask for help, even if the act itself terrifies her.</p><p> </p><p>Weird.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>So, Ben can be super scary when he’s angry.</p><p> </p><p>Rey files that away in her brain, once Ben and Plutt get into a shouting match about her bill and her car. Ben took one look at the invoice, and suddenly they were all up in each other's faces about business practices and some, seemingly, personal issues between them that Rey didn’t know about.</p><p> </p><p>She, admittedly, also forgot Ben was a lawyer. Like a real life lawyer, who can threaten against things like “inflated invoices” and “unjust costs”.</p><p> </p><p>She exhales as Ben finally gets Plutt to back off, once he says he’ll call his office and <em> sue </em> if Plutt doesn’t grab the original invoice immediately. </p><p> </p><p>Rey hopes she conveys a silent “what the fuck” when Ben turns back to her, because she cannot afford to sue Unkar Plutt right now. And over a two hundred dollar invoice? She couldn’t afford the court fees! What is he thinking!</p><p> </p><p>Ben just smiles as he turns back to her, the corners of his eyes crinkling up as she rolls her own. Jackass, he’s <em> bluffing </em>isn’t he? </p><p> </p><p>“You good?” He hums, stepping over to her as they both cross their arms. She nods, as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not gonna come back here, right?” He sternly asks, as Rey turns to look up at him. If he thinks he can stop her from making her own decisions about this-</p><p> </p><p>She finds him staring down at her, eyes soft and <em> worried </em> . She’s never actually looked at him when he says something like this, looked <em> into </em> him. Really seen his facial expressions when it comes to her.</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head, as Ben exhales a sigh of relief. </p><p> </p><p>They just stand there for a moment, as Rey rocks on her heels.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, my dad could probably help you with any repairs you need.” Ben hums, as she bites her lip and sighs. “He owns the shop on the other side of the city, but they’re shut down right now cause of- you know.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair as he exhales. </p><p> </p><p>“He’d be happy to help you out, he needs the distraction if I’m honest. It would be good for him, you know? And it would help you, I think. Just a little.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey continues rock on her heels as she thinks, because Ben is once again offering her something she <em> wants </em> but she just can’t <em> take- </em></p><p> </p><p>And he’s wording it in a very convincing way, again reminding her that he’s a fucking <em> lawyer </em>-</p><p> </p><p>“Isn’t that a conflict of interest?” She mumbles, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear as she looks up at him in confusion. “With your mum being my professor and all-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben shakes his head, before she can even get the sentence out of her mouth. “You’re an adult, Rey. You’re in college. You can be friendly with your professors. Remember, I took her and Luke's classes and nobody bat an eye. Long as you’re paying tuition and keep your grades up, nobody gives a shit.”</p><p> </p><p>She stops to think, staring down at the ground as Ben breathes in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re doing it again.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, just, shut up. I’m thinking.”</p><p> </p><p>And she really is thinking! She really does want to try here, to try and-</p><p> </p><p>Wait. That could work.</p><p> </p><p>She looks up at him, careful not to show too much excitement or emotion in her face as she sighs. “Can we compromise? Work out a deal or something?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben works his jaw in anticipation, as he stands up a little straighter. He clearly isn’t thrilled at the prospect of cutting a deal with her, which kind of stings. “What <em> type </em> of compromise, sweetheart?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey places her hands together, pointing towards him as she formulates her plan. “I can fix up my car by myself, I just need the tools. If I can <em> borrow </em> the tools from your-“</p><p> </p><p>“Dad won’t let them leave the house.” Ben hums, shaking his head as he annoyingly remains two steps ahead of her. “You’d have to work at my parents place, I could tell my mom to stay away-“</p><p> </p><p>“But your dad won’t let me take them home?” Rey sighs, as Ben nods. That’s her plan down the drain, she guesses.</p><p> </p><p>She groans, rubbing her forehead as she continues to try and think her way out of this. As long as she’s being <em> really </em> honest with herself, it would be nice to have an actual expert nearby while she works. Google and her own ingenuity can only get her so far, sometimes. His father could be a <em> massive </em> help, but only if he volunteers himself up for the task.</p><p> </p><p>“You could, Rey. You know you could. You can always change your mind.”</p><p> </p><p>She can, she reminds herself that Ben isn’t making this decision for her. It’s all Rey.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine.” She huffs, turning to glare at him. “But you’re awful, and I hate you, and I’m going to kick you when we aren’t in a public place.”</p><p> </p><p>He smiles at that, she can see the way his face moves under his mask when she stares at him and Plutt returns with the original invoice. </p><p><br/>Ben Solo may be a bastard, but she’s pretty lucky he’s <em> her </em> bastard.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Wow, I hate your car.” Ben hums, once Rey finally gets her key in the ignition and turns on her little station wagon. Ben wanted to make sure she was ready to leave before he went to his car and drove off, so he’s still standing in Plutt’s garage and keeping watch over the situation.</p><p> </p><p>The owner of which is currently standing in the corner, glaring at Ben. It’s probably about time he got in his own vehicle, anyways. He knows he isn’t welcome here.</p><p> </p><p>She scoffs, looking out her open window and leaning an arm out of the vehicle to talk to him. The whole thing sputters and shakes as she gets it going, revving the engine as she checks that everything is good. </p><p> </p><p>“Speedy is beautiful, you just have no taste.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Speedy </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Speedster! I named her Speedster!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just looks down at her in concern, at this odd woman who consumes his every waking thought. She is <em> so </em> weird.</p><p> </p><p>She named her station wagon <em> Speedster </em>. </p><p> </p><p>He shakes his head, patting the side of <em> Speedster </em> as he sighs. “Whatever, drive safe. Stay safe, text me if you need anything.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ben </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Rey. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>They glare at each other, Ben reaching down and grabbing her shoulder as she turns away from him. “Just don’t get yourself killed in this thing, I liked hanging out with you today.”</p><p> </p><p>She flushes, turning a pretty pink before she scoffs and grabs his hand. She removes it from her shoulder, shoving it against his chest. She’s clearly had enough of his shenanigans for now, he gets the message.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, still grabbing his wrist. “Go home, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>He nods, retreating from the garage and making his way over to his car as she pulls out of the driveway and impressively maneuvers her little car away. Ben half thinks it’s going to fall apart like some looney tunes cartoon when she pulls up to a stop sign at the end of the street, before taking a right and disappearing behind a warehouse.</p><p> </p><p>She’s ridiculous, Ben can’t believe he actually likes this woman.</p><p> </p><p>God, he can’t believe he’s falling in love with her. </p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“Han, Ben is home!” His mom calls as he comes through the door, holding two bags of takeout and groaning at the sudden influx of <em> noise </em> and <em> chaos. </em></p><p> </p><p>“Did he bring the food?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, he brought the food. Now get down here! It’s going to get cold!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, shutting his eyes and counting back from ten. He’s fine, this is fine. This isn’t his problem, his parents are just loud and a little overwhelming sometimes. The house may be on fire, but he is fine.</p><p> </p><p>His mom hurries over, moving her glasses to her forehead and taking one of the bags from him. “How was Rey, bug.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good.” He sighs, following her into the kitchen as he tries to think about how he’s efficiently going to get his shoes off with a takeout bag still in his hand. “She’s good, her car is a mess and she nearly got into a fight with Unkar Plutt, but she’s good.”</p><p> </p><p>His mom puts the bag down, turning to look up at him in shock, “Her car is <em> what </em> now and she nearly got into a fight with <em> who </em>?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, grabbing a tortilla chip from the bag and shoving it in his mouth as he smirks. His mom sighs in exasperation, a noise he hears more often than he would like to admit, as he chews and explains how his day went. “She was <em> livid </em>. Guy tried to charge her twice as much as the original invoice, I had to put on my courtroom voice to get him to back off.”</p><p> </p><p>“Get who to back off?” His dad asks, immediately shoving past Ben and moving to grab a small handful of chips. </p><p> </p><p>“Plutt.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>No! </em> Where the fuck did you see that asshole?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Language, </em> Han.” His mom hums, swatting his father away and towards the living room as she points Ben towards the cupboard. He’s supposed to set the table, that’s kind of his job lately. Baby of the family, and all.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s an adult! He curses more than I do!” His father insists, as Ben tunes into the voices coming from the tv. He grabs three plates, taking them over to his mom as his parents argue about swearing in front of their grown child. As parents do, of course.</p><p> </p><p>He stares at the screen, sighing and as he moves closer and leans by the edge of the counters. They’ve already started election coverage, it looks like. Polls won’t close for another couple hours in Coruscant County, but they’ve already started discussions and coverage.</p><p> </p><p>And of course his mom would be watching, of course she would have it on tv.</p><p> </p><p>She’s obsessed.</p><p> </p><p>She places a hand on his arm, patting his bicep to grab his attention and bring him back to reality. “Come on, get that jacket off. You must be hot, we can talk about Rey and her apparent run in with <em> Unkar Plutt </em> later.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, knowing that sounds like a better plan and not missing the acid in her tone at the mention of that garage owner, as he shrugs off the black fabric and strides over to the front door to slip his coat on a hanger. He pulls off his shoes as his mother directs his father to set the table, and to maybe grab some silverware while he’s at it. </p><p> </p><p>Ben just sighs and stretches his back, settling against the wall and staring at the tv. This is going to be a long night, he can already tell this is going to be a <em> fucking </em> long night.</p><p> </p><p>God, he can’t believe he has to <em> work </em> tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to bed.” Ben's father hums, sometime around nine PM that night. The entire Solo household is gathered in the living room, for the first time in Ben's recent memory, because they’re all watching election results roll in too slowly for everyone's liking. </p><p> </p><p>Ben nods from his place on the couch, his mom sitting next to him as his father slowly gets to his feet from the armchair on the other side of the room. </p><p> </p><p>“You coming, Lei?”</p><p> </p><p>His mom shakes her head slowly, sighing as she furrows her brow and keeps her eyes focused on the television screen. Nothing has been updated for a while, but she doesn’t seem ready to give up hope quite yet. “No, give me another hour. I want to see how they call the west coast before I head off to bed.”</p><p> </p><p>His father nods in understanding, tiredly heading up to the second story of the house as Ben sighs. He should really head off to bed as well, considering he’s just spending this time worrying about the work he missed while he was on his little rescue mission to save Rey, but it looks like his mom needs him for emotional support right now. She’s very invested in this tonight and Ben knows she isn’t going to head off to bed until everything is a little more settled down.</p><p> </p><p>He runs a hand through his hair, puffing out his cheeks as they do an update on Georgia. And, good god, they’re not going to know the answers for a <em> week </em> at this rate.</p><p> </p><p>Ben can’t wait for this all to be over, he can’t wait until things just calm down a little. It’s too much to be absorbing all of this at once, he feels like his brain is going to explode. The only saving grace through this whole situation is his mother, who seems to be settling her nerves with white wine and colorful commentary on the whole circus.</p><p> </p><p>She is <em> so </em> drunk, Ben has <em> never </em> seen his mother this drunk before.</p><p> </p><p>It’s hilarious.</p><p> </p><p>“We should have a sleepover!” She gasps, turning to him as the news channel goes to break. She has a look on her face that Ben isn’t quite able to decipher, as she reaches over and grabs his knee.</p><p> </p><p>“Excuse me?” He chuckles, smiling as she stands up and excitedly claps her hands. He <em> lives </em> here, there is no need for a sleepover. She’s insane, he has no clue what she’s getting on about. This absurd woman-</p><p> </p><p>He watches as she walks off, and he takes the opportunity to grab his laptop from the coffee table to try and get some work done in the meanwhile. He’ll let her do whatever she’s about to do, it’s not his business to manage her.</p><p> </p><p>She returns with a pile of blankets in her arms a couple minutes later, placing them on Ben's lap as he gets his email open. His computer gets buried, underneath piles of patterned fabric and he briefly wonders if he’s ever going to catch up at this rate. </p><p> </p><p>“Come on,” she hums, crossing her arms and staring down at him, “stand up, we’re prepping for the long haul here.”</p><p> </p><p>“Mom-“</p><p> </p><p>“No ‘buts’, your father left us so you’re stuck with me until this whole shitshow is sorted out.”</p><p> </p><p>He snorts, standing up and helping her move the spare pillows and blankets from the linen closet to the couch. She lies down and starts to get comfortable as he stares at her, realizing he’s essentially been kicked off of the piece of furniture without even realizing it. He doesn’t even know if <em> she </em> realizes what she’s done, when he sighs and holds his open laptop in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t know if he should sit in an armchair and get berated for being too far away, or risk getting kicked in the ribs when she inevitably falls asleep. Neither seems particularly appealing, right now.</p><p> </p><p>Looks like the floor might be his best bet here, unfortunately.</p><p> </p><p>He groans as he lowers himself down onto the gray area rug that covers the polished hardwood of his parents house and scoots over to where his mom is watching the screen with rapt attention. She hums and fixes her pillow in response to the latest predictions, sighing at the screen. It looks like they’re slowly trying to get updates in, but nothing super exciting is happening right now. They really do just have to play the waiting game at this point.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, going back to his email as they come back from break and start going over the senate seats. </p><p> </p><p>He feels a hand in his hair after a couple minutes, as he starts drafting a quick update to a client.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?” He grumbles, turning his head a little and narrowing his eyes as his mom continues to play with his hair. They’ve gone from senate seats to states, each race still being <em> too close to call </em>. He honestly doesn’t know why they have to go through each one individually, it’s absurd. The whole thing is... absurd.</p><p> </p><p>“You have such nice hair.” His mom sighs, bringing a second hand and starting to-</p><p> </p><p>Braid it? Is his mom braiding his hair right now?</p><p> </p><p>He tilts his head in curiosity, catching her out of the corner of his eye as she tugs on individual locks and slowly weaves the strands together with practiced fingers. This is weird, this is beyond weird. His mom has <em> never </em> braided his hair before.</p><p> </p><p>Granted, it’s never really been long enough to do so.</p><p> </p><p>“I like that you’ve grown it out, Ben.” She sighs, pushing his head back to an upright position. “It looks good, it reminds me of your grandmother sometimes. You know, with the volume. You definitely got her hair.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” He sighs, tilting his head back a little as she works.</p><p> </p><p>She stays quiet for a moment, thinking.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p> </p><p>They go silent after that, Ben relaxing a little as she weaves. He’s never been told he looks like his grandmother before, only his grandfather. </p><p> </p><p>It is an odd relief to hear that, in the midst of everything going on. He knows she was a good woman.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, and shuts his eyes as his mom continues to pull and braid. She toys with the pieces around his ears, undoing and redoing a section before she tightens her grip and harshly tugs on the locks she’s got between her fingers. Ben resists the urge to wince, as she pulls on him a little too harshly and she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, I was kind of disappointed when you came out a boy.” She hums, Ben smirking as she falls silent behind him. He knows this, he knows his mom kind of always wanted a girl. It was obvious, at some point between the little suits and the big ones, that she kind of always wanted a girl to dress up and dote on. </p><p> </p><p>Ben doesn’t hold it against her, though. It just means it took awhile for her to accept Ben wouldn’t always be exactly what she wanted. That would have happened anyways, they would have had that fight no matter what. Their relationship has been through rockier waters, and it probably will go through a few more rough patches at some point or another.</p><p> </p><p>He inhales, as he tries to process. Tries to figure out if he should respond or not to this sudden statement and revelation on her end. If he even should consider opening that pandora's box right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” He hums, his own bravery surprising him as he turns to look at her and get some answers. He watches the way she’s staring at him, hands freezing in his hair as he moves into a difficult position for her to continue her work. Inadvertently forcing her to answer the question that even he isn’t quite sure he fully wants the answer to yet.</p><p> </p><p>She just watches him, gently moving a hand to stroke his cheek as he exhales. “Well, I didn’t think I would end up with <em> you. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>She redirects his face, continuing to braid as he exhales all the air in his lungs. He crosses his arms as he thinks, and they continue the election coverage on tv.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re going to teach your children how to do this, right?” She asks, as Ben groans. They’ve gone over this before, Ben doesn’t like the future talk when he doesn’t feel like he has one solidly figured out yet. He will happily cross that bridge when he gets there, but for now…</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Mom </em>-“</p><p> </p><p>She tugs on his hair as he winces, so he’s back to facing her. So she’s staring him down as the cold glow of the tv washes over them. The only other light in the room comes from the dining room light, giving the corners of everything a slightly yellow glow.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m serious, Ben. You promise you’re going to teach them all this? Keep this piece of me alive?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stares at her for a second, before nodding and leaning his cheek against the couch cushion. “Yeah, I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, tugging on his hair and turning him back to the television as he sighs again. </p><p> </p><p>“Hush.” She hums, quickly continuing to work on his hair. “I’m almost done, it’s not good, but I’m almost done.”</p><p> </p><p>She pushes his head forward a little, and although Ben can certainly feel where his hair is too short and is already starting to fall out of the French braid she’s orchestrated down the middle of his head, he is surprised by how much actually stays where it’s supposed to be. How much of her masterpiece is still holding itself together, despite the obvious obstacles. </p><p> </p><p>She pats his cheek, after she leans forward and pulls a brown hairband off of the table. He feels her tie off her work at the nape of his neck, his own hair tickling his skin as she happily hums and they start to call the west coast.</p><p> </p><p>She exhales a sigh of relief, as Ben's hair is messily braided back and the entire west coast goes blue. His mom continues to mess with the loose pieces, seemingly determined to get them fixed and tucked back into her work as he huffs.</p><p> </p><p>They listen to the broadcasters excitedly continue on in their examination of this fucking insane year, Ben looking down at his computer and writing his emails as his mom just continues to play with his hair.</p><p> </p><p>Who the hell though he would end up <em> here </em> all the way back in January?</p><p> </p><p>What a year.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“You’re going to stay up, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Those had been the last words Ben's mom said to him before starting to snore on the couch behind him, and he fully intends to keep that promise for as long as he possibly can. He’ll stay awake, keep an eye on everything for her while she sleeps.</p><p> </p><p>That is, until his eyes shut on their own. Until everything grows so blurry he can’t see straight, and he has nothing else left to do. He finished the most urgent emails about half an hour ago, and he’s since shut his laptop, but his eyes still strain to see the television screen.</p><p> </p><p>It’s nearly two am, and the election still hasn’t been called. At this rate, it could be anywhere from now to a month from now. Ben feels like he’s lived three separate days within this single one.</p><p> </p><p>November third has been the longest fucking day of his life, on all fronts. Or, well, the fourth now. November fourth.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs as he pulls a blanket tighter around his body, shivering as he groans and they go to another segment about <em> recounts </em> and what is legal and what isn’t. What they can count on, and everything they just simply can’t.</p><p> </p><p>Ben groans, as the news anchors helplessly shrug their shoulders and go through their own numbers.</p><p> </p><p>He turns to look at his mom, sound asleep on the couch.</p><p> </p><p>He’ll stay a little bit longer, for her sake.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben isn’t entirely aware as to how he ends up in his own bed the next morning. It is, by all accounts, a miracle straight from heaven that he awakes in his own bed sometime around ten AM.</p><p> </p><p>He stretches out, still in his jeans, as he greets the morning with a loud groan. He vaguely remembers falling asleep in front of the couch, his entire ass numb from sitting on the floor, and watching the vote counts slowly come in. Watching as they slowly tallied up, freezing sometime shortly after the west coast was called. </p><p> </p><p>He groans as he shuffles under his blankets, also kind of remembering his dad grabbing his shoulder at some point and shaking him awake. Ben must have come up here then, although he can hardly remember <em> how </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He huffs, as he also realizes his hair is also still in its braid.</p><p> </p><p>He immediately reaches for his phone, checking who won with a tired groan.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’ve made an awful mistake</b>
</p><p> </p><p>That’s the text Rey sees the next morning, as she’s brushing her teeth and getting ready for class. The news plays from the tv in the living room, thankfully not forecasting any more snow for the foreseeable future, as she picks up her phone to see who might be trying to contact her.</p><p> </p><p>It’s Ben. Because of course it’s Ben. It always seems to be Ben these days.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ???? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I can’t remember when I went to bed last night</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>And nobody even won. I wasted an entire night worrying. I’m a mess.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>She giggles as she takes to the living room, heading to the couch and shaking her head. She wraps a blanket around herself, trying to keep warm as the snow melts and drips off of her balcony. She spares her poor succulents a small glance, knowing she’ll have to bring them all in before tonight.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>And im exhausted, and you owe me…</b>
</p><p> </p><p>It takes her a second to get the meaning behind his words, trying to decipher what he’s asking of her.</p><p> </p><p>The bastard wants her to bring him soup or something, doesn’t he?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> No. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Please?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>She thinks for a moment, because if Ben lived literally anywhere else or if she didn’t have a class in ten minutes she would be on her way. It wouldn’t even be a question, she would be ready to drop everything to go and see him and take care of his stupid ass. Because, of course, she owes him.</p><p> </p><p>She furrows her brow, as she thinks.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I have class. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And you also live with one of my professors. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And I want there to be some type of line between professionalism and friendship.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She throws him a line, when he doesn’t respond after a moment and her own sympathies get the best of her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> So if you want to hang out you need to come here. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She can practically <em> hear </em> him groaning through the text exchange, as a message bubble repeatedly pops up and disappears while she waits for a response. It’s the equivalent of watching him open and close his mouth, undecided on what to say to try and convince her to do what he wants.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>fine. but this whole thing is making me feel all queasy, and I want you to know im suffering alone and its entirely your fault.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Now THAT is an abject lie! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Your parents are your friends, they’ll take care of you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>My parents are not my friends, and I’m appalled you would think that we would be anything more than loose acquaintances.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Come on, you wouldn’t get election drunk with your parents. I know it. I am not emotionally capable of dealing with that right now.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Oh, the parents conversation.</p><p> </p><p>Huh.</p><p> </p><p>That kind of takes her by surprise, as she sighs and rereads his text again. Okay, this is where the conversation wants to go right now. She can work with this, she thinks.</p><p> </p><p>In reality Rey was expecting this, at some point or another. Maybe not so soon, but soon enough where she had already been thinking about how to tell him about this little factoid to her life. A surprise cake, or something, had been her initial idea. Something to soften the blow, because she already has a feeling Ben won’t take to this news very well.</p><p> </p><p>Not in a bad way! Just not in a way she’s familiar with. Ben is kind, and caring, and maybe a little sensitive sometimes. </p><p> </p><p>She thinks he might worry over her sometimes, even if she really doesn’t want him to.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, rubbing her face with her free hand as she processes. She tries to figure out how to play this section of the conversation, if this is really the track she wants to go down right now, right this minute, with a man who she’s still trying to get to know and get comfortable with. If this is really how she wants her Wednesday morning to go.</p><p> </p><p>She takes a deep breath, trying to figure out if this is where she drops the foster kid bomb or not. If this is the right time to go ahead and let him in to that piece of her life. </p><p> </p><p>She exhales, and drafts the text.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Wouldn’t know, I don’t have parents to get drunk with. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>There’s a pause in the conversation, Rey resisting the urge to chuck her phone across the room as she nervously gets up and walks around. She bites her lip as she sighs, huffing and opening her laptop in order to try and keep herself distracted. Try and avoid the fact that she has absolutely no idea how Ben will respond to this revelation.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>What do you mean? don’t you have a parent or something back in England? Guardians?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He slowly starts to get it as Rey types in her password and ignores the quiet beating in her chest. </p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Foster kid, Ben.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He texts back a full two minutes later, once she’s all logged into her canvas and she’s got zoom pulled up for her lecture.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’m sorry.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben stomps down the stairs after reading Rey's text and having the crisis of a lifetime trying to figure out how to respond to her, freezing at the landing that leads straight into his parents' living room. He watches as his mom goes through a stack of papers, reading something on her phone and referencing a book that’s open on her desk with a mild amount of anxiety on her face and far too many pens and pencils scattered around her. </p><p> </p><p>His father simply sits on the couch as she works, watching the news and sighing as he sips on coffee and sits in his bathrobe.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey grew up in foster care.” Ben blurts out, holding up his phone with the text exchange pulled up in complete confusion. Confusion as to how this bit of information ended up in his possession in the first place. Confusion as to why <em> Rey </em>, one of the most closed off individuals Ben has met since meeting himself, offered this up without him having to ask for it.</p><p> </p><p>His mom looks up, furrowing her brow as his father chokes on his coffee. She opens her mouth to say something undoubtedly witty in response, before wisely shutting up and staring at him.</p><p> </p><p>Ben finally explains when they just continue to gape at him from afar, the whole Solo household officially <em> befuddled. </em> “She grew up in <em> foster care </em> , in England. That’s why she doesn’t have any family pictures in her apartment, or connections in the states. And why she uses the food pantry instead of getting aid from her family! She grew up in <em> foster care, </em>this makes so much sense!”</p><p> </p><p>His mom just continues to stare at him, as he slowly puts the dots together and he puffs out his cheeks with a pained groan. His poor father just continues to laugh, as Ben leans over the railing and rubs his face. </p><p> </p><p>“How did you find <em> that </em> out?” His mom squawks, as Ben shrugs. He couldn’t explain it if he <em> tried </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Except, well, maybe it was the fact he wasn’t pushing her this time around. Maybe it was the fact this was done on her own terms, just like she asked.</p><p> </p><p>Ben nearly breaks into a grin as he realizes what this means, that Rey <em> trusts him </em>. She finally maybe trusts him, just a little.</p><p> </p><p>His dad sighs, leaning forward and setting his coffee on the table. He slowly furrows his brow as he sighs, clasping his hands together and staring at the ground as he thinks. Ben tries to bite his own tongue, keeping his judgements withheld as his father speaks.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, is she at least taking good care of herself? Do we need to be concerned about her?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shrugs, because he genuinely doesn’t know, as his dad groans and turns to his mom. “This is your fault, you know. You always get involved with the students who come from messy backgrounds. You’re drawn to mess.”</p><p> </p><p>His mom scoffs, pointing a finger at him, “Says the man who lived in a van for two years when we first met! You have no authority to judge her!”</p><p> </p><p>“I am not judging her! I’m concerned! Ben likes her, and I happen to know food pantries suck! I want to make sure she’s doing alright!”</p><p> </p><p>He turns back to the tv, picking up his coffee cup and leaning back against the couch cushions. “You know, I’m not a total scoundrel. I’d like to think I can be a <em> little </em> sympathetic sometimes, now that Ben finally has a friend who isn’t the equivalent of a ginger sabertooth shark.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hux is <em> not </em> that bad.” Ben hums, tucking his phone back in his pocket before he turns to go back up the stairs and officially get dressed for the day. That is, get out of one set of jeans and get into another.</p><p> </p><p>His mom and his dad both flash their eyes up at him, the latter huffing as the former sighs. “He <em> is </em> that bad.” His mom hums, as Ben treks his way back up to his bedroom and starts trying to brainstorm how else he can get Rey to trust him, while sneakily starting to support her from the sidelines without her noticing. Being there, because now he knows for certain that she doesn’t have anybody else to lean on.</p><p> </p><p>This is going to be some 007 shit, if he can pull this off right.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Are you up for getting election drunk, yes or no?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey stares at her phone, once her only class for the day is finished and she’s just starting her homework. She, for once in her life, doesn’t actually have that much to do. It seems everybody is going a little easy today, considering America's electoral college might be in shambles. </p><p> </p><p>She sighs, furrowing her brow as she types a response.</p><p> </p><p><em> Yes, but only if you’re buying</em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I can do that, any requests?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey thinks, as she looks out to her little porch.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Weird ask but do you have a space heater or something I can borrow? My succulents are all frozen. I didn’t bring them in last night, and they got snowed on. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>There’s a silence, as Rey sighs and stares at her little team of plants. She knows most of them might be dead, it was her fault for forgetting about them in the first place, but she’s really trying not to blame herself right now. </p><p> </p><p>She’s had a lot on her mind, the last two days have kind of been insane.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I will try and find a space heater, then. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> good. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>good.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey sets her phone down, trying to focus on getting her work done before Ben apparently comes by to get wasted with her. And hopefully get a space heater into her very chilly apartment.</p><p> </p><p>For the record, she knows no good can come of this.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey keeps the news playing on the tv as she waits for Ben, once her work is done and her time is freed up until he comes by. Which, she actually has no clue when that’s really going to happen. She isn’t quite sure on when to expect him, because he never physically said when he was planning to come by; just that he was going to. She didn’t bother to ask for clarification either, not after she realized that they never decided on a time. So, she’s not really sure if she should be panicking or not.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, as she brings in another bundle of frozen succulents, shivering as she sets them down on the coffee table with a puff of cold air. She goes to grab another handful from the still slightly frozen, but quickly melting, patio when she spots his car in the parking lot.</p><p> </p><p>Her doorbell goes off as she grabs two more small ones, sliding her glass door shut and setting them down on a counter as she hurries over to the front entryway. She opens it after undoing the deadbolt and the sliding lock thing, stepping back as Ben holds up two bags from where he’s standing in the hallway.</p><p> </p><p>“Delivery of alcohol and a space heater.” He sighs, deep dark circles under his eyes. His wet hair, clearly a little frozen at the edges from a recent shower and this subsequent outing, messily sticks up all over the place as he exhales, Rey smiling up at him as he groans.</p><p> </p><p>She steps to the side, motioning him in as he grumbles. </p><p> </p><p>He freezes in her apartment, staring at her cacophony of plants in either shock or horror.</p><p> </p><p>“You have an addiction.”</p><p> </p><p>“Do not!” She giggles, reaching up and pushing his shoulders towards the kitchen. Her kitchen counters have the only free space left, as she scoffs and re-locks the doorway. Doing her best to keep out the cold and keep in the warmth.</p><p> </p><p>Ben just grumbles, setting down the bags and taking off his mask as she goes back to her patio door to grab the last of the plants as he shivers. She watches as he deliberates for a moment, before hanging his mask up next to hers on her little coat rack.</p><p> </p><p>“How the- why is it colder in here than it is outside?” He gasps as he starts to pull his jacket off, shivering as Rey shrugs. She’s all bundled up in her outerwear, and Ben seems to realize that fact as he re-zips his jacket back up with a huff.</p><p> </p><p>He wrinkles his nose in indignation, as Rey tries to hide a small smile.</p><p> </p><p>She opens the door, stepping out onto the patio with a heavy exhale. “Help me get these last ones inside, and then you can berate me for not having heating!” She calls back, Ben snorting behind her. She grabs two of the last three plants, all around medium sized and hopefully not frozen all the way through, as she huffs.</p><p> </p><p>She places her hand against the topsoil, feeling it frozen solid beneath her fingers. It doesn’t look like many of them survived at all. Shit.</p><p> </p><p>She exhaustedly looks up as she feels Ben step onto the concrete landing behind her, blocking the light with his massive frame and all, and facing him as she sighs. She holds out one of the ceramic pots to him, letting him pull it into his palms with an equally heavy sigh. He groans as he picks it up, cradling the plant between his gloved palms.</p><p> </p><p>Her shoulders settle as he examines the succulent, his brow furrowing and his lips pursing in thought as she shows him the mess she’s made. How everything is wilted and <em> sad </em> and <em> dead</em>.</p><p> </p><p>“They’ll be okay.” He shrugs, seeming to sense the cause of her disappointment as she carefully peels back the melted leaves on the one he’s holding. “They’ll be fine, we just have to get them warm again.”</p><p> </p><p>He moves the pot to one hand, setting a hand on her shoulder and squeezing as she nods. She doesn’t have much hope, but she appreciates Ben trying to help her out here.</p><p> </p><p>He grabs the second pot from her patio, motioning back inside with his elbow and turning to head back in. “Now come on, I’m cold and stressed. And I think we both need a drink.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, grabbing the final plant and heading in after him. That sounds nice. That sounds <em> really </em> nice.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey is immensely thankful Ben brought a space heater, not only for her plants sake but her <em> own </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“So,” He hums, smiling as he slowly trims away at the browned and melted edges of her poor snake plant, “You bring back all these plants from New Mexico, you put them in pretty pots outside, knowing you’ll have to bring them in during the winter,-“</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, working on her own lace aloe as Ben sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“And then you rent an apartment, without any heating.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods again, smiling as Ben dramatically groans.</p><p> </p><p>“Knowing it snows here. Knowing we get snow.”</p><p> </p><p>She turns to look at him, nodding as she meets his eye and realizes he’s staring right back with a grimace. Yes, she didn’t entirely think this through, but she did her best! She’s a little out of practice, which she thinks can be excused given the circumstances.</p><p> </p><p>She turns back to her current project, as Ben sighs from his place beside her. “You’re so frustrating. I know you don’t <em> think </em> you’re stubborn, but you’re so fucking <em> stubborn </em> sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods again, still grinning and giggling a little. She checks over her little lace aloe one last time after she snips off the last badly browned spot, sighing as she reaches down and grabs the beer Ben brought her as they sit in front of the space heater that’s currently humming in front of them. At least her drink is staying cold, even if that can really just be attributed to the coldness of her apartment.</p><p> </p><p>She reaches up and sets the plant back on the coffee table, leaning back into the pile of blankets Ben insisted they set up to try and make this whole process a bit more bearable. For his poor back, he said, which made Rey laugh.</p><p> </p><p>She realizes the gentle warmth of alcohol might be slowly seeping into her bones and effecting her thinking process, as she watches Ben work. He delicately tries to cut the snake plants edges back into points, just like the website she showed him described. He’s already cut himself once, a nick on his finger that’s since been covered by a band-aid.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe it’s time they take the scissors out of the equation, now that she thinks about it.</p><p> </p><p>He passes the plant to her, and she happily takes the opportunity to grab the scissors from him as well. She sets them both on the coffee table with a happy hum, glad that they at least made it through a majority of the plants tonight. Before the booze kicked in, of course.</p><p> </p><p>Her own scissors follow with a clatter against the wood as she sighs, and Ben quietly leans back into their little half nest as he sets a hand on her spine. Inviting her to come a little closer with a tug of her jumper.</p><p> </p><p>She follows, making an exception for him. Just this once. </p><p> </p><p>She slowly leans against his side in silent surrender, placing her hands out in front of the oscillating heater as she moves her head to where it can comfortably sit against his shoulder. Her inhibitions are lowered, after all, and Ben is very warm. And nobody has to see, so this can stay between them. She thinks. </p><p> </p><p>She hopes.</p><p> </p><p>She shuts her eyes as he wraps his arm around her, placing his cheek against her forehead and sighing. Something belatedly registers that he is essentially <em> holding </em> her, as she presses herself against his body. And she cannot, for the life of her, ever remember the last time someone <em> held </em> her.</p><p> </p><p>She has never felt more right in her life. Despite everything, despite everything that today stands for, she can’t remember the last time she felt this right.</p><p> </p><p>They sit like that, Ben’s thumb slowly rubbing patterns into her side, until she shivers and pulls closer. </p><p> </p><p>“Hey.” He hums, nudging her with his hand and his head, “You cold? You feeling okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, rubbing her face against his shirt. He’s wearing a black button down, with the sleeves all rolled up to his elbows, and she wants him to wear a shirt like this <em> every </em> day.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m good.” She hums, yawning as Ben pulls away. “Tired, but good.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have any work to do, right? I’m not totally derailing your studies by staying?”</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head, because all of her work is done. Ben is in no way derailing her studies. </p><p> </p><p>He huffs in something like gratitude, as she blinks awake and rubs her eyes. Ben pulls up his phone as she exhales, and she watches him scroll through his news app again and groan. They had turned off the tv awhile ago, for both of their sakes and sanity, but Ben is obviously checking election results. He is obsessed, although Rey can’t say she’s much different right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Anything yet?” She hums, pressing her cheek into his shoulder and watching as he scrolls with his free hand. She admires his hands for a second, as he more surely tightens his grip on the device. Ben has some <em> big hands </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” He sighs, turning his head and more comfortably cozying up with her. “Nothing yet. Still waiting on Nevada.”</p><p> </p><p><em> “Fucking Nevada</em>.” Rey curses, as Ben chuckles next to her.</p><p> </p><p>They sit like that for a second, Ben continuing to doom scroll as Rey sighs and the heater buzzes at their feet. Ben eventually shuts off his phone with a frustrated grunt, gently throwing it to a chair that’s a couple feet away. “I need more alcohol if we’re getting through tonight, you game?” He grumbles, turning down to her as she blinks up at him.</p><p> </p><p>He looks exhausted, although she can’t blame him given the current circumstances, so she nods instead. “Yeah. Why the hell not.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, and lifts her to her feet as she shivers at the sudden influx of cold air. Okay, maybe she needs to invest in her own space heater at some point soon.</p><p> </p><p>Christ, her apartment is cold.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Round one.” Ben hums, unscrewing a whiskey bottle with his teeth and pouring himself a glass. He watches as Rey pops open a white claw, jumping a little as the tab goes off. “You need to tell me why you came out here in the first place, and I’ll tell you the real reason why I came back.” He hums, hoping his pride at this little game he just came up with doesn’t show too much. That the idea of getting Rey to open up to him a little, under the influence of a little alcohol and some secrets of his own, isn’t something that he desperately wants to try.</p><p> </p><p>She gives him a look, both of them clearly a little buzzed but not enough to impair judgement calls all that much yet, as she takes his whiskey glass and downs enough for a single shot in one sip. Or, roughly a single shot.</p><p> </p><p>Bravery, he supposes, as he does the same.</p><p> </p><p>“Foster kid, in the system since I was born.” She grimaces, pulling a face as she swallows and licks her teeth. She’s not a whiskey girl, which Ben will remember next time she sends him to buy hard liquor. “No ties in England, as much as they say classism isn’t a thing there anymore it most <em> certainly </em> is, and I didn’t want to get stuck in the same system I grew up in. Just wanted to start over, start fresh. I have a better chance here than I did there, unfortunately.”</p><p> </p><p>She shrugs, Ben taking another small sip of his drink as she goes to the white claw still in her palm. That makes sense, just wanting to start over. That’s all he asked for, just an explanation as to how the hell she ended up here.</p><p> </p><p>He wants to know more, but he finds himself unwilling to push her without letting her take the lead a little first. Those same words from the garage pop into his head as he stares at her, how she doesn’t want to feel <em> forced </em> into anything.</p><p> </p><p>Ben, as impatient as he can be, will not push her into an uncomfortable situation. He will be as gentle as she needs him to be, as patient as she desires.</p><p> </p><p>She looks at him expectantly, as she takes her first sip. He shrugs, because his story isn’t any more interesting.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not happy with the field I work in,” he explains, sighing as he sets his glass down on the counter with a clack, “I thought leaving the city would be my first step into getting out, even if I had been putting it off for <em> months</em>, but then the pandemic struck and stuck around for longer than I think we all expected it to. I wasn’t planning on my year going like this, basically.”</p><p> </p><p>He runs a hand through the air, the rest going unsaid. Because nobody could have predicted this year going like this.</p><p> </p><p>“I only got back in contact with my parents...” he huffs as he holds out a hand, counting months on his fingers as he sighs against the fog of his brain. It’s November, right? “Sixteen months ago, maybe? I wasn’t going to move until I had already left the company I work at, had something else lined up. But that kind of, uh, fell apart last minute.”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs and examines the countertop as Rey stares at him with wide eyes, because he thinks this is the first time he’s admitted this to <em> anybody</em>. The fact that he hates his job, and has been looking to leave for way longer than he might have been willing to admit at the beginning of this hell year.</p><p> </p><p>He elaborates, when Rey remains quiet in front of him. Silently urging him to fill up the slightly awkward space between them.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t like the firm I work at. My boss is <em> horrible </em> and <em> cruel </em> to people, and I’ve wanted to get out for a while but I think I’ve been too terrified to do anything.” He sighs, exhaling as he speaks. “This was supposed to be my <em> out</em>, you know. A convenient excuse. Move away to go spend time with family, slowly cut my hours back and disappear before anybody noticed. Easy.” He shrugs again, shoulders going up to his ears. “Except now all the places I <em> want </em> to work at have gone under or are getting dragged into fields I don’t like, so I don’t exactly have anything else planned and I can’t <em> stand </em> the types of cases I’m being asked to work-”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs one final time, gulping and staring at the top of her counter as he takes another sip of his drink to stave the anxiety away. “I’m kind of stuck, but at least I’m on good terms with my parents again. And we’re all safe and healthy, and I have money coming in. That’s all that matters right now. Just keeping things afloat. I can figure out the rest later when this is all behind us.”</p><p> </p><p>He tells himself it’s all that matters right now, he’ll be able to switch tracks as soon as life starts to get back to normal. If it ever does. That one day, he can make this work.</p><p> </p><p>It all rests on that, being able to <em> make this work </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Ben feels Rey gently set a hand over his, lightly rubbing his knuckles as he sighs. Her hand is warm, softly squeezing his palm as he exhales and leans forward. He wraps his hand around hers, desperately trying to convey that it’s okay, he likes having her touch him.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe a small piece of him needs it, although he won’t admit that any time soon.</p><p> </p><p>“You have other priorities right now.” She hums, seemingly having it click as he nods.</p><p> </p><p>He looks up at her and smiles between closed lips, before turning back down to his drink. He doesn’t like to admit this, it makes him feel weak. Incapable of doing his job properly, living up to the expectations that have been placed on him. Lawyers, at least the ones at the firm Ben works at, seem to revolve their entire lives around the work. They have wives, kids, sure-</p><p> </p><p>But they spend more time at the office than they do at home. And Ben kind of realized that he can’t do that forever without having some serious regrets.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, he kind of does have other priorities in his life right now.</p><p> </p><p><em> Relationships</em>, with <em> people </em>. </p><p> </p><p>God, if only his uncle could see him now.</p><p> </p><p>He would be appalled that Ben is actually trying to be <em> human </em>, for once.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, okay.” Rey giggles, laying on the floor with Ben as he checks his Apple Watch. The numbers are all blurry, but it has to be getting near ten at this point. “Round, uhm- what round are we on?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben thinks for a moment, turning to look at her as she stares at him. He sees her in the upside down, face to face but having their legs pointing to opposite sides of the room. Her accent gets <em> stronger </em> as she drinks, although Ben thinks it might just be the slurring of her words when she gets particularly stuck on a sentence.</p><p> </p><p>“I think we’re in the thirties.” He grumbles, rubbing his face as she giggles. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, round thirty <em> something</em>.” She hums, pursing her lips and turning to stare up at the ceiling. Ben watches as her pink flushed cheeks scrunch up and she distractedly smiles. He counts her freckles and watches her hazel eyes flicker around the room as she ponders her latest problem.</p><p> </p><p>“You tell me why you keep on showing up here, and I’ll tell you why I keep on letting it happen.” She hums, gasping as she turns to him. Gasping like she’s asking the question that will achieve world peace and get mankind on mars in one fell swoop.</p><p> </p><p>Ben just stares at her, eyes widening as she giggles. She raises her hands to her face as she laughs, kicking in the air as he grins.</p><p> </p><p>“Why do <em> you </em> think I keep on coming back?” He hums, laughing as she shrugs and shuts her eyes. She has a habit of closing her eyes whenever she doesn’t have to be entirely focused on what is happening, and although Ben thinks she might be closer to drifting off than she’s currently willing to admit, he does think it’s a very cute mannerism drunk-Rey possesses. </p><p> </p><p>Drunk-Ben just stares at her, all boorishness and naivety. Not nearly as cute.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.” She hums, turning to look at him again as she sighs and stares with wide eyes. “You know, I really don’t know. I don’t know why you’re so nice to me. It’s stupid.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben reaches out, meaning to poke her in the chest but kind of missing and landing right under her neck as she squirms. “Hey, stop being so hard on yourself. You’re a good person. And it’s not fucking stupid. I don’t like it when you do this to yourself. Okay?” He doesn’t like it when she doesn’t treat herself with respect, he doesn’t know why it makes him feel so awful, but he doesn’t like to see her hate herself sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>He turns back to the ceiling, moving the same hand under his head and huffing. He can practically feel the retort she’s slowly preparing as it crackles in the air, so he sighs and speaks before she can get a chance to interrupt his statement. Because he won’t let her hurt herself any more, and his frustration at the fact she’s so down on herself seeps through the silence before he speaks. “Is it so hard to believe that maybe, just maybe, I really like you for you? That I think you’re a good person? That I <em> want </em> to spend my time with you? Is it <em> that </em> difficult to believe that you’re kind, and good, and <em> worthy </em> of being cared about? Worthy of, I don’t know, being loved?” </p><p> </p><p>He turns to her, just to find her staring at him with watery eyes and a pale face.</p><p> </p><p>She quickly turns away, groaning into the air as she rubs her eyes with the heels of her palms. She sniffles as she replies, voice wavering and kind of off, “You <em> bastard- </em>“</p><p> </p><p>Ben just stares at her for a moment, as she groans again and continues rubbing her eyes viciously with the palms of her hands. </p><p> </p><p>She sniffles again, and Ben realizes she’s crying.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Oh, shit. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t-“</p><p> </p><p>She whines, reaching over and clumsily hitting his face with the back of her hand. It doesn’t hurt, but it shocks him enough to shut him up. “Stop being nice to me, it’s mean!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stays quiet, grabbing the hand she took aim at him with and playing with her fingers as she sighs. He gives her a moment, or two, to collect herself before he brings anything else up.</p><p> </p><p>He patiently waits, as she turns away from him and sniffles again. She lets him play with her fingers as she groans. Lets him touch her and learn her a little. Learn how small her hand is compared to his. How she has callouses on her fingers and palm that fascinate him.</p><p> </p><p>They lie there for a moment, in silence, as Ben sighs and tugs on her hand. She turns back to the ceiling as he prepares his next sentence, really wanting to pick the right words here. </p><p> </p><p>“Why do you let me keep on coming back, Rey? Why do you keep on putting up with <em> me</em>?”</p><p> </p><p>She stills at that, slowly freezing. Ben watches as she thinks, opening her mouth and closing it once before quietly speaking.</p><p> </p><p>“Because you’re nice to me.” She hums, tugging on his hand this time. “Because you bring me alcohol, and you help me break into my apartment when I do stupid things, and you send me notes that must have taken you <em> hours </em> to sort and scan through-“</p><p> </p><p>It took seven hours, actually, but Ben won’t tell her that. He likes just <em> doing </em>things for her sometimes. It makes him feel good to know he’s useful to her.</p><p> </p><p>She shrugs again. “I don’t know. I just like having you around.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, turning back to the ceiling and sighing.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” He sighs, continuing to play with her fingers. “Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>They leave it at that, stopping the game at thirty-something.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey feels Ben slouch over her entire back, as they stand in the kitchen together. His hands snake their way around her torso, and she lifts up her arms as he sets his head on top of hers to accommodate his frame a little better, despite her confusion.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?” She asks, staring at the pot of boiling water she’s just set up as he leans more of his weight on her. It’s eleven forty-one PM, according to the timer on her microwave, and neither of them have eaten since Ben arrived at five something. So, they’re making ramen. Because it’s the only thing Rey has in her apartment right now that they can make while completely hammered, and she’s got two boxes of it stockpiled because it was on sale. </p><p> </p><p>Ben just mumbles something completely incomprehensible from his place behind her, squeezing her tighter as she gasps. Fuck, he’s stronger than he looks, and he looks fucking <em> strong </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, that’s too tight!” She groans, grabbing his hands and pulling him off of her so she can <em> breathe </em>. He loudly whines in protest, leaning his head back to face the sky, as she removes herself from his grasp and gently pushes his chest away with her spare hand. He’s like a dog, one of those big dogs who thinks he can be a lap-dog. He has completely underestimated the fact that he could probably crush her ribs with a hug like that.</p><p> </p><p>She turns to face him, planning to direct him to go grab the frozen vegetables from the freezer or something, only to find him pouting back down at her. His eyes are pleading for something, pupils blown wide from alcohol consumption and skin just tilting into pink-ish territory.</p><p> </p><p>She stares at him, furrowing her brow as he steps forward again. She knows he’s cold, he won’t stop complaining about being cold, but she doesn’t know what else he wants from her right now. What else she can <em> do. </em></p><p> </p><p>He wraps his arms around her again, more gently this time, and sets his head back on top of hers as he huffs. She reaches out to grab his bicep, turning to look up at him as he rests against her.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay?” She hums in concern, feeling as he nods. He leans his weight against her again, and she stumbles back a little before steadying him. He might be a little more incapacitated than she anticipated, although she knows she isn’t much better right now.</p><p> </p><p>She gently jams her elbow into his chest, moving him towards the fridge. It isn’t that far away, it’s actually about a step and half away from the stove they’re currently standing in front of, but Ben still seems like he might be struggling to leave her side.</p><p> </p><p>He grumbles, as she tells him to grab the frozen vegetables and whatever else he wants. She turns back to the boiling pot of water, opening the two ramen packets and setting the flavor packets to the side as she keeps an eye on the gently simmering stovetop.</p><p> </p><p>Ben comes back to her side, Rey double checking he shut the freezer door before returning to her. He proudly holds up about a quarter of a package of frozen vegetables, and a head of broccoli.</p><p> </p><p>“I need a knife.” He hums, waving the broccoli in her face as she takes the frozen veggies from him. She squints as she sets a timer on her phone, going ahead and dumping in about half of the quarter package with a huff.</p><p> </p><p>“No you don’t.” She hums back, turning up to him and tilting her head as she sighs. Ben just nods in response, and she watches as he starts going through her kitchen cabinets with reckless abandon. “Ben, you don’t need a knife. I really don’t want to risk going to the emergency room right now.”</p><p> </p><p>He turns back to her, freezing with one hand wrapped around the broccoli stem and the other in a drawer full of old receipts that Rey doesn’t know what to do with.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you making again?” He slurs, turning to her with glassy eyes as she stares at him. She told him like three times, they’re making very poorly planned ramen. They’ve discussed this, in detail.</p><p> </p><p>Holy shit, is Ben blackout?</p><p> </p><p>Is Ben Solo a <em> lightweight</em>?</p><p> </p><p>She got her professor's son drunk.</p><p> </p><p>She giggles, reaching out and grabbing his arm to pull him back to her. “Ramen, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, that’s right.” He grumbles, standing next to her and staring at the broccoli in his hand. Rey, thankfully, has enough of her brain left to reach into the silverware drawer next to her and pull out a butter knife. She gently hands it to him, as she also grabs a cutting board. “Can you <em> promise </em> you’ll be careful?” She asks, her own vision and speech wavering as he nods. </p><p> </p><p>This is a <em> bad </em> idea.</p><p> </p><p>She tries to show him how to saw into the vegetable, and he swats her away after he understands what she’s trying to get him to do. Most of her focus remains on making sure she doesn’t fuck up the rest of this inevitably bad meal, but she keeps on eye on Ben as he slowly grumbles to himself in frustration and chops off little sections that will eventually go in the ramen.</p><p> </p><p>She pats his side as he works next to her, slowly drifting closer as she makes sure nobody gets themselves burnt in this small attempt to make a quick meal. What a mess.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben feels, admittedly, a little more himself after they sit down on her couch to eat together. There isn’t much of him left in his own brain, he knows that, but he also knows that it is slowly returning with every bite of this horrendous half-meal they made. That Rey had been right about making sure they ate something at some point.</p><p> </p><p>He chews on a particularly raw piece of broccoli, as Rey sets her legs over his. She silently continues to eat, as he stares at her and tries not to crunch too loudly.</p><p> </p><p>She catches him staring at her, when too much time inevitably passes, and she smiles as she drinks from her polka-dot soup bowl.</p><p> </p><p>“God, you are so not going home tonight.” She laughs, kicking at his thigh as he smiles. “You are so drunk. You are <em> so </em> not going home tonight.”</p><p> </p><p>“I could get an uber.” He shrugs, following her lead and trying to drink straight from his own polka-dot soup bowl with minimal spillage. He’s done it before, it wouldn’t be an inconvenience. And he isn’t <em> that </em> drunk, he’ll be fine.</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head, rather violently. “No, no, I don’t want to send you back home like this.” She sighs, reaching out and patting his leg. “You’re drunk, you’re tired, and I am not sending you back home like this. Girl code, and all that. Don’t send an inebriated friend home alone.”</p><p> </p><p>She stills for a second, shrugging as Ben smiles. “Also, I don’t want your mum to hate me. And pandemic.”</p><p> </p><p>He nods, going back to his ramen as Rey keeps him trapped under her legs and just continues to pat his calve a couple times in what he might like to think is comfort, or maybe just gratitude for not leaving in his current state and destroying her reputation with his parents. He grins as she keeps him close, keeps him near as they come back to themselves in some capacity.</p><p> </p><p>He stares up at the ceiling, trying to ignore the way it spins as she settles her limbs on top of his and he takes a deep inhale and exhale of air.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben looks up as Rey comes back to the living room with a pile of blankets in her arms, ramen bowls long forgotten on the coffee table, and he realizes that he might be sleeping in a living room for the second time this week. She sets them down where she was sitting and places her hands on her hips in one swift move, examining the length of the couch and the length of Ben's body as she squints at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want to take the living room or bed?” She asks, already yawning as Ben just lies there. He’s not going to take Rey's bed, that was never a choice for him, but he respects her for offering it. She is very good to him when she wants to be.</p><p> </p><p>He tries to get to his feet, groaning as he slowly stands up. He can hear Rey giggling to his left, as she grabs onto his arm for mutual support and she wavers on her feet. She’s doing an impressive job at keeping herself together, for as out of it as they are.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll, uh, stay out here.” He grumbles, standing and swaying as she does the same. She nods, and they stare at each other for a second longer, unsure if this is where they leave it tonight or not.</p><p> </p><p>Ben doesn’t know who initiates it, not really, but suddenly Rey's arms are around his neck and he’s hugging her to his chest again as she sighs and stands on her tiptoes. She hangs on to him, tightly, as they sway together in the middle of her dim living room.</p><p> </p><p>They both needed this, Ben realizes, as Rey adjusts her grip against his back and presses her face into his neck. They both needed to end the night like this. “You know where the bathroom is, and if you need anything you know where to find me, sure you’re gonna be okay?” She mumbles, pulling at him as he nods.</p><p> </p><p>He steps away when she does, keeping his hands on her hips for a moment longer than he probably should as she sighs. “You’re taking the space heater.” He mumbles as he motions towards the still buzzing machine in the corner of the room. It’s still going, because Rey's apartment is still on the colder side, but it has at least brought the space back up to a manageable temperature.</p><p> </p><p>Rey pouts, furrowing her brow at him as she huffs. </p><p> </p><p>She’s going to fight him on this, why is she going to fight him on this? Can’t she just play nice with him, just this once?</p><p> </p><p>He slowly steps past her, redirecting her towards her bedroom as she crosses her arms. He silently unplugs the little space heater, picking it up and pulling it into his grasp as she stares at him.</p><p> </p><p>“The door’s been closed.” He hums, sighing as she just lifts her head up to challenge him and look him in the eye. “It’s going to be really cold in there, and you’re going to be really cold. Can you just… take it? Please? For me?”</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll get cold too.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be fine. I’m not from the <em> desert. </em>” He hums, shrugging as she sighs and shuts her eyes again.</p><p> </p><p>Ben waits, as she sways and hums some song he doesn’t know.</p><p> </p><p>Abba, he realizes.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine. But stop doing this. It’s weird.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s called caring about you, sweetheart.” He grunts, following after her as she snorts. She opens the doorway to her room, and Ben is immediately hit by a blast of cold air and her own sort of chaos.</p><p> </p><p>There are clothes covering what looks to be half the room, a pile of various robotics parts and nail polishes on her dresser, and by the way Rey kicks a pile of laundry closer to the closet and refuses to turn on the lights Ben thinks she might have forgotten to clean up today. Either that, or she didn’t think Ben staying the night or eventually seeing her room during his visit was a potential thing that could be happening today. </p><p> </p><p>He pretends not to see it, following her directions and plugging in the space heater as she nervously waits in front of the laundry. He can feel her nerves as she huffs beside him, grabbing onto her arms with her hands in a grounding gesture as he quickly gets it turned on.</p><p> </p><p>He clumsily twists the dial, making sure it’s on high before leaving. Because it is <em> fucking freezing </em>in here. At least ten or fifteen degrees colder than the living room, and Ben knows it’s only going to get colder tonight.</p><p> </p><p>They stand there for a second, again, all lit up in silvery moonlight and the yellow glow of the living space as it barely illuminates her bedroom. She turns down to stare at the ground, as Ben awkwardly grabs her shoulder with his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Uhm, stay warm.” He hums, rocking on his feet as the room sways. “Sleep well, I guess?”</p><p> </p><p>She just stares at him, nodding once before Ben leaves. He nearly trips over his own feet in the process, Rey giggling as he makes his way over to the front door to turn off the main lights before moving to the couch. He yelps as he stubs his toe on something, Rey still laughing at him as he eventually finds his way back to where he’s supposed to be right now. </p><p> </p><p>He silently flops onto her couch, quietly exhaling as her door gently shuts after a moment and he draws her blankets over his body. The room is already noticeably colder, and Ben immediately knows that this is going to be a <em> long </em> night tonight.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck, he hopes he doesn’t freeze.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben wakes up a couple hours later, when the moon has shifted and happens to be shining right in his eyes. He groans as he drags the blanket Rey gave him up over his head, doing his best to curl up under it even as his teeth chatter and his feet stick out from the end.</p><p> </p><p>He groans as he lies there for a second, blinking awake as a headache slowly starts to set in. He’s still a little inebriated, but remarkably less so than when he had first fallen asleep. He feels like he can stand up without inevitably falling over, at least.</p><p> </p><p>He lies still for a second, breathing in and out as he shivers. He tries to fall back asleep before making any drastic decisions, shutting his eyes and slowing his breathing, but he’s way too cold to do so. There’s no way in hell he’ll be able to sleep like this.</p><p> </p><p>He stands up after a moment, stretching a little as he gains his bearings and figures out the orientation of Reys apartment.</p><p> </p><p>Shit, he’s still in Rey's apartment. He doesn’t know where she keeps extra blankets and stuff. </p><p> </p><p>He wraps the blanket she gave him around his shoulders, as he slowly takes himself and his sock clad feet over to her doorway. He’ll try to wake her up <em> gently </em>, but if she doesn’t respond or if he becomes too much trouble he’ll figure out another solution. Ben is good at figuring out solutions, it’s one of his specialties.</p><p> </p><p>He slowly opens her doorway, just to check if she’s still asleep or not, as he peeks in and takes in the fact that her room is <em> very </em> warm right now.</p><p> </p><p>The heater immediately kicks back on, as Ben stands in the open doorway and lets all that nice warm air escape. </p><p> </p><p>“<em>Rey </em>.” He hisses, rocking back on his heels as he remains in her doorway. He watches as she lies on her bed, one arm slung over a pillow and the other stretched out across her sheets. Her back, covered by a pink tee, rises and falls as she quietly snores into her pillow.</p><p> </p><p>Ben hisses a little louder, as his eyes continue to adjust to the darkness and he watches her shift a little. “<em> Rey </em>, wake up!”</p><p> </p><p>She groans, pulling up a blanket over her head as she nearly growls at him. “Fuck off, Finn.” </p><p> </p><p>He sighs, rolling his eyes as he continues to hide under the blanket. “It’s <em> Ben </em> , I’m <em> cold </em>.” He huffs, leaning against her doorway and taking a deep breath. “Do you have any other blankets I can borrow? Your living room is freezing.”</p><p> </p><p>She rolls on her side, exhaling and turning towards him. She blinks in the darkness for a second, as Ben just continues to stand there.</p><p> </p><p>“I told you that you would get cold.” She hums, smiling and stretching out as Ben huffs. He turns to look out her window, really trying to be polite considering that he just barged into her bedroom without knocking. Considering that he is doing exactly what his mother told him not to do right now.</p><p> </p><p>But he didn’t want to scare her, and this just seemed a little easier right now. Last thing Ben wants to do is scare her.</p><p> </p><p>She squeaks, as he lingers in her doorway. He runs a hand through his hair, as she slowly wakes up.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop standing in the doorway, Ben.” She hums, voice weary and quiet from sleep. “You’re letting all the warm air out, and then we’ll <em> both </em> be cold.”</p><p> </p><p>He wavers for a moment, before stepping into her bedroom and shutting the door behind him. He continues to just stand there, not really sure what to do while he waits. Not really sure where he should stand right now in order to make this the least awkward that it can possibly be.</p><p> </p><p>She raises a tired hand in the air, reaching out for him, and he takes that as an invitation to get a little closer. He stands by the edge of her bed, still shivering, as she yawns and grabs his knee.</p><p> </p><p>And he isn’t quite sure how she does it, or how it exactly happens at all, but one moment he’s upright and the next has him flat on his stomach after a sharp jab to the back of the leg. He just barely catches himself before crushing Rey, falling forwards on her bed and groaning as she giggles. That <em> hurt. </em></p><p> </p><p>Ben realizes Rey Niima can be <em> vicious </em> when she wants to be. No holds barred, the woman fights dirty.</p><p> </p><p>She reorients him as he tiredly whines, throwing a blanket over his torso as he huffs in indignation. “You <em> are </em> cold.” She hums, placing a hand on his side and pulling him closer. He exhales as she happily hums, worming her way into his arms and pushing him onto his side as she essentially tucks him into her bed with her comforter.</p><p> </p><p>He just groans in response, letting her manipulate his body and play with his frozen limbs however she pleases. She wraps her arms around him the best she can as he sighs and stretches his toes, relishing in the warmth and the comfort of her bed as she hugs him and continues to rub his side.</p><p> </p><p>She tucks her head under his neck as she sighs again. Ben feeling her under his chin when she moves, as she curls up against his chest and places one hand over his heart. “Why are you still wearing this? Aren’t you uncomfortable?” She sleepily murmurs, slipping her fingers between a gap in the buttons against his body. He shivers as she tiredly caresses him, closing his own eyes and sighing as she squishes herself against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, as she undoes and redoes the single button. “I didn’t think this far ahead.” He admits with a sigh, “I don’t have any other clothes, so I’m working with what I’ve got.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, as he tentatively wraps his arms around her. She is entirely too small against his frame, a fact that makes him preen as she yawns. </p><p> </p><p>He works to stay awake, as his body slowly heats up and Rey weaves a leg between his. He automatically curls up closer to her, as she giggles.</p><p> </p><p>“For someone who looks so angry all the time, you’re just a big softie, aren’t you?” She hums, reaching up and playing with his hair as he nods. He knows he can be a bit intimidating, he actually prides himself on that in the courtroom, but here?</p><p> </p><p>Just with Rey, as the space heater he brought because she’s too damn <em> stubborn </em> to know when to quit whirs in the corner, and the moonlight paints her sheets in silver? </p><p> </p><p>He finds himself reduced to <em> mush </em>, letting her have her way with him as he yawns and feels his fingers finally return to a safe temperature. </p><p> </p><p>“You want me to stay?” He asks, rubbing her back as she stretches. “Because I don’t know if I can. I don’t know what we’re going to remember in the morning, and I have a feeling you’re going to panic if you wake up and a strange man is in the same bed as you. And I couldn’t live with myself if I made you panic.” He admits to her in the darkness, he couldn’t risk it. It would destroy him to hurt her like that.</p><p> </p><p>Rey pulls away from him, hurt or shock running across her face as she gawks at him. He just continues to rub her sides, as he lets her think and process. Let her evaluate, and make the decision here. Because she knows herself better than anybody else, and what the right moves to make here are. </p><p> </p><p>She huffs, moving back to his chest and sighing. “You’re not a stranger, you’re Ben. You’re <em> my </em> Ben. I wouldn’t have invited you over if I didn’t trust you.”</p><p> </p><p>“And I don’t want to break that trust.” He hums, pulling her closer as she sighs. </p><p> </p><p>She yawns, and finally nods after more than a little thought. Ben moves to get up, drag him and his sorry ass back to the couch, as she grabs his hand instead. </p><p> </p><p>“Can you just stay until I fall asleep? Please? And take a heavier blanket when you leave, I just-“</p><p> </p><p>She pauses, pulling her hand from his as she shuts her eyes and scrunches her nose up. Ben immediately backtracks, sitting up in her bed as she wraps herself around him and rubs her face against his chest. </p><p> </p><p>He does what she asks, confused but still in the spirit of things as he tries to figure out what’s going on. Rubbing her back as he thinks, as she drapes herself over the right half of his body with a heavy sigh. He doesn’t need an explanation, he never does, he just needs to make sure Rey is okay. That she’s happy, and safe. That she knows she can count on him whenever need be.</p><p> </p><p>Even if he is curious as to what suddenly brought this on.</p><p> </p><p>She exhales, tense muscles loosening dramatically as he rubs her back in circles. He won’t fall asleep like this, he won’t let himself, but it’s a damn near thing as she breathes against him and compresses him with her body. There are more than a few close calls, only interrupted when one of Rey's hands goes up to his face and she tucks his hair behind his ear. </p><p> </p><p>She giggles as he pulls his head away from her, undoing her hard work with a shake of his hair, but she insistently does it again when he comes back within range of her curious fingers.</p><p> </p><p>She stills, before repeating the gesture on the other side of his face. Ben shuts his eyes, holding his breath as he waits for the inevitable. What always comes when this happens, the few times that it has since Ben finally grew out his hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my <em> god</em>.” She gasps, rubbing his cheek as he groans. He knows exactly what she’s looking at, and he hates it with every fiber of his being.</p><p> </p><p>He fucking <em> hates </em> his ears. He can’t even bear to think about what Rey is going to say about them as he sighs. They’re <em> awful </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She tentatively grabs the sides of his face, giggling as he groans. “Be nice.” He hums, begging her to watch her words. “I know they’re ugly, but <em> please </em> don’t tell me that right now. I didn’t choose to look like this, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>“What? No!” She confusedly hums, drawing his attention back to her. She grabs his jaw with one hand, pushing back his hair with the other. “I-I love them. I think you’re adorable, Ben. I think your ears are <em> perfect. </em> Who told you this part of you was <em> ugly </em>?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben blinks at her, as she stares at him in a mixture of rage and horror. The bullies at school, his college friends, <em> Hux. </em></p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, turning away from her as he draws into himself a little. It’s just something he’s <em> heard </em>. It got ingrained into his brain at some point. Ben Solo, with the elephant ears that stick out a little too far from his face. The ears he never grew into.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, and wraps her arms around his neck. “Don’t tell me to stop the negative self-talk and then turn right around and do the same thing to yourself. I <em> love </em> your ears, I think they make you even more handsome than you already are. If you get to say nice things to me, then I get to say nice things to you. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” He whispers, gently wrapping his arms around her again. She traces the curve of one ear with her thumb, as he buries his face into her neck and takes a steadying breath. The room still sways a little as he exhales, and Ben realizes they might both still be a little out of it. </p><p> </p><p>Her words from earlier echo in his head, how she called him a bastard when he started telling her to treat herself with more respect. How she didn’t have a bad reaction, per say, but it wasn’t really a good one either. How maybe it sounded like she wasn’t convinced, even if Bens words had been true.</p><p> </p><p>He wraps his arms around her, holding her tight as she further sprawls herself across his body. He understands, now, the <em> bastard </em> sentiment as she continues to softly run her thumb over the shell of his ear and silently convey her feelings towards him.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, and fights back sleep as she curls up against him and sighs into his skin.</p><p> </p><p>He had been right, this is a long night.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey wakes up alone, and she really wishes she wasn’t. </p><p> </p><p>Despite the knowledge of exactly why Ben isn’t here with her, how he had left after she fell asleep to make her more comfortable, there is still a moment of panic as she comes back to herself this morning. Panic that she’s been abandoned, again, and with a hangover to boot.</p><p> </p><p>Her alarm loudly chimes from its place on her nightstand, as she groans and sits up. She flicks the notification away on her phone with her thumb, rubbing her eyes as she realizes she has class in about forty-five minutes and that she needs to get up anyways. She quickly identifies where the Advil is in the map of her apartment in her head, as she plots out how her morning needs to go. What steps she needs to take to make this work.</p><p> </p><p>She flops back down on her bed in a moment of abject weakness, rolling over to the side where Ben had been sitting and taking a deep breath of whatever is left of his scent. She realizes her comforter is long gone, stolen by the thief, as she also realizes the heater is still in her room. The space where he has been has gone cold again, but she happily shifts in a mockery of intimacy as she tiredly wraps her arms around her stomach. It had been <em> something </em> to sit with him like that, to see a different side of him after last night. The vulnerable one, the one that she now knows has his own issues and his own self-confidence baggage.</p><p> </p><p>It was odd, but good, to dive somewhere deeper with him. Something that she hasn’t quite formed an opinion on yet, if she’s honest.</p><p> </p><p>She stretches, letting her limbs slowly wake up as she realizes that, against the odds, she isn’t cold. He left her with the heater and the blanket she originally gave him, thank god, and closed the door before he left. </p><p> </p><p>He can be very considerate, sometimes. It’s really refreshing to be around someone so considerate.</p><p> </p><p>She is overtaken with the need to check on him, to make sure he didn’t leave her all alone. She makes her way to her door, half stumbling on her way, and cracking it open before slipping into the sunlit living room.</p><p> </p><p>She breathes a sigh of relief, as Ben sleeps on her couch in a less than human shaped lump. He’s all bundled up under her yellow striped comforter, but his head pokes out from the top. All she really sees is his black hair, and the way he shifts as he takes an especially deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>She rocks on her heels, unsure if she should wake him up or not.</p><p> </p><p>She turns back to her room, deciding to give him another thirty minutes at <em> least </em>. She’ll wake him up before class starts, but she doesn’t have the heart to do so before.</p><p> </p><p>She leaves Ben on the couch, still all wrapped up in her comforter, as she goes to try and get ready for the day.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben wakes up to Rey shaking his shoulder, eyes snapping open and voice cracking as he startles. </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry!” She whispers, grabbing his arm and squeezing his bicep as he blinks up at the Rey shaped blob hanging over him. “Shit, sorry. You need to get up, I have class in five minutes. You need to hide.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just blinks, hangover hitting him in full force as he groans. He gives himself a second to identify his surroundings and clear up his vision, Rey finally coming into focus as she continues to stroke his arm. She’s all done up for the day, hair back in a professional looking ponytail and green sweater replacing her pink pajamas. She looks good, for someone who couldn’t keep her vision straight less than ten hours beforehand.</p><p> </p><p>He groans, as she quietly laughs above him. It’s no longer the drunk giggle from last night, but nevertheless still a sweet sound as she helps haul him to his feet.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to vomit.” He groans, as she pulls the comforter into her arms and leads him back to her bedroom. He doesn’t know what she’s doing, but he trusts her as she slots herself under his arm and sighs at his antics.</p><p> </p><p>“No you’re not.” She scoffs, as he simultaneously realizes the living room is quite a bit cleaner than from when he fell asleep last night. The bowls have been washed in the sink, plants reorganized, alcohol and alcohol receptacles put away again. </p><p> </p><p>He blinks, as she leads him to her bedroom and guides him to sit down on the bed. “Go back to sleep.” She hums, laughing as he falls backwards and groans. “You didn’t get much last night, and you look exhausted anyways. The world can wait, Solo.”</p><p> </p><p>He nods, exhaling as she quickly gets him under the blankets and her comforter. She sighs as he curls up on his side, shutting his eyes as she stands next to him and haphazardly tucks him in. He has not been sleeping well lately, that much is true. It’s the stress of it all, really, and Reys awful couch.</p><p> </p><p>She continues to laugh at him, as he groans. “What class do you have?” He manages to croak out, as she shifts on her feet and frets over him.</p><p> </p><p>“Guess.” She hums, crossing her arms as Ben blinks.</p><p> </p><p>He loudly groans again, bringing the blankets up over his head as she giggles. “My <em> mothers </em> .” He whines, trying to decide if he should laugh or cry. He never even texted her last night, let his poor mom know that he was alright. He just kind of disappeared off the face of the earth, he doesn’t even know where his phone <em> is </em> right now.</p><p> </p><p>It’s probably <em> dead, </em> if he’s honest.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, she’s going to <em> kill </em> him.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, bringing the blankets down as Rey grins at him like some off-brand Cheshire Cat. She impatiently taps her foot on the ground, as he works to stay as awake as possible against the blessed warmth of her bed. “So what are you going to do while I’m in class, Ben.” She sternly asks, as he exhales. She knows his track record, his many crimes when it comes to this particular class session.</p><p> </p><p>“Stay quiet, stay hidden, stay here.” He sighs, hiding back under the blankets as Rey hums in affirmation. “No making an idiot of myself in front of the class, otherwise we could both get in serious trouble.” </p><p> </p><p>She nods, reaching down and rubbing his shoulder as he groans against the pressure of her palm. “Good, thank you. I don’t want to fuck this up, this is important to me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, sighing as she walks away. He listens as she shuts the door after she leaves, jiggling the doorknob to make sure it stays closed during her class. </p><p> </p><p>Ben just blinks a couple times, before falling asleep again in her bed and burying his face under her pillows.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey has never been more stressed out in her entire life. </p><p> </p><p>Not only does she have a project due for this course next week, which she completely forgot about before Leia unhelpfully reminded them this morning, but her son is currently asleep in her bedroom. In her bed. And his mother has made no less than <em> three </em> comments about things like the importance of <em> honesty </em> and <em> transparency </em>when it comes to good communication.</p><p> </p><p>Rey is certain those comments are targeted at her, and nobody is going to convince her otherwise.</p><p> </p><p>She gulps as she smiles, completely giving up on speaking during class, and just taking notes and paying attention as the lecture continues. Han does make one interlude about half way through, asking about borrowing Bens fancy coffee, and Rey really tries to keep her expression as neutral as possible as his mum tries to field a conversation with her husband without dropping the fact that, well, her son isn’t actually at home right now because he’s-</p><p> </p><p>Passed out in one of her students beds, hungover and still in his clothes from the night before. That this is the reality they’re all living in right now.</p><p> </p><p>Rey is going to <em> kill </em>Ben Solo.</p><p> </p><p>It is a miracle they make it until the end of class without any Ben based interruptions that totally derail this whole thing, really.</p><p> </p><p>Rey doesn’t leave though, when class ends. She stays in the zoom call, slowly watching the classroom empty and go eerily quiet. She doesn’t <em> feel </em> like she should leave, it doesn’t feel right to up and check out before she addresses the elephant in the room with her professor. Poe ends up sticking around too, quickly letting Leia know that he’ll email her the recording to put on canvas and she not to subtly drops the fact that once Poe leaves, nothing that happens on the call will be on any sort of record. </p><p> </p><p>Rey just gulps, not really knowing how to respond to that, as Poe exits the meeting.</p><p> </p><p>And then it’s just Rey and Leia, sitting across from each other on separate zoom screens in complete silence.</p><p> </p><p>Rey watches as her professor thinks for a moment, setting her elbows on the table she’s currently sitting at and resting her head in her hands with the grace of someone far more confident than Rey is with this whole interaction. She narrows her eyes at the student, and chews her cheek as she thinks.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, do you happen to know where my son is?” She asks, Rey sighing and unmuting herself in response. It also strikes her, as she taps the little microphone button, that this is the first time she’s ever talked to Leia one on one before. Not over email or with thirty other students listening. It’s oddly intimidating.</p><p> </p><p>“He’s asleep, should I go and get him?” She hums, trying not to let her discomfort show at this whole situation.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, please.” Leia sighs, rubbing her face in clear relief. Rey stands up and slips over to her bedroom door, knowing that it’s just offscreen, and slipping back into her room with a nervous exhale. She just needs to wake up Ben, show Leia that he’s not dying, and then forget this ever happened. That’s all. </p><p> </p><p>She shakes Ben awake, quickly telling him who he needs to talk to as he groans. “Are you <em> kidding </em> me?” He hums, as she shakes her head and helps him get to his feet. He wraps a blanket around his body, looking towards the heater before huffing and stepping out into the living room.</p><p> </p><p>Rey just patiently follows after him, standing next to him as she admires his bedraggled appearance. It, at the very least, doesn’t <em> look </em> like they slept together or anything. He’s still in all his adult clothes, and they’re even wrinkled from sleep. He looks like garbage, yes, but not garbage that has recently slept with anybody. </p><p> </p><p>She stands next to him as he sits down at her counter and sighs a quiet, “Hi, mom.” </p><p> </p><p>“Jesus <em> Christ </em> Ben.” She exhales, rubbing her cheek as he sighs. “You can’t just go off galavanting around without letting us know what’s going on! You scared us!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine!” He laughs, pointing to himself with a blanketed hand. “I’m fine, see? I’m with Rey-“</p><p> </p><p>Rey just glares at him as he turns to her. She does not want to be dragged into this right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Why did you spend the night at her place? I thought you were just going over to check up on her.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben grimaces, tightening her blanket around his shoulders. “I wasn’t exactly in a <em> state </em> to drive, mom.”</p><p> </p><p>She just blinks at him, takes in his appearance, puts the dots together, and sighs. Ah, so it turns out Ben didn’t tell her about the copious amounts of alcohol he was bringing over to her apartment. He must have stopped on the way.</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighs, shaking her head and stepping off screen. She moves to grab him a glass of water or something, as his mother <em> tears </em>into him.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, do <em> not </em> go getting my students drunk. Is Rey even legally allowed to do that yet? How much trouble will we be in if somebody finds out about this.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben scoffs, turning to look at Rey for a moment before turning back to her computer screen. She patiently fills up a glass, watching as his face goes all pink with an embarrassed blush. “She’s twenty-one, mom. We’re both adults. We can make our own decisions.”</p><p> </p><p>His mum scoffs, and Rey takes that as an opportunity to go excuse herself as she slides the glass of water to Ben. “You want Advil?” She hums, leaning against the counter and sighing. Ben’s eyes light up, and he nods. </p><p> </p><p>She steps around the counter, squeezing his shoulder before quickly making her way over to the bathroom. She tries not to tune into Ben’s conversation with his mother as she goes, closing the door behind her and <em> slowly </em> making her way through the medicine cabinet. It’s not that she doesn’t know where the Advil is, she knows exactly where the Advil is, it’s just that she doesn’t exactly want to be out there right now. The last thing she wants to do is to get involved in any family drama, and this is way closer to family drama than Rey wants to be right now. </p><p> </p><p>In short, this is not her problem. Not a problem Rey wants to be dealing with right now. </p><p> </p><p>She grabs the Advil container, balancing it in her hand for a moment before pulling two of the little orange pills into her palm and sighing. She slowly caps the lid again, placing the container back in her cabinet before closing the mirror. </p><p> </p><p>She takes a deep breath, steadying herself before going back to the living room.</p><p> </p><p>“So, kid, how hungover are you?” Han asks, leaning into the frame as his mother pulls up a chair for him. Ah, great. Now his father is involved. Perfect. Exactly what Rey had been hoping for, clearly, when she said she wanted to stay out of family drama.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, as Rey steps up next to him. She hands him the medicine, and he gratefully mumbles his thanks as he takes them one at a time. Rey rubs his shoulder as he grimaces, trying to stay as off screen as possible right now without totally leaving Ben to his own devices. </p><p> </p><p>“Hungover enough to need painkillers.” His mum hums, sighing as his father does the same. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.” Ben huffs, as Rey steps up behind him. “Oh, by the way Dad, this is Rey. She’s the one with the car who went to see the guy-“</p><p> </p><p>“Listen kid,” Han hums, pointing directly at Rey as she nervously smiles, “Stay away from Plutt, the guy’s a jerk. Whenever you wanna come by and work you’ve got a space in the garage. Ben can park on the street, he’ll survive.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” Ben hums, squeaking as Rey awkwardly stands there and nods. She rocks on her heels, as Ben turns up to her and his dad gets pushed off the screen by his mother. Han starts waxing poetics about making sure she gets the right snow tires for her car, especially if it’s already falling apart at the seams, as Leia rolls her eyes at him.</p><p> </p><p>Rey motions her head to her bedroom, and even though it takes Ben a second, he gets the gist. </p><p> </p><p>“Give me a minute or two, and then we can talk.” He hums, quietly grabbing her hand and squeezing. She drops it in a panic, even though she really likes holding his hand. But his parents <em> just can’t know that </em>-</p><p> </p><p>She nods, reaching over his shoulder and muting them before she leaves, “Touch anything on here, and I kill you. I’m trusting you. Got it?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben gulps as she unmutes, and he nervously smiles. “Got it. Crystal clear.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, heading back towards her bedroom as Ben's mum continues to rip into him for spending the night at Reys. For not even sparing them a stray text to let them know he was alright.</p><p> </p><p>She shuts the door behind her, trying not to panic about whatever the hell is happening between Ben and his mother right now.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ben pokes his head into Rey's bedroom when she doesn’t answer his knocks, finding her cowering under her comforter and sitting cross legged in the middle of her bed. She’s created what is essentially like a tent… situation, as Ben stands and stares at her in confusion. This is not what he had been expecting when he finally shut off the zoom call and came to check in on Rey. Not in the slightest. This is not normal human behavior.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Are you okay?” He whispers, words tumbling out of his mouth as he slowly steps over to her and watches her sniffle from her comforter as he impatiently rocks on his heels. He keeps an eye on her body language as she groans, setting her head in her hands, and he slowly makes his way closer to where she’s decided to hide for now. “She’s not angry at you, I promise, she was just worried about me. Everything is worked out, it’s all fine now. It’s okay, Rey.“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I </span>
  <em>
    <span>told</span>
  </em>
  <span> you, I don’t want to be involved with that stuff.” She hums, voice all squeaky as she turns up to him. “Not while I’m in your moms class, at least. Not now. Not like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I thought I could separate between you and her, but I just </span>
  <em>
    <span>can’t</span>
  </em>
  <span>-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The issue, the problem, suddenly clicks for Ben as he sighs. That makes sense.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She starts to spiral, as Ben slowly walks to her side and lifts up a flap of her blanket tent. He crawls underneath with her, tucking a leg behind her back and as she sighs and continues to panic a little. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He kind of tugs on her sweater, letting her know that it’s okay to scoot closer if she wants to, as she falls against his chest with a groan.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They sit for a while like that, Ben rubbing her side as she shuts her eyes and leans against him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why are you so nice to me?” She hums, quietly murmuring into his collar as he shrugs. He doesn’t know, not really. It’s just the right thing to do, to be nice to her and to care about her in this way. It’s the right thing for </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> to do. It makes him feel good to take care of her, and to know she’s being taken care of.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But he tries to think of a more concrete answer, as she breathes against his skin with a small sniffle.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You called me handsome.” He explains, smiling as she rawly giggles at him and his silly words. He doesn’t really remember much from last night, if he’s honest, but he does remember one thing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked at him, ears and scars and everything in-between, and she called him handsome. Completely unprompted, she called him </span>
  <em>
    <span>handsome</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That is certainly worthy of his appreciation, one would think.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben walks in from the garage, still feeling all warm and fuzzy from his time with Rey, as his mother meets his eye from across the dining table.</p><p> </p><p>“You were supposed to be home two hours ago.” She hums, closing her laptop and staring at him. He narrows his eyes in response, trying to dodge any questions she might have through sheer confidence and bullshittery.</p><p> </p><p>She continues to stare at him, as his father walks into the room, sees what’s happening, and walks directly back into the garage without letting the door close between events. Ben is not succeeding here, clearly.</p><p> </p><p>“What were you doing.” She hums, clasping her hands on the table and sitting up a little straighter. Ben does the same, straightening his spine as he slowly wanders towards the staircase and his subsequent escape route.</p><p> </p><p>“Nothing.” He hums, keeping his eyes <em> away </em> from his mother as he walks, lest he succumb to her penetrating gaze. “You know, just hanging out. Spending some time together.”</p><p> </p><p>In actuality, as far as he can recall, he passed out next to Rey on her bed at some point. They took a two hour nap, Ben waking up to Rey sitting by his side and doing homework on his back, and she also took the time to ask him if <em> he </em> was alright before he left. Apparently he looks completely exhausted, (“like shit”, more accurately) and he has no clue why. It’s not like he’s spreading himself too thin between his obligations, right?</p><p> </p><p>Right?</p><p> </p><p>He shrugged off her worry, and let her nervously embrace him before he left. She didn’t want to let go, he knows, but Ben had to start on his way. There was no other choice, he has a meeting he has to get ready for.</p><p> </p><p>But, he already misses her like hell.</p><p> </p><p>How absurd is that.</p><p> </p><p>His mom hums, as he makes his way over to the landing of the staircase. He moves to the first step, as she gently sighs behind him. He snaps his fingers before turning back to her, remembering what he promised Rey he would do before he left.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! By the way, she’s coming by sometime on Friday, tomorrow, to work in the garage. But she needs you and dad to promise you won’t bother us and that you’ll stay in the house while we’re working. You really freaked her out this morning after class, she wants there to be lines between her personal life and her academic life, is that okay?”</p><p> </p><p>His mom just stares at him, rolling her eyes as he takes the first couple steps up the staircase.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t make any promises for your father, and <em> you </em> spent the night at <em> her </em> house, completely wasted might I add-”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>I slept on the couch! </em> ” He hisses, leaning over the banister as she crosses her arms at him. They didn’t even <em> do </em> anything, honest! “She didn’t want me taking an uber, or god forbid, <em> driving </em> home! She was looking out for me!”</p><p> </p><p>“You could have at least texted us and let us know what was going on!” </p><p> </p><p>“I’m twenty eight! I’ve been living on my own for the past seven years! I have my own tax guy! I can take care of myself once in a blue moon! And now you’ve freaked her out because she’s terrified you hate her! All she wants to do is pass your damn class, mom!“</p><p> </p><p>She opens her mouth to retort as he groans, taking a deep breath and rubbing his face with his palms as he slows his heart rate. This isn’t going to get them anywhere, clearly, and he has to try to keep what Rey told him to himself. He has to figure this out on his own without letting it slip that she’s the one who needs this right now, and why. </p><p> </p><p>He has to be better about this.</p><p> </p><p>She needs lines between her life with him and her life with his mom. Which means Ben has to uphold said lines, for as long as she says they need to stay up.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, I don’t want to fight.” He hums, taking a deep breath. “I just need you to promise you can help me separate <em> your </em> relationship with her from <em> my </em> relationship with her. She doesn’t want to get in trouble, she doesn’t want to <em> cause </em> any trouble. She just needs a friend right now, and you and dad trying to tell me off when she was in the same room wasn’t a great way for her to get introduced to the idea of us as a <em> family unit </em>. You know?”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s compartmentalizing, then.” His mom hums, leaning back in her chair and humming to herself as she thinks</p><p> </p><p>“No, hey, don’t go psychoanalyzing her right now! This is exactly what she didn’t want!” Ben exclaims, throwing his hands in the air as his voice breaks. He cannot, for the life of him, figure out how to explain this in any more simple terms. “She’s your student, she’s my friend. The line is drawn there, and we are <em> not </em> crossing it any longer!” He hums, huffing and stomping his way back up the stairs. Jesus Christ, this family.</p><p> </p><p>He suddenly understands why Rey doesn’t want to get involved, because nobody in this damn house can keep their nose in their <em> own damn business </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He heads for the shower when he gets to the second story and takes a deep breath, knowing he still smells like sleep and a far too drunken night. That he is, verifiably, an absolute mess right now.</p><p> </p><p>If his dad commented on it when he got out of the car, he really needs a fucking shower.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey tries to keep herself busy once Ben leaves, going about her business and getting her work done as she keeps to herself. But it’s odd, really, to be alone after spending so much time with him. </p><p> </p><p>She fucking missed being around someone, that’s for sure. She missed having someone to laugh with, mess around with, <em> exist </em> with. She missed just... being with someone and feeling safe enough to <em> sleep </em> around them.</p><p> </p><p>She is reminded of an anthropology class she took last spring, as she sweeps the dirt from her balcony, which had been for an elective requirement to graduate from Coruscant. She was pretty sure it would transfer over easily, at least easier than a basic engineering course. She doesn’t even remember too much of the class, but she remembers a few key lectures.</p><p> </p><p>Like the fact that falling asleep around someone, being comfortable enough to rest next to or with another human, shows that you trust them on an internal level. That, subconsciously, there are reasons people sleep better in certain groups and less easily with others. It depends on an individual's sleep habits, of course, but her professor had a whole theory about sleep evolution and togetherness that fundamentally changed the way she approached her own sleeping habits.</p><p> </p><p>All those scary nights as a kid, in a new place and terrified of the shadows on the walls, suddenly made sense. She didn’t feel safe, so her sleeping habits reflected that. She was constantly on the lookout for danger, always uncertain if it was truly safe to close her eyes, so she never really got a good night's sleep until she moved out. </p><p> </p><p>Which made it so much sweeter when Ben fell asleep on her shoulder, mid sentence, and just kind of stayed there for awhile. She can tell he’s exhausted, and now she’s all worried about him, but she stood guard while he slept.</p><p> </p><p>And she made sure he slept soundly, that he felt safe around her.</p><p> </p><p>She picks up her phone, from where it’s charging in the kitchen, finally getting to the rest of the text messages Finn sent her. It looks like he finally responded to her frantic pre-Ben text yesterday, before he came over.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>IM SO SORRY I JUST GOT THESE </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>REY</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>DID HE COME OVER AND GET ELECTION DRUNK WITH YOU? WHAT HAPPENED?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>REY</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Idk, we just hung out. He helped me fix my plants </em>
</p><p> </p><p><em> Oh they’re all dead btw, I fucking hate New England winters. </em> 🙃 <em> Coruscant snow can choke. </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Rey Niima I am going to kill you</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Im kidding. That was a joke. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>But uh. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Excuse me? no updates</b>
</p><p> </p><p><em> No </em>💖</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Why?? what happened??</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey giggles as she scrolls through her messages with Finn, quickly catching him up on exactly what happened between her and Ben. She includes what she remembers of the night before, although there isn’t much beyond little blips of ramen and a lot of conversation, and she includes the bit about her class earlier that morning and the absolute panic that she went into after Ben talked to his parents.</p><p> </p><p>And how he fell asleep on her shoulder right after, and she just watched him for awhile when he slept because she didn’t know what else to do.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t talk about last night, though. The fact that he held her until she fell asleep. That she, for once in her life, just wanted to fall asleep in somebody else’s arms and he actually <em> complied</em>. That he <em> let her</em>.</p><p> </p><p>That she finally got to have that checked off her bucket-list, as morbid as that is.</p><p> </p><p>She giggles as Finn helpfully provides his own colorful commentary, not really being that much use at all.</p><p> </p><p><b>So… When are you seeing him again… </b>👀</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Tomorrow. I’m heading over to his place to work on speedy, his dad has tools that im going to borrow. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Okay? And???</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And I made him promise not to let his parents get involved, so hopefully it’ll just be us again.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Yes and??</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And what? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>And will somebody be making a move????</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> God no, at his parents house? I am NOT risking my professor walking in on me doing anything with her son. You’ll have to kill me before I make a risk like that. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>This is taking forever jfc </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Just kiss him already, get it over with. It won’t be that bad.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey snorts, rubbing her cheek as she sighs. The space heater Ben left still hums in the corner, his refusal to take it echoing in her mind.</p><p> </p><p>It won’t be that bad, will it?</p><p> </p><p>But she, honestly, doesn’t have the headspace to even think about a relationship with Ben anymore. She’s just- there’s so much going on-</p><p> </p><p>Her phone buzzes again, a text from Ben this time, as she scans over Finn's messages.</p><p> </p><p>Speak of the devil.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He just texted me about tomorrow, ill update you if any bounds and leaps are made in the next five minutes </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But dont count on it, he knows im freaked out enough about going to his place as is </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Fine, fine. But just take my advice: if you want to do it, do it. The timing will never be perfect, you have to MAKE it perfect. it’ll be worth it, I promise.</b>
</p><p> </p><p><em> okkwhatever you say, if he sweeps me off my feet ill do it. If not, we die alone like men. </em>🔪</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>REY NO</b>
</p><p> </p><p>She moves over to her conversation with Ben, walking over to the couch and sitting in front of the space heater as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Hey! how are the plants doing?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>She gives them a once over, at least the ones near her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> dead. All dead. There are a few survivors, I think, but most of them are dead. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> The ones that survived outside are now dying inside, and the ones that we fixed up are browning again.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But some of them are fighting, so they’re getting special care on the coffee table right now while I look for signs of life from everybody else. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>It’s gruesome, really. Eerily similar to the end of <em> Titanic </em> now that she thinks about it.</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head and those grim thoughts loose, as she goes back to Ben's messages.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>You’re using the space heater, right? Not just letting them all freeze again?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>She rolls her eyes as she huddles a little closer to the oscillating machine, Ben and this damn space heater.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yes, I am using the space heater. It’s turned on and everything! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Rey.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Even found the temperature controls! Maybe I’ll deconstruct it for fun later! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>If you do that I’ll dig up another one and bring it over. You’re not getting out of this too easily</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sheesh, tough crowd. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yes, I’m using the space heater. Thank you for forcing it into my possession. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Again, really don’t want to have to watch you get a toe sawed off because of hypothermia. Trying to avoid that nightmare scenario.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Hey! </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You would be there though, right? Made sure they pickled it and everything for me? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I hate this discussion. Can we move on?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>There’s a drop in the conversation, before Ben starts typing again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>But, yes, of course I would be there to watch you get your toe sawed off. And make sure it got pickled for you. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey rolls her eyes, Ben really is difficult to make laugh sometimes. And it’s not that he doesn’t have a good sense of humor, he can be very funny without meaning to be, he just doesn’t like it when she jokes about certain subjects.</p><p> </p><p>Like, freezing her toes off apparently.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Hey, you still coming by tomorrow? I got my mom to promise she wouldn’t bug us, and my dad at least might have heard me. I don’t think I can get a solid yes or no out of him, but I don’t want you to think you’re not welcome</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What time? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And thats not a problem, it was mainly your mum I was worried about tbh. I can deal with your dad, as long as you promise to stay with me while I work </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She bites her lip as she types and sends off that last message, because they didn’t discuss this part. The part where Rey really wants Ben to stick around while she’s at his house, kind of as a protective shield against his parents. How she would, at the very least, like him to be there while she’s trapped under her car like Finn used to do.</p><p> </p><p>Three little message bubbles pop up and then disappear, as Rey quickly adds a follow up.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You don’t have to. I know you have work to get done and I don’t want to get you further behind, but I would like it if you stayed. It would be appreciated at the very least. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Of course! I’ll bring down my computer and I’ll quiz you on legal terms. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’m working on a bunch of housing cases right now, not the most exciting stuff, but I’m sure you’ll find something interesting.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Yeah, right.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Whatever happened with that lizard case, by the way</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben leans back in his chair, smiling as his mom walks into the room and starts talking to him.</p><p> </p><p>“One second.” He hums, quickly tapping a message back.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Split custody, same deal with the company. They’re going to switch off every other month for lizard care, though last I heard the wife was just going to sell her share of the business and split. Smart move though, with the cheating and all. She’ll make more than enough to cover legal fees and get herself to a comfortable place financially. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Guy is screwed, I told him not to trust the split company model and to just prioritize that above everything else. But did he listen? No. And now he’s going to have his foot shoved in his mouth. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I don’t know why I do this job, sweetheart. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>To amuse me, clearly.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Also, cheating? Poor lizard child. Split household and all. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben smiles, tapping against his phone as she goes on about the tragedy of divorce and lizard children.</p><p> </p><p><em> It got messy, bad messy. And I was just there to represent the company </em>😬</p><p> </p><p>He looks up at his mom, as she clears her throat and taps her wrist with her finger. “Are you working right now or texting Rey? I need your help with something.”  </p><p> </p><p>He goes back to his phone, tapping out a final message.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’ll tell you all about it later, something just came up. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Talk tonight? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Always, I need updates! Tell me when I should come by on Friday btw, what time works for you.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> 11-ish? Between then and noon maybe.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>His mom clicks her tongue a little louder, emulating a clock as he shoots her a dirty look. “Like, one more minute. We’re trying to figure out what a good time for her to come by is.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! So you <em> are </em> texting the wonder-girl!” She sighs, Ben groaning as she leans against his doorway. “And here I was thinking you were flashing heart-eyes at Huxstable.” </p><p> </p><p>“<em> Hux is not that bad </em>.” Ben hums, finally slipping his phone back on his desk when Rey responds with a thumbs up emoji. “He’s just bitter at life, you know it.”</p><p> </p><p>She softens her eyes at him, coming over and running a hand through his hair. “Thank you for taking a shower, by the way. I’m surprised you didn’t get pulled over for smelling like a liquor store on the way home.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just sighs, leaning into her palm as she messes with his hair. He is also surprised that didn’t happen, considering how he looked this morning.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry I snapped.” He hums, shutting his eyes as she brings another hand up to gently fix a curl before dropping his face. “I just- It bugs me when you don’t trust me. And It- it sent Rey into this whole panic-spiral-thing. She’s a lot like me, you know. Maybe too much sometimes, maybe we’re too similar…”</p><p> </p><p>His mom nods, sighing as she leans against his desk.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s terrified of failing-“</p><p> </p><p>“Just like you-“</p><p> </p><p>“And she has <em> no </em> friends or family-“</p><p> </p><p>His mom shrugs, tilting her head back and forth in slight disagreement, but they both know the truth. That Ben left home when he was twenty-one a broken man, and that he didn’t turn back for a long time. That it took a lot of mistakes and a lot of growth to realize where they all fucked up before he agreed to come back home again. That he <em> still </em> doesn’t really have any friends, besides Rey and Armitage Hux.</p><p> </p><p>“And I don’t want to watch her <em> turn into me </em> .” He sighs, crossing his arms and exhaling. “I don’t want her to suffer in the same way I did, I want to be the person I needed when I was in college, when I was her age. I want to help her, you know, <em> avoid </em> the shit I didn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, turning down to his desk and sighing as he squeezes his biceps with his hands. “It’s why I hate it when Luke is so mean to her. She’s lost so much already, I can’t watch her go through what I did.”</p><p> </p><p>His mom reaches out for his shoulder, rubbing his arm as he sighs. She steps away and back towards his door after a moment, trying to get him to follow her as he groans.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on.” She hums, motioning down the hallway. “You clearly need a distraction, and I’ve got just the thing.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben exhales, and watches her for a moment. She disappears, as he thinks.</p><p> </p><p>He stands up, and ducks down the hallway to see what she’s doing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben spends Friday morning in the living room, working on his laptop and periodically checking out the front window of his parents house as he waits for Rey to show up. She promised she would be here between eleven and twelve, so he came down at ten thirty and has been not-so-subtly watching for her ever since.</p><p> </p><p>“No girl yet?” His father hums, restlessly working through a stack of papers Ben's mother gave him. He is more than a little agitated at being stuck inside, clearly, as Ben huffs and shakes his head.</p><p> </p><p>“Not yet.” He hums, going back to writing emails.</p><p> </p><p>His phone goes off, and he nearly drops his laptop as he leaps for it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Hey! I’m almost there! </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>This is the right address, right?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>She sends a screenshot of her maps app on her phone, as Ben shuts his laptop and sets it down on the coffee table. He’ll grab it once she’s got her car in the garage and she’s all set up, but for now he just needs to make sure he’s ready for her. </p><p> </p><p>He walks over to the front door, slipping on his jacket and a scarf as he types</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yeah, I’ll meet you outside.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He grabs a hat, as his mom and dad both pop their heads up and stare at him.</p><p> </p><p>“Is she here?” His mom hums, Ben watching as his parents stand up and hurry over to the front window. His mom pulls her jacket tighter around her body, and his dad turns his head to look down both ends of the street in thinly veiled interest</p><p> </p><p>Ben rolls his eyes, pulling his hat on his head. “She’ll be here soon, I’m going to go meet her outside and then get her moved into the garage. Should only take a couple minutes.” His car is already on the street, thankfully, after some quick thinking on Bens part <em> early </em> this morning. Preparation, really, to make this as painless as possible</p><p> </p><p>He slips out the front door, before anybody else can ask any questions, and makes his way down to the front yard. God, he hopes this goes well.</p><p> </p><p>He looks back, spotting his parents as they wait in the window. His mom grins and waves as he sighs, making a heart with her fingers as his father just smiles and nods.</p><p> </p><p>One would think they had no understanding of what “she doesn’t want to be involved in this yet” could mean.</p><p> </p><p>Ben looks back to the street, sighing as she pulls up in her shitty little match-box car. He waves her down, and she pulls into the spot behind his car across the street. He tries to hurry over there, being mindful of any refrozen ice on the asphalt, as he sighs. </p><p> </p><p>She jumps out of her car, as Ben hurriedly warns her. “They’re in the window watching, sorry. I know. They’re weird.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey just laughs as he slides over to her, trying to block her from view with his body and not fall at the same time. Seems the least he can do, considering <em> he’s </em> the one who invited her over and all.</p><p> </p><p>She pops up on her toes once he’s near, hugging him as he wraps his arms around her. God, he missed this. He missed her. “You’re <em> warm </em>.” She hums, lacing her fingers behind his neck before he pulls away. He nods, because he is, as she shifts closer and sighs against his scarf.</p><p> </p><p>He steps away after a moment, still being mindful to block her from view, and they just kind of stare at each other before Rey drops her hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! And I got gloves! I found them at the bookstore when I went to pick up my keys,” She proudly hums, showing him her yarn covered fingers, although Ben can already see a problem that her excitement may have overlooked. </p><p> </p><p>He steps back as she moves to the side, pointing to the keys that are still in her car. He eyes the bright yellow lanyard for a second, <em> Jakku University </em> printed along the side as he chuckles.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyways, I found them at the bookstore! And look! They have little things on the fingers-“</p><p> </p><p>She tugs her phone from her back pocket, showing him her screen as she taps in her passcode. He sighs as she turns her unlocked phone screen to him, grinning from ear to ear as he scratches his forehead. “Huh? Not bad, right?”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, sweetheart.” He hums, grabbing her hands as he laughs a little, “I love that you’re excited about this, but these aren’t going to work.”</p><p> </p><p>She pouts at him as he examines the blue gloves, with the little touchpads and everything. They have white snowflakes across the back, because of course they do. </p><p> </p><p>These are <em> so </em> not going to work. </p><p> </p><p>“Look, okay, they’ll be good enough until it snows again. But you know what’ll happen one morning, when you go out to your car, and you have to brush off all that snow?”</p><p> </p><p>He sticks a cold finger underneath the glove, pushing against her palm as she squeaks and quickly pulls her hands out of his.</p><p> </p><p>“They’ll get wet, and your fingers will get wet. And I’ll have to drive you to the hospital, and we’ll have to-“</p><p> </p><p>“Okay! Okay, fine, I get it. I need real gloves.” She groans, pressing her hands against his chest. She grabs onto the sides of his jacket, and shakes him as she sighs. “I hate how you know this shit! Let me be the smart one for once!”</p><p> </p><p>“You <em> are </em> the smart one.” He hums, grabbing her shoulders and turning her back towards her car. “Now hide, I’ll go open up the garage for you. Remember-“</p><p> </p><p>“Parents are watching out the window, I know.” She sighs.</p><p> </p><p>Ben waits until she’s back in her car, saluting her before he jogs back to the house. He doesn’t know why he salutes her, and he regrets it as soon as his idiot monkey brain does so, but he manages to make it back inside with only three muttered curse words into his scarf.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s cute.” Is the first thing his dad says, as Ben wipes his feet on the welcome mat and slips back inside.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s taller than I thought she would be.” His mom hums, turning to his father and crossing her arms as she stares up at him.</p><p> </p><p>Ben rolls his eyes, because everyone is taller than his mother.</p><p> </p><p>He heads to the garage, turning on the light as he opens the door and heads back out. “Remember-“</p><p> </p><p>“Stay inside, we know.” His mom grumbles, finally moving away from the window as his dad shrugs. “God, it’s like you think we’re <em> senile </em> or something.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben huffs, heading out to the garage and shutting the door behind him. He presses down on the automatic garage door opener, stepping out to where Rey will be parking and waving his hands in the air to try and signal her over.</p><p> </p><p>He watches as she starts her car, because the whole thing starts <em> shaking </em> again, and he grimaces as she pulls it into the garage with an almighty roar up the driveway.</p><p> </p><p>He walks over to her door once the machine finally settles down, opening it as she yanks the car into silence.</p><p> </p><p>“I fucking hate this car.” He exhales, Rey turning up to him and sighing.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” She hums, standing up and stretching. Her back or shoulder makes a small popping noise, as he smiles. “Don’t tell anybody, but I really hate her too sometimes too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Garage closed?” He asks, jerking his thumb over to the switch as she nods. She moves to the trunk, pulling off her outer jacket as she unlocks the whole vehicle. “Watch your head.” He hums, making sure she moves to the side before he presses the button.</p><p> </p><p>He catches a glimpse of her elbows, as she sighs and throws her jacket on top of the car and the garage door squeaks shut. She’s wearing an old t-shirt, with grease and paint stains all over it, but her elbows are uncovered while she rummages around for a sweatshirt or something in her trunk. Past the snow-tires she’s shoved in her car, apparently. </p><p> </p><p>“Whoa.” He hums, slowly stepping over to her as she turns up to him. “Did that happen when you fell, sweetheart?”</p><p> </p><p>Her arms, elbows and lower biceps more specifically, are scraped up pretty badly. It looks like she did her best to patch herself up with some cotton and medical tape, but the angle is awkward and it isn’t wrapped tight enough. She’s bled through the material already, probably because it doesn’t look like an especially secure patch job.</p><p> </p><p>She shrugs, as he tentatively grabs her arm and lifts up the sleeve of her shirt. He sighs as she tries to wiggle out of his grasp, and he lets her go.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, no biggie though.” She shrugs, tugging out an old sweatshirt and moving to pull it on over her shoulders. “Just a skin wound, I’ll be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stops her, grabbing her arm again. “Why didn’t I see this when I was at your place?” He hums, as she shrugs in response. He should have seen this when he woke her up in the middle of the night. It’s weird that he didn’t.</p><p> </p><p>“It was dark, we were both drunk.” She explains, furrowing her brow. “Now, come on, help me get these tires out of the car.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fixing this first.” He sighs, lifting up a flap of the cotton. It looks like it’s healing well, but it could probably use another cleaning. “I’ve got gauze in the house somewhere, and I don’t want you bumping your elbows on the ground and making them worse-“</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ben</em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Please, just, let me help. Let me worry about you a little bit.”</p><p> </p><p>She gives him a <em> look </em> that he feels like she’s given to her a phone a couple times while texting him. She all but rolls her eyes as she sighs, and lets her arm go limp in his hands. </p><p> </p><p>“Fine, but I’m starting to think all you <em> do </em> is worry about me. You need another hobby.”</p><p> </p><p>He squeezes her hand before stepping away, “I don’t have <em> time </em> for any other hobbies, because I spend all my time worrying about you!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!” She squeaks, as he climbs up the stairs to the house and slips back inside. He points at his parents, narrowing his eyes at them as he steps into the downstairs bathroom and starts rummaging through the cabinets. </p><p> </p><p>“What’re you doing, kid?” His dad calls, as Ben grabs the medical kit his parents keep. The same one from when he nearly broke his nose a month and a half ago.</p><p> </p><p>He steps back into the living room, grabbing his laptop and tucking it under his arm. “Rey scratched up her elbows pretty badly a couple days ago, it was a whole thing. She’ll be fine, I just want to make sure she’s bandaged up before she goes crawling under her car.”</p><p> </p><p>“Good call.” His dad hums, as he turns back to whatever his mom is having him work on, “Oh, and tell her to check her brake fluid for leaks. Cars should <em> not </em> sound like that.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, because it was pretty obvious that her car sounds more like a dying deer than a car, as he pushes open the door to the garage and moves back into the chilly space. He tries to remember where the spare space heater is, because he knows it’s in here somewhere, as he sets his laptop down on a workbench a little ways away from Rey.</p><p> </p><p>He pulls over a chair, as he watches her examine his dad's car with bright, wide eyes. </p><p> </p><p>“The uh, the Falcon.” He hums, motioning to the car as he heads back over to where she stands between the two vehicles. He sets the medical box on top of <em> Speedster </em> as she sighs, gently reaching out and running her fingers along the light taupe top.</p><p> </p><p>He starts pulling off her bandages, using his thumb to move her skin a little and examine her scrapes as he sighs. She tried her best, he doesn’t blame her, but it will be good to have another person patching her up right now.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s <em> beautiful</em>.” Rey hums, as he nods and starts digging through the box. The Millennium Falcon is a beauty, when maintained well and upkeep is steady. Which she needs a lot of, these days.</p><p> </p><p>“My dad built her, uh, forty something years ago? Bought an old thunderbird, decided to gut and rebuild the whole thing from scratch with my uncle Chewie for <em> street racing </em> of all things. Nearly lost her in a couple bets, lived in a van for a couple years, you know. Normal parent things.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey snorts, as Ben smirks and instructs her to undo the other bandage while he cleans her up.</p><p> </p><p>He grabs a medical wipe, using his teeth to tear open the package with a huff. He makes a face and licks his teeth as the taste of anti-bacterial goop hits his tongue, and he has to peel the little plastic bit out of his mouth as Rey shakes her head at him and sets the other bandage on top of her car as well.</p><p> </p><p>“You can be so funny, sometimes.” She hums, turning to look up at him as he unfolds the medical wipe. “I don’t think you realize how funny you are.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, and gently lifts up her arm as he exhales. At least she’s happy with him right <em> now </em>. “You’re not going to think I’m very funny when I start cleaning this up. It’s gonna burn, okay? Tell me if you want me to stop.” </p><p> </p><p>She nods, and immediately hisses and growls as he presses the wipe to her skin as gently as possible. He encourages her to step closer, lean on him as he works. Use him for support, beat him up a little, he’s fine with it. </p><p> </p><p>His mom's words echo in his head, if it burns that means it’s <em> working </em> . She needed to have this properly cleaned out and bandaged up. She <em> needed </em> an extra set of hands to do this.</p><p> </p><p>She whines as he sighs, and wraps her spare arm around him as he whispers quiet apologies into her ear and just continues to diligently clean her up. Pull little scraps of fluff out of her scabs, that must have come off of her jacket and that she didn’t get cleaned out quite right when she tried to do this at home. “I’m sorry, I know,” he gently sighs as he works, “I know, this sucks. I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>She digs her hand into his side, pulling at his sweater as he tries to work as fast as possible and make this as easy as he can. She bites her cheek, groaning as the cloth slowly starts to turn pink and she leans her weight against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>Ben <em> hates </em> this, god, he <em> hates </em> the fact she feels like this.</p><p> </p><p>He never wants her to feel like this again.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben adjusts his back a little as he sits next to Rey on the ground, watching her as she crawls under her car on a creeper while it’s jacked up to change her tires. He keeps an eye on her as she works, spreading his attention between his laptop and her little frustrated sighs every time something doesn’t work out quite right. Her car is being <em> especially </em> picky today, it seems, as she whacks something with the head of her wrench.</p><p> </p><p>She groans as something else hisses, and she rubs her face as Ben reaches out to grab her ankle. He uses his thumb to press soothing circles into the joint, and she sighs as he guides her leg into his lap so he can more thoroughly keep her from freaking out.</p><p> </p><p>“I <em> hate </em> this car.” She grumbles into her hands, groaning in frustration as Ben sighs and nods in agreement. This car <em> sucks </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He moves her leg, stretching up and setting his laptop back on a workbench as she groans. </p><p> </p><p>“Come on, you need a break.” He hums, tugging on her feet and slowly dragging her out from under the car. She crosses her arms over her torso as she huffs up at him, hair held back in three little buns and face etched in a scowl.</p><p> </p><p>He presses his thumb to her forehead, trying to get her to relax a little and unfurrow that brow, as she sighs and shuts her eyes from where she’s lying on the creeper.</p><p> </p><p>“You eaten today?” He hums, moving his other hand down to her stomach. “It’s nearly three, we could go out and get a late lunch…”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods after a moment, sighing and opening her mouth to speak as Ben's father opens the door to the garage with a loud <em> smack </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Kid, your mother is driving me insane.” He exclaims, Ben just turning to him and blinking in shock as the door slams shut behind him with a loud squeak of the hinges. “She’s having me work on <em> labeling </em>, Ben. Me! Organizing and labeling! It’s like she hasn’t been living with me for the last thirty five years!”</p><p> </p><p>He huffs, walking over to the other end of the garage. Jesus Christ, okay, this is happening. Cool. </p><p> </p><p>He stops by the open hood of Rey's car, setting his hands on his hips to examine her vehicle, as Ben turns to look down at the owner of said car again. Rey just stares at him, eyes wide and an uneasy expression on her face as he mouths a silent “sorry” and squeezes her side in something that he hopes is reassuring.</p><p> </p><p>She grabs onto his upper arm, letting him help pull her into a sitting position as she sighs and takes a deep breath. She shrugs in ambivalence, as she stays seated on the creeper and fixes her jacket. Ben grabs the handle on the side of the platform, stopping her from rolling away as his father begins picking around her engine with what Ben recognizes as confusion.</p><p> </p><p>Ben is relieved, at least, that he isn’t the only one slightly freaked out by this disaster car. </p><p> </p><p>“Huh.” His dad sighs, as Ben lets Rey nervously play with his fingers and mess with his sleeve. His father scratches his head as he exhales, Ben watching as he moves from ‘mildly-confused’ to ‘majorly-concerned’. </p><p> </p><p>“Well, this isn’t street legal.” He hums, rubbing the side of his face as he continues to examine under the hood of Rey's car with extremely tentative fingers.</p><p> </p><p>Ben whips his head back around to Rey, as his dad leans over the engine to further find out what is and isn’t legal about Rey’s freak of nature car, apparently.</p><p> </p><p>She just shrugs at him, as Ben pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers and practices measured breathing. This girl- She’s going to give him a stress headache. This girl is going to give him a fucking stress headache.</p><p> </p><p>“Kid, other kid, you <em> know </em> this isn’t street legal. Right?”</p><p> </p><p>“I know!” Rey squeaks, defensively crossing her arms. “I’ve only had the car for two years! The previous owner mucked it all up, I’ve been trying to rebuild-“</p><p> </p><p>“I can see that! And those fixes aren’t exactly <em> safe </em>-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben just groans, as his dad pulls something out of the engine and Rey stands up to defend her hard work. He stays seated on the floor, as the two start to argue. </p><p> </p><p>“You can’t use these types of clamps on this type of engine, they’ll rust and fall into the main cavity of the vehicle!”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a <em> temporary fix, </em>Mr. Solo!” </p><p> </p><p>“A temporary fix that’s already rusting! This is outright dangerous! I can’t let you drive this car-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben stands up, walking over to the two and resting his hands on Rey's shoulders as she jumps and squeaks in alarm. “Okay, I’m taking her out to go pick up lunch. I’ll bring back something for you and mom, I promise, and you write down everything wrong with her car. Don’t do any work until we get back, but don’t leave anything out.” He sighs, slowly pulling Rey back from the front of her vehicle with firm but gentle tugs. “We’ll talk about making fixes when we get back, okay? Can we make a deal?”</p><p> </p><p>She huffs, turning back to him as his dad puts his hands in the air. She’s giving him that <em> look </em> again. The one that makes him feel all funky. Like there are bees in his stomach. </p><p> </p><p>She crosses her arms, staring up at him as she narrows her eyes at him. His dad leaves them be, moving to grab a notepad and his gloves as Ben stares down at her in confusion. What does she want from him? </p><p> </p><p>“Let me drive, and then we talk about letting him work on my car.” She sighs, raising her chin to stare him down as he tilts his head in confusion. She wants to do what now?</p><p> </p><p>Ben just stares at her, as she stares back. This isn’t up for debate, Ben has no power over his father. And she is not driving his car, not after the way she treats her own!</p><p> </p><p>She kicks at his ankle, not breaking eye contact as he jumps. Fine, fine, if it gets her to maybe consider fixing her car he’ll do it.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, jeez.” He sighs, grabbing his keys from where they’re hanging on the wall as she sighs. “You can drive my car, and my dad will <em> promise </em> not to mess with anything too serious until we come back. Deal?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, humming a small “thank you” and grabbing the keys from his palm. Ben moves to open the garage again, as his dad sighs and turns to look at him from where he stands at the hood of her car. He’s already got a <em> list, </em>longer than Ben has ever seen for one of his projects.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s not driving this thing home today.” He hums, as Ben opens the garage and Rey busies herself with getting her winter gear back on before the cold air rushes in. She swaps her hoodie for her jacket, Ben watching as she flexes her gauze wrapped arms and buttons herself back up. “This thing is a mess, we’re going to need the whole weekend before she even <em> thinks </em> about getting back in the driver's seat. It’s in <em> bad </em> shape, Ben. I can’t, in good conscious, let her drive this thing home today.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, because that had been obvious from the moment he saw her car. It’s in <em> really </em> bad shape, and he doesn’t think she’s completely qualified to do this alone. </p><p> </p><p>“I know, just don’t tell her that yet.” He sighs, grabbing his own jacket and sliding it on his shoulders as his dad quietly shakes his head and sighs. He’ll break the news to her, <em> after </em> they get some food into her and she’s less likely to bite him or something.</p><p> </p><p>“Keep an eye on her, kid. She’s trying her best.” He hums, as Ben nods. He knows, he always knows. She’s doing what she can with the cards she’s been given. And she’s doing a great job, but she needs to accept the fact it might be time to let somebody help now and then.</p><p> </p><p>He pulls on his scarf, grabbing his hat as Rey tugs on her gloves with the white snowflakes on them.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, dad. I know.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey can <em> feel </em> Ben glaring at her as she drives back to his house, takeaway in the backseat and eyes boring into the side of her skull every time she takes a turn a little too hard or starts impatiently tapping her fingers along the steering wheel at stoplights.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not <em> that </em> bad of a driver, am I?” She hums, trying to smile as he scoffs next to her and turns back to his phone. She doesn’t even know if he’s turned it off during the entire drive back, obsessively checking some emergency back at the office as she takes them back to his place. </p><p> </p><p>He crosses his arms, as she taps her fingers along the black leather of his steering wheel.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re a fine driver, just weird seeing <em> you </em> driving.” He sighs, reaching out and tapping something on the display.</p><p> </p><p>He huffs, as she continues to drive in silence.</p><p> </p><p>“Why’d you want to drive anyways? What’s the game here, Rey?” He asks, an edge of almost aggressive curiosity in his voice as she shrugs. She doesn’t know, it just seemed like a fun way to push his buttons at first. Kind of. Maybe.</p><p> </p><p>“Just kind of wanted to see what it felt like.”</p><p> </p><p>“Like <em> what </em> feels like?”</p><p> </p><p>“Being put together, I don’t know!” She laughs, shrugging her shoulders as she exhales. “I don’t- I don’t know. It makes me feel like I have more control, I think. I don’t- I know my car is in bad shape, Ben. I’m not an idiot. I know you’re worried about me, I know you care about me-“</p><p> </p><p>“You make it sound like I <em> shouldn’t </em>.” He sighs, reaching out and placing his hand in front of hers.</p><p> </p><p>She stares at it for a second, before grabbing his hand and squeezing as he moves her palm to the center console.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re just… an oddity. An outlier. I don’t know, you’re weird.”</p><p> </p><p>He chuckles, threading his fingers between hers as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“That was my lawyer voice, by the way. My nice one.” He hums, grinning as she pulls her hand out of his and whacks him in the chest as he laughs. What a <em> bully </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“God I- I fucking hate you, Ben. You’re the <em> worst </em>.” She sighs, as he grabs her hand again. </p><p> </p><p>He holds tight, as she giggles. Real laughter, this time.</p><p> </p><p>“You <em> say </em> that, but for some reason I don’t believe you.” He hums, and she whacks his chest again.</p><p> </p><p>Bastard.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben just stares at Rey's car, as she stands next to him in shock and takes in a deep breath. He grabs the bag of take-out in her hand, before she fully drops it in the driveway of his parents house and spills curry all over the concrete. </p><p> </p><p>“Speedy’s been lobotomized.” She says, voice wavering as she takes a deep breath. And Ben hates to admit it, he really does, but she’s right.</p><p> </p><p>Speedster, Rey's little station wagon, has been dissected. Shredded. Torn apart. The battery is on a worktable, her guts and tubes are spread out across a bench, and his dad is hanging over the open hood of her car with a bag of kitty litter in his arms.</p><p> </p><p>“I can explain.” He shouts, holding a hand out as Rey <em> stomps </em> up the driveway. She is <em> furious </em>, filled to the brim with red hot rage as Ben just stands and watches this whole scene play out. He doesn’t even know if he’s fully processed it.</p><p> </p><p>Holy shit, Speedy’s been lobotomized.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you <em> do!” </em> She yells, throwing her hands in the air as she starts picking through the pumpkin-guts of her car with a pale face and wide eyes. She runs over to the hood as his father jumps back, mouth open in pure shock as she runs a hand over her hair and she stares down into the abyss of her engine cavity.</p><p> </p><p>His father, wisely, keeps his distance as he rotates around the car to give her space. “It was a <em> necessary step </em>, Rey!”</p><p> </p><p>“She’s <em> dead! </em> You’ve <em> killed her!” </em></p><p> </p><p>“I’ve put her out of her misery!”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>My car’s been murdered!” </em></p><p> </p><p>She just stands in shock, gripping the lip of Speedy’s engine bay and blinking as Ben slowly steps up into the garage. He stands next to his father, taking a moment to form his words into actual sentences as Rey just silently stares into her vehicle with blank eyes and a dropped jaw.</p><p> </p><p>“Why- how- we were gone for half an hour.” Ben hums, standing next to his dad and staring at the car. He turns to him after it finally snaps into place, and he motions to the mess in front of them with a bag of rice and spring rolls in his hand. “Half and hour! We were gone for half an hour! How the hell did you do this in half an hour!”</p><p> </p><p>“Your mom helped.” His dad sighs, as Ben just blinks in shock. </p><p> </p><p>His mom <em> never </em> helps.</p><p> </p><p>“There was a leak in your fuel line.” His dad hums, walking back over to the decimated engine bay with Ben. He steps to the side, as Ben moves to stand next to Rey and his father points into the depths of her vehicle. “Look, okay, whoever was in here last time seriously screwed up your fuel line, kid. They used the wrong type, the wrong clamp, hell, I wouldn’t put it past them if they just scrapped together regular rubber piping to make this work. It was seriously stiff, and it started cracking and leaking-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben watches as his dad grabs a flashlight, shining it into a dip in the car. Between a doo-dad and a thing-a-majig. </p><p> </p><p>“Right there. You have a <em> massive </em> gas leak. Nothing that you would notice, because it was dripping in the one place you couldn’t find it, but I didn’t even see it until I had pulled out the battery because- besides the fact it does not match your vehicle at all-“</p><p> </p><p>He steps over to the worktable, turning the battery on it’s side. There’s a gash across the bottom, and it’s corroded on one of the seams. “It’s broken, see, right next to the gas leak. You were one spark away from an explosion, kid.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey just stares, as Ben takes a deep breath to keep his heart from giving out.</p><p> </p><p>Her car was a fucking death trap. A literal bomb on wheels. Rey could have <em> died </em> driving this damn car.</p><p> </p><p>Ben has never been more thankful for his father, not a single day in his life has he been prouder to be <em> Han Solo’s </em> son.</p><p> </p><p>He turns towards Rey, who is having a moderate-to-massive crisis next to him. She looks petrified, he doesn’t even know if she’s <em> breathing </em>. “Hey, hey, you-“</p><p> </p><p>She launches herself into his stomach, wrapping her arms around his torso and squeezing him tight as he gets the breath knocked out of him. She faces away from his father, towards her car, but she takes deep breaths as he sighs and stares down at her while she claws at his back with dull fingernails.</p><p> </p><p>He stands there, dumbstruck.</p><p> </p><p>“I’d hug you back, but you know, food-“</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” She quietly sighs, squeezing him tighter as she valiantly tries and fails not to let her voice or body shake. “God, <em> thank you, Ben </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>He awkwardly pats her back, exhaling as she clings onto him. </p><p> </p><p>He’s just happy she’s alright.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>rest in pieces, speedster. long live reys death car.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben walks back and forth between the living room and garage for the rest of the day, trying to mediate and manage for the entire household without actually letting those two sides<em> meet </em>. After all, he thinks they’ve had their fill of excitement for the day.</p><p> </p><p>When he walks inside that first time, dropping off food for his mother, she tugs him down into a hug and tells him to <em> never </em> let Rey bring another car into their garage again without some serious examinations and inspections first. That she respects her for the can-do-attitude, but that if she ever wants to let Ben in that vehicle again it needs to be fully checked out and approved by his father.</p><p> </p><p>Ben just laughs it off, although he knows the truth and worry behind it now. He can’t imagine his father was especially calm in delivering the news that Rey's car was essentially a ticking time bomb in their garage, and the panic that followed must have been extreme, to say the least.</p><p> </p><p>She kisses his cheek, before sending him off to go and check on the two. He promises not to let Rey leave in that car until <em> both </em> of them approve of it and decide it’s safe enough for her to drive. Until Han himself gives her a thumbs up, and gives her the all clear.</p><p> </p><p>When he goes back to the garage, he finds Rey focused on pouring and sweeping cat litter into everywhere that the gas line touched. They’ll have to clean out her entire engine bay apparently, his father no longer trusts <em> any </em> part of this car and he wants to yank out the entire engine just for fun, but this is a start.</p><p> </p><p>A start, apparently, that involves a lot of kitty litter and brooms. </p><p> </p><p>Ben goes back to writing work emails on the other side of the room, as his father patiently teaches Rey about proper engine maintenance and gas disposal. About how she can’t just go trusting YouTube videos, and that if she’s actually serious about this stuff she needs to learn from a professional.</p><p> </p><p>Which is him. His father means himself apparently. </p><p> </p><p>It is the most egotistical thing Ben has ever heard his father say, which is a high standard to meet, but he does so brilliantly. It is, by all means, a remarkable moment and one that should be remembered. Photographed, if Ben still had his phone on him and hadn’t left it back in the kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>He just shakes his head, and listens as Rey really gets into the right mindset among the rhythmic sweeping and chattering of the garage. She finds her groove quick, because she is a remarkably fast learner, and immediately starts questioning <em> how </em> and <em> why </em> his father is doing every little thing he does.</p><p> </p><p>And his father continues to patiently teach her, as Ben listens and writes his work emails.</p><p> </p><p>If he’s lucky, he might even pick up a few things along the way.</p><p> </p><p>It isn’t until that night, six or seven, that his father finally gets her to hang in the towel after helping her plan how they’re going to lift the engine. Her brain is in full engineer mode, Ben can tell, so he just listens as she helps his father clean up and she continues to spit off ideas about leverage and pressure points and stuff Ben doesn’t really understand. </p><p> </p><p>His father nods along, humming and following her eyeline.</p><p> </p><p>“That… actually might work.” He hums, pulling off his gloves and shrugging. “We can try it tomorrow, bright and early. Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben hums, looking up from his laptop and straightening his spine a little. </p><p> </p><p>“Drive Rey home, and pick her up early tomorrow morning. I want to start by eight thirty, which means you need to be out of here by…”</p><p> </p><p>Ben starts doing the math, already adding on the forty five minutes he’ll need to get ready.</p><p> </p><p>“Seven fifteen.” Rey hums, “Is that okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just blinks and sighs, slowly nodding. Six thirty it is, then. Just like highschool. </p><p> </p><p>“I can do that.” He sighs, already standing up and grabbing his keys. It is the <em> least </em> he can do, considering her car is…</p><p> </p><p>Well, as his father so gracefully put it earlier, “not really a car anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, let’s get you home.” Ben hums, watching as she nods and changes back into her cold weather clothes. She deliberates on where to set her sweatshirt, before just tossing it in the backseat of Speedy.</p><p> </p><p>“Whoa, what’s with the elbows kid?” His father asks, as Rey goes pink and shrugs. “Got into a fight or something? Give the other guy what-for?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, and really tries not to snark back at his dad while Rey is in the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, fell. Nothing too serious. Ben helped patch me up earlier.” </p><p> </p><p>He nods, grabbing Rey’s gloves for her and turning them right side out before handing them off and opening the garage door. She’s alright now, he reminds himself that she’s alright now. Everything is a little bit better than it had been this morning, and that is enough.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, as he looks out into the darkness and she says goodbye to his father. He silently curses daylight savings, making everything all cold and dark so early.</p><p> </p><p>He waves back to his dad, before ducking under the garage door and starting to make his way down the driveway.</p><p> </p><p>Rey hurries next to him as he walks, grabbing his hand in hers. He’s only moderately shocked by the gesture, staring down at their intertwined fingers as she sighs. </p><p> </p><p>He squeezes her hand, as she holds on tight to his arm and clings back in return. Weird.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey won’t drop his hand. </p><p> </p><p>And it’s not like Ben is conflicted on if he should let her keep on holding on to him, if anything he is entirely too fine with letting her slowly play with his fingers and examine his knuckles, but they’re parked outside of her apartment building and she doesn’t really look like she wants to leave yet. And Ben kind of needs her to leave before he can get back home.</p><p> </p><p>“You feeling alright?” He sighs, slowly resting his other hand over hers as she nods. “You want me to walk you up? What’s going on?”</p><p> </p><p>She just shrugs, as Ben sighs and runs a hand through his hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, please <em> talk </em> to me-“</p><p> </p><p>“What if I died.” She warbles, pulling her hand from his and crossing her arms over her chest. She slides down in the passenger seat of his car, setting her socked feet up on his dash as she heavily sighs into the collar of her coat.</p><p> </p><p>Ben doesn’t even know when she took off her shoes, but he’s just now realizing she did so as she stretches her toes and sighs. Weird, but cute. It’s weird, but cute.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean. What if.” She hums, looking away from him and shrugging. “What if I had refused to let you and you father help out, and then one day-“</p><p> </p><p>She makes an explosion motion with her hands, before nervously chewing on her index finger and whining. </p><p> </p><p>Ben just shrugs, crossing his own arms over his chest as he exhales. That’s a big thing to be thinking about. “But it didn’t.”</p><p> </p><p>“But it <em> could have </em> , and that’s the scariest part! And what if it happened around other people? What if you were in the car! I could have seriously hurt somebody, or killed them! All because I was being stubborn, and stupid, and <em> bullheaded-“ </em></p><p> </p><p>“Hey, stop it.” Ben groans, “It’s not your fault-“</p><p> </p><p>“I put the line in, Ben! It is my fault, okay! I could have killed somebody, I could have killed your <em> father </em>, I could have-“</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Stop. It </em> .” He hums, turning to face her as she does the same. Her eyes have gone all glassy, and Ben can <em> see </em> the panic on her face as she takes shallow breaths. The fear, the terror that something <em> seriously </em> bad could have happened if things hadn’t gone completely off-schedule today, is drowning her and dragging her down to somewhere that Ben isn’t quite sure he can follow. “You let me help, you’re letting me help. You’re letting people help you. You’re going to be okay, and we’re going to <em> make sure </em> it stays that way. Alright? You’re not figuring this shit out alone anymore, you’re not alone.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, face going all red and eyes going even more watery as he sighs. Watching her feel bad is making <em> him </em> feel bad, Jesus. She’s making him all empathetic, and <em> worried </em> about her now.</p><p> </p><p>“You know what the worst part is?” she whines, voice shaking as she turns away from him and presses her sleeves against her shut eyes. “My first thought, after the realization that I could have seriously gotten hurt, was that- I would die alone. And I hate that. I don’t- I don’t think anybody would come to my funeral. Isn’t that <em> awful </em> of me? It’s <em> so fucking selfish </em>-”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stares at her, flabbergasted, as she groans and continues rubbing her eyes. “It’s not selfish, Rey. It’s <em> human </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head, always so unwilling to see the good in herself. Her voice breaks and wavers as she speaks, Ben having to strain to understand her between gulps of air and sentences that are spoken far too fast. “It’s not. I- You have family, you have parents and <em> two </em> uncles. And, granted, I know you don’t get along with them, but it’s <em> somebody </em> . I have you and Finn. That’s it. And… Finn wouldn’t be able to come out, because the world <em> sucks </em> and he can’t travel because everything is <em> bad </em> and <em> awful </em>, and then it’s just you! It’s just you! And I don’t know how to deal with that.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just stares at her, as she breaks down in his passenger side seat. He is woefully unprepared for this, really. He doesn’t know how to take care of her like this.</p><p> </p><p>“My dad would be there. He likes you.” He mumbles, kind of uneasily shifting in his seat as he evaluates. It doesn’t do much to console her, he realizes, now that they’ve gone down this weird rabbit hole of counting the number of people who would be at their funerals.</p><p> </p><p>Ben takes a deep breath, giving himself a second to think. A second to process and break this all down. Figure out what needs to happen next for her.</p><p> </p><p>He speaks, just letting the words tumble out of his mouth before he thinks about what they might mean. “Luke wouldn’t show up, Rey. I know I give him shit and it’s funny because he’s an <em> egomanic </em>, but he wouldn’t show up. He doesn’t- I don’t think we’ll ever talk again. That bridge is burned to hell, and I don’t think I’ve talked to my uncle Chewie in seven, eight years either? He wouldn’t even recognize me if we were walking down the same street, I think.”</p><p> </p><p>He turns to stare at the floor of his car, thinking as he sighs. She sobs harder, trying to muffle her cries into her sleeve, and Ben doesn’t know if that was really useful or not. </p><p> </p><p>It doesn’t feel like it.</p><p> </p><p>“And you have Finn, and I think you underestimate how much someone like that could care about you. If you’re still talking, through all of this, he would come out. I know it. He would make it work. He-he loves you.”</p><p> </p><p>She sniffles, turned away from him as he desperately tries to think of anything else he could say. </p><p> </p><p>He furrows his brow, and decides to just go for it.</p><p> </p><p>What else could he have to lose. What else does Ben<em> have </em> to lose?</p><p> </p><p>Fine, they’re really doing this.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just you, Rey. I don’t know- you might think I have friends up in New York or something, but I don’t. I have my mom and dad, yes, but it’s <em> just </em> them. And it’s so raw, and new, and- It’s <em> just </em> you, nobody else.” He hums as he shuts his eyes, leaning forward and setting his head on top of his steering wheel as he crosses his arms over his suddenly sick stomach. “I know you think I’m put together, that I’ve got my life under control, but I really don’t. You’re the first friend I’ve had in <em> years </em> , maybe the first one I’ve ever had. You don’t tease me or hurt me, you don’t treat me like I’m a <em> monster </em>-“</p><p> </p><p>“Because you’re not!” </p><p> </p><p>Ben turns his head, staring at her and feeling his breath hitch. She’s still wiping away her tears, although she’s staring at him now as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re good and sweet and <em> gentle </em>, and you have people-“</p><p> </p><p>“You and Hux, and between you and me, I don’t think he's a very good person anymore.”</p><p> </p><p>They just blink at each other, Rey leaning back as she wipes her eyes and dryly laughs. She groans into her palms, as Ben sighs and gently smiles. “So, that’s our imaginary funeral then? Just each other, a co-worker you can’t stand, my friend from Jakku that I haven’t seen since <em> March </em>, your family, and the uncle who you hate but is also somehow my professor and program coordinator. That’s all.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, smiling as she groans. Ridiculous.</p><p> </p><p>“This is like some awful British comedy, for the record. I don’t know how this is my actual <em> life-“ </em></p><p> </p><p>Ben just sighs, grabbing her arm and gently tugging her into a hug. She clings onto him as he buries his face in her neck, breathing a large sigh of relief. “I don’t care what kind of comedy this looks like, I just care that you’re <em> alive. I just can’t lose you yet. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>Rey freezes, before gently hugging him back. She wraps her arms around his torso, running a hand up the back of his neck and through his hair as he exhales. She blinks against his skin, Ben feeling a couple hot tears hit his neck as she holds him tighter and breathes against his body.</p><p> </p><p>He tries to keep his own tears at bay, he really does, but a few slip out anyways. Ben hopes she doesn’t notice, but he knows she does when she lifts a hand to better play with his stress-messed hair and she quietly sighs an apology in his ear.</p><p> </p><p>“Come up, please. I don’t really want to be alone right now.” She hums, voice catching as he nods. </p><p> </p><p>Ben doesn’t really want to be alone either.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh <em> god </em>,” the mass underneath Rey hums, as she sleepily blinks awake in the dark living room of her apartment. The mountain groans as she exhales, and she holds on tighter as it restlessly shifts under her. “Sweetheart, your elbow-“</p><p> </p><p>Rey huffs as she moves her arms, bringing them to her chest as she tries to curl up and in on herself. She vaguely registers the light from a cell phone screen or something, as she slams her eyes shut and rubs her face across the warm beast with a whine.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry, sorry.” It hums again, a hand rubbing up and down her back as she sighs and stretches out across him. “Your elbow was directly in my <em> spleen, </em> Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>She huffs, and tries to roll into a more comfortable position. A position that doesn’t have her neck oddly tilted against a sharp edge of bone or her legs trapped at a far too uncomfortable angle against the back of the couch.</p><p> </p><p>The mass moves again, two hands going around her ribs and slowly easing her a little higher up, as she sighs. She lets the creature shuffle around a little, as she exhaustedly rests her head in the crook of its neck and it’s arms circle around her torso with a warm exhale.</p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t mean to wake you up, I’m sorry.” It murmurs, as she just grumbles nonsensical sleepy sounds in reply. “But I have to head home, I need to be up early so I can come back and pick you up again.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>No </em>.” She whines, tugging at the fabric that the mass is currently wearing. “Don’t go home.”</p><p> </p><p>It chuckles, as she clings on tighter. “<em>Please </em> don’t go home, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, slowly rubbing her spine before gently sitting up. He is careful with her, more careful than he really needs to be, as he gets her sat on the couch and out of his arms. </p><p> </p><p>She blinks up at him, still hanging onto his shoulders for support as she gains her bearings. She immediately misses their previous position, as she comes to and realizes the whole living room is about three degrees darker than it was last time she checked.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi,” he hums, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear as she groans, “you fell asleep as soon as we sat down. I wanted to stay until you woke up.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, crossing her arms and leaning towards him again. “What time is it?” She wearily hums, as he grabs her shoulder to steady her and checks his phone with a sigh. She blinks awake as the blue light casts his face in an eerie glow, highlighting his handsome nose and furrowed brow.</p><p> </p><p>“Almost nine thirty.” He sighs, shutting his phone back off and setting it in his pocket. “You’ve been asleep for about an hour and a half, after you finally calmed down a little. You okay, by the way? Kind of freaked out on me there, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, because she did kind of maybe start catastrophizing everything in her life once they got up here. And it didn’t help that Ben, her rock through this whole experience and her only anchor to a lot of reality right now, maybe started crying a little in his car after revealing that they’re a lot more similar than she thought.</p><p> </p><p>She wraps her arms around his neck again, tugging him closer as he sighs. “Better. Not great, but better.”</p><p> </p><p>“Better is enough.” Ben sweetly hums, again shifting and slowly moving her off of his legs as he stands.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, staring down at her as she leans back against the back of the couch. Damn, her attempt at keeping him close didn’t work. Almost like he doesn’t want to stay.</p><p> </p><p>Which she squishes really fast, because she doesn’t need him to anyways.</p><p> </p><p>She shuts her eyes, and curls her legs up against her chest as he sighs. “You’re not going to make it to bed, are you?” He almost disappointedly hums, although she can hear the amusement in his voice as she shakes her head in response.</p><p> </p><p>Ben just stands there for a moment as she slowly starts to drift off again. He mutters something under his breath before sighing, and breathing out in a large exhale.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, don’t freak out.” He hums, leaning down and over her as she cracks one eye open and up at him.</p><p> </p><p>And then his arms are under her, around her torso, slowly lifting her up as she whines and frantically grabs at his chest with a squeak. Because suddenly her feet are off the ground, and Ben is holding her in a bridal carry as he groans and she stares up at him with her hands drawn to her chest. Yeah, wait, okay; she’s awake now.</p><p> </p><p>“Christ, you’re heavy.” He hums, as she snorts and adjusts herself against his chest. He starts walking towards her bedroom, as she squeaks and feels a hand dig into her thigh while the other rests against her shoulder blades. She wraps her arms around his neck, just in case he drops her or something.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing?” She protests, as Ben does his best not to jostle her too much.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you <em> think </em> I’m doing? Getting you to bed so you don’t fall asleep on the couch.”</p><p> </p><p>He sets her down in her room, her trip against his body far too short, but it takes her a second to find her feet again.</p><p> </p><p>She just stares up at him, mystified, as he tucks his hands under her shirt and squeezes her sides. “I’ll see you in the morning, okay? First thing, I’ll be here. Now get out of this and go to bed. It’s gross.”</p><p> </p><p>She reaches out and lightly jabs him in the side, as he smiles. She can just barely make out where the corners of his mouth turn up, in the darkness of her bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>She leans forward, grabbing him and hugging him close again as he sighs again. She instructs him, before she double guesses herself, “grab the spare key off the counter before you go, and lock up on your way out. I trust you.”</p><p> </p><p>He squeezes her tighter, lifting her up on her toes as she giggles. “You’re so difficult to leave sometimes, you know? You make it really difficult to say goodbye to you when you tell me things like that.” </p><p> </p><p>She grins, and tugs him down tighter. Dirty shirt be damned, Ben Solo thinks she’s <em> difficult </em> to leave behind.</p><p> </p><p>She’s never really thought that way about herself before.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“Hey.” Ben's mom hums, when he comes back into the house via the front door and nods in recognition of her presence. “You missed dinner, bug.”</p><p> </p><p>He nods again, sighing as he hangs up his coat and hat. He knows, she already texted him about this earlier. He keeps an eye on her as she stands in the dining room, poking her head out into the living space as he gets himself reoriented in the house before tugging off his shoes with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey might have had a minor anxiety attack or something, I don’t know. She’s fine now!” He corrects, when his mom grimaces and her eyes widen in a panic. “She kind of had a <em> moment </em> concerning her car and the nature of life, I guess, we had a conversation about <em> death </em> and stuff-“</p><p> </p><p>“Uh-huh. Normal budding romance topics.”</p><p> </p><p>He glares at her, before going back to his shoes. “It was good, though. Talking about who would show up to our funerals if we suddenly blew up in a freak car accident, figuring out where our priorities lie.”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs again, as he sighs and finally gets both shoes off. Apparently they lie with each other, to some degree, which is good. A little reassuring, now that they’re separated again.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s fine, kind of shaken, but I think she’ll be more herself once things are back under control. She just needed some time to get her mind sorted out, reassurance that everything will be alright.”</p><p> </p><p>“Reassurance delivered in what form.” His mom deadpans, glaring at Ben as he moves to the couch and sits down.</p><p> </p><p>He turns to her, trying to figure out how much is appropriate to spill here. How much she needs to know concerning his personal life. </p><p> </p><p>“She fell asleep, once we got back up to her apartment. She didn’t want to be alone, so I sat with her and let her figure out what she needed from me. I think she just needed someone to hang out with, be in physical contact with. She just… didn’t want to be alone.”</p><p> </p><p>His mom nods, before moving to the staircase as he sighs. “She’s a <em> weird </em> girl, Ben. I like her.” She hums, as he smiles and leans back.</p><p> </p><p>She’s not wrong, Rey <em> is </em> weird.</p><p> </p><p>It happens to be why he likes her so much.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben’s alarm didn’t go off. </p><p> </p><p>It’s the first thing he registers when he wakes up, his dad banging on his door as he groans. “Kid? You alive? You were supposed to leave, like, five minutes ago. Mom asked me to come and check on you.”</p><p> </p><p>He takes a second to blink awake, groaning as he leans up and tries not to vomit.</p><p> </p><p>He checks his phone, wondering what the hell his dad could mean. What kind of nonsense is happening now.</p><p> </p><p>He blinks at the device as he unplugs it, reading seven fifteen across the top of his screen. Right next to the date, and everything.</p><p> </p><p>Huh. He should be on his way to Reys right now.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, <em> shit </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Ben scrambles out of bed, groaning and making his way over to the closet as he near trips over his own feet. “My alarm didn’t go off! My <em> fucking </em> alarm didn’t go off!”</p><p> </p><p>His dad laughs, as Ben loudly groans again. “Good morning, then!” He calls back, before disappearing down the hallway with heavy footsteps.</p><p> </p><p>Ben makes an anxious noise, as he rummages around for <em> something </em> to wear. He’ll need to brush his teeth before he goes, but the rest can wait. It’s not like he’s going to interact with anybody who really <em> cares </em> , anyways. It’s just Rey, and she’s already seen him in his underwear! He has <em> nothing </em> to lose here!</p><p> </p><p>Plus, they’ll be coming right back here anyways. He can change into actual clothes when they get back to his parents place. It won’t be a big deal. It’s just pajamas. He’ll be wearing a coat over them anyways.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, grabs a pair of flannel pajama pants so he isn’t running outside in his underwear, and decides to make the best of a bad situation.</p><p> </p><p>This is not how he wanted to start today off.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>On the other side of town, Rey’s morning starts off just as weird when she doesn’t receive a text from Ben telling her when he’s coming by early that morning. Not even a warning, or a quick heads up that he’s on his way. Just radio silence, as she gets ready and periodically checks her phone for notifications or any sort of communication on his end. It’s just dead air, which leaves her a little concerned considering their conversation last night.</p><p> </p><p>He’s also late, which prompts her to just put her phone down and walk away after a while to stop herself from panicking. She’s sure he’ll come up and get her eventually, he seems the type to want to do that. He’s a gentleman.</p><p> </p><p>She thinks. She hopes.</p><p> </p><p>She isn’t expecting a series of small beeps from the parking lot, however, prompting her to look out her window and stare down at his car as it idles a little ways away from her balcony. He’s parked in the spot she normally parks her own, although far messier than normal. It takes her a full ten seconds to process what is happening, as she tilts her head and listens to him beep again.</p><p> </p><p>She goes for her phone as it buzzes on the kitchen counter, another impatient beep echoing around her apartment as she checks what the hell is going on and why he’s in her parking lot and not at her doorstep.</p><p> </p><p>It sounds needy even as she thinks it, but she kind of likes it when Ben goes all classy gentleman caller on her these days.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>coffe</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Please bring me coffee</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Rey please bring me coffee</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> ???? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I made an awful mistake, please just get down here and bring me caffeine.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Well, that’s not ominous or terrifying at all.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, grabbing a travel mug and going to brew him a cup of <em> tea </em> because she hasn’t had coffee in her apartment since Finn was around. She saw no reason to start buying it again after she moved out, after all, and so she carefully goes about grabbing him a hopeful caffeine substitute. Something that she isn’t quite sure he’ll like, but will at least keep him from having a total <em> meltdown </em> or something.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, and shakes her head as she tries to pull any other answers out of him over text.</p><p> </p><p>But, in all honesty, he doesn’t give her as many answers as she had hoped.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>The ice is back, which is something Rey notes as she slowly, but purposefully, makes her way across the parking lot to go and see what Ben is doing. She’s got two cups of tea in her hands as she traverses the parking lot, both in cute travel mugs, as she nimbly tries not to drop them or wipe out on the asphalt.</p><p> </p><p>She sets them on the roof of his car, carefully avoiding the wet patches of melted frost with her knit gloves as she opens the door. She is mindful of what Ben said, trying to keep her hands as dry as possible as she sighs and ducks her head down into the vehicle. </p><p> </p><p>And Ben grins back at her, hair brushed but unstyled and dressed in what looks to be red flannel pajama pants with reindeer on them. They’re accompanied by a black t-shirt that looks just a little too tight around the arms and chest, “Snoke &amp; Associates” across the front with blocky lettering as he hides under his winter jacket.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi.” He hums, and she giggles as he pulls his peacoat a little tighter around his body. “My alarm didn’t go off. You look wonderful. Good morning.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, shaking her head and grabbing the two mugs before sliding into the seat next to him and closing the door. She further takes in his appearance for a moment, refusing to comment as she looks him up and down. “I can see that. I like the reindeer. They’re festive.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, looking down at his pants in shame as she hands him the mug. “I know.” He quietly whispers, blushing as she giggles.</p><p> </p><p>He takes the mug, moving to take a sip before she warns him, “It’s breakfast tea! With milk and sugar! I didn’t have any coffee, sorry. British, and all that.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stares at her in conflict, before slowly taking a sip. She laughs at how tentative he is, as she goes to take her own small sip and he sets his periwinkle mug down. Showing him it’s not poisonous, or something like that apparently.</p><p> </p><p>“It's… good?” He hums, moving the gearbox from parked to drive. “I mean, I’ve had worse. It’s like boba tea, just hot.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nearly chokes on her own tea, as he pulls out of her parking lot and turns up the radio a little. It’s the first time he’s ever played his music for her, phone plugged into the system as something with <em> bass </em> plays from the stereo. It’s weird seeing him like this, letting down a few more of his walls around her as she sighs at him and his reindeer pants. </p><p> </p><p>“You like boba?” She laughs, placing a hand on her chest as she turns to him and giggles. He goes all red in the face as he nods, confusion crossing his appearance before he turns to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, I- I know what boba is! I’m not <em> that </em> old!” He squawks, keeping his eyes on the road as he continues to drive. He murmurs to himself, shrugging as she grins at him and continues to find amusement in the fact that this mountain of a man apparently buys <em> boba </em> in his spare time. Even just the mental picture of <em> Ben </em>, who is by all means a man's man, buying boba? Holding one of those, relatively, small cups in his massive palms? It makes her laugh uncontrollably as he sighs, corners of his mouth quirking up as she unsuccessfully tries to stop her giggles. “I used to buy it in the city, when I did really good on a case, okay? It was a good reward system, it worked. The owners knew me and everything.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighs in exhaustion, as she stares at him and smiles. She reaches out and pats his arm, as he huffs and drives. “Yes, Ben. It’s like boba. Just black tea with milk and sugar.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighs again, as she just continues to giggle. He reaches for the tea again and takes another sip with a tiny huff, bringing it to his lips as he smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re making fun of me, and <em> you’re </em> the one who doesn’t have coffee in her house. You’re an American now, it’s a travesty you don’t have an addiction like the rest of us.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey scoffs, fighting the urge to bat at his arm. It’s not that she’s making fun of him, it’s anything but! She likes that Ben is familiar with his teas, and that he doesn’t stick to any one archetype or personality. She loves that he’s full of surprises, that he can rip into a courtroom to go be mean and shout at somebody and then go out and buy sickly sweet bubble tea afterwards as a treat for himself.</p><p> </p><p>It’s cute.</p><p> </p><p>Ben is cute, he’s <em> really </em> cute sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>She thinks he’s really cute.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben walks into the garage with Rey as he sighs, his dad already starting to mess with her engine and set up the pulley system to yank it out of her car for a long day of cleaning and working. She cheerfully greets him good morning with an ever present smile, as Ben silently tries to picture how they’re going to do this in the home garage.</p><p> </p><p>He scowls next to her, still sipping on his tea as his dad looks up at them. It seems impossible.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, kids.” He hums, smiling at Rey before staring at Ben in wide eyed shock for a moment. He tilts his head, smirking as Ben exhales in defeat. His father didn’t see him leave the house, nobody did. Which is good, considering he nearly fell down the front stairs on his way out of the house anyways.</p><p> </p><p>“Look, it’s what I could find.” He hums, motioning to his legs as Rey giggles. “You said eight thirty, it’s eight thirty five. It was either having Rey on time, or me wearing actual clothes. You made your choice, now live with it.”</p><p> </p><p>His father shakes his head, as Ben shuffles towards the doorway in his messily tied boots. She opens the car door behind him, humming to herself as he tiredly clomps up the wooden steps to go and find actual clothes like he had planned to initially leave the house in.</p><p> </p><p>“Hmm,” she sighs, as he turns back to her in curiosity, “Did I take my sweatshirt home last night? I could have sworn I left it here.”</p><p> </p><p>“I uh, I washed it.” Ben tiredly hums, gesturing inside to where the washer and dryer are. “It was covered in grit, and you guys were working with gasoline yesterday. I didn’t want you wearing it again without it going through the wash first, sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey goes red in the face, as Ben busies himself with getting back inside before he starts to blush himself. He also may have stolen it for selfish purposes, because it was just kind of really nice to have a piece of Rey with him. He hung out with it on the couch until it didn’t smell like her anymore, and lamented the fact that he had to throw it in the wash before bed. Even if that had always been the original plan, a part of him is still mourning the knowledge that he had something that smelled like and belonged to her and he <em> threw it in the wash </em>. </p><p> </p><p>Ben has very few animalistic tendencies, like most humans in the twenty first century, but he is quickly discovering that “things that smell like Rey” are a surefire way to active those more primal parts of his existence.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll go grab it.” He sighs, heading inside with a huff.</p><p> </p><p>He makes it about three steps before he comes face to face with his mom in the kitchen, where she takes one long look at him and hums.</p><p> </p><p>“So-“</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Don’t.” </em></p><p> </p><p>She starts laughing as he takes another sip from the tiny travel mug Rey gave him, yawning as he shuffles past her and moves to the dryer by the back door. He swears, he remembered to put it in last night, right? Wait, did he?</p><p> </p><p>He leans down, breathing a sigh of relief as he looks into the empty washing machine. It did get moved to the dryer, thank god.</p><p> </p><p>He goes to open it, before he realizes it’s still humming.</p><p> </p><p>“Was that Rey's sweatshirt in the wash?” His mom asks, laughing as Ben nods and looks back up at her. She must have been the one who moved it, probably found it this morning while Ben was out fetching one Rey Niima. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, sorry. She left it here last night, though I’d go ahead and wash it before she came back.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs his name, shaking her head as she smiles. They’re both thinking the same thing, he knows. Ben and all the weird ways he shows his affection to people.</p><p> </p><p>“You talked to her about it yet?” She hums, going back to doing something over the sink as he shrugs and sighs. He looks at the timer, deciding to give the dryer a couple more minutes as he screws the lid off of the mug Rey gave him and downs the last of the tea.</p><p> </p><p>“Not yet.” He hums licking his lips as his mom sighs, “I’m waiting until Monday, I think. Or- I don’t know. She’ll reach out when she wants to. If she wants to. It’ll be funnier if she sees it with the rest of the class, maybe. I’ll let her do this on her own terms, I think.” </p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, as his mom takes a second to think. She sighs, turning to him as he moves next to her and runs the cup under the warm water of the sink.</p><p> </p><p>His mom pushes him away, towards the washing machine, after a couple seconds. “Go, shoo, take your girl her sweatshirt and get <em> out </em> of here. There’s not enough room in here for both of us, cowboy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Cowboy?” He hums, laughing as he moves to the dryer. “That’s a new one. And who ever said she was <em> my </em> girl?”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, launching a wet dish towel at his head as he squawks. “You said it when you took more issue with me calling you <em> cowboy </em> than me calling her <em> your </em> girl.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just huffs, and goes back to trying to find Rey's sweatshirt between mismatched socks and his <em> nice </em> jeans without blushing too much from that weird realization.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, kid, how’s it look down there?” His father calls, as Ben watches from afar with a flashlight in one hand and a notebook in the other. He didn’t think he was going to be of much use today, between the fact that three people in the garage along with the two cars is a <em> pretty </em> tight fit and his experience and skill with cars is pretty minimal, but he’s been put to work anyways.</p><p> </p><p>Flashlight boy. An extra set of hands, good for whenever they need him to strong-arm something while they work, apparently.</p><p> </p><p>He moves around to the other side of the car, Rey scooting a little farther under the vehicle on her creeper as Ben tries to see what she’s doing. So far they’ve taken off all the tires again, and although that definitely set a damper on Rey's mood, the fact that his father <em> finally </em> praised her work made her happier than Ben thinks he’s ever seen her. They’ve got the whole thing lifted up on blocks as well, and Chewie is dropping off a lift for the engine at some point within the next twenty four hours. Ben has no idea what the actual plan with the engine is, but he’s excited to see how they’re going to do this today.</p><p> </p><p>Rey grunts, something falling against the concrete as she sighs. “Good! I’ve got the axles detached and the oil is almost all drained. We should be good to lift whenever, the whole chassis is loose now.”</p><p> </p><p>“Nice, now keep an eye out-“</p><p> </p><p>His mom bursts into the garage, Ben jumping and heart near leaping out of his chest as he stands next to Rey’s legs and freezes, why is she here? What happened?</p><p> </p><p>“We won, the nightmare is over. Election’s been called in Pennsylvania. We <em> won </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey <em> bangs </em> her head against the bottom of the car, squeaking as Ben just stands there in shock. What?</p><p> </p><p>It hits him all at once, because although he hasn’t forgotten about the election these past few days, far from it, life goes on with or without massive, life-changing events. There was a whole story arc between election day and right this moment, shit <em> changed </em>. Ben is a different man than when he drove past all those polling lines, Rey in the seat next to him while he contemplated how best to convince her to never give Plutt any of her business again.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh! Sorry!” She hums, disappearing back inside as Ben just continues to stand there. The elections finally been called, they won.</p><p> </p><p>He turns to look at his father, over the top of Rey's car, as she groans from the undercarriage and sighs. One of their neighbors starts yelling from next door, as Ben checks the time. He feels like this should be marked down somewhere, that it should be established as a <em> big moment </em>. Because it is! It’s a very big moment!</p><p> </p><p>He remembers Rey, as she huffs from underneath the car again. Ben snaps back to himself, as he steps back from her legs and processes.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay?” He calls, leaning down as she groans in something that he thinks is the affirmative. Okay, good. That’s good.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine,” she sighs, Ben breathing in relief as she kicks her feet in the air, “Uh, pull me out, would you? And can somebody grab me an ice pack, or something?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben grabs her ankles, slowly starting to wheel her out from under the car as his father looks between him and the doorway. His mom shouts from inside, as they both wince. The neighbors, not the ones also screaming, are going to think they’re <em> insane </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, I’m going to go make sure your mother doesn’t open the scotch we’re saving for your wedding. I’ll be back in ten. Will you be alright?”</p><p> </p><p>He nods, watching his father set down his tools and hurry to the doorway as Ben continues to slowly drag Rey out from under her car. He didn’t know they were saving scotch for his wedding, that’s nice. Unless his mom drinks it today, then Ben is going to be very confused on where his parents personal priorities lie.</p><p> </p><p>He looks down at Rey, as somebody from inside starts banging pots and pans together in celebration. It might be too late to stop his mothers day drinking habits, now that he thinks about it. A hopeless endeavor.</p><p> </p><p>Rey groans, rubbing the left side of her forehead as Ben stands over her and waits between her legs. He is far too scatterbrained to make sense of it all, right this moment, but he does his best to pull the strings of his mind back together into some sort of cohesiveity as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“So,” he hums, kind of at a loss for words, “we won, I guess. It worked. American democracy has been saved.”</p><p> </p><p>It seems <em> odd </em> to put it that way, staring down at Rey as they work on her collapsed car.</p><p> </p><p>She grins, exhaling a sigh of relief as he smiles over her. She’s got a scratch on her forehead, a mark that’s slowly turning a little red as she throws her hands on the ground and leans her head back. “Oh, thank <em> god </em> . It’s not perfect, I know so much is still going to have to be done, but it’s fucking <em> over </em> . Thank <em> fuck </em> it’s over.”</p><p> </p><p>The neighbors from next door continue to celebrate, as Ben nods and laughs. “It’s over. We survived. It’s going to be alright, we’re going to be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>She relaxes with a long exhale, as Ben stares down at her. She’s so pretty, even with a slowly bruising forehead and oil stained fingers. “Oh, thank <em> fuck </em> it’s over.”</p><p> </p><p>He nods, laughing as she reaches up to him. He picks her up, getting her to her feet as she jumps up and into his arms. He groans a little, surprised by the sudden movement, but quickly finds his balance this time as she clings onto him and he holds her tight against his chest.</p><p><br/><em> Thank fuck it’s over </em>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben doesn’t even make it back inside Sunday night, after dropping Rey off at her place, before his phone rings from the New York office. His boss Snoke, more specifically, is calling him at six thirty-eight on a Sunday night.</p><p> </p><p>Which is, for the record, never a good thing. Ben knows this. He is not an idiot.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs and picks it up, dramatically wiggling the doorknob and realizing his parents locked him out at all at once. Great, perfect. Just what he needed.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello?” He tiredly hums, digging through his pocket and tugging out his keys as he rolls his eyes and tries not to make an <em> audible </em>sigh. “Hi, Snoke, how can I help.”</p><p> </p><p>He jams the key into the lock, tucking his phone between his shoulder and his face as he yanks on the door and wiggles it until the lock slips, the mechanism turning in his favor as he sighs and steps inside while making sure to appropriately hum to show his <em> eager attentiveness </em> when his boss stops speaking.</p><p> </p><p>“I heard, I heard. I sent in my report last week, I really think we need to start looking into-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, shutting the door as Snoke interrupts him. He points to his phone when he sees his mom, mouthing his bosses name as said boss continues to drone on about the end of year reports and making sure Ben stays up to date with any last minute fixes that he might need to work on before the holidays. As a senior lawyer with the firm, it’s his job to deal with the new hires and clean up any of their messes. I.e., last minute reputation saves to make sure the firm doesn’t go under.</p><p> </p><p>It has been his job for the last three years, because for some reason people never stay with Snoke for longer than necessary. It’s one of the biggest complaints about the firm, all their lawyers are too <em> young </em> and <em> unprofessional </em> and Snoke doesn’t help by <em> being Snoke </em>. Sure, they have a shark-ish reputation, but their turnover rate is massive and there’s so much mismanagement-</p><p> </p><p>“I know the drill, just keep me posted.” He sighs, shrugging off his jacket and slowly moving to the garage. He wants to check out the car one more time, and it sounds like his dad might still be out there. It will, at least, distract him from this awful phone call.</p><p> </p><p>He freezes, about halfway there. “<em> When? </em>” He hums, furrowing his brow and crossing an arm over his chest. “Are you sure that’s a good idea-“</p><p> </p><p>Snoke interrupts him <em> again </em>, as Ben pointedly rolls his eyes and his mother walks away from him with a shake of her head. </p><p> </p><p>“No, I mean, are you sure-</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t go, cases are starting to spike again-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, taking a deep breath as he opens and closes his fist. He gets the distinct feeling he’s not getting out of this, that Snoke would absolutely be willing to pull some type of leverage move if Ben doesn’t agree immediately.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, rubbing his face as he exhales. “Fine, I’ll do it. But I’m serious, unless everyone is following strict protocols I’m <em> not </em> doing it. We should all get tested-</p><p> </p><p>“No! I’m serious! I have a family I need to look out for! I’ll go-</p><p> </p><p>“Oh <em> god </em> , really? <em> He </em> wants to show up?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben groans, and leans against the wall with a sigh. He tries to tune out, rubbing his forehead as he takes deep breaths. This is, quite frankly, not the news he was expecting or wanting to get today. This is exactly the news he <em> does not </em> want today.</p><p> </p><p>Because today had been <em> so </em> good.</p><p> </p><p>And now it’s <em> ruined </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll make it happen, I’ll make it happen. Three PM, sharp. I’ll make it happen.” He sighs, rubbing his face as he already starts doing the mental math. He should be out of here by late morning, then, and he needs to look for a place to stay or somewhere that he knows will be safe on such short notice.</p><p> </p><p>Shit, he’ll have to stay with Hux. He’s going to have to reach out tonight, before his co-worker heads to bed.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, l’ll take care of it.” Ben sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “See you tomorrow, then.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulls his phone from his face, as he leans against the wall and hangs up. Well, actually, Snoke hangs up first. Ben doesn’t even get <em> that, </em> apparently.</p><p> </p><p>But he stands there, staring at the device for a moment as he sighs and processes. Shit.</p><p> </p><p>“Mom?” He yells, heading for the garage door. She pokes her head out from the kitchen, where she had been hiding, as Ben moves to the garage doorway. He opens it up, as she follows him with a confused look on her face.</p><p> </p><p>“Snoke just called me into New York, for a week. I’m leaving tomorrow morning.” He calls, leaning back against the doorframe as his dad looks up and nearly slams his head on a part of the lift that has Rey's engine in the air. Ben winces, wondering if maybe they should move that soon. It looks like he’s cleaning it, taking a scrub brush to all of the dirtiest parts just to see what can be salvaged and what should be replaced.</p><p> </p><p>He looks between his parents, as his mom sighs and rubs her face. His stomach goes as queasy, as his parents just sigh in disdain.</p><p> </p><p>His mom sighs, crossing her arms, “Week as in-“</p><p> </p><p>“Friday, I’ll be back on Friday.”</p><p> </p><p>The three stand in silence, Ben holding the doorway open as his parents both sigh. He feels guilty, shameful, because he shouldn’t be leaving right now. He <em> really </em> shouldn’t be leaving right now.</p><p> </p><p>There are about a million and a half reasons why he <em> shouldn’t </em> leave right now.</p><p> </p><p>“He can’t make you go, kid.” His dad hums, setting down the scrub brush and his rag. “If you don’t feel safe, you’ve <em> gotta </em> say no-“</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t say no to Snoke.” Ben groans, crossing his arms and huffing. Not a chance in hell, because Ben would <em>like</em> to keep his holiday schedule clear this year and he can’t risk fucking up more than he already has when it comes to his scheduling conflicts. Hanging out with Rey put him <em>seriously</em> behind on shit, he can’t fuck up like that again now that he’s got it all sorted and back under control. “Look, I just- five days. Five days and then I’m back home. I’ll stay with Hux, I know he’s been safe because he’s a fucking hypochondriac-“</p><p> </p><p>His mom grabs his arm, looking up at him as he silently sighs. She knows he hates his job, his boss. She hates that he’s unhappy, and that he feels kind of trapped in his work right now. She hates to watch him hurt, and he knows this.</p><p> </p><p>And he hates to watch her worriedly worry over him, as he valiantly tries not to panic at the idea of driving back into that city right now.</p><p> </p><p>He grabs her hand after a moment, holding it in his as he sighs. “I’ll be fine, I promise. You heard me, if things look fishy I leave, and when I come back I’ll stay up in my room for two weeks just in case. I’m going to be fine. I <em> promise </em>. I’m going to do everything I can to stay safe, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She furrows her brow, reaching up and grabbing his face with one hand. He leans down to accommodate her, as his dad gruffly mutters something about <em> bastard lawyers </em> from the garage.</p><p> </p><p>“If you get sick because of Snoke, I will personally kick his ass.” She hums, squeezing and patting his face as he smiles in surprise. That’s more like it, even through the fear he knew his mom would be able to lighten the mood somehow.</p><p> </p><p>It is a magnificent talent of hers, to be able to make him smile right after hearing he has to go into the middle of a city during a <em> fucking pandemic </em>.</p><p> </p><p>His dad then steps up the stairs, shooing them both inside. He pushes on Ben's shoulder, as he huffs and scoots out of the way without managing to trip over the rug in the hallway. “Now <em> get </em>, if you’re gone that means I get this car for two, wait, three weeks. That means I’m rebuilding the whole thing from scratch, nobody can stop me except for your mother.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just stares at the doorway, as his dad slams the door shut and Ben helplessly watches. His mom won’t stop him, she’s thrilled he just has some new project to obsess over after eight months of <em> nothing </em>. Ben has no backup here.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey is going to kill you.” His mom hums as she walks away, Ben sighing and shutting his eyes. She is. Rey is going to <em> murder </em> him.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” He groans, pinching the bridge of his nose as something <em> whirrs </em> from the garage.</p><p> </p><p>Shit, he has to call Rey.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben bites his lip as he sighs, double checking his texts as he sits back in his bed and begins to message Rey. He’s already figured out the plans with Hux, who will be letting Ben stay with him and his cat for however long he needs. They both have to go to these luncheons anyways, so that means they’ll be getting exposed to the same people. They both figured it was better this way, Hux offering his couch in what Ben knows is his way of caring.</p><p> </p><p>He is, mildly, surprised by how fast Hux agreed to let him stay. Maybe this whole year has somehow mellowed out Armitage Hux, just a little.</p><p> </p><p>Ben also has his bag half packed, open on the desk he’s been working from since mid march. The one he watched New York shut down from with a relieved sigh that he had followed his gut instinct and gotten out of as soon as the west coast decided to shut down the week prior. The one where he initially wondered how long he would have to stay away.</p><p> </p><p>He exhales, and sends the text.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> So, I got some pretty bad news today </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Nothing involving family, just me </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He waits a second, as he tries to figure out how to say this. Rey frantically texts back, as he slides a little further under the blankets with a grumble.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>What do you mean? Are you okay?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>??? Ben??</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> My boss wants to me go back to New York for a week, he wants me to sit in on two luncheons and a senior staff meeting. Why we can’t do this over zoom? I don’t know. All I know is that im leaving tomorrow morning. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>No, no. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>No.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>That’s not happening. You’re not traveling and going to social events right now. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I cant believe I have to tell you this, but you’re not going to a party in the middle of a fucking pandemic.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, furrowing his brow as he rubs his forehead with his free hand. Rey continues to text him reasons he shouldn’t go, all things he already knows, as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>She’s panicking, and that’s making him feel really shitty. He has to calm her down somehow, because he <em> hates </em> fighting with this girl.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, and texts back even as she continues to explain to him how <em> rotten </em> this whole idea is.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Remember when you said I was voting for you too, in the car? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> This is me voting for you. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>How??? How is this, in any way, similar to that??</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Because I don’t want to fucking get fired, especially when you’re financially unstable and im the only person you’re relying on for help right now. I’m not making this year more difficult on you, and I don’t want you to feel guilty about asking me for help. Ever. Okay?  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>The conversation goes dead. Not even a sign that Rey has tried to respond as he stares at their text exchange</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Look, I told you that I was voting for you. That I was going to do the right thing.  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I don’t want to go. my parents don’t want me to go. I’m freaked out about this. I’ve packed and repacked my suitcase three times, because I really don’t want to go. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But if I get fired my mom is the only one working, and we can’t afford that. Especially now that I’ve got you, and I need to make sure you’re safe. You’re all I’ve got, remember? I’m not getting fired until things look better financially, and then snoke and all his stupid court cases can go to hell. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m trying to do the right thing here, I’m trying to do right by you. That’s all I want. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m doing this because this is so much bigger than just me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, as he stares at his phone. He is, quite honestly, running out of ways to say this and nothing he types seems to be coming out right.</p><p> </p><p>He’s doing this because he wants a future with her, and he cannot afford to get fired right now. He won’t be able to take care of Rey if he gets fired right now.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t respond, even as he groans and hides under the blankets with a sad whine.</p><p> </p><p>He hates fighting with her.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’m still fucking pissed at you</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I didn’t respond last night because im still fucking pissed at you, and I didn’t want to say something I would regret.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>That’s the text Ben blinks awake to, as he quickly irons his suit with his mom's help the next morning. She takes the iron from him as the device buzzes, handing him his phone with a knowing sigh.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>You’re leaving. And that’s making me very upset. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>And I’m worried about you. And you’re also keeping my car hostage.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>And you’re being a big jerk.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> My dads destroying your car, by the way. I don’t know how to make that news any easier, sorry </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Please don’t go.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben nearly doesn’t, then, because he can <em> hear </em> her though the phone and it’s breaking his heart. He rubs his chest, right where it hurts, as he makes a pained grumble.</p><p> </p><p>He turns to his mom, to find her staring right back at him. He sees something in her that he doesn’t think he’s ever seen before as he heavily exhales, and she tilts her head at him with soft eyes:</p><p> </p><p><em> Familiarity </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“If I can’t get you to stay, would she?” His mother sighs, motioning to his phone as he shrugs. Because, in all honesty, she probably could. One word, in the flesh, and he would be breaking down. Because he’s already a nervous wreck about this whole thing, and he can’t handle having her mad at him. It hurts way too much to have her mad at him.</p><p> </p><p>But he has to go, he has to do this. He has to keep his job, and keep some sort of steady income. He has to take care of his parents, his home.</p><p> </p><p>His Rey. </p><p> </p><p>He sighs, tucking his phone back in his pocket. “No.” He lies, shaking his head. “Not when my job is on the line. Not when I’m working to make sure we’re all safe.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can’t be safe if you’re <em> dead </em>.” His mom sighs, as Ben shuts his eyes and groans.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah. He fucking knows.</p><p> </p><p>His last sent text sits in his pocket, as he takes the iron from her to continue working on his suit jacket.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I wish I wasn’t. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben drives to New York, patiently waiting on a text or a call from Rey as he sighs. He so wishes he wasn’t doing this right now, he wishes he was just back at home or bugging Rey at her place. He didn’t even get to say goodbye to her <em> in person </em>. It’s so awful. He hates this.</p><p> </p><p>He’s fucking depressed, that’s what he is. </p><p> </p><p>He sighs, as she finally texts him. He checks it on the highway, using voice to text to respond.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, currently driving. Can you call?” He loudly asks, wincing as the message gets sent off. He doesn’t check if it’s even comprehensible, as it goes out into the universe.</p><p> </p><p>He waits for a second, exhaling when there’s no immediate response. He didn’t even get to read her message completely, because he was too busy trying not to crash his car along the highway. He has no clue what she needs from him right now, or why.</p><p> </p><p>His phone starts ringing, and he breathes out a sigh of relief as he reaches over and answers it. Her voice echoes through the loudspeaker in greeting, as he smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“Hello? Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>“Hi.” He nervously hums, sighing as he leans back and just continues to drive “I’m so sorry this is happening. I’m so sorry I had to leave-“</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on anyways? What was so important you had to leave on such short notice?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben grumbles, running a hand through his hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Some big clients, a merger between two airlines. A declaration of bankruptcy from a brick and mortar store. Hux and I are probably going to get assigned to these cases, it looks good to have us in person for initial introductions, at least, that’s what Snoke said. I’m getting tested today, and then on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday morning we’re meeting up. Two groups of people, all outdoor venues. To their credit, I do think they’re actually trying to stay safe-“</p><p> </p><p>He exhales as he thinks, as Rey does the same. They never know if it’s enough, these days. He <em> knows </em> that they never know if it’s enough.</p><p> </p><p>“I just- I have to hope they’ve been smart about this. I have to keep my job, I have to hope I’m doing the right thing here.” He hums, starting to ramble a little bit as he anxiously shuffles and looks out to his side view mirror. He knows he sounds like a broken record, trying to make this make sense.</p><p> </p><p>“I have to keep the people I love safe, and part of that includes making sure I can continue to take care of them.”</p><p> </p><p>The line goes silent, as Ben switches lanes and just continues to drive. He feels the need to explain this to Rey, repeatedly, to make sure she understands exactly what he means by this. That she can see this whole predicament from his perspective, and understand why he’s acting the way he is. Because he knows this is unusual behavior for him, and he also knows she sees right through it.</p><p> </p><p>He also knows this could come between them, and that this is hurting her, so he’s just trying to make her understand <em> why </em> he’s doing it. It’s his only chance of salvaging and keeping the gentle spark of their friendship alive.</p><p> </p><p>“You get it, right? Why I’m doing this? Why I can’t say no?” He practically begs through the phone line, nervously drumming his fingers along the steering wheel as he holds his breath.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, finally, after a long moment. “Yeah. I-I get it. I know… I know you’re trying your best.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben exhales in relief, oh thank <em> god </em>-</p><p> </p><p>“But be safe! And don’t you dare get sick otherwise I’ll do- I’ll do something mean! I don’t know what it is, but I’ve got five days to figure it out!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m counting on it.” He sighs, smiling as she huffs.</p><p> </p><p>They sit in silence for a moment, Ben keeping an eye on a road sign that’s pointing him back to New York. The city he really doesn’t want to be driving towards right now.</p><p> </p><p>“I have class with your uncle today.” She hums, as Ben sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sets his blinker, moving into another lane as the line goes quiet again.</p><p> </p><p>He hums, trying to lift the conversation up a little bit. “Give him hell for me, okay? I’m in the mood to piss somebody off today, clearly.”</p><p> </p><p>“See, <em> that’s </em> a lawyer voice!” She laughs, as Ben grins.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s my ‘I’m in a bad mood’ voice!” He grumbles, as she giggles. His lawyer voice is either much meaner, or much nicer. That was <em> not </em> his lawyer voice, and she knows it!</p><p> </p><p>She also knows Ben is trying his best, and she’s <em> okay </em> with that. Even when it’s not enough.</p><p> </p><p>He shakes his head and sighs as she laughs, he doesn’t know how to deal with this girl sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>So I may have done something</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Not something bad</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>But something</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben stares at his phone, furrowing his brow as he unpacks his ironed suits and gets them hung up on a doorway in Hux’s apartment. Millie, his sweet orange tabby, weaves around Ben's feet as he sighs, happily purring as Hux works from his dining room table and Ben sighs.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Something? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Something involving… </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Your uncle. there was an incident.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben freezes, because that can’t be <em> good- </em></p><p> </p><p>
  <em> How worried do I need to be? Scale of 1-10 </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>1 being??</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Worst. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>There is a lapse in the conversation, as Ben straightens out his suits one last time. He leans down as Millie yowls, snapping his fingers as she goes running under his hand. “Hi, honey.” He hums, placing his palm under her stomach and picking her up as she meows again.</p><p> </p><p>He tucks her under his arm, heading to the couch that will be his bed for the next four nights as Rey texts him back.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Like, depending on what your mum does, anywhere between a 4-8</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Okay? What?</p><p> </p><p>He sits down, setting Millie on his lap as he moves the blanket and the pillow Hux gave him to the far side of the couch and he thinks. The cat moves around his lap, Ben nervously adjusting her when her claws get a little too close to certain parts of his body, and he texts her back.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Okay, context? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She starts typing, Ben daring a look over his shoulder as Hux bops along to music on his headphones and stays involved in whatever thing he’s writing for work. Whatever big case he’s currently working on, while wearing gray cat pajama pants and a button down shirt. He didn’t even bother to change when they got tested this afternoon, Hux citing the fact that, “Nobody gives a shit anymore, Ben. The world is on fire and we’re not even going to get out of the car. If I want to stay in my pajamas, then I’m staying in my <em> bloody </em> pajamas.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben looks back down at Millie, happily headbutting his hand, as his phone goes off again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Okay so, long story short, we were getting into like?? Managing cables when you’re working with a lot of them. It was a tangent, skywalker always goes on tangents, and I may have off handedly mentioned</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>The ribbon system your dad uses, to separate and designate similar looking wires and tubes in the cars he’s working on. The one he showed us yesterday, while we were working on the coolant system</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Because it totally slipped my mind that your uncle would know your dad does this. He totally picked up on the fact I learned this from him, because han literally SAID he was the only one who does this so you know</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ah. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Yeah. So then he’s like “rey stay after class” and I start. Freaking out.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Understandably. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Right?? So I stay after, and he straight up asked me if I know your dad</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben brings a hand to his face, sighing and rubbing the bridge of his nose as he processes this. Besides the fact that apparently his father and Rey are on a first name basis now, which is weird on so many levels, he doesn’t think it’s particularly <em> great </em> that his uncle now knows that Rey is kind of involved with his family. It, at the very least, isn’t a wonderful thing that’s just been revealed to him.</p><p> </p><p>He texts her back, as he sighs and Millie flops down on his lap.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Yes, and? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>And I told him I was in your mums class, and I played it really cool like I didn’t know what he was talking about even though I totally did</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>He was surprised, but then said he would call her just to check in on what is happening during her classes and stuff</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Anyways depending on how good of a liar your mum is you might be getting an angry email or something soon we’ll see!!!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Surprise!!</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben immediately goes to text his mom, opting to just call her when she doesn’t answer right away. Rey should have <em> just </em> gotten out of class, and considering they’re dealing with <em> Luke </em> here Ben knows they need to intervene fast.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, mom?” He hums, as she tiredly sighs from the other end of the line.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, please don’t tell me you’re sick or in jail. You<em> just </em>left-“</p><p> </p><p>“What? No.” He hums, pulling a face as he runs a hand under Millie's stomach. The cat starts purring, as he soothingly pets her and tries to keep level headed. “I’m fine, Rey just texted me about something though.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Oh god </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“Luke might know she’s, you know, friendly. With us. Our family. Thought I’d give you a heads up.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a silence, as Ben holds his breath.</p><p> </p><p>“What did you do.” She exhales, as Ben chews his cheek. His phone buzzes, surely another text from Rey, as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s a long story, he asked her if she knew Dad. She said she was in one of your classes. Just- cover for me, please. You don’t even have to lie-“</p><p> </p><p>“My son is implicating me in his crimes.”</p><p> </p><p>“Lying isn’t a crime! And I’m trying to help!” He exclaims as he stands up, pulling a slightly miffed Millie to his chest as he wanders over to the windows and paces. “Look, I don’t care what you come up with. You don’t even have to lie, just give him the bare minimum. I just don’t want her to deal with having to be tied up with me, okay? She doesn’t deserve that.”</p><p> </p><p>His mom sighs, as Millie angrily thumps her tail against Bens side.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine, I can- oh, <em> shit, </em> he’s texting me.”</p><p> </p><p>She growls his uncle's name, as Ben smiles. His phone buzzes again, and he realizes he needs to get back to Rey before she panics too.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, see you soon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bye, honey-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben hangs up, and goes to his text exchange with Rey again as he wanders to Millie's newly constructed cat tree, certainly the product of her fathers boredom, and he sets her down. He pets her, as he reads and types with one hand. </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Ben???</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Please don’t be angry, it was an accident.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, as he quickly shoots off a response.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Hey! Hey, im not angry. I know it was an accident, I just wanted to call my mom to give her a heads up. Let her know whats going on. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“She’ll cover for me” he almost types, before realizing that makes this whole situation sound way messier than it actually is. Although, that is exactly what he asked her to do. She is, absolutely, covering for them right now.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, and sends a follow-up</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I’m trying to stop Luke from knowing we’re friends, I don’t want him coming after you because of me. You don’t need that. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He stares at his phone, waiting for a response as the little message bubbles pops up and down a couple times.</p><p> </p><p>She finally responds, as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>This is the second time you’ve done this in 24 hours.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Protected me, I mean. Or done something to protect me. I think.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Why are you doing all this? What’s going on? Am I missing something here?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, smiling as he stares down at his phone.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, she is kind of missing something here. That Ben is falling in love with her, and he’s been pulling strings left and right to make this work for them. That he <em> really </em> fucking cares about her, and he’s still learning how to deal with that.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Stop talking like you think I don’t care about you, and just let me be nice to you </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You deserve someone worrying about you, okay sweetheart? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>And you act like I don’t worry about you, dumbass.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben just smiles, as Millie purrs against his hand and Hux continues to type at his computer. </p><p> </p><p>God, he wishes he was back in her apartment right now.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>im a millie stan, through and through.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 32</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey nearly chokes, for the second time during one of Professor Solos lectures, as said professor pulls the powerpoint back up on her shared screen after a brief discussion about the final project for the semester. She clicks forward, right as Rey takes a sip from her <em> Bigfoot </em> mug that Finn bought her last Christmas, and she nearly chokes on her tea in pure shock.</p><p> </p><p>There’s a picture of Ben in the corner of the screen, glaring daggers into the camera as he sits in front of his laptop. He looks <em> very </em> hungover, and Rey recognizes that this picture might be entirely her fault by the drowsy look in his eyes and the mess that is his wet hair.</p><p> </p><p>She silently lifts up her phone from its place on the counter, sneakily grabbing a photo and sending it to Ben as her professor speaks.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, kids, we’re doing a fun project.” She tiredly hums, as Rey just stares at the picture of Ben and hides her smile behind her mug. She puts on her most serious face, as her professor uses her cursor to point at things on the screen.</p><p> </p><p>“First off, that’s my son Ben. He isn’t in town right now, for reasons I won’t get into, but he isn’t important. I just like to tease him, especially when he can’t stop me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben, or at least the photo of Ben, glares back with a fury in his eyes and tensely crossed arms. His hair is pushed back, one ear showing while the rest of it is brushed to the side and falls partly over his face. He frowns, eyebrows furrowed as Rey admires the handsome line of his nose and those wonderful arms of his.</p><p> </p><p>She practically melts at the thought that she’s been <em> held </em> by those arms.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck, she misses him.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, as her professor continues and she shakes her fragile heart a little bit more back together. That’s a weird thought to be having right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyways, that’s my son Ben. I asked him to run through an <em> optional </em> extra credit assignment, that’s all about love languages and the way we communicate with each other-“</p><p> </p><p>She goes into an explanation of the project- well, optional extra credit project, as Rey kind of tunes out a little. She scans the page, as she gets a grip of what her professor is asking them to do. It looks easy enough, just take the quiz and respond to the questions via canvas.</p><p> </p><p>She looks at the example given, as her professor uses her mouse to point out where and how the information they need is displayed.</p><p> </p><p>And it strikes her, as she looks back up at the picture of Ben, that it must be <em> his </em> results as the example.</p><p> </p><p>His primary love language is “<em> acts of service” </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Which really shouldn’t surprise her as much as it does, considering Ben and everything he’s done for her. Every moment where he’s worried about her, tried to do something nice for her, stepped in even when she thought she could do so herself. Let her know that he was there, and he was there to <em> help </em> her.</p><p> </p><p>He made her feel safe, by making her feel like she wasn’t so alone.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, as her phone goes off a couple times. Maybe she needs to be less harsh with him, let him in a little more.</p><p> </p><p>He’s trying to care for her, after all, by <em> doing </em> things for her.</p><p> </p><p>That’s an odd realization.</p><p> </p><p>She looks at her phone, as her professor's computer dings twice.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>NO</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>WHY IS MY FACE ON YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I GAVE HER PERMISSION TO USE THE RESULTS NOT MY FACE</b>
</p><p> </p><p>There’s a gap in the conversation, as Rey's professor picks up her own phone and laughs a quiet “<em> oh dear </em>”.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’m going to kill my mother.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> It’s not that bad, it’s a cute photo. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Says the girl who got me drunk in the first place</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>You’re obligated to say its cute, its the law</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I’m an attorney, I know this</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> liar. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Careful, I smell smoke. Are your pants on fire? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She smiles, setting her phone down as she steels her face. Her professor's computer dings again, and Rey suddenly gets an idea about what Ben might be doing right now.</p><p> </p><p>“If anybody asks you, I never showed you the photo.” She quietly hums, continuing on with the lecture as Rey's phone goes off again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Ha ha. Very funny. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Now please delete that photo off of your phone, I want it erased from existence. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>Rey shakes her head, exiting the conversation and shutting her phone off. No way in <em> hell </em> is she deleting that photo. That photo is all she cares about, now.</p><p> </p><p>She sets her attention back on the lecture, taking another sip of her tea as she sighs and contemplates how the hell she’s going to do this assignment without completely revealing herself and all of the workings of her mind to someone who could very well be <em> fascinated </em> to know how Rey expresses her love towards other people. Who could, at the very least, have something to <em> do </em> with such knowledge.</p><p> </p><p>Not excluding an idea of how Rey interacts with her son, who Rey is pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to live without at this point in her life.</p><p> </p><p>She sets her mug down, as she realizes something. If she gets involved with Ben <em> like that </em> then-</p><p> </p><p>Oh.</p><p> </p><p>Oh <em> fuck </em> she’s in love with him, isn’t she? <em> And she’s kind of really involved in his family too. </em></p><p> </p><p>How the hell did <em> that </em> happen?</p><p> </p><p>Shit.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>The rest of that Tuesday passes with Rey trying to make heads or tails of this realization, as Ben texts her pictures of his friend's cat.</p><p> </p><p>And, as much as she enjoys updates on Millie and her vacuum-loud purring, it isn’t helping ease her nerves to be constantly reminded that one, Ben isn’t home right now, and two, she’s completely in love with him. Hopelessly, knee deep in the snow, clawing at the walls type of love with him.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, as he sends her another update. He’s been sent out to buy groceries and cat food apparently, part of his <em> tax </em> with staying in Hux’s apartment. He sends her all sorts of photos of the outdoor dining in the city, and one blurry selfie with the caption “I’m going to kill these people” with a bunch of unmasked teenagers in the background.</p><p> </p><p>Ben looks <em> furious </em>. The teens look unperturbed. </p><p> </p><p><em> Please don’t threaten teenagers. </em> </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I will threaten them as much as I damn well please</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>People are dying and one of them nearly mowed me over with an electric scooter.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>She laughs, bringing her hand to her face as she sits on the couch with her laptop. He can sound like <em> such </em> a grumpy old man sometimes, she loves it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> How are you doing? Feeling okay? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Like I just chugged a double shot of espresso, maybe. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Anxious, nervous. uneasy.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>There are too many people here, it’s setting me on edge. I feel like I need to take a shower every time I leave the apartment.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>It’s awful.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Then come back </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Don’t tempt me</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>please.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>There’s a drop in the conversation, as Rey curls up under her blankets and her ancient laptop whirrs against her knees.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> You’re miserable, aren’t you? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>She knows him well enough now, at this point in their relationship, to be able to kind of guess what he’s about to say. How he might react to things, how he sees the world. What makes him tick, and all that mushy stuff. She understands him, in the way only two people who only have each other do.</p><p> </p><p>She knows how he reacts when he’s suffering, and upset, and anxious about a big case. How he gets overwhelmed sometimes, and furrows his brow in frustration when things don’t quite go his way. How he can have a bit of a hard time using his words, when he has too many thoughts in his head all at once and people don’t communicate clearly with him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>yes.</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I want to go home. I want to see you again. I’m tired.</b>
</p><p> </p><p><em> I’ll wait, I’m not going anywhere </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Ben couldn’t get rid of her if he <em> tried, </em> at this point. Actually, she’d like to see him try to get her to leave him alone. It would be impossible, she’d pester him until he told her what was going on.</p><p> </p><p>He sends an eye rolling emoji, something he’s only started to do since she incorporated them into their conversation. A new skill for him, a recent acquisition into his texting vocabulary.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>I wouldn’t expect any different</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Now finish your work, ill talk to you soon</b>
</p><p> </p><p>She texts him back an “always”, before setting her phone down and going back to work on a reading response she’s been avoiding. She sighs as she types, half of her brain scared out of her mind for whatever Ben is going through right now as she works on her assignments.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, really hoping he knows what he’s doing here.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck, she’s screwed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Chapter 33</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I just realized NONE of my line breaks are formatted the way I want them to be...</p><p>so, if you see this before they're fixed? they're all meant to be centered. please, pretend they're centered.</p><p>if you see them after? I did NOTHING wrong you DID NOT read this sHH.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Things go… well for Ben. Surprisingly well, after he thinks about it for a while.</p><p> </p><p>The meetings were good, everyone seemed to treat the event with a moderate amount of concern. Health and safety <em> was </em> addressed, although not as thoroughly as he might have liked. That doesn’t mean he felt any better when the people around him took their masks off during meetings or when they went to lunch on the second day, but he is feeling moderately <em> okay </em> with this whole thing now that he thinks about it.</p><p> </p><p>Until he gets a call, nearly home to his parents house, that apparently one of the men they met with may have been exposed. Which means Ben may have also been exposed. Which is… really <em> fun </em> news for him to receive from Hux as he grates his teeth and groans. Because he fucking <em> called </em> this, he know this would happen! He fucking <em> knew </em> this would happen!</p><p> </p><p>He knew this would happen, and nobody fucking listened to him!</p><p> </p><p>Either way, Hux says that apparently the man's wife got it from a birthday party she went to three weeks ago. And although her husband has been traveling for the past thirteen days and hasn’t seen her since she was diagnosed, that means he could still be <em> contagious </em>. They won’t know for sure that the whole party is clear until Monday, when the original man they met with tests negative after the required fourteen days quarantine that the cdc suggests.</p><p> </p><p>Which means Ben is fucking stuck, until Monday morning. Because there is no way in hell he’s bringing this home to his parents. Christ.</p><p> </p><p>He pulls over on the side of the road, exiting the winding highway home and taking a deep breath as he turns towards a gas station on the right. The sun is already starting to set as he drives, just cresting under the treetops and painting everything in soft reds as he takes a deep breath and wrings his hands against his wheel to try and push out the nervous energy from his palms.</p><p> </p><p>He groans, pulling into a parking spot and then barely slamming his head into the back of his seat. He can’t believe this is happening.</p><p> </p><p><em> Fucking Hell </em>.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey picks up her cracked phone, checking who might be trying to call her at this hour with a sigh. </p><p> </p><p>It’s Ben, to her surprise. Although it really shouldn’t be. It’s either Ben or a scam caller whenever her phone rings these days, although usually Ben texts first before trying to reach out like this. So it’s weird, but not entirely out of the ordinary, for him to be calling her.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe he’s driving again? The timing would be right, he should be on his way home right now.</p><p> </p><p>She picks up with a hello, setting the phone on speaker as she stands up to walk around. She’ll take a break from her homework to talk to him. It’s not like anybody has to know, it’s only her and the space heater in her apartment right now.</p><p> </p><p>He groans, and she winces at the sound.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, you okay?” She asks with a cautious sigh, leaning over the counter as he huffs. She stretches and pops her muscles as he dramatically groans. Maybe he got stuck in the snow or something, and now he needs <em> her </em> help. Maybe the tables are finally turning, and she’s finally able to help <em> him </em> out.</p><p> </p><p>She smirks, although she wipes it off of her face as she reminds herself that this could be <em> serious </em> and she needs to be <em> serious </em> about this-</p><p> </p><p>“I might have been exposed to someone with the C word, and I don’t know what to do.” He whines, as Rey freezes. Her heart stops, as she takes a deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> What? </em> ” She squeakily exhales, picking up her phone and starting to pace. Ben whines again, as she stretches her socked feet out on the hardwood. “How did <em> that </em> happen?”</p><p> </p><p>He explains it. The wife. The husband. The birthday party. All of it.</p><p> </p><p>Rey groans, and mutters a tiny “fuck” as she moves to curl up on the couch in the living space. Okay, great. Perfect. This is unexpected, but not totally a surprise. They planned for this, or at least, she did.</p><p> </p><p>She gets up again, and moves to the linen closet.</p><p> </p><p>“So-“</p><p> </p><p>“So I’m fucking screwed, that’s what. I can’t go home like this, I don’t know what the <em> hell </em> I’m going to tell my parents-“</p><p> </p><p>“Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>“And I mean, fuck, what if I actually do get sick? I’m young enough, I should be fine, <em> but what if I’m not? </em> You know? There’s always this <em> what if-“ </em></p><p> </p><p>“Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>“Just- Fuck! Why do bad fucking things always happen to me! I feel like I’m fucking cursed!”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, as Ben panics and rambles a little. She stills, taking deep breaths as she gives him a moment to freak out and process all of these very heavy and very intense emotions <em> very </em> quickly. As he is, she realizes, being called to do right now.</p><p> </p><p>He finally falls silent again, his voice breaking as she realizes a big part of him is fucking terrified of what this means. Of what could happen to him, if he really does test positive. If everything goes wrong today.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart breaks a little, because she just wants him to be safe.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re staying with me-“</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Rey </em>-“</p><p> </p><p>“No! No buts about it! You’re staying with me, and that’s that! I don’t want you bringing this home to your parents either, so you can stay in my room. You’ll be quarantined and everything, I promise. I want you to stay. Here. Please.”</p><p> </p><p>The line goes silent, as she goes back to searching for her clean set of sheets. He sighs, as she finally finds the white ones with the little ducklings all over them. She keeps them as a spare, but she doubts Ben will mind the ducks.</p><p> </p><p>She tucks them under her arm, heading to her bedroom as he grumpily huffs a little in response.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on. You can’t stay in a hotel, and you can’t stay at home. And I’m like, ninety-nine percent sure it’s too late to go back to New York right now. You’ll be driving all night at this rate, and I don’t think Hux will want you in his apartment right now.”</p><p> </p><p>She looks out the window, spotting the sunset as she sighs. Yeah, he won’t make it back to the city right now. He needs to come back to Coruscant, there are no other options.</p><p> </p><p>She sets the sheets on her beat up dresser as he groans. “You need somewhere to stay, and I have a bed. You’ve even got a suitcase all packed, it’s not a big deal. I would be happy to have you. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>He grumbles, as she starts stripping the sheets and sets her phone on her nightstand.</p><p> </p><p>“If I get you sick, I won’t be able to forgive myself.” He mumbles, just barely audible as she sighs. She knows, she would feel the exact same way if the situation was reversed right now. She would be terrified to get him sick, to put someone she <em> really </em> fucking cares about in danger like that. Especially when the risk is unknown, and the danger is so unpredictable.</p><p> </p><p>She takes a deep breath, setting her hands on the mattress. She tries to get her head under control, as she groans. Her worry for him outweighs <em> every </em> single risk they could be taking right now, which is a <em> weird </em> fucking thing to try and cope with as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care.” She hums, continuing to change the sheets. “It’s three days, we’ll wear masks around the apartment. We’ll keep an eye on each other. I don’t care. I just don’t want you going home until we know you’re okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“And if I’m not? If he tests positive?”</p><p> </p><p>“And if you were exposed,” she hums, pulling off the old pillowcases, “then we deal with that. Cross that bridge when we get to it, I just need you back here tonight. I need to know that you’re safe.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs again, although she hears his car start as she exhales in relief. “I’ll call my parents, let them know what’s going on. I promise I’ll stay isolated, but are you sure this is a good idea? I don’t want to put you in a weird spot right now.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey smiles, leaning her head back as her shoulders settle. Thank god. “<em> Yes </em>, just get back here. I missed you, I want to know that you’re alright.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben laughs into the receiver, as she smiles. “I’m fine, I’m fine. I’ll be there in an hour, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” She hums, reaching over and hanging up the phone with a sigh. It clicks off, as the room falls back into silence.</p><p> </p><p>She takes a deep breath, and tries to wrap her head around whatever the hell is happening right now. </p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey texts Ben as he drives through Coruscant, sun long set as he carefully makes his way through the darkness. To say his parents had been furious at the fact he isn’t coming home tonight, and even more thoroughly outraged at exactly what had happened to cause this circumstance in the first place, would be a complete understatement.</p><p> </p><p>Ben thinks his mother is about ready to go to New York herself, and have a word with Snoke and the rest of the company. And his father is undeniably worried, but more amused by the fact that now Ben is going to be spending the next couple days in his “girlfriend's” apartment. Because Ben doesn’t own his own. Because this year is just like that apparently.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, checking the device as he pulls up to a stoplight.</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Spare key?</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Got it, keep it on my keychain. Should I just let myself in? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Of course, just text me when you get here. </b>
</p><p> </p><p>He sets the phone down and drives on, knowing that she probably needs a heads up before he walks in the apartment. She needs to grab her mask and all, make sure she’s all ready for him. Because, again, this is the reality they’re all living in right now.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, and pulls into the parking lot of her apartment complex as his blinker anxiously clicks. He drives down the long lot once, missing her spot on the first pass, before having to turn back around and get all settled in for the next couple days.</p><p> </p><p>He takes a deep breath, pulls on his mask from where it sits in his cupholder, and mentally prepares himself to deal with this as he opens the door. Mentally gets himself ready, and steady enough to face Rey.</p><p> </p><p>He wonders if maybe he should have just taken the risk and gotten fired, as he opens the car door and a cold gust of wind hits him square in the chest.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Chapter 34</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben twists his key in Rey's lock, having to jiggle it a little before the system unlocks and her door swings open. He files that in the back of his head a little, the fact that her lock is sticky and weird even with the right keys, as he slowly peeks in.</p><p> </p><p>Rey is sitting on her couch, a multicolored blanket spread across her legs as she works on her laptop. She smiles under her mask as Ben stares at her, blinking as the corners of her eyes scrunch up.</p><p> </p><p>“Welcome home!” She cheers, a floral pattern that Ben doesn’t recognize seeing in her mask collection moving across her jaw as she speaks. It must be new, or at least new-ish, because he thinks he would recognize the peonies and the way they bring out the soft pink in her skin when she stretches and the sleeves of her yellow knit sweater fall down to her elbows, now only covered by large bandaids.</p><p> </p><p>He groans, and drags his suitcase into her entry way as he sighs. “I can’t tell if that’s sarcastic or not.” He mumbles, rocking on his heels and trying to stretch his bones as she giggles. God, he needs someone to help him pop his back or something. This is a trainwreck. He feels like a fucking trainwreck.</p><p> </p><p>“Welcome home, Ben.” She gently hums, sighing as he huffs in response. “I missed you. There’s food on the counter. My room is all set up for you. Go, hide. Shoo. Scram. I’m busy.”</p><p> </p><p>She makes a shooing motion with her hands, as Ben snorts in exhausted amusement. He gets the hint.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t deserve you.” He mumbles again, moving into the kitchen as she laughs. He didn’t even <em> think </em> about dinner, his mind has been running on nerves and adrenaline since he got the call from Hux. Food has, quite frankly, been the last thing on his mind since he realized what was going down about fifty miles ago.</p><p> </p><p>But he realizes, as he spots the plate of pasta and the glass of water she already set out for him, that he’s fucking <em> starving </em>. It isn’t a masterpiece, by any means, but it’s food. And It’s filling. And she thought about him and realized that he would be so obsessed with the ‘what if’ that he would forget about the now.</p><p> </p><p>He also realizes he’s in love with who could be, quite literally, an angel. Rey is an angel.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, grabbing the plate in one hand and the water glass in the other. He gently starts kicking his suitcase to her bedroom with his feet as he grumbles. “You’re going to make a grifter out of me yet.”</p><p> </p><p>She squeaks his name as he turns to her, looking up as she stares at him over the back of the couch. “Don’t be a brat! That’s rude!”</p><p> </p><p>He just groans again, as she giggles and he huffs. He moves the suitcase to her bedroom, kicking it in with a grunt as it goes rolling across the floor. “Yeah, yeah. Love you too.”</p><p> </p><p>She squeaks in indignation again, as he closes the door with his elbow. He stands there for a moment, exhausted and stressed beyond belief, before he realizes what he said. That he said he loves her.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Shit. He said he loves her. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey giggles as the door closes, and she pulls her mask off as Ben settles into her bedroom. She pays half a mind to him as he shuffles around, talking to himself as she slowly types up an assignment on her keyboard.</p><p> </p><p>She hears him curse, at one point, as she scrunches her nose up and he groans. </p><p> </p><p>“You okay?” She calls, as he whines again. He’s probably a-okay, but she’ll worry anyways.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine.” He groans, calling back to her as she smiles. “Just… Frustrated. Tired.”</p><p> </p><p>She waits for him to elaborate, listening as he exhales and goes back to shuffling around. Something lands on the bed, as she tilts her head back and sighs.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t, so she goes back to typing.</p><p> </p><p>“Hux is blowing up my phone, he’s freaking out.” He shouts through the door, finally deciding to explain what’s going on as she hums in reply. “He’s panicking, and he’s worried Millie is going to get sick too. I think he’s gone down a google rabbit hole, he found an article of a dog testing positive and I’m trying to tell him that dogs and cats have very different biologies.”</p><p> </p><p>“How’s that going?” She calls, closing her laptop as Ben groans again. She likes being able to hear him when they speak, because even if she can’t see his face she’s simply grateful to be able to hear all the little tones in his voice when he talks to her. All the little shifts in his cadence, when he sighs and huffs in exasperation at his predicament.</p><p> </p><p>“Not well!” He cheerfully shouts back as she giggles. Clearly, he’s having some issues.</p><p> </p><p>A gentle silence fills the space between them again, as she shuts her eyes and leans back. Ben makes some shuffle-y noise again, exhaling as she smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you going to do, Benjamin.” He sighs, mumbling to himself as Rey giggles. She doesn’t think he knows that she can hear him, as he groans one last time.</p><p> </p><p>She smiles, tugging her blanket up to her mouth as she grins. </p><p> </p><p>She loves him so much. </p><p> </p><p>She loves him so fucking much.</p><p> </p><p>God, that terrifies her.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“You okay?” Rey calls back to Ben mid Saturday morning, while she’s trying to make breakfast for them both. He’s been on a call for the last thirty minutes, frustratedly trying to clean up the mess this whole thing has caused while also catching up on work that he missed while driving. Apparently some good might come from being holed up in her room for the next two days, because he’s <em> way </em> behind on some paperwork that has to go in on Monday.</p><p> </p><p>He grunts, his way of saying no, as she hears him hit the bed. One of his favorite places to whine, she’s learned over the past twelve hours of him anxiously huffing and puffing behind her cheap wooden door.</p><p> </p><p>“Kill me.” He mumbles, voice loud as he calls through the doorway but still clearly muffled by a pillow or sheets as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>She tilts her head to keep an eye on his door as she impatiently pokes at the eggs-in-toast she’s trying, with little success, to make for them. “No, Ben. I’m not going to kill you. You’ll be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>He groans again, like a little kid ready to throw a temper tantrum, as she giggles. Who knew a grown man could be so <em> moody- </em></p><p> </p><p>“I hate my job.” He whines, as she pouts on behalf of his bad mood. Poor Ben.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” She hums, deciding that the eggs are <em> good enough </em>as she gently tries to move them to their plates. She ends up puncturing one of the yolks with her fork as she transfers it, sighing as she stares down and the gooey mess runs all over the plate. Shit, she was so close to doing that correctly. Fuck.</p><p> </p><p>She decides to give the other one to Ben, the pretty one. It all ends up in the same place anyways, she doesn’t care what it looks like. But she thinks Ben will, because he’s funny like that sometimes. Because he’s <em> weird </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“You want fruit?” She calls, as she moves to the fridge. It takes Ben a second, as she searches for the raspberries before realizing all she has left are the apples she bought last week and has been rationing ever since she realized when rent was due. </p><p> </p><p>She deliberates for a second before grabbing one, deciding Ben is worth one of her last apples, as he speaks up again. </p><p> </p><p>“Wait, Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>“Mmhm?”</p><p> </p><p>“Are you making breakfast for me?”</p><p> </p><p>She stills, apple in hand as she turns back to the doorway.</p><p> </p><p>“Yes? Is there a problem with that?”</p><p> </p><p>She goes to her knife drawer, as Ben remains silent in her bedroom. </p><p> </p><p>“Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>“No! No, I mean, it’s good! Thank you!” He nervously warbles as she smiles. “Just- you don’t have to-“</p><p> </p><p>She sets the knife and the apple on the counter, as she goes searching for a cutting board as Ben rambles a little behind her.</p><p> </p><p>“I mean, I don’t- You should just-“</p><p> </p><p>“I should <em> what </em> ?” She hums, finally finding a small wooden board that she <em> thinks </em> is supposed to be used for cheese. She sets the apple on it, precariously starting to slice as Ben sighs. If he thinks she’s about to let him <em> starve </em>-</p><p> </p><p>“No, uh, I mean- That’s really nice. You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. At least let me reimburse you, or something. I don’t know, sorry-”</p><p> </p><p>She scoffs, setting the apple down on the plate as he stands up again and the floorboards shift. “You need to eat. You get grumpy when you’re hungry, you know that?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, as she bites her cheek and smiles. He hums a quiet “I know” as she giggles. He can be <em> so weird </em> sometimes, and act like such a child when things don’t go his way. It’s <em> hilarious </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She sets the apple slices on the plates, giving Ben the bigger bits as she sighs and looks them over one final time. She grabs the tea as she hums to herself, setting out his mug after fixing it up with milk and sugar.</p><p> </p><p>Caffeine should perk him up a little too, although she is nervous to see what caffeinated Ben Solo is capable of in her tiny shoebox bedroom with no external ways to deal with that sort of energy. </p><p> </p><p>She feels like she might be walking into a trap here, with that sort of statement.</p><p> </p><p>But she takes the risk, giving them both forks before moving with her plate to the living area. She sets down her meal on the coffee table, grabbing her laptop and starting to search for something to watch as she sits cross legged on the floor and puts on her mask.</p><p> </p><p>“Alright, come out and grab breakfast. I don’t want you having a meltdown on me, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>He groans, although she can hear him moving around again as she laughs and clicks on some video from a group she likes on YouTube. She giggles as he huffs again, pausing it as he finally opens the door and peaks his head into the central room of her apartment with curious eyes.</p><p> </p><p>She waves, as he leans his head against the doorframe and dejectedly huffs at life. He slowly trods out of her bedroom with his head hung low, still wearing the pajama pants and the t-shirt from when she saw him this morning, as he makes his way over to the counter.</p><p> </p><p>His hair is still wet, clinging to the edges of his neck from when he took a shower earlier. It looks like pajamas might be his wardrobe of choice for today, considering he hasn’t changed from when she first watched him stumble out of her bedroom this morning.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t blame him, as she watches him nervously shuffle around. This is mentally and emotionally taxing.</p><p> </p><p>“You sure you’re okay?” She worriedly hums, as he nods and finds the food. His eyes light up, as he stares at it for a second.</p><p> </p><p>“You made, like, actual breakfast.” He hums, looking over it in awe as she giggles. “I can’t remember the last time I had <em> actual </em> breakfast.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods with a gentle hum, because she doesn’t either. Sometimes if she’s in a really good mood and has the extra time she’ll go out of her way to make food for herself, but most of the time she forgets. An energy bar or whatever she has in the fridge will usually suffice, and end up being her first meal of the day, and it usually doesn’t happen until sometime around noon.</p><p> </p><p>But today she made <em> actual </em> breakfast today, which Ben is happily grumbling over and making grabby hands at. He takes the plate and the mug in his palms, which she immediately watches him try to take a sip out of before realizing what he’s doing halfway to his face, as she laughs. </p><p> </p><p>He turns to her, glaring as he hunches his back and slips back into her bedroom like some breakfast goblin. </p><p> </p><p>“Love you too!” She sweetly calls, laughing as he loudly groans. Another new hobby of hers, she kind of loves to piss him off sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>He slams the door shut, as she pulls off her mask and giggles into the heel of her palm like a maniac. He just huffs from inside her bedroom, like he doesn’t love her in <em> some </em> capacity either.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe not the same way, but in some way. In some way she knows he does.</p><p> </p><p>She thinks. Maybe.</p><p> </p><p><em> Maybe </em> he does. </p><p> </p><p>God, she hopes he does.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Chapter 35</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey almost forgets about Ben at some point on Saturday, until the boy loudly groans from her bedroom with ferocity in his voice. An anger, although it’s she can’t quite call it an anger, that she’s really only seen in him a couple times over the course of their friendship. The one that scares her a little, as she pops her head up and snaps to attention.</p><p> </p><p>Her heart jumps, as she places a hand over her chest and she remembers she’s not the only one in the apartment right now. That Ben is here, and he’s probably been listening to her hum to herself over the course of the last couple hours while she works on school stuff. Oops.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m <em> bored. </em>” He grumbles, as she stares at the door and sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“You have a computer.” She hums, clicking back to the digital textbook for this class. She’s almost done with the coursework, and he can wait. They’ll figure out something to do together later, she promises.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Rey. </em> ” He grumbles, whining as something hits the door. “I’m <em> bored </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, staring at her screen as she continues to type. “You’re <em> fine </em>. Be quiet.”</p><p> </p><p>He grumbles again, as she continues to work.</p><p> </p><p>Something hits the floor, as she squeaks and jumps in alarm as the whole apartment shakes.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m <em> bored! </em>” He whines, groaning as she quickly types up the last of her homework. She sighs as he complains again, muffling his voice behind something as she sighs and he makes various noises to get her attention.</p><p> </p><p>“Two minutes! I’m almost done with this assignment and then we can hang out!” She calls, as Ben grumbles a little from behind the doorway.</p><p> </p><p>But he goes blessedly quiet, as she finishes typing up this assignment and turns it in as fast as possible.</p><p> </p><p>“There.” She sighs, standing up and shutting her clunky silver laptop. “I’m done with homework, I’m all yours for the weekend. What do you need?”</p><p> </p><p>He grumbles again, something incomprehensible, as she moves to sit by the door. Maybe he needs a snack or something, or maybe he just has to pee. He is surprisingly difficult to read, sometimes, especially when she’s speaking to him through a doorway and both of their voices are muffled.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry.” He mumbles, as she brings her knees to her chest and she sighs. “I didn’t know you were working on schoolwork. I wouldn’t have bugged you if I knew you were busy.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay.” She hums, leaning her cheek on her knee and exhaling. “I’m done now, anyways. We’re good.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben moves again, as she sits in front of the door and listens to him shuffle around. His voice sounds about level to hers when he speaks, and she has a hunch that he might be sitting on the floor as well. That they’re in the same boat, when it comes to their seating positions right now.</p><p> </p><p>“You doing okay in there?” She asks, as he groans. He lowly chuckles, as she smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” He sighs, exhaling as she slumps her shoulders. “I’m not.”</p><p> </p><p>They sit in silence for a while, because Rey can guess why. And she knows there’s very little she can actually <em> do </em> about that, right now.</p><p> </p><p>“You want me to grab anything? Candy, alcohol, a baseball bat-“</p><p> </p><p>“A baseball bat?” He snorts, as she hums in the affirmative and smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“To knock us out.” She explains, turning her face again to get more comfortable, “You know, get this weekend over with. Get this whole <em> year </em> over with, really-“</p><p> </p><p>“A baseball bat would be nice.” Ben wistfully sighs, as Rey giggles in response.</p><p> </p><p>He chuckles, all calm and grumbly again, as she slowly reaches a hand out to the door. She knows it’s silly, she knows she looks stupid pressing her palm up against the wood, but she <em> misses </em> him. She’s <em> terrified </em> for him.</p><p> </p><p>She runs her thumb along the shallow scratches in the white pine, sighing as she furrows her brow.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re gonna be okay, right?” She quietly hums, squeaking as she rests her head between her knees. “You’re going to be healthy, and strong, and we’re gonna get through this together, right? Everything is going to be alright?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey hears him press up against the door, and she sighs as he shuffles. She rubs her eyes with the back of her hand, forcing herself to not cry right now for Ben's sake as she does the same.</p><p> </p><p>She just really doesn’t want to lose him, she’s terrified of losing him.</p><p> </p><p>“I-I’ll be fine. We don’t even know if I was exposed, right? What are the chances I actually get sick?” He sighs, as she hums and leans sideways against the doorway. She wraps her arms around her torso, as she nods.</p><p> </p><p>“We don’t.” She hums, because they honestly don’t. They have no clue what will happen within the next two weeks, if Ben will get sick or not. They have absolutely no clue what’s going to happen, and Rey realizes not knowing what’s going to happen is freaking her out.</p><p> </p><p>Especially when it comes to Ben, she fucking hates not knowing when it comes to Ben.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, as she leans her head against the doorway and shuts her eyes. She pulls a hand up to her shoulder, nervously grabbing it as she huffs.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay?” Ben finally whispers, as Rey shrugs.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” She squeaks, shaking her head and trying to get out of it for once in her life. “I’m really not.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben exhales, shuffling again as she buries her head in-between her legs and tries to focus on taking deep breaths. She hears him apologize, as she grabs onto her legs with a death grip and hopes it can all just go away for a little while.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, as Ben silently sits on the other side of the doorway.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want for dinner?” Rey hums, looking over her hand of cards as Ben sighs through the door.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.” He grumbles, quieting as he thinks. “Do you have the ace of hearts?”</p><p> </p><p>“Go fish.” She mumbles, furrowing her brow as she does the same. She grabs a card for him, from her stack of playing cards, flicking it under the door as he groans. “I’ve got basically anything long lasting and cheap in the pantry, but my fridge is low. ” She hums, refusing to think about exactly <em> why </em> her fridge is low.</p><p> </p><p>Long story short, her funds are drying up faster than she thought. Long gone are the days of avocados and good cheese, here come the days of ramen and Kraft singles.</p><p> </p><p>She’s mentally and emotionally preparing for that, as she tries not to think about things like <em> rent </em> and <em> student loans </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Seven of clubs?” She sighs, toying with the black spade in her hand. Ben groans, before sliding the card under the door and flicking it to her as she smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck.” He grumbles, as she giggles and sets the two cards in a little stack of matches. She’s down to her final three cards, and she’s pretty sure Ben has around seven right now. She’s the <em> queen </em> of go-fish, apparently, although she thinks Ben just might be permanently unlucky.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, and she re-examines her hand and how she can play them here.</p><p> </p><p>“Not to say I don’t love your cooking.” Ben mumbles, as she rolls her eyes, “But I think we should get takeout.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey's wallet practically wheezes at the thought, choking on nothing as she takes a deep breath and sighs. She opens her mouth to argue the merits of just staying at home tonight, as he quickly fills in the rest of the picture before she can snap back.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll pay! Since it was my idea and all, but I think we should, y’know? Reward ourselves? It’s been a long week, for both of us, and I’ll just have it delivered here. It’s not a big deal. I’d be happy to do it, as a thank you for letting me stay and hanging out with me even when I’m being annoying-”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Ben </em> -“ She sighs, because he shouldn’t feel the need to feed her or anything. It was <em> her </em>idea to have him stay, and she really doesn’t want him feeling bad about this whole thing at all. She actually kind of really likes having him around, just a little. Sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>Plus, she feels like she owes him for everything he’s done for her since they met. She feels like this might be her way of paying him back, in exchange for not letting her <em> die </em> at some point this year apparently.</p><p> </p><p>“No! No.” He hums, as she groans. “I-I want this. I want to do this for you. You’re being incredible to me by letting me stay, let me do this.”</p><p> </p><p>She thinks, as he taps at the floor impatiently. She can hear his nervous drumming through the floorboards, as she huffs.</p><p> </p><p>“Please?”</p><p> </p><p>She takes a deep breath, clearing her head before weighing the issues here. She can’t just let him do this for her, he’s already done so much. This is <em> too </em> much, Ben is <em> too much </em> sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>But she thinks about his love languages as she leans back on the ground, the way she thinks this is an act of service for him. He’s making sure she’s fed and happy, taking care of her in this way. It’s all an act of service towards her, and she understands <em> why </em> he wants to do this now. Which makes it easier to accept this from him, just a little.</p><p> </p><p>Even if it still takes some adjusting, and compromising on her end to let him do this for her.</p><p> </p><p>She groans a tentative yes, although he’s already moving around the room before the word leaves her mouth. Grabbing his phone or something she’s certain, as she fiddles with the cards in her hand. “Just tell me what you want, I’ll order for delivery.” He chirps, as she furrows her brow and stares at the ceiling. What does she want, anyways? She could have anything in the world, and she has no fucking clue what she wants.</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighs, and throws her arms out like a starfish as she tries to recall if she actually even <em> knows </em> any restaurants around here. If that’s even something she’s aware of, since she moved here after the world shut down.</p><p> </p><p>She realizes she doesn’t, as Ben quietly hums her name again to grab her attention from the other side of the doorway.</p><p> </p><p>She knows absolutely nothing about the place she lives.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“Is it here?” Ben anxiously asks as Rey looks out and over the balcony. She watches the delivery guy get out of his car, open the front door to the apartment complex, and drop off a bag of takeaway right inside the main hallway. Fuck yeah.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Yes </em> !” She yells back to him, already pulling on her mask as she happily wiggles a little bit. She scurries towards the front door, stomach growling as she undoes the chain at her doorway. It’s been like forty-five minutes since they ordered, and an hour since they first decided to eat. They’re both <em> starving, </em> Rey is going to punch somebody if she doesn’t eat soon <em> .  </em></p><p> </p><p>She gets that way, sometimes, when it comes to food.</p><p> </p><p>“Get your mask on,” She hums, as she opens the door and starts walking out of the apartment again, “I’ll figure out which is which on the way up, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay!” Ben calls back, voice muffled by the distance and the door to her room as she shuts the front entry again. She hopes they wrote what the order was on the actual takeaway itself, because she has no clue what Ben ordered for them after she yelled that she just wanted something with meat and cheese. Something filling, because she doesn’t know when she’ll be able to eat like this again.</p><p> </p><p>She hurries down the staircase, humming under her breath until she sees it. A perfect little white plastic bag with the logo for the Mexican place Ben said he loves on the front. Finally.</p><p> </p><p>Her stomach growls again, as she grabs the bag and starts booking it back up the staircase to her apartment. She realizes there’s <em> three </em> little Styrofoam takeaway boxes in it when she stops to open the front door again, along with chips and salsa. She confusedly slips back into the room, slowly registering that Ben is standing in the corner of her living space as she shuts them back in the apartment together. Why are there three? And she doesn’t remember Ben saying they ordered chips.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I think they gave us the wrong order?” She sighs, trying to find the receipt as she sets the bag on the kitchen counter and removes the boxes and the chips. “This is way too much food for the two of us.” She hums, as he impatiently rubs his thumb into his palm from across the room. She can see the wheels turning in his head, as he eyes the boxes.</p><p> </p><p>He just stands there, anxiously shrugging as she confusedly continues to search for a receipt or something. She should at least let them know, even if the food can’t be returned, that something got mixed up along the way. Seems the right thing to do, in this circumstance.</p><p> </p><p>She looks up at Ben as he rocks on his heels, taking longer than it really should to realize what he did. As it slowly clicks together in her brain. That they don’t have the wrong order, and he did this on purpose like a <em> big, mean jerk </em>-</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ben- </em> “ She whines, as he goes all red in the face and crosses his arms. “Did you do this? <em> Why </em> on earth are you like this?”</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs again, making a sort of indignant noise as she sighs. There’s a “what, me?” type of gesture with his hands as well, which just staples in this act as a purely <em> Ben Solo </em> doing if there ever was one.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the worst.” She groans, setting her elbows on the counter and glaring at him from across the room as his eyes widen. He’s the worst, because he’s too nice. Because he always goes above and beyond, and Rey doesn’t know how to react to that without immediately thinking of how to pay him back and it’s <em> driving her nuts. </em></p><p> </p><p>“I didn’t know what you wanted!” He squawks, grabbing at his arms as she sighs. “And I’m a picky eater! I’m not good with sharing! I wanted to make sure you had something you liked! And whatever we don’t eat can go back in the fridge, for tomorrow night or something. Win-win.”</p><p> </p><p>She narrows her eyes at him, as he stares back at her. He has a look, on what she can see of his face, like this was obvious from the moment she said <em> yes </em> to him in regards to dinner. That there was no other option, and there never will be through the course of their friendship.</p><p> </p><p>He narrows his eyes in return, as she finally concedes. “This is why I don’t like it when you do nice things for me.” She pouts, looking over the boxes with a heavy sinking in her heart. She doesn’t know why this is so tough for her to accept, but it just <em> is </em> . Even if she knows he means well, part of her is still screaming <em> red </em> and <em> danger </em>.</p><p> </p><p>It’s just… a lot sometimes. To have someone like Ben around. </p><p> </p><p>“Now which one is yours, Mr. Particular.” She hums, moving back to the couch as he snorts and quickly looks over the containers. He grabs a plastic fork and knife bundle as he sighs, taking the burrito that Rey had honestly been curious about into his hands.</p><p> </p><p>Because, she quickly realizes, Ben <em> is </em> a picky eater. There’s a ton of notes scrawled across the top of the box in black sharpie, all sorts of modifications and instructions that are clearly <em> not </em> normal or a part of the regular menu.</p><p> </p><p>She swears, one of them straight up has his name on it. Like this is a regular thing for him, and he’s a regular at the restaurant.</p><p> </p><p>She rolls her eyes, as he happily takes the box back to her bedroom with a grumble. Weirdo.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Eat </em>.” He instructs, turning back to her one final time before shutting the door for the night, “If you don’t eat something, we’re both gonna be cranky. I don’t want to be, but I will be.”</p><p> </p><p>She huffs at him again, crossing her arms. He gently shuts the door, as she sighs and rolls her head to the side. He’s, regrettably, right. She’s not going to go on a hunger strike or anything over this, she just needs to figure out a way to make it up to him. </p><p> </p><p>She stands up, setting her mask back on a hook by her front door as she goes back to the boxes. She grabs whatever she sees first, tucking the other in the fridge for a future meal. </p><p> </p><p>It is also, currently, one of like five things in her fridge. She makes a mental note of that, with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>That might be a tomorrow issue, or a Monday one at that. Once Ben is gone, and all. </p><p> </p><p>She sighs, and figures out that it might need to be an issue sooner rather than later now that she thinks about it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Chapter 36</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sunday passes with very little fanfare, Ben and Rey spending their time talking through a shut door and Ben trying to stop from going insane in this very tiny bedroom. </p><p> </p><p>And it doesn’t help that he is surrounded by Rey, that she is everywhere. Every little mark of hers in the walls, every belonging of hers that litters her bookshelf and dresser, every little sound she makes from the living room when she thinks he isn’t listening…</p><p> </p><p>She’s everywhere, and it’s driving him insane to be so physically close yet so fucking far from her. It’s like he has ants crawling in his veins, every time he has to talk to her and he can’t physically be near her it <em> hurts </em> . It <em> sucks </em>.</p><p> </p><p>And she has <em> ducklings on her sheets. </em> That’s the real kicker here, isn’t it, that he can’t even pretend to be back at home when he’s trying to sleep at night because when he tosses and turns he comes face to face with a fuzzy yellow duck every. single. time. She’s <em> everywhere </em>.</p><p> </p><p>It’s ridiculous, really, how in his own head he is about this whole thing. He’s going insane, it’s the only plausible explanation here. Ben Solo is losing his marbles because of this girl.</p><p> </p><p>And he’s doing the best he can to not pry into her personal life, because he knows how much of her in this room there is, and how Ben could easily find something she probably doesn’t want him to see given the circumstances. He understands how much trust she is placing in him to not snoop right now, and how much faith she is putting into his ability to overcome his extremely curious nature.</p><p> </p><p>And he’s trying, he’s really trying, but it’s thus far extremely difficult to not start digging around in her closet when he’s bored. It is so, extraordinarily, difficult.</p><p> </p><p>But he doesn’t, because he’s a good man. And she wouldn’t do it to him, he thinks, so he won’t do it to her.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs and shakes his head, working to overcome that same nature as he lies face up on her bed. She’s in the living room, he thinks, although he has no clue what she’s actually doing right now.</p><p> </p><p>He wants to take a nap, maybe, but he keeps on tuning into her movements every time she shifts or huffs under her breath in frustration. How odd, to be that aware of her.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey?” He whines, rubbing his face as she sighs. Something clatters a little, as he shuffles to get more comfortable in her bed.</p><p> </p><p>“What?” She responds, clearly a little agitated. He winces, because he always seems to be disturbing her when she’s working these days.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, quickly calling back with a wave of his hand. “It’s fine. Never mind. Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a drawn out silence, as Ben mentally double checks that he knows when he has that call later today. The one landmark event he has this whole weekend, and it’s to plan a potential draft of an email in case the worst happens tomorrow. Just in case they have to notify the entire office, which Snoke had been planning to start bringing people back in eventually, that some employees may have been exposed in the city.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, and crosses his arms over his chest. He understands the email, he actually advocated for the email, but that doesn’t mean he wants to <em> write </em> the email.</p><p> </p><p>Rey calls back, as he shuts his eyes and groans.</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s alright. What’s going on? You feeling okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, he’s fine. “Yeah, I’m okay. Just tired.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s another silence, and then she speaks up again.</p><p> </p><p>“You sure?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” He quickly answers back, because it’s not an abject lie. He is tired, he could do with some extra sleep right now, but it’s also not the whole truth.</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, he’s lonely. He’s gone from being trapped in the same tiny house with his parents, constantly running into each other and hating every second of it, to having to deal with Hux’s jabbering in his ear about everything and anything, to being completely isolated in a tiny bedroom that isn’t even his own.</p><p> </p><p>He scratches at his biceps, because he’s <em> really lonely </em>.</p><p> </p><p>It’s weird to be so alone, after being stuck with people for so long. It was nice for about a day and a half, before it started to get a little grating on the senses.</p><p> </p><p>He closes his eyes, as Rey shuffles again and the floorboards creak. “You wanna talk about it?” She hums, as he groans again.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.” He mumbles, taking a deep breath. Rey does the same, although he can just barely make it out through the closed doorway.</p><p> </p><p>She gives him a moment, as he slowly lets his brain put the pieces together. </p><p> </p><p>“I think I’m lonely.” He hums, sitting up and facing her door. “I know, I keep on bugging you and I’m sorry, but I just think I’m stressed out and lonely right now. I know I’m being a nuisance-”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighs, as he grumbles at her. “It’s not a problem, you’re not a problem, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>He whines, because he really feels like he is, as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>He owes her a lot, just for being a weird presence in her life right now. An added responsibility, on a list he’s already sure is a mile long.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna play another game of cards?” She asks, as Ben shrugs. Kind of? Not really. He’s not feeling it, he’s just feeling <em> sad </em> and <em> pouty </em>right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you just talk to me? I wanna know what you’re doing.” He asks, as Rey sighs again. He realizes this might be annoying, that this might be distracting her from something important, as he amends his statement. “I mean, if it’s not an issue. I just don’t want to be alone right now, and you’re good at making sure I’m not alone.”</p><p> </p><p>She quiets, and Ben remembers with a wince the last time one of them said that. When they got back from his parents place, and she freaked out a little on him after nearly getting murdered by her own car.</p><p> </p><p>Ben realizes he might also be freaking out a little, as he watches her shadow shift under the door.</p><p> </p><p>Rey hums in affirmation, and Ben perks up as she moves around her living room again. “I mean, it’s not anything interesting.” She sighs, “I’m just trying to glue a plant pot back together that I dropped, my poor snake plant is, currently, on the counter all by himself, so-“</p><p> </p><p>“The tall one or the small one?” He hums, trying to remember what plant is which as he pays close attention to these little details. Rey has <em> so </em> many plants, Ben doesn’t know how she remembers to take care of them all.</p><p> </p><p>“The small one? I think? One in the white pot, with the ridges all down the side.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah.” Ben knows it, he likes that plant.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah. Shattered. Ceramic all over the floor.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh.” Shit.</p><p> </p><p>She groans, as Ben hears her gather up a bunch of clinky sounding pieces from somewhere else in the room. “Is that what that noise was last night? When you got up?” He wonders, tilting his head as he tries to recall the events of the night before. He heard a loud <em> bang </em> last night, scared him straight until he heard Rey cursing like a sailor and groaning into the darkness.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” She sighs, sitting down in front of the door with an exhale as he hums. “Sorry, I didn’t know I had woken you up. Didn’t mean to.”</p><p> </p><p>“Not a problem, just glad you’re okay.” He nervously answers in response, because he means it. He’s always happiest when she’s okay. It is the most important thing to him, to know she is okay.</p><p> </p><p>She goes silent again, as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Think you can fix it?” He asks, as she exhales heavily.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.” She hums, whining as he stands up. He moves back to the doorway, sitting down in front of it as he groans. </p><p> </p><p>“You wanna tell me how it’s going?” He hums, wanting her to just start talking to him about anything, everything, just so he can hear her voice and try to leave this room a little. Just get out of his own head for a while, and stop himself from <em> thinking </em> for a minute or two.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” She hums, starting to explain what happened and what she’s currently trying to do to fix it. Ben grimaces as she speaks, setting his forehead against the door and closing his eyes as she uses superglue to stick the pieces back together. Apparently she got up to get water, and stubbed her toe on the coffee table. The plant went flying, and then she nearly stepped on the broken pot when she lost her balance and fell back on the couch.</p><p> </p><p>“You good?” He hums, after she’s quiet for a little bit after explaining how much a disaster this whole thing is.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” She sighs, as he exhales.</p><p> </p><p>She’s fine, that’s all that matters.</p><p> </p><p>And he also has a personal vendetta against that coffee table of hers, now.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey jumps as Ben curses, screaming a loud “Fuck! Fucking hell!” After his phone call ends. She freezes as he growls, pacing back and forth with angry, <em> heavy </em> steps. Her fight or flight reflex activates, as she feels her focus shift entirely towards the very big man currently in her bedroom that could <em> very </em>easily hurt someone like her.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?” She manages to squeak, heart near pounding out of her chest as she crawls from one end of the couch to the other so she can watch his door a little better. “Are you okay?”</p><p> </p><p>He grunts again, growling before something squeaks and she tilts her head.</p><p> </p><p>He groans, and she slowly realizes that she <em> thinks </em> he just face planted into her bed. She can’t be sure with a visual, but it sure sounds like it as what she thinks is the mattress shifts again with a loud squeak.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> No. </em>” He whines, as her mind immediately jumps to the worst possible outcome.</p><p> </p><p>“Did he-“</p><p> </p><p>“No! No. Not that, work email thing. It’s a work email thing. We’re still good on <em> that </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey palpably feels her adrenaline drop, as she groans. “Don’t scare me like that!” She yells back, throwing her hands in the air as she squawks at him. “You can’t just tell me you’re not okay and not assume I’m not going to freak out!”</p><p> </p><p>He groans again, as she stands up to pace. “Sorry.” He mumbles into something that muffles his voice, as she leans over her legs and groans into the ground. </p><p> </p><p>“You’re <em> exhausting </em>.” She huffs, straightening her back as she takes a deep breath and sighs. “You know that? You’re fucking exhausting. I hate you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry.” He mumbles again, sounding all sorts of sheepish as she puffs out her cheeks at him and his awful way of delivering good <em> or </em> bad news. This man has the social skills of a <em> rat </em>, now that she thinks about it. </p><p> </p><p>She has no clue how she’s so in love with him, considering he doesn’t know how to not scare her shitless half the time. She fucking hates him.</p><p> </p><p>“You know, I don’t know why I’m friends with you.” She sighs, falling back on the couch as she groans. Ben chuffs from her bedroom, finally laughing as she grabs a pillow from behind her head and <em> launches </em> it at the doorway.</p><p> </p><p>It hits the white door with a flat smack, hitting the floor as she groans into her hands.</p><p> </p><p>“We’re losing our minds.” Ben grumbles from her bedroom, as she huffs in response. They are, Rey can feel her sanity slipping with every passing second that they’re trapped in this too small apartment together. The closer she is to him the more she loves him and loves living with him, which makes her absolutely terrified and panicky. And the more she panics, the meaner she gets towards him. </p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t mean to, but she’s reacting like this right now and it’s apparently just something she has to deal with.</p><p> </p><p>But she wouldn’t lose her mind with anybody else but Ben Solo by her side, even if she’s pissed at him right now, as they both laugh at the whole insanity of this <em> stupid </em> fucking situation they’ve found themselves in. At the absurdity of this week, and the week before, and the week before <em> that- </em></p><p> </p><p>This whole stupid fucking year, really.</p><p> </p><p>Rey groans, because she <em> hates </em> this fucking year. Meeting Ben is the <em> only </em> good thing about 2020, and even that’s driving her insane.</p><p> </p><p>And she’ll take no criticism on that statement, ever.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Chapter 37</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben orders takeaway for them again that night, only telling Rey what’s going on after all is said and done. She squeaks his name in frustration when he informs her of his decision, although she’s secretly thankful he went ahead and made it because she has <em> no </em>clue what she would have fed him anyways. </p><p> </p><p>And, of course, he ordered her two, because he’s a jerk. And he’s a giving jerk, but still a <em> big fucking jerk </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs as she puts the leftovers back in the fridge, counting her blessings that once Ben leaves she now has a whole one and a half meals left over. That she won’t have to worry too much about food, if she can stretch it to three, and by then she should have a trip to the campus food pantry planned. She just needs to figure out how to get there, at some point, because she also doesn’t have a car right now.</p><p> </p><p>She ate half of the Mexican they got last night for lunch earlier today, but the other half is still there. And so is the pasta he “accidentally” ordered two of. Rey can make this work, she’s made do with less, after all.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs as she looks at it, closing the fridge as Ben knocks on the door again. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey?” He asks, always sounding so cautious and wary when he does this, “Can I come out now?”</p><p> </p><p>She moves to the couch, putting her empty plate in the sink before sighing and tugging on her mask. “Yeah, I’m good. You can come on out.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben pokes his head out of the bedroom, before slowly shuffling out. She watches as he moves to the kitchen, placing his plate in the sink with hers. It’s kind of the routine now, he comes out to drop off his plate and then he’ll go and brush his teeth before bed. This’ll be the last time she sees him for the night, but he’ll be up again early tomorrow morning.</p><p> </p><p>But he starts doing the dishes, as she stares at him and blinks in awkward surprise. This <em> boy </em>- “Ben, stop, I’ll take care of it.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.” He hums, going all red in the face as she groans. His arms, black tee tight around his biceps, get all pink as he blushes at her. “No, shush. I’m doing this.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Ben </em>-“ She whines, stretching over the back of the couch as he turns to glare at her while he gets elbow deep in soap and water. “Stop, you’re being too nice. You’re busy enough as is and you’ve had a bad day. I don’t want you to do this for me.”</p><p> </p><p>“You deserve people being nice to you.” He shrugs, like this is off the top of his head or something. Like this is <em> true </em>. “That’s it. You deserve people who are nice to you, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>He continues to scrub, as she watches him. He furrows his brow as he works, his hair held back in a hair tie that she’s ninety-five percent sure is hers as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>She realizes she could easily get used to this, watching Ben do the dishes in her itty bitty apartment, if she isn’t careful.</p><p> </p><p>Which means she <em> has </em> to be more careful, as alarm bells go off in her head. The same ones that scream at her every time she wants to ask for help. That she isn’t independent enough, that she can’t trust anybody but herself and her own ability to provide.</p><p> </p><p>She stands up, ready to shoo him out of the room as she sighs and crosses her arms. “I don’t care, now go and get ready for bed! Let me do this! I owe you!”</p><p> </p><p>“For what?” He squawks, looking up at her with confusion all over his face. He stares at her with unbelieving eyes, pointing at her with a wet hand before doing the same to himself, “You owe <em> me </em>?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes!” She shouts, throwing her hands in the air because isn’t it <em> obvious </em> ? “You’re always being nice to me! You bought me dinner! You give me notes, you bring me soup, and you’re helping me get my car fixed! I owe you <em> so </em> much! You have to stop making me owe you stuff! I don’t have anything left to give, you- Asshole!”</p><p> </p><p>He just blinks at her, freezing as she stares at him. Her voice warbles, although she doesn’t mean for it to, and she feels like an emotional <em> mess </em> for some reason.</p><p> </p><p>And she tells herself it’s <em> not </em> because she loves him, because even though she does, she doesn’t know how much she likes being around him right now.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Rey </em> ,” He whines, sighing as he sets his elbows on the counter and leans over the peninsula. He’s doing that same dumb thing with his eyes that he did in Plutt’s garage, where they go all <em> soft </em> and <em> sweet </em>on her. “You owe me nothing. Not everything comes with a price tag attached.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey just huffs at him, crossing her arms and resisting the urge to stomp on the ground as he goes back to working on the dishes. <em> Everything </em> comes with a cost. And either way she still feels like she <em> owes </em> him, even if he expects nothing from her. She just feels indebted to him, and she <em> hates </em> feeling indebted to him.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben <em> please </em> let me do this.” She whines, feeling increasingly uncomfortable with this situation.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” He hums again, continuing to clean as she groans. “Now go sit down, I like spending time with you.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Stop </em>.” She hisses, although she curls up on the far end of the couch to stay a respectable distance away. Ben just shrugs again, as she pulls her limbs to her chest and tries to burn a hole in his shirt with her stare.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, as she silently glares at him. “The more you push me away, the harder I’ll push back.” He hums, rinsing off the dishes before setting them in her dryer rack. “I just want you to know that, because while I respect you and your reasons for wanting to do everything alone-“</p><p> </p><p>He grabs a pink checkered dish towel with a hum, going so far to start drying them a little as she sighs. </p><p> </p><p>“I care about you too much to let you do that. And I’m not letting you dig yourself into a hole on this, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She groans again, rolling her head to the side to watch him work. “Why are you <em> like </em> this.” She whines, just wanting him to stop so she can overthink this whole interaction for the next three hours like a lunatic.</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, sighing as he starts putting the dishes away. She watches him search around her kitchen cabinets, finally humming as he finds the right one.</p><p> </p><p>He tucks the plates inside, the stack of four or so clattering together as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Because you’re my <em> friend </em>.” He hums, uneasily shrugging as he shifts on his heels. “I don’t know, you’re just- you’re my friend. You’re important to me, and I want to take care of you. Deal?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighs, unthinkingly muttering under her breath in response as she turns away from him, “I’m going to hate the day you leave.”</p><p> </p><p>It leaves her mouth before she can make the decision on if it’s actually a good idea to say something like that or not. The admittance that she honestly thinks this is going to end any day now. That  since she’s finally gotten close to him, that little voice in her head is screaming that this is all temporary and she needs to yank the reins tight and stop this before it goes any further.</p><p> </p><p>That she loves him, so she has to leave him before he leaves her. Because <em> everybody </em> leaves her.</p><p> </p><p>He moves forward, staying six feet away from her but grabbing a broom from the corner of the kitchen. The same one she used to clean up the dirt from her broken snake plant pot this morning.</p><p> </p><p>He gently smacks her on the side with the handle, before wandering to the bathroom as she gasps. “You need to stop this, otherwise we’re breaking quarantine so I can show you that I’m <em> not </em> fucking leaving. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey groans, although she turns to look at him as he walks into the bathroom. </p><p> </p><p>She sighs, and launches another pillow at the door once it shuts tight.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben lays in bed that night, staring at the ceiling as he thinks. He hates this, he hates knowing that Rey thinks he’s just going to up and leave her once he gets what he wants. He hates the fact that she’s been through enough to make her <em> think </em> that everybody just up and leaves at some point or another. And that love, and acts of kindness, are all conditional or come with some type of cost.</p><p> </p><p>He hates the fact that Rey is battling demons that he doesn’t know how to deal with, on top of the ones he does.</p><p> </p><p>He turns, wrapping his arms around a pillow as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>He hates this, he hates this, he <em> hates </em> this.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t know how to fix it.</p><p> </p><p>He wishes he knew how to fix it.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>When Ben comes out the next morning, to brush his teeth and get ready for the day, he finds Rey sleepily groaning from her nest of blankets on the couch. Her hair is down, for the first time since he’s met her, and she’s adorably sniffling a good morning to him as he quietly meanders to the shower.</p><p> </p><p>And she falls back asleep by the time he comes back out, mask still on her face as she quietly snores and her chest evenly falls up and down. It’s adorable, way cuter than Ben was expecting, and he realizes that he could totally get used to seeing Rey like this.</p><p> </p><p>He also thinks they’re kind of fighting right now, although he doesn’t really know <em> why </em> they’re fighting right now, but he can’t just <em> fix </em>things between them. He, obviously, fucked up somewhere along the line.</p><p> </p><p>And apparently he can’t just step in and <em> fix </em> things.</p><p> </p><p>Because if he steps in, when she’s already shown him how capable she is of pulling away from him, he might lose her completely. It might overwhelm her, and he can’t have her thinking she owes him <em> anything </em> or that he would ever <em> hurt </em> her like that. Ben won’t risk that when it comes to Rey, he just <em> can’t. </em></p><p> </p><p>And if she’s already sure he’s going to leave her, that she’s so undeserving of kindness in the first place, he doesn’t know how to even begin convincing her that she is. That she is <em> so </em> worthy of love, and that she can’t keep pouring from an empty cup without seriously hurting herself in the process.</p><p> </p><p>Which leaves him one option, as he gets dressed for the day and puts on a nice button down in order to feel a little bit more in the business mood.</p><p> </p><p>He has to show her, somehow, that he means well. That he’s staying, and that he’s worthy of her trust. Doing this secretly just isn’t cutting it any more, apparently, because she needs more than he can quietly give.</p><p> </p><p>And, the fact is, she also sees right through him. He was never successful with secrets in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>But he also can’t overstep, because he can’t freak her out.</p><p> </p><p>Which means this is going to be a balancing act and a <em> half </em>, if he can help it. If he can even make this work in the first place.</p><p> </p><p>Because she doesn’t have anything to offer him other than her friendship, and even though that is so much more than enough for him, she doesn’t think it is. It will <em> always </em> be more than enough for him, he just needs her to <em> see that. </em></p><p> </p><p>He knocks on the door between them sometime before ten, when he knows she has a class. She calls him out into the living space, Ben opening the door back up as she finishes putting her hair up in a ponytail.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s up?” She chirps, mask over her face as she tries to smooth out a bump at the top of her head as she looks at her reflection in a mirror. She frowns, and takes the whole thing down again before putting it back up with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Just wanted to see you.” He hums, shrugging. “And I-I think we should talk. Maybe. About last night.”</p><p> </p><p>She grimaces, checking her phone as he sighs. “I have class in ten, can it wait?”</p><p> </p><p>“Not really.” He exhales, hoping to just get this over with as he places his head against the door frame.</p><p> </p><p>Rey freezes, and Ben can see her start to spiral as her eyes go wide and her pupils shrink despite the low light of the room. The “can we talk” statement wasn’t a good choice, obviously, which he’ll file in the back of his brain as information that’s exceedingly useful when it comes to this girl.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s nothing bad! I don’t want bad things!” He corrects, hoping to stop her from panicking as he holds a hand out in front of him. “I just- you need to get used to having me around. Letting me do nice things for you. We’re <em> friends </em>, which means we don’t owe each other anything except that. We take care of each other, okay? And I’m sorry if I overstepped any boundaries last night, but we need to get better about communicating. We have to figure this out-”</p><p> </p><p>She groans, and Ben clenches his jaw a little as he huffs.</p><p> </p><p>“No, stop.” He grumbles, when she turns away from him and moves to her laptop by the counter. “None of this ‘independence’ ‘holier than thou’ shit, I’m sick of it. We’re a team, and we’ve got each other's backs. Stop fighting me every time I try to be nice to you, because unless you <em> really </em> want me out of your life I’m not leaving. I know you well enough to know what you’re doing, and it’s not gonna work on me. You’re stuck with me, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, as he continues his tiny tirade. “Tell me you want me to leave, and I will get out of your hair in an instant, but that’ll be <em> your </em> doing. Not mine. You’re not getting off the hook that easy, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>He watches her shoulders visibly relax, as he crosses his arms and stares at her. He can’t see her face, but he watches as she crosses her arms and sighs.</p><p> </p><p>And for a brief moment he thinks she really might kick him out, that he misjudged her actions, and she really does want him out of her life forever.</p><p> </p><p>He gulps, and she turns back to him.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want you gone, I just don’t want to be the one who gets left behind again.” She admits, meeting his eyes for a brief moment before staring at the ground. “Okay? That’s it. I don’t wanna get left behind. I always get left behind. It freaks me out when I start becoming <em> dependent </em> on you, because I don’t want you to leave me behind.”</p><p> </p><p>It slowly starts to click for Ben, as she rocks on her heels and kicks at the floor. Foster kid, leaving England and Jakku and everything she knows behind <em> twice </em>, not letting people do nice things for her because she thinks she has to do everything herself-</p><p> </p><p>She thinks she can only count on herself, so she’s pushing him out and leaving him behind before he can leave her. And she might kill herself in the process, but her mindset is totally focused on being completely self sufficient and independent because she <em> doesn’t know how to count on other people </em>.</p><p> </p><p>And it breaks his heart, because he understands that way of thinking. </p><p> </p><p>He understands her, way more than she thinks he does. Not perfectly, maybe, but better than the average person for <em> sure </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve got me.” He sighs, keeping an eye on her as he whispers. “Rey, I’m serious. You’ve got me. Look at me.”</p><p> </p><p>She slowly turns her head up to him, as he quickly tries to take into account that she looks absolutely petrified by this whole situation. </p><p> </p><p>“I’m not leaving. Tell me where you want me and <em> I’ll be there </em> . I promise. We’re gonna make this work, because we’re both too <em> fucking </em> stubborn to give up on each other. You’re making up problems that don’t exist.”</p><p> </p><p>She snorts, shrugging as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“When the guy tests negative,” Ben promises, shifting his weight as he thinks, “we’re going out and celebrating. I don’t know how, but we’re gonna do something <em> fun </em> together. Because we deserve it, and I’m sick of you not thinking you deserve good things.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> When </em> he tests negative <em> . </em>” She deadpans, Ben nodding. For someone who was such an optimist when they first met, she is being shockingly negative about this whole thing. So… pessimistic and dark about the immediate future.</p><p> </p><p>He tries to hold back his worry at that realization, that maybe this year is having a harder effect on her than they first realized. That maybe she <em> really </em> needs something good in her life right now, whether that’s Ben or something else that comes along, who can be that spark of light when she can’t keep her head above water.</p><p> </p><p>“When.” He states, nodding as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>She goes silent for a moment, rocking on her heels again before muttering a small “Okay” and turning back towards her laptop. “When he tests negative, we have that discussion.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, closing the door once she pulls her attention away from him. </p><p> </p><p>He goes to his laptop, realizing he’s not going to be able to get <em> any </em> work done once he has some reassurance that Rey is going to be okay and that this year really isn’t making them both go insane.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck.</p>
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<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Chapter 38</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey is… </p><p> </p><p>exhausted.</p><p> </p><p>That’s the only word she can think of to describe her current mindset, as she works on her homework and tries to power through this set of equations. Once she gets this single one done, and she’s one step closer to having finished the entire assignment.</p><p> </p><p>She checks how far she’s actually come on this assignment, sighing when she realizes she still has a <em> long </em> way to go.</p><p> </p><p>She hears Ben’s phone go off in his bedroom, as he groans and shuffles around. He picks it up with a quiet hello, as she goes back to scratching her pencil against her paper and finishing this assignment with an unhappy grumble.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, this is Mr. Solo. Who am I speaking to?”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a silence, Rey half listening as she taps the eraser of her mechanical pencil against her lip and sighs. This problem doesn’t look quite right, she fucked up somewhere. She knows she did, she just doesn’t know <em> where </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She erases the whole thing, starting from scratch as she groans. She clicks her pencil lead again, starting from the top and sighing.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, yeah.” He hums, as she writes out the equation again.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, as she pulls her laptop closer to get a better look at the assignment. She zooms in on the instructions, as she groans. Okay, she <em> kind of </em>sees where the problem is.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, thank <em> god </em>. Thank you.” Ben hums, exhaling and chuckling a little.</p><p> </p><p>“Bye, thanks again, bye. Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>There’s a drop of silence, as Rey works through the first section of the equation.</p><p> </p><p>“He tested negative!” Ben <em> yells </em> from her bedroom, as Rey screams in surprise. Holy- Shit! What the fuck!</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!” She hoarsely shouts back, as he loudly whoops and hollers and she catches her breath. He <em> needs </em> to stop scaring her like this, he’s going to give her a heart attack one of these days if he isn’t careful. </p><p> </p><p>“The neighbors!” She squeaks, rubbing her forehead as she reflects on the angry letter that got slipped under her doorway this morning from the old lady from next door, who thinks “fuck” and “fucking hell” are very bad words and that if Ben doesn’t wash his mouth out with soap immediately the devil is going to invade his soul or something.</p><p> </p><p>Rey doesn’t care, she doesn’t give a shit, but she’d rather <em> not </em> make enemies with the neighbors before actually meeting any of them this year.</p><p> </p><p>He quiets, as adrenaline pumps through her system and she turns to stare at his door. She takes a moment to gather her thoughts, quickly making sense of the situation as she stares.</p><p> </p><p>“He tested negative? Are you in the clear?” She hums, unsure what <em> testing negative </em> really entails these days.</p><p> </p><p>“Fourteen days are up! I’m in the clear!” He calls back, as Rey exhales. She mutters a quiet thanks under her breath, as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Does that mean you can come out now?” She whines, already standing up and walking towards the doorway. She knows he isn’t one hundred percent in the clear, nobody is, but he is at least in the clear enough to where she feels comfortable being near him again. Where they can go back to being a little unit, that includes his family and herself.</p><p> </p><p>He hums in surprise for a moment, like he hadn’t considered this, as she hears him shuffle around the room a little. “Yeah, I mean, yeah. I’m in the clear. We can hang out again.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighs, exhaling as she processes this. She goes for the door handle, not even bothering to knock in her need to see him again. </p><p> </p><p>She just- she needs to have her hands on him or something. She needs to know he’s <em> real- </em></p><p> </p><p>But Ben opens it before she does, on the same wavelength as her. Standing in front of her, shock all over his face as she squeaks up at him.</p><p> </p><p>It’s like she always forgets how tall he is, until he’s standing directly in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi.” She squeaks, looking up at him. “I’m glad you’re okay. I don’t know what I would have done if you weren’t.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, nodding as she exhales again. She takes in his face, the little dimples on his cheeks when he grins. The stubble that’s just starting to come in. </p><p> </p><p>She tentatively pops up on her toes, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down to her as he squawks. His hands fly out to the side to steady himself, as she clings onto him.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Don’t fucking do this again </em>.” She warbles, tugging him closer as he huffs. His hands eventually settle around her waist, guiding her slowly closer to him. She feels his warm palms hesitate at the small of her back for a moment, before she’s being crushed against his chest and is held tight.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.” He sighs, pushing his face against the side of hers. “I’m <em> so </em> sorry, sweetheart. I won’t do it again.”</p><p> </p><p>She holds on tight, because that’s all she wants.</p><p> </p><p>She just wants him to be <em> safe </em>.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben has to leave, once the call comes in that he’s in the clear. He promises he’ll be back, because his parents are still kind of uneasy about this whole thing and don’t want him in the house quite yet, but he has to get clean clothes. He is running out of clean clothes.</p><p> </p><p>So, Rey watches him leave. With his hands on his suitcase handle as she wraps a blanket around her shoulders. “Hurry back soon.” She worries, although she doesn’t know <em> why </em> she worries. But she worries anyways, because apparently that’s all she does these days when it comes to Ben.</p><p> </p><p>He smiles, though, underneath his mask. </p><p> </p><p>“Of course, you’ll barely even notice I’m gone.”</p><p> </p><p>But Rey <em> does </em> notice, because the apartment is so quiet without him. She gets her work done in record time, without his distractions of course, but the apartment is <em> dreadfully </em> empty without him.</p><p> </p><p>So she sighs, and crashes on the couch as she waits for him and comes to term with that fact. Basks in the silence, really, in-between her classes as she completely forgets to eat lunch. Because it turns out, without him to remind her, time doesn’t feel the same. Not that she needed to eat anyways, she can survive without lunch. She’ll be fine, really, she’s done it before. She might get short without food, but she’s been through worse.</p><p> </p><p>And it’ll be good to save what food she does have, as she realizes she’s slipping back into the rationing mindset of her younger years. The pre-Finn era, really. Always afraid of things disappearing, ending, being <em> stolen </em> by housemates.</p><p> </p><p>She resists that urge to <em> hide </em> it, which isn’t something she’s thought about since she was eighteen.</p><p> </p><p>She falls asleep, after wrapping herself up in at least five throw blankets and three pillows for security reasons she can’t explain. She doesn’t mean to, she was just trying to relax while she waited for him to return, but something in her is lulled to sleep as she waits. Something in her is pulled under the darkness, drawn towards the escape sleep provides.</p><p> </p><p>And she waits, certain he’ll either come back victorious and with new clothes, or not at all.</p><p> </p><p>And she isn’t quite sure how she’ll react to the second option, if that’s how today ends.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Rey </em>.” Ben hisses in her ear, as she wakes up and shouts in surprise. Her heart leaps out of her chest, as his hands grab tighter onto her waist and shoulder as she squirms in confusion.</p><p> </p><p>She frantically blinks awake, staring at him as he leans over her. He chews on his lip, as he stares down at her in concern. </p><p> </p><p>She tries to figure out how the <em> hell </em> he got back in her apartment, before remembering he still has the spare key. </p><p> </p><p>Oh, fuck. He still has a spare key.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s going on?” She whines, as he quietly rubs his thumb into her side. She groans as she struggles to sit up a little among her blankets, Ben helping her with a firm hand on her back as he exhales.</p><p> </p><p>“I came back and you were asleep.” He hums, rubbing her shoulder and explaining exactly <em> why </em> it’s suddenly late afternoon already. “I didn’t wanna wake you up, but you’ve got class in an hour. You sure you’re feeling okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, leaning forward. She places her head on his bicep, grabbing his forearm in her hands as she groans. She does not feel okay, but she feels okay <em> enough </em> to go to class. Okay enough to carry on in the face of adversity, and slight nausea.</p><p> </p><p>Honestly, the line for “being okay” was passed about three months ago if she’s honest. She hasn’t <em> been okay </em> for quite awhile now. Nothing has been okay, not since this whole year started to go downhill.</p><p> </p><p>Since the last couple days, maybe weeks actually, have really been running her through the wringer.</p><p> </p><p>But Ben makes everything a little better, although she’s still not okay, and that is enough right now.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, slowly reaching out and tucking her loose hair behind her ear. She huffs as he examines her face, her eyes closing again as he runs his thumb over the scar she has on her cheek. </p><p> </p><p>“You eat?” He asks, dragging his hand down her neck to support her head as it leans to the side. “You’re starting to get that look, when you’re at the end of a long work day. The same one that means you get all cranky at me.”</p><p> </p><p>She opens her eyes, glaring at him as he exhales. He moves one hand to her back as she huffs at the fact he just called her <em> cranky </em>, supporting her against his shoulder as she leans into his side and exhaustedly groans. </p><p> </p><p>She whines into his shirt, as he tentatively rests his hand over her knees with a huff.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey-“ He hums again, in almost a half warning as she sighs. He wants her to tell him, clearly. He wants the <em> truth </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“No, I didn’t” she admits, rubbing her face against the fabric of his shirt as he exhales. “I forgot.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, sounding severely disappointed in her, as she whines and curls up and into herself a little. “Okay.” He hums, standing up as she loudly whines again. “I also happen to know that you didn’t eat breakfast this morning, and I already know you’re acting all weird because <em> something </em> is obviously happening that I don’t know about, so I’m gonna get you to eat and then we’re getting you through Luke’s class. We’ll figure out the rest later, but you need to start taking better care of yourself. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She groans, dragging a blanket up over her face as she whines. “But I don’t wanna!”</p><p> </p><p>And she is incapable of really articulating <em> why </em> she just wants to lie here, but she does. And she’s tired. And she’s emotionally exhausted from the past couple days. And it feels like now that she knows Ben is a little safer, she can finally <em> chill the fuck out a little </em>, and-</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulls the blanket down from her face, slowly unwrapping her as he sighs. “Come on, I just clocked out for the day, but I have shit I need to catch up on. You go and get cleaned up,” his thumb, embarrassingly enough, goes to the corner of her mouth as she realizes that she must have been drooling in her sleep or something when he walked in, “and I will be here. I have clean clothes, and I’m not leaving until you are feeling a little bit more like yourself. Deal?”</p><p> </p><p>She groans, as he places his hands under her pits and lifts her up. He steadies her when she gets caught in the blankets, legs wobbling as she squeaks.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, and fixes her jumper for her a little. “Come on,” he frustratedly huffs, “you know I don’t like seeing you like this. You know you’re worth more. Start treating yourself like it.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, not really believing him as he wraps his arms around her. Holding her, as she tries to process his statements.</p><p> </p><p>She just clings on tight, as he quietly sighs and rocks with her in the middle of her living room.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t think he really means it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Chapter 39</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben loudly groans as he goes through her cabinets, huffing and puffing as she slowly slips out of her bathroom with a fixed face and straightened up hair for class. He growls as he moves to the tiny pantry she has by the front door, slamming cabinet doors shut in the process, and she winces as she protectively crosses her arms over her chest in one swift movement. </p><p> </p><p>He groans again, leaning down and checking something out as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>Checking out the fact that she has literally <em> nothing </em> to eat in the house. That she hasn’t talked to him about getting her to the grocery store, or given him <em> any </em> plans on changing that reality.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” She whispers, shutting her eyes as she prepares to get yelled at or something. She has <em> seen </em> Ben angry before, she knows how he can get when someone crosses him. This is not necessarily a surprise for her, because she has some sort of basis for what happens when someone gets him angry, but she just wasn’t expecting it to be <em> her </em>at the receiving end today.</p><p> </p><p>So she automatically prepares himself, as he examines her few canned goods and the ramen she has left at the bottom of her storage. She prepares herself to get yelled at, and for her trust to get broken by him. For things to never be the same between them, because he got <em> angry </em> at her.</p><p> </p><p>What she doesn’t expect is for him to take a deep breath, run a hand through his hair, and place his forehead against the doorway as he calms down. For him to have so much <em> control </em> over it.</p><p> </p><p>“You <em> have </em> to stop hiding things from me <em> . </em> ” He sighs, rubbing his face as he leans against the wall. “For <em> fuck’s </em> sake, Rey. <em> Please stop hiding these things from me </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.” She warbles again, still fucking terrified of him as she whines. “I’m sorry-“</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Hey </em>, not your fucking fault.” He sweetly hums, quickly moving over towards her as she takes a deep breath and valiantly tries not to start sobbing in front of him again. She shakes, as he slowly looks her up and down. He quickly tries to evaluate the situation, as Rey shudders. “None of this is your fucking fault. We’re figuring this out together, we’re going to do this together, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, not sure if she should step towards him or away from him as he sighs and wraps his arms around her. Effectively making the decision for her, although she doesn’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad one right now.</p><p> </p><p>She freezes, sniffling as he grabs at her back. </p><p> </p><p>“Please let me help you.” He whispers, nuzzling his face into the side of hers. “God, <em> please </em> let me help you. I’m so tired of seeing you hurt.”</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head, as he pulls tighter. His grasp is on the edge of constricting, although in reality it’s just tight enough to keep her from floating away.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Please </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>His voice cracks, as she wraps her arms around his torso. His whole frame shudders, as she weakly pulls at his shirt and claws at his back. </p><p> </p><p>She shakes as he hugs her, not really sure where to put all of these emotions she’s taking a little too long to make sense of. The feelings of abandonment, and pain, and starvation, and <em> fear </em> consume her. The ones of hope, and longing, and <em> love </em>… not so much.</p><p> </p><p>The one of relief, even, is cloudier than it’s ever been.</p><p> </p><p>She nods, as he exhales and his shoulders slump. She doesn’t know what she’s doing, she doesn’t know what to do, but she just wants to be <em> happy </em>.</p><p> </p><p>And she feels like that isn’t too much to ask.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“Ben-“</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Ben- </em>“ </p><p> </p><p>“No!” He squeaks at her, pushing the plate back towards her. “I ate earlier, I ate in the car. You haven’t eaten <em> all day </em> and you look like you’re about to faint. Eat, or I make a scene in the middle of your engineering course with my uncle.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey stares at him, narrowing her eyes as he does the same. She slowly grabs the fork he’s given her, stabbing the leftover pasta he shoved in the microwave while she was getting her notes together.</p><p> </p><p>She slowly starts to eat, as he sighs a “<em> finally </em> ” and moves back over to the other side of the kitchen. He goes back to his bags, as she checks the clock on her laptop and sighs. She’s got about forty minutes until her class starts, which means she probably needs to eat <em> somewhat </em> fast. </p><p> </p><p>She pulls her phone into her palm, Ben snatching it from her hand as she squeaks at him in indignation and shock. “Hey!” She hums through the food in her mouth, as he places it on the opposite side of the tiny kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>“No, you need to eat.” He huffs, pointing a finger at her. “Then phone. If this is the only way I can get you to behave, then- so be it!”</p><p> </p><p>She debates flinging a tortellini at him, before deciding not to waste precious resources and angrily shoving it in her mouth instead. “I hate you sometimes.” She sighs, turning down to stare at her meal as he huffs.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” He hums in return, not even missing a beat. “I can be mean, and selfish. I can be a dick. Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“You can be <em> terrifying </em>.” She snorts, continuing to eat as she speaks. “I don’t think you realize how scary you can be, sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben goes quiet at that, as she chews and stares into her plate. It’s not a secret, Ben is <em> scary </em> . He scares her. When he gets loud and cross, he can be straight up <em> terrifying. </em></p><p> </p><p>He gently sighs, as she continues to eat. He takes a moment to think, as she slowly starts to regret her words. Maybe she shouldn’t be so hard on him, but she just wants to <em> stop fighting </em> him. She just wants the tension to <em> end </em> . “I’m sorry, I didn’t know that I made you feel that way. I-I don’t want to be the type of man that scares you, Rey. You deserve <em> so </em> much better than that.”</p><p> </p><p>He goes silent, and she watches him out of the corner of her eye as he puffs out his cheeks and runs a hand through his hair. He looks… distressed, to say the least. And shockingly honest, <em> sincere </em> even.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll do better, I promise.” He hums, resting his head on the counter. He leans forward, closing his eyes as she stares at him in shock. “I’ll do better.”</p><p> </p><p>He lies still for a moment, and she starts debating if she should like… pet his head or something. If that’s the appropriate move to make here. But he opens his eyes before she makes <em> that </em> mistake, staring up at her from his place on the counter. “Look, If I scare you, you gotta tell me though. I can’t <em> be better </em> if I don’t know where I’m <em> being wrong </em> . I <em> need you to talk to me </em>. Can you do that? Promise?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, although she pouts a little as he watches her. He points a finger in her face as he speaks, desperately trying to be serious but kind of just barely pulling off the ’annoyed sheepdog’ look.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey-“</p><p> </p><p>“Ben-“</p><p> </p><p>He grabs her hand, rubbing her palm as she jumps a little. “I just need to know what I’m dealing with here, just need to know we’re okay. That’s all I want from you. I just want us to be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, squeezing his hand back. </p><p> </p><p>It doesn’t seem like a lot, to let him in like that, but for her? It absolutely is.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“<em> What </em> are you doing?” Rey hisses, as Ben sorts through the bag of clean clothes he brought. He’s decided to stay in the kitchen while she works today, dragging one of the barstools she has at her peninsula to the other side so he can annoy her while staying off camera. They’ve also made the agreement that Ben is going to stay until two weeks have passed since his return from New York, although the details are still undecided and unclear as to how they’re going to make this work.</p><p> </p><p>She glares at him as he pops his head up, slowly sorting through what looks to be a couple shirts. He mouths “muted?” to her as she nods, watching him look between her and the laptop on her counter.</p><p> </p><p>Luke drones on about equations, Rey taking notes as Ben wholeheartedly <em> tries </em> to distract her.</p><p> </p><p>“I have a gift for you.” He hums, pulling out a plastic… <em> thing </em>. “Actually, it’s kind of for me. I ordered it last week, it arrived on Saturday. I asked my parents to pack it for today.”</p><p> </p><p>He stands up, and he proudly grins as he holds up a plastic package with an honest to god <em> dog-whistle </em> in it. What the fuck, Ben?</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, as he starts unwrapping it in glee. The plastic cracks, as he yanks it open with a grunt. Not even bothering to use scissors, as he pulls the paper backing off and sticks his fingers into the cavity of the toy. “You’re insane.”</p><p> </p><p>He snickers, grinning with a bright, childish glint in his eye as he turns and sets the packaging on the far counter. It lands next to her phone, as he examines the little metal device with <em> such </em> scrutiny. “No, I’m not insane. I’m a <em> genius </em>. You’re going to love this.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey just glares at him, before going back to writing equations and taking notes. “Uh-<em> huh </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben outright <em> giggles </em> , as she catches up on whatever is happening in class. It’s almost maniacal, as she slowly comes to terms with the fact that her Ben is <em> insane </em> sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, explain this to me.” She sighs, finally giving up and looking him up and down before she goes back to writing. “Why did you buy a dog-whistle and why are you so happy about it?”</p><p> </p><p>“My uncle owns two dogs, and when I was in college I trained them to bark like two tiny <em> devils </em> whenever they heard one of these.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey just blinks, because she had <em> no </em> clue that Ben could be this evil. He swings the whistle through the air, one of his fingers looped through the keychain as she furrows her brow.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” She hums, continuing to stare in shock as he bites his lower lip and smiles. “So, okay, what?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben grins, giggling as she continues to write notes and pay attention in class. He leans against the back counter, playing with the toy as she works. </p><p> </p><p>“My uncle has two small dogs. R2 and C3. They’re..” He shrugs a little, making a small noise of discontent as she smiles behind her hand. “A little off. But, I mean, they’re named after excel spreadsheet equations so-“</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, as she smiles. They’re a little off, good to know.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyways, Rat Terrier and Italian Greyhound. Both rescues, adopted them when I was eighteen and he had just gotten that prosthetic patent launched for the-“ Ben moves his elbow a little, as Rey hums. Luke developed an elbow joint for prosthetics, changed the whole landscape for prosthetic <em> use </em>. Apparently he got sick and tired of his own elbow locking up, so he went ahead and made his own arm to spite every doctor who told him it was impossible. </p><p> </p><p>And, therefore, the Skywalker joint was born. Along with these two dogs, apparently.</p><p> </p><p>“Anyways,” he hums, exhaling as she starts a new line of equations. She double checks she’s muted, scratching away at the paper as she half listens and Ben continues to speak. “He gets these two dogs as a congratulations for himself, and they’re his entire world. They go <em> everywhere </em> with him, he loves them.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, following along as Ben sighs. That sounds about right. Man gets dogs, dogs become man's whole world.</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Until </em>,” Ben sighs, “my dear old uncle has to go to a medical conference, which he can’t bring the dogs to. So, me being the enterprising young adult that I am, offered to dog-sit them for a week. Free house to stay in, privacy… whole nine yards.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Yeah </em> .” Rey hums, continuing to transcribe as Ben sighs. Any college kids dream, a house all their own for the week. <em> Especially </em> a professor's house, because of the bragging rights that could come from a party or something at that place. “So, instead of throwing a massive party and trashing his place, you train his dogs to bark every time you blow a dog-whistle?” She sighs, Ben giggling as he nods.</p><p> </p><p>Ben is a weirdo. A lovable, kind, somewhat terrifying weirdo.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey,” he laughs, still grinning as he points the whistle at her, “I wanted to fuck with with him, I didn’t have a <em> death </em> wish. My parents didn’t even know I did it until I had to explain the whistle to them, when I had to tell them to pack it.”</p><p> </p><p>“Uh-<em> huh </em>.” She hums again, going to the final equation for this unit as Ben sighs. </p><p> </p><p>“Anyways, I train the dogs to bark on command. Ever since then, whenever I got a chance, I would blow the dog-whistle to get them all riled up and angry. I don’t know if they’ll still respond, but I <em> really </em> want to try. Is that okay?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighs, as he moves a little closer to her. She watches him carefully stay off screen, as he peers over the top of her laptop. “Come on, if we get caught I’ll take the blame. I just <em> really </em> want to piss him off.”</p><p> </p><p>She groans, although she nods. She wants to piss him off too, as revenge for what he’s put her through this semester, if she’s honest.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine,” she hums, quickly copying down the equation Luke is putting on the virtual whiteboard. She covers her mouth with her palm, putting on her serious thinking face for a moment, “but you need to test it first, and my box lights up whenever I talk, so we need to do it while I’m speaking. Deal?”</p><p> </p><p>“Deal.” He hums, exhaling as she watches him out of the corner of her eye. He moves to the other side of the room, by the doorway, and gently blows on the whistle.</p><p> </p><p>It’s completely silent, Ben exhaling in relief as he giggles and places a palm to his chest. Good god, she can’t believe they’re actually doing this.</p><p> </p><p>Rey pulls her attention back to the screen, as they leave whiteboard mode and Luke goes back to his face. Rey tries to peer to the back of his tiny green office, filled with house plants, and she keeps an eye out for any small dogs that Ben might know.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t see any, and she wonders if they’re still <em> alive </em> as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>And then Luke is opening the floor for questions and suddenly Rey is scrambling for something, <em> anything, </em> to say so they can try this. She suddenly sees the appeal of fucking with Luke Skywalker, as she desperately tries to find an in.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Rey! </em>” Ben hisses, scrambling back to his place in the kitchen as she quickly pages through her notes. “Ask him something!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ask him <em> what </em>?” She asks, grimacing as another student speaks up and Luke drifts off into a tangent. Ben shrugs, as helpful as ever, and she glares at him. </p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know.” He mumbles, placing his arms and his head on the counter as he pouts up at her. She resists rolling her eyes, as she finally comes up with something.</p><p> </p><p>“Got one.” She hums, turning her notes back a page and waiting for the right moment. Ben readies the whistle at his lips, grinning as she mentally prepares herself to ask a question in front of all these students.</p><p> </p><p>And when she finally gets her shot, going third in the class that she suddenly remembers might need <em> actual </em> help on this <em> actual </em> assignment they have to do, she only gets about three syllables in before two tiny dogs start <em> screaming </em> in the background.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh- C3! R2! Shut up!” Luke yells, Rey pulling her finger from her space bar before Ben dissolves into joyous giggles beside her and gives them away. The dogs angrily yap in the background, Rey watching as Luke stands up and opens the door to deal with the two terrors. He drops his headphones in the meanwhile, but in his haste to <em> deal with </em> the dogs she ends up seeing everything that ensues.</p><p> </p><p>Rey watches him jump back in surprise as a tan Italian Greyhound and a black and white Rat Terrier rocket into his office and start circling around his feet, giggling as a couple other students do the same and someone comments in chat. She had no idea Luke owned two dogs, and she doubts the other students knew either.</p><p> </p><p>Ben falls into hysterics next to her, cackling into his hands as she wipes a tear from under her eye. She can’t believe that actually <em> worked </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“You little-“ Luke hums, cursing under his breath as he chases the skinny tan dog around the room. It keeps its tail between its legs, frightened and confused, as the black and white one happily sneaks over to a chair. He hops up on a pile of pillows with practiced ease, before leaping up into the seat. “Get out! I’m trying to teach!”</p><p> </p><p>The dogs continue to cause a ruckus, Ben laughing from his place next to Rey as she watches the chaos unfold. Luke finally manages to shoo the little tan one out the doorway, shutting it with a relieved sigh.</p><p> </p><p>And then he turns to the black and white pooch, who wags his tail against the seat cushion and barks up at him with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>“And <em> you! </em>” Luke hums, walking over and picking up the dog. “You started this, didn’t you. You’re- you’re bad. You know that? You’ll make a nice hat someday, buddy.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey dares a look over to Ben, as he gently smiles. He peers towards her laptop, Rey not taking the chance of him ending up on camera as she gently pushes on his forehead with her palm.</p><p> </p><p>He huffs, as Luke opens the door and shoos the little dog out along with his brother.</p><p> </p><p>“Sorry about that, class.” He hums, sitting back down at his seat. “Those two haven’t done that for a while, jeez, okay. Where were we?”</p><p> </p><p>Another student speaks up, as Rey's question gets completely forgotten and buried in a barrage of other students asking about the work for this semester, and all wondering about final projects and the next necessary steps to get a good grade in this class.</p><p> </p><p>She focuses, the best she can, as Ben giggles next to her and quietly watches this all play out.</p><p> </p><p>She likes this side of Ben, she likes it when he’s like this.</p><p> </p><p>She likes that he’s kind of silly, sometimes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Chapter 40</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You’re sleeping in my bed.” </p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m not.” </p><p> </p><p>That’s the latest argument between Ben and Rey, Ben huffing as Rey slowly pushes him by the shoulders towards her bedroom. She’s insisting he take her bed tonight, because he’s already been sleeping in it, but since he no longer needs to be in quarantine he feels like the couch is the much more sensible place for him as of now.</p><p> </p><p>He turns, crossing his arms and huffing at her. “No, I’m not.” As he automatically straightens his back and stares down at her. It’s a reflex, at this point, to act this way during arguments. Enough years fighting in court, and he’s gotten used to standing his ground and forcefully intimidating whoever he’s talking to.</p><p> </p><p>And she stares at him for a moment, before taking a deep breath that shudders a little as she sighs. “I don’t like that.” She hums, closing her eyes and shaking her head. “I don’t like it when you talk to me like that. That scares me.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben <em> immediately </em> checks his posture, uncrossing his arms and slowly trying to figure out where he should set his hands. How to do this, because he promised he would be better with this.</p><p> </p><p>He grabs her own, before pulling her to the couch. He sits down, leaning forward as she stands in front of him and he moves her to a good spot. So she, in all her tired glory, can stare <em> down </em> at him. “Better?” He hums, as she exhales and nods. </p><p> </p><p>He gently grabs her palm again, rubbing his thumb over her knuckles as she sighs. He keeps his voice and energy as gentle as possible, opening himself up to conversation rather than an argument with her.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t have any clean sheets, and it’s late. I don’t want to have to deal with laundry right now, and you already bought dinner for us tonight. It feels fair to me, and I would feel better, if you take the bed and I stay on the couch.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, furrowing his brow as he thinks. If this is the way she wants to negotiate this, he can work with it. “Okay,” he sighs, placing his free hand on his knee as he rubs his thumb into her palm. “Okay, but that means tomorrow, or Wednesday or whatever, you need to let me buy you groceries.”</p><p> </p><p>She opens her mouth to protest, as Ben continues to speak.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s like- rent, right? I’m paying you rent, in the form of food. And we need stuff to eat, anyways, and I have to drop off groceries for my parents. My mom has already texted me a <em> list </em>, and I need to take care of them too. We’ll just- We just make that part of our trip, that’s all.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey sighs, as Ben stares up at her. He gently squeezes her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers as he watches her gently blushing face for any hard no’s.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on, I’m trying to make this work with you. I care about you, and I want to protect you. You can strong arm me into taking the bed, but I’m not letting you starve yourself. You’re not going to do this alone, not on my watch.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, thank god, and he slowly starts to understand how difficult this is for her. How much it’s taking out of her to admit that she needs help, and she needs it <em> soon </em> . How difficult it is to look at herself, and know she can’t take care of herself on the most basic level because of circumstances that are <em> entirely </em> out of her control.</p><p> </p><p>How difficult to admit, even if nobody is forcing her hand yet, that she might be in dire straits here.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, and resists the sudden urge to pull her close again. He doesn’t think he should push her any further tonight, he doesn’t think she could <em> handle </em> it, quite frankly.</p><p> </p><p>He will figure out the rest later, they will have all those future discussions <em> later. </em></p><p> </p><p>He stands, and sets his hands on her sides. Now is not the time to be making any solid decisions, clearly. Now is a time for rest, and relaxation. “We’re okay, right? Does that work for you?”</p><p> </p><p>She shoots him a tiny glare, and he tries not to smile as she huffs. “I don’t like it, but if I say no you’re going to get all upset and I don’t want to make you upset. I don’t <em> like </em> it when you’re upset, believe it or not.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, and wraps his arms around her. He’s tall enough where he can set his head on top of hers, squishing her ponytail against his chin as she leans against his chest with crossed arms and a groan. “I’m not upset at you, I don’t <em> get </em> upset at you.” He mumbles, turning down to look at her as she sighs against him. Her eyes are closed, but her entire face is scrunched up in a sign of her discomfort.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, as he leans his cheek against her skin. “You worry me, yes, but I don’t get angry at you or upset at you. I want you to know that, sweetheart. You freak me out sometimes, but I’m not angry. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods against his chest, and Ben tries to do his best to figure out how to navigate this. How to get through the minefield that is Rey, and all of these little things he’s just learning to navigate with her.</p><p> </p><p>He has no clue, but he just wants her to be okay.</p><p> </p><p>He hates that he’s been unknowingly hurting her, even if it couldn’t be helped.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey gets up Tuesday morning and stumbles through her routine, getting dressed and taking a quick shower before class. Getting ready for the day, at least somewhat ready, as she takes stock of how her routine has changed now that she has <em> Ben </em> in her life.</p><p> </p><p>To her disgust, as she takes a shower and tries to map out the last couple weeks in her head, she realizes she <em> showers </em> a lot more when she’s seeing somebody in person. When she’s on a computer screen, she simply doesn’t need to shower as much. In person, however, she feels the need to smell nice.</p><p> </p><p>She decides to shove that thought in the back of her brain, as she also realizes she’s down to her last shirt in the living room and she needs to get clothes from her bedroom before class. She realizes, with no small amount of horror as she slips her pajama shirt back on along with her pants, that she’ll have to disturb Ben to do this.</p><p> </p><p>She steadies herself, creeping into her bedroom once she is assured by his steady breathing that he is, indeed, asleep.</p><p> </p><p>And she freezes, staring at him as she slowly wanders over to her dresser. It’s not that she hasn’t seen him asleep, she’s seen him asleep a fair number of times now, but it’s the <em> way </em> he sleeps that catches her off guard this morning.</p><p> </p><p>Completely wrapped around a pillow, head buried underneath as he huffs. Like a baby koala, whining as he clutches it in his arms and he makes a frustrated sigh. It’s so weird, how he keeps on flipping between “intimidating freak” and “big baby” in her mind, even if she knows it’s the <em> exact </em> same Ben she’s dealing with.</p><p> </p><p>She stares at him, before opening her dresser drawer. She grabs a crew neck jumper, moving extra slow before she shuts it and disappears back into the bedroom.</p><p> </p><p>It takes her a moment, standing in the shut doorway, to come to terms with this fact. That it’s always been one Ben, and how he’s actively trying to not make her panic. How he’s being so sweet and respectful of her, and while he is terrifying sometimes…</p><p> </p><p>How he doesn’t want to scare <em> her </em>, and she genuinely believes he would never lay a hand on her.</p><p> </p><p>How he’s making changes, and working to be better for her.</p><p> </p><p>How she still loves him, even if she’s kind of confused on the details of that attachment now.</p><p> </p><p>God, this boy. This boy is going to kill Rey Niima.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben wakes up while Rey is in class Tuesday morning, listening to his mother speak from the living room as his brain flashes a big red “No” sign before he walks out on camera and fucks this all up. Before he makes a massive mistake, and Rey officially never forgives him.</p><p> </p><p>He fades in and out of sleep for a while, passing the time until he finally hears the device go quiet. He stands up as he sighs, stretching his back as he groans.</p><p> </p><p>Rey hears him, calling his name as he huffs. “I’m up, I’m up.” He grumbles, standing as she pokes her head in. He is thankful he had the forethought to wear his reindeer pants last night, as he shifts on his feet and sighs. “Good morning.” He grumbles, as she sweely smiles at him. She looks better than she did yesterday, at least, and Ben quietly calls that an accomplishment as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Good morning.” She hums back, exhaling as he nods. </p><p> </p><p>She stands there, shifting on her feet as he kind of comes back to himself, very slowly. </p><p> </p><p>“You wanna come out and work with me?” She asks, motioning to the couch with her head, “Or are you happy standing there?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben whines, holding out his hands as she giggles. He follows after her, mindlessly drawn towards the temptations of <em> Rey </em> and <em> company </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He stands in the living room, yawning as she sighs at him and he finds his bearings.</p><p> </p><p>He could get used to this, waking up at her place. Watching her work on her couch as he settles in on the opposite end of her furniture.</p><p> </p><p>He could really get used to this.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Chapter 41</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next couple days pass in this awkward sort of co-living situation, with Ben managing food and Rey managing everything else. He’s still sleeping in her bed, which bugs the shit out of him, but they manage to make it to Thursday before Ben collects his payment for letting Rey have her way with that.</p><p> </p><p>“We need to go grocery shopping.” He hums, leaning his head back on the couch as he watches Rey huff from the kitchen as she grabs water. “I love getting takeout, and I love that you sent me to the market yesterday to buy essentials <em> even more</em>, but we need to go <em> actual </em> grocery shopping, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>She huffs at him, as he stares at her.</p><p> </p><p>They go into a stand-off, the first since they had this initial discussion on Monday, before she finally concedes.</p><p> </p><p>“I will let you take us shopping, but you’re choosing what to buy.” She hums, further sorting out the details with him. “I can make do with whatever, I just need you to grab what <em> you </em> want.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben groans, although he will be able to work with that. He can definitely work with that. “Will that make you feel better about it?” He sighs, trying to figure out if this is her version of a baby step or not. If this is her getting used to trusting someone else, or her backing away from him again.</p><p> </p><p>She nods, fast and hard, and Ben realizes he had been right with his gut instinct. Rey is moving slowly, but she is moving. This is her version of moving.</p><p> </p><p>He nods, going back to his laptop as she turns back to her homework. She curses as she hits <em> another </em> tricky equation, Ben swallowing his smile as she struggles and sighs to herself. </p><p> </p><p>She’s cute, when she’s letting him help out a little.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“Are you <em> sure </em> you don’t want to come with me?” Ben hums, pulling his mask and his scarf down from the coat rack by the front door. “You could do with getting out of the house, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>She stares at him from where she’s wrapped up on the couch, working through a response for his mom that he <em> knows </em> she’s been stuck on. She needs a break, even if he also knows telling her that will piss her off, and he thinks this will be a good distraction anyways.</p><p> </p><p>He gives her a moment, watching the wheels turn in her head before she sighs and stands. She throws the blanket over the back of the couch, as he smiles. “Fine. Fine, I’ll go with you. But you’re not gonna bribe me into <em> anything </em> else, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” Ben hums, grabbing her jacket as she sighs. She reaches to pull it from his hands, pull it onto her own body, but he’s already holding it out for her to step into. Like it’s a longstanding reflex between them, for him to do this for her. </p><p> </p><p>“Come on, arms in.” He huffs, kind of shocked by this apparent mannerism of his that just got unearthed as he tries really hard to play it cool. Rey looks just about as shocked as well, if he’s reading her correctly, as he shakes it out again and clears his throat.</p><p> </p><p>He helps her pull it on and over her shoulders after a moment, standing behind her as she quickly slips into it. His hand brushes her neck once she gets it fully over her shoulders, and he swears she <em> squeaks </em> as he nervously holds his breath.</p><p> </p><p>He moves to grab a mask for her as well, before freezing in front of the ten or so she must have in a panic. “Uh-“</p><p> </p><p>She wiggles in front of him, between him and the wall of fabric, and she grabs a yellow and blue one as he nervously steps back and blinks. <em> How </em> did she get that many? Masks aren’t exactly <em> cheap </em>, and she doesn’t strike him as the type to be spending money frivolously-</p><p> </p><p>She turns back to him, blinking up at him as he tilts his head in curiosity. The oddity, and domesticity, of the moment fails to strike him as he stares down at her. “<em> Why </em> do you have so many of these?” </p><p> </p><p>Rey blinks for a moment, at him and then at the collection. She looks just about as confused, before snapping back to attention. “Oh! Finn’s younger cousin, Jannah, makes them. She’s in high school, just finishing her senior year, and she’s doing this on the side to make money after she got fired from her hostess job back in March. Finn set up her online shop, and I modeled for her. She wants to be an illustrator, so, you know, getting her foot in the door-“</p><p> </p><p>“Does she get a lot of sales?” He asks, furrowing his brow as Rey giggles up at him in shock. He doesn’t know <em> why </em> his mind goes there first, but it does. “I mean- does she actually <em> sell </em> any? I’d be impressed if she did-”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shrugs, Ben stepping back as she zips up her jacket and they both start searching for her shoes. Ben sure as hell wasn’t that enterprising in high school, picking locks and all in his spare time. “I-I think? I honestly don’t know. But she hasn’t quit yet! I get a new batch of designs every couple months to photograph, and the website is still up, so she must be selling <em> something </em>-“</p><p> </p><p>“Huh.” Ben hums, watching as Rey grabs her boots with a happy hum. She then picks them up, looking around for a moment to find a place to slip them on, as he does the same.</p><p> </p><p>Ben offers his elbow with a sigh, and she loops her arm through his. She starts pulling on her shoes, as he watches with rapt attention.</p><p> </p><p>“Plus, she pays me under the table.” Rey whispers, giggling as Ben sighs. He’s a corporate lawyer, she shouldn’t be telling him this. He shouldn’t be <em> informed </em> of this little endeavor of hers to make a little cash on the side. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey-“</p><p> </p><p>She stands straighter, stomping on the floor as she giggles. “Come on, it’s fun! And it’s- It’s like twenty bucks. I make twenty bucks for each set of photos I send in. My compensation is all in masks at this point-“ she points to the bunch of masks by her door as she says this. “And I hope to <em> god </em> I don’t need any more of those any time soon.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, furrowing his brow. Yeah. Hopefully they don’t get to <em> that </em> point-</p><p> </p><p>“You should be getting paid more, you need a better agent.” He hums, laughing as Rey gently <em> slaps </em> his arm and she gasps in surprise.</p><p> </p><p>She rubs the spot afterwards, in soothing circles, as he grins.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey! She’s a kid! She makes them herself! Now scoot, we need food, boy.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben snorts, Rey looping a finger through a strap on his jacket as he smiles in surprise.</p><p> </p><p>He stares at it for a moment, as she tugs on her other shoe.</p><p> </p><p>He likes being her distraction.</p><p> </p><p>He likes it when they work like this.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>The grocery store trip goes <em> almost </em> perfectly, and by <em> almost </em> perfectly Rey means it goes off the rails the moment they get inside the store.</p><p> </p><p>It turns out that Ben is a force of nature when he’s dealing with his parents. <em> He </em> is organized, working methodically through the aisles and going item by item on his list. He keeps the cart sorted into two sections, one for his parents and one for Rey, and is extremely practical with what he buys for the two of them. He is perfectly moderate, and perfectly organized. Well rounded, even, in the items he buys.</p><p> </p><p>His mother, on the other hand, is not.</p><p> </p><p>He groans, turning to Rey as he pulls up his phone in the dairy department. She takes a deep breath, used to the routine by now. “Can you-“</p><p> </p><p>“Again?”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>His phone buzzes again, as he grumbles. His mother has either changed a request, or has a new one. This is the <em> fifth </em> time this has happened since they left this morning, and Rey isn’t quite sure how Ben copes on a daily basis with this level of… preciseness.</p><p> </p><p>“She wants a different brand of butter, I’m sorry. Can you go switch it out?” </p><p> </p><p>Rey sighs, grabbing the butter from the ’Solo’ half of the cart with a groan. He shows her a picture of the right butter box, as she makes sure that she knows the right brand <em> and </em>type that her professor wants. “Yes. I’ll meet you in the produce aisle.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> Thank you </em>.” He hums, although she’s already walking off.</p><p> </p><p>She quietly flips him the bird, as he snorts at her.</p><p> </p><p>And then things continue to go further off the rails, once she actually gets to the part of the store with the eggs and butter, and this apparent Solo/Skywalker curse follows along. Because of course it does, because it’s 2020. And everything is bad, and <em> Rey </em> is cursed.</p><p> </p><p>She gets caught in a trance of butter, repeating the <em> exact </em> specifications of the type Leia likes, when it happens. She finally finds it, swapping the old for the new with a victorious hum; when someone curiously calls her name from down the aisle and she <em> squeals </em> in shock. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey? Rey Niima?” The man confusedly asks, as Rey fumbles the butter and nearly drops it with a muttered fuck.</p><p> </p><p>She looks up, clutching the dairy product between her palms, as she realizes <em> Luke Skywalker </em> is at the same grocery store as her. Because of course he is. Because that’s just how life seems to be going for her these days.</p><p> </p><p>And what is with her and meeting Skywalker men in grocery stores anyways? Really? Is fate just this cruel to her this year or is something else going on behind the scenes to torture her <em> in particular </em> right now?</p><p> </p><p>“Hi.” She squeaks, deciding not to focus on that as she slowly shifts on her feet. “Uh, hi.”</p><p> </p><p>Luke just stares at her in shock for a moment, before Rey <em> bolts </em> down the aisle. She rushes back to Ben, refusing to acknowledge just how awkward that was as she dashes towards him for safety and security. God, she <em> can’t </em>believe this is happening right now.</p><p> </p><p>“We have a problem.” She pants, clutching the butter to her chest as she <em> dives </em> between him and the cart. Thank god for Ben Solo, a literal human shield when it comes to her many hiding needs.</p><p> </p><p>He blinks at her, at the butter, and then at her face. “Did they have the wrong brand? Because if they did-”</p><p> </p><p>“No!” She squeaks, poking her head around him to make sure she wasn’t <em> followed </em> or anything. “Your uncle is here. Professor Skywalker. I ran into him. He knows I’m here.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey watches Ben go <em> pale</em>, paler than usual, as he sputters out some type of confused reply. “<em>What?”  </em></p><p> </p><p>She nods, as he grumbles and looks over his shoulder. She watches the way he tenses, and she feels him rest a protective hand on her hip as he scowls. “What-What did he say? What happened? Does he know-“</p><p> </p><p>“I panicked and ran away, he has no clue you’re here.” She hums, slipping further between Ben and the nearest available wall. He guides her forward, to a more hidden section of the store, as she sets the butter in the cart and crosses her arms over her chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” He exhales, sounding completely and overwhelmingly nervous. “Okay, so-“</p><p> </p><p>She shrugs, as he turns and looks over his shoulder again. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you wanna run to the car? Stay here? What’s the most comfortable for you?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey blinks at Ben, jaw dropping as he nervously starts playing with his fingers. He takes a deep breath, but she can <em> see </em>how anxious this is making him. </p><p> </p><p>“What about <em> you? </em> ” She squeaks, crossing her arms and shrugging as she keeps an eye out for Skywalker as well. “I mean, how are <em> you </em> feeling? What would be easier for <em> you? </em>”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shrugs, bringing his shoulders to his ears as he sighs. “I-I’ll survive running into him. I don’t care.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey glares at him, tilting her head as he huffs. As his eyes remain panicked, and his fingers suspiciously twitch in front of her.</p><p> </p><p>No, he won’t. He can’t do this alone. He <em> cares </em>. She isn’t exactly privy to all the details of Bens falling out with his uncle, but from what she can gather she knows it wasn’t pretty. Maybe someday they’ll be able to have a mature discussion about what went wrong, but not today. Not in the middle of a grocery store during a pandemic when Rey is really starting to regret moving to the states and chasing her big engineering dreams.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, and turns up to Ben with a huff.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re freaking out.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, I’m not.” He squawks, while he makes a face that she distinctly knows is his <em> freaking out </em> face. The one where his eyes go all wide, and she can see the gears in his brain sputter into a full stop.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, and quickly tries to put together a plan. Because if Rey Niima is good at one thing, it’s making up last minute plans to save her and her friends' asses apparently. </p><p> </p><p>It’s a skill, and one that pairs very well with Ben's “freezing in the headlights” type of panic.</p><p> </p><p>She looks around them, before reaching a quick conclusion on what needs to happen.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll just stick together. Not a big deal.” She squeaks, turning to look up at him as he sighs. He stares past her, working his jaw as he huffs. And on any other day, in any other situation, she might let him fail at this. Let him make the call here. But she just won’t have any of that, not today. </p><p> </p><p>Not after how good he’s been to her over the last week.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, no.” She hums, reaching out and squeezing his arm. “We’re a team. You said we’re a team. If Skywalker finds us, we make it work. It’s not the end of the world, there’s <em> nothing </em> wrong with us being friends. Right?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, although he gently guides her to hide on his left. He keeps a hand wrapped around hers, as he nervously sighs. She can tell he’s practically made of nerves right now, because he <em> really </em> doesn’t want to see his uncle in this particular circumstance at this particular grocery store at this particular moment.</p><p> </p><p>She stares at their intertwined fingers, his hand gloved in black leather and dwarfing hers. Christ, he has big hands.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah, I-I know. I just don’t want you getting hurt, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, feeling her face go all red as he turns down to her for a brief moment and she glimpses the true sincerity and worry behind the statement. That he really does think that the worst could happen here, and that his uncle could somehow hurt Rey's chances of succeeding in this field.</p><p> </p><p>And, in all honesty, he probably could.</p><p> </p><p>But Ben is worth the risk, because he’s a good friend. And she’s trusting him, and he needs her right now. This is where she belongs.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, grabbing his upper arm with her free hand as she steadies herself. She can take whatever the world throws at her, Rey knows that. She’s tough, and strong, and she can deal with Skywalker and his attitude. She’s faced worse before, she’s currently facing bigger problems than him anyways, but she can <em> deal </em> with Skywalker.</p><p> </p><p>Long as she’s got Ben by her side, she kind of feels like she can take on anything.</p><p> </p><p>God, she needed to get out of the house.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey watches Ben carry the groceries to the front door of his parents house, stopping and waving through the window as he stands on their front lawn. She can’t see what the exact exchange is, Ben shoving his hands in his pockets as he turns around and slowly makes his way back to the car, but she can see his spirits are dramatically lifted by the time he comes back to her.</p><p> </p><p>No doubt aided by the fact they managed to avoid his uncle, despite the one near miss they had near checkout. Rey ended up getting squished between Ben and the cart handle, and he apologized profusely for nearly tripping her on the way out with his big stupid feet.</p><p> </p><p>But they survived, and the delivery is complete, and Rey still has most of her wits as of right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi.” He huffs, opening the drivers side door as Rey watches him. “You wanna get out and wave? My parents would probably like to see you.”</p><p> </p><p>“Oh <em> god </em> no.” She laughs, shaking her head as he pulls off his mask and grins. “We don’t need to do that.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben stares at her, as she pulls a face and turns away from him. Yeah, that’s pretty high up there on the ‘worst idea Ben’s ever had’ list.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re happy.” He hums, as she messes with her knit gloves and he sits down. The same ones he told her won’t work for winter, as she turns to him and watches him close the car door on them. “You’re happy, I don’t know why, but you’re happy.”</p><p> </p><p>“I needed to get out of the house.” She sighs, furrowing her brow as she goes ahead and starts Bens engine for him. She leans over the center console as she presses the button, kind of hoping to get him driving and get them <em> away </em> from any serious discussion right now. “I just- I just needed to get out of the house.”</p><p> </p><p>And she also needed to know she could eat tonight, and that Ben and her are okay, and that the world isn’t completely falling apart yet. Basic survivability things, at least for the next week and a half or so.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, although she thinks he sees right through her. Because he always sees right through her.</p><p> </p><p>“I just want you to be <em> happy </em> .” He murmurs, Rey trying not to look too freaked out at <em> that </em> revelation. At the fact that maybe this isn’t a pity thing, and it’s an actual <em> thing-thing </em> between them. </p><p> </p><p>Like an actual friendship or something, because if she’s honest, sometimes she still has her doubts that this is in any way <em> real </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” She whispers, grabbing his hand for stability as she takes a deep breath.</p><p> </p><p>She lies, she had no clue he thought about her that way at <em> all </em>.</p><p> </p><p>But that little flare still rises up in her soul, even with this weird sort of confirmation.</p><p> </p><p>She’s still convinced he’s going to leave her at some point.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I know I keep on writing awkward meetings in grocery stores but.</p><p>they're the only places we're going right now. my scenery options are EXTREMELY limited.</p><p>anyways yeah grocery stores are like reys own personal hell-</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Chapter 42</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the week and weekend passes just like this, Ben and Rey floating through this new, awkward space they’ve found themselves in. Rey hasn’t exactly <em> thanked </em> Ben for buying her food yet, she actually hasn’t said anything about that act of kindness, but he doesn’t mind.</p><p> </p><p>He really doesn’t mind, actually, because at least she isn’t fighting him every time they have to eat.</p><p> </p><p>Which then eventually leads up to their first <em> real </em> fight, when Ben tries to cook for her on Sunday night. He’s decided that’s the next step he’s going to take, to try and get her to just chill out and let him do something nice for her again. Let her relax, while he takes care of her.</p><p> </p><p>Because he loves Rey, he really does, but she can’t cook. The woman is hopeless with a knife and a cutting board, and he’s half afraid she’s going to burn down her apartment every time she fires up the stove. He needs to make them dinner, this is a non-negotiable right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, look at me.”</p><p> </p><p>“No.”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>She pouts, turning away from him as he huffs. She’s acting like a <em> child</em>- “<em>Rey </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t move, arms crossed over her chest as she faces away from him. Ben steps around her, catching her sharp hazel eyes for a moment before she takes a quick forty five degree angle turn away from him again.</p><p> </p><p>She sticks her nose in the air, all tense and stiff as he sighs. What a mess he’s made. </p><p> </p><p>He thinks for a moment, trying to decide what to do here, before placing his hands on her hips and physically <em> moving </em> her to the edge of the kitchen. He picks her up with a grunt, before setting her down as she squeals and squirms in his grasp.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop fighting me!” He squawks, grabbing her shoulders and forcefully turning her away from the kitchen. He knows he isn’t scaring her, because he’s honestly half convinced that she thinks this is <em> fun </em> as he steps away from her, but he’s also so extremely careful not to yell or shout. He hasn’t raised her voice at her yet, and his one goal right now is to avoid doing so at all costs.</p><p> </p><p>Even if the alternative is picking her up and plopping her down halfway across the room, apparently.</p><p> </p><p>He huffs, setting his hands on his hips as she flips back to him with a shocked inhale. He stares down at her as he tilts his head. “If you want to help, you can. But I’m not letting you cook right now. This isn’t up for debate.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m sorry, but this is the plan. My kitchen, my rules. Now go <em> shoo </em> or something.”</p><p> </p><p>He makes a sort of shooing gesture with his hands, as she groans again. He can tell she’s exhausted, flashing between an odd quiet and an intense, acute anxiety that can possess her at times. He kind of recognizes it as distress, or at least some type of stressor causing these weird little mood swings, but he doesn’t know how much of it is in <em> his </em> control. </p><p> </p><p>How much of it are just their surroundings right now, and how much Ben is causing directly.</p><p> </p><p>But she was happy when they got out of the house, and she could shut down for a while and didn’t have to think about the immediate future. So he knows there are measures he can take to help her, except they can’t exactly do a lot of the things he wants to-</p><p> </p><p>So he does the best next thing, and starts preheating the oven as he plans out dinner for them both. Because she needs to sit with herself for a while, and Ben needs her to start figuring her shit out.</p><p> </p><p>But she grabs his shirt instead, kind of hanging onto the back of his sweater as he sighs and turns to her. “We’re not fighting over this any more, you’re gonna go sit and read or do something good for yourself. You deserve it, okay? You deserve it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, although she steps closer to him instead. Ben stands in confusion, trying to figure out what the <em> hell </em> she’s doing as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>Her arms go around his middle, hanging onto him as he stills. He sets a palm over her hands, where they rest at his stomach, rubbing her fingers and knuckles with soothing strokes.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay?” He murmurs, turning to look down at her with a worried sigh. Her hands are nervously pulling at him, and she nods as he squeezes her fingers. “Come on.” He hums, urging her to scoot under his arm so he can see her better. “I’m here, you’re safe. I’m sorry if I scared you, sweetheart. I just don’t want you running yourself ragged, and I feel bad when I watch you try to do everything for us. I gotta pull my own weight, you know? Gotta make sure we’re both okay.”</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t- You didn’t scare me.” She sighs, burying her face in his side. She takes a deep breath, thinking as she breathes in and out. “It’s- I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want you to go-”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not, Rey. I’m not.” He hums, rubbing her back as she sniffs a little. He holds her, even though he’s not really clear on why this is suddenly the topic of interest as he pulls her closer. But it is, so he focuses on that as he sighs and she exhales against his chest</p><p> </p><p>He tries to figure out what to do next, as she digs her hands into his torso and he thinks. But she beats him to the punch, as always, with a quiet hum.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna tell you something.” She sighs, turning her head and looking up at him with her wonderfully hazel eyes. “You can’t laugh, but I’m gonna tell you something.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben makes a confused sort of face, furrowing his brow as she sniffles again. “You’re going to tell me something?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, and he takes a deep breath as he stretches across the counter and beyond Rey to grab some basic cooking supplies. His mind immediately goes to dark places, even though he knows that isn’t what this is about. “Okay, do I need to be concerned?”</p><p> </p><p>She snorts, and Ben takes a large exhale in relief. Okay, then, so he doesn’t need to be concerned. One checkmark off the list that is <em> Rey </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, and Ben waits for her to start speaking as he settles his hand on her spine.</p><p> </p><p>“I did that extra credit assignment your mum had you test out, the love languages one? It didn’t feel fair that I knew yours and you didn’t know mine, but I lost the results and I didn’t know how to bring it up, and it’s <em> weird </em> because then you almost got sick and the past week has been <em> really </em> tough on us both-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben hums, as she continues to ramble.</p><p> </p><p>“And I kind of forgot about it anyways, but… Like, I don’t know. Every time you do something like this it freaks me out because of my whole thing is about having to be <em> stupid </em> and <em> independent </em>-“</p><p> </p><p>“Not stupid,” Ben hums, always looking to assuage her extremely active mind. “It’s valid. Your feelings matter, especially ones that make you feel out of control. I wasn’t <em> expecting </em> you to ask for my help or anything, in hindsight. You’re human, and it's embarrassing to ask for help-“</p><p> </p><p>He turns down to Rey, to find her staring up at him with narrowed eyes. He’s talking too much again, isn’t he.</p><p> </p><p>He clears his throat, giving the floor back to her as he turns in her arms to better watch her from where he stands. “Anyways, not stupid. Carry on.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, tilting her head back as her face goes pink and she continues to cling onto him. “It is stupid! Because I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me and I- I don’t know how to tell you that. And you deserve to know how much I appreciate you. And it got easier at first, knowing this is all just an act of service to you, but then I got so in my own head about it and-“</p><p> </p><p>She kind of trails off as Ben stares, absentmindedly rubbing her back as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>He waits, ready to pull her back to him if she dares move away right now.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know, I feel like I’m going insane. I feel like everything is foggy, and weird, and I don’t know how to <em> fix things </em> between us because I’m not very good at this whole giving and receiving affection thing-“</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t have to be.” Ben hums, an odd sort of weight finally lifting from his shoulders. He had, in all honesty, forgotten about the assignment as well. So much has happened since then. But it’s good that it’s gotten her to think, to examine the way she treats him and talks to him.</p><p> </p><p>Over examining, even, as she sighs and furrows her brow again.</p><p> </p><p>“You said you took the test?” He hums, deeply curious as he begins to pry. Against his best instincts, he’s absolutely going to pry. “You wanna tell me how I can start getting it through your thick skull that I care about you, or am I going to have to try <em> everything </em> until you finally buckle under the pressure?”</p><p> </p><p>Oh, how she <em> glares </em> at him when he says that. Even if he can see the corners of her mouth turn up, Ben has never seen anybody with such a serious glare when confronted with the fact that somehow, maybe, another human likes them just a little.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t laugh.”</p><p> </p><p>“I would <em> never </em>.” He sweetly hums, grinning as she squeezes him tighter. She huffs, burying her face in his chest before murmuring something.</p><p> </p><p>Something that Ben completely misses, if he’s honest.</p><p> </p><p>“Sweetheart, you gotta speak up-“</p><p> </p><p>“Physical touch.” She whines, leaning her head back and groaning. “Apparently mine is physical touch, please don’t laugh.”</p><p> </p><p>And it clicks for Ben, like it always does when he unlocks another important piece of Reys puzzle. The clinging onto his hand and arm she does when she’s nervous, the way she wraps herself up in blankets when she’s stressed, the need to be held that first night he came over and woke her up when he got cold.</p><p> </p><p>The fact she’s glued to him right now, making embarrassed noises into his chest as he stares at her in shock. Because, for some reason, it never hit him that Rey would show her affection through physical touch. That, <em> of course </em>, Rey needs someone in her life to hold her hand sometimes and show the way.</p><p> </p><p>The obsession with him leaving, the fear that he won’t <em> be around </em>her anymore.</p><p> </p><p>How <em> stupid </em> is that? How did it take this long for him to get that?</p><p> </p><p>He closes his arms around her, squeezing tight as she squeaks. Suddenly finding it necessary to <em> make up for </em> the fact he didn’t see through every single stupid <em> hint </em> she gave him. </p><p> </p><p>“Like this?”</p><p> </p><p>She just kind of squeaks incoherently again, as Ben wraps himself around her. He thinks it’s a happy noise, although he isn’t quite certain-</p><p> </p><p>She drags her nails down his back, pulling at him as he sighs. He feels a hand slip under his shirt, beneath his sweater, and suddenly her fingers are on his skin.</p><p> </p><p>And it’s weird, but not bad. Because it’s Rey, and Ben would do <em> anything </em>for this woman.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, breathing into her hair as she finally relaxes a little in his arms. As he holds her tight, and she gets used to it.</p><p> </p><p>He has so much to learn about this girl. </p><p> </p><p>There is so much he needs to learn about Rey.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Chapter 43</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey is obsessed with touching Ben.</p><p> </p><p>That’s the only way he can think to describe what is currently happening between them, as she gets ready for her class and he stands next to her with a hand on her shoulder.</p><p> </p><p>It’s like he’s given her permission to touch him, and suddenly it’s all she wants to do. She’s obsessed with touching him, with knowing he’s there. It started last night, after she clung onto him while he made them dinner, and then continued through this morning when she asked him to stay in the living room while she attended her morning class. Just to have him near, so she could sit next to him while she worked on homework after.</p><p> </p><p>And now, with her afternoon class with Luke, she keeps on mindlessly grabbing his hand and then dropping it. Like she has to keep on correcting herself with a bad habit, which Ben thinks she might actually be doing as she repeats the process <em> again </em> and quietly grumbles to herself.</p><p> </p><p>Because it’s like the floodgates have been opened, and they’re both getting swept away in the tide. And Ben isn’t quite sure how to process that, and the fact that Rey is beyond desperate for human affection couldn’t be clearer now that he knows the signs.</p><p> </p><p>There is such a thing as loving something or someone and letting them go, and while Rey is far from suffocating him right now, Ben knows she’s being careful not to do so. And he appreciates that, truly, but if this is what she needs right now he will <em> happily </em> be her… her something. Ben isn’t quite sure the word <em> exists </em>, for what they are right now</p><p> </p><p>She then takes that moment to quietly pull on his sweater, asking him to step forward and next to her body as he comes back to reality. She leans against his stomach, and he gently rubs her side.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t believe I saw him in the grocery store and ran away.” She quietly laments, staring at the zoom link she’s pulled up on her laptop. She has a whole two minutes until she has to be in class, and Ben thinks she’s dragging this out for as long as possible so she can avoid him having to leave her. “I <em> ran away </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“You were in a bad headspace.” Ben shrugs, knowing it’s not far from the truth. Ben doesn’t know how bad it was, he’ll never know how bad it was, but he knows it was bad. He knows she’s still kind of bad, but better. Better than she had been, better than she was when he first came back from New York.</p><p> </p><p>He knows someone can really only see how far they’ve fallen down when they’re back up, after all, and Ben doesn’t really know where she is right now on the falling scale. How far they still have to go until she is unabashedly and unashamedly happy, which is his ultimate goal in this life.</p><p> </p><p>His new plan, after getting her comfortable with him continuously keeping her healthy and fed, is having the rent discussion. It’s one that’s been hanging over him since he first realized Rey was struggling for money, but one he’s also been avoiding as he figures out how to push her just far enough to let him help without making her panic.</p><p> </p><p>But that’s a discussion for another day, when they’re both established that Ben is just a big teddy bear around her and she verbally tells him she knows that. A day when they both know Ben only has her best interests at heart, and can’t see a future without her in it.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs again, as he steps behind her and wraps his arms around her middle. The way she does when he’s standing, sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>They have one minute.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be right here.” He hums, reaching up and tucking a loose bit of hair behind her ear as she turns to look up at him. “I promise, I’ll be right here.”</p><p> </p><p>She pouts again, as he smiles down at her. He feels her lean against his chest, and he gets an <em> awful </em> idea.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna fuck with him again?” He whispers, moving to set his face on her shoulder as she sighs. She turns to look at him as he settles into her neck, raising a hand to lightly rub his cheek a little. “You won’t have to do anything, I promise, and it’ll make you smile. I promise, it’ll make you smile.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gives him a moment, before nodding. “But no getting us in trouble!” She hums, pulling away from him as he nods and puts his hands in the air. “No letting Professor Skywalker find out about us, deal? I want to survive this class.”</p><p> </p><p>“Deal.” Ben hums, stepping to the side as Rey quietly whines. He sits down, across the counter, with her, grabbing her hand as she settles into class and begins to work.</p><p> </p><p>At least, he’ll hold her hand until she has to hold her pencil and write notes. He can gently play with her fingers until then to keep her grounded.</p><p> </p><p>And Ben hopes that will be enough.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>He waits until Rey gets fidgety to put his plan into motion, standing up as she huffs and starts tapping her pencil against the countertop. Until she visibly starts looking confused, and anxious, and all those bad things Ben has been hoping to stave off with her until he understands where they’re coming from.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t freak out.” He hums, standing off screen as he tries to judge what is in frame and what isn’t. “I’m going to do something, just don’t freak out.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shoots a tiny glare at him, before turning back to her computer. She continues taking notes, as Ben rocks on his heels and waits for the right moment.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not going to get me expelled, right?” Rey worries, as Ben gently smiles and sighs.</p><p> </p><p>He shakes his head, easing her fears once again. “No, not gonna get you expelled. Just going to fuck with Skywalker, that’s all.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gives a tiny, almost imperceptible nod, as Ben sighs.</p><p> </p><p>And he steps into frame, keeping his head above and out of the shot as he walks behind her. He keeps an eye on Skywalker, and the other students for that matter, as he reaches up and runs a hand through his hair before stilling behind her.</p><p> </p><p>Rey turns up to him, going all pink in the face as he stares at the screen. As long as he continues to stay standing tall, and stay right behind her, he should remain out of frame. It just goes right up to the middle of his neck, and the top of his hips. Only his torso and his arms are in the shot, Rey sitting in front of him as he reflexively sets a hand on her side to steady her.</p><p> </p><p>She realizes what he’s doing, exhaling quickly as she goes back to taking notes. But Ben can tell she feels somewhat better having him behind her, both literally and figuratively, so he remains there for a moment. He gives himself a second, to figure out what happens next.</p><p> </p><p>He waits until Skywalker ends his current session on the whiteboard, moving back to actually addressing and talking to the students, before moving forward. Rey sits up, and Ben gives her a quick set of instructions.</p><p> </p><p>“Act natural, but lean back against me.” He hums, gently reaching down and setting his other hand on her other hip. “Just, like, move enough to get his attention.”</p><p> </p><p>And Rey does it, <em> beautifully </em>. She sits up and straightens her spine, reaching her arms up into the air and grabbing his face as she stretches. She even looks up at him, appearing like she’s the picture of lovestruck as he grins and she pats his face between her palms.</p><p> </p><p>Rey is an <em> incredible </em> actor, he’ll give her that. It’s perfect, and she looks so natural doing it. They’re perfect.</p><p> </p><p>He watches in glee, as his uncle pulls a tiny face, something Ben would really only recognize by virtue of being <em> related </em> to the man, so he snakes his hands around her front. “Good, good.” He hums, placing his hands on her stomach. “You’re doing so good. Keep on looking up at me, like we’re having a conversation.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, and Ben grins. They’ve definitely got his uncles attention, he looks distracted as <em> fuck </em>. </p><p> </p><p>“Okay, look back down. But keep on leaning back against me. He knows this shirt, he knows you know my dad. He knows you’re in my moms class, and he knows I’m staying with a friend right now.” Thanks to his mom, of course, who still talks to Luke every other day if she can help it. “If he can’t figure out I’m <em> me </em>, based on the context clues, he’ll never know. We’re in the clear, we have to be.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods again, still leaning against him as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>And his uncle still looks distracted, and Ben wonders how far he can push this.</p><p> </p><p>How far can they go? Without getting Rey in trouble, of course.</p><p> </p><p>He decides he doesn’t want to risk it, seriously looking down at her as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“You gonna be okay if I step away? I feel like I might be a distraction, here.”</p><p> </p><p>She tugs on his hand, weaving her fingers between his as she sighs. “Like, thirty more seconds. Please. Don’t want you to go yet.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, stepping closer to her as he grins. She fully leans back into his chest, as he rubs her stomach with one hand and rests the other on the counter.</p><p> </p><p>And he protectively keeps an eye on Luke, too. Just in case he finally figures out <em> exactly </em> where Ben is today.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, can you stay behind a moment? I want to ask you something.”</p><p> </p><p>That’s the sentence that sets alarm bells off in Ben's head, sometime Tuesday morning, as his mother starts ending class. He pokes his head up from the other side of the kitchen, where he’s been trying to get them both breakfast for the past thirty minutes, as Rey nervously giggles and nods.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s gonna kill me.” She mumbles through clenched teeth, flashing her eyes up to Ben for a moment as she nervously straightens her back.</p><p> </p><p>Ben huffs at her, turning to calm her down as they, he assumes, wait for all the other students to leave. “No, she won’t. My mother can be a pain in the ass, but I love her. She’s nice, she’ll be nice to you.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey glares at him, just for a second, before turning back to her laptop as Poe updates his mom on graded assignments and zoom recordings. Something about uploading them all to the cloud, before Ben watches Rey move her hand to unmute herself in the classroom.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, Professor Solo.” She hums, voice shaking as Ben wipes his dusty pancake mix covered hands off on his jeans. “You wanna talk to Ben?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes! Where is my son!” She calls, Ben groaning as he grabs his barstool and goes to the other side of the kitchen peninsula.</p><p> </p><p>He sits down next to Rey, letting her scoot to make room for both of them on screen, as he realizes what this might be about.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, mom.” He hums, Rey grabbing his hand as she sets her head against his shoulder. His mother cheers his name, because Ben has kind of been avoiding her calls since Saturday. “What’s going on? Is it about Rey's car?” He asks, knowing it is <em> distinctly </em> not about Rey's car.</p><p> </p><p>A door opens and closes, as she narrows her eyes at him. Because they <em> both </em> know this isn’t about the car.</p><p> </p><p>“No, Ben, this is not about Rey's car. Rey’s car-“</p><p> </p><p>“Is still a mess, but getting better!” His dad yells, Rey stifling her sudden laughter against Ben's shoulder. His mother sighs, muttering something under her breath about <em> Han Solo </em> and his many attributes as his dad yells again. “Are those the kids?”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes, Han-“</p><p> </p><p>“Tell Rey- Wait, I’ll tell her myself.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben bites his cheek, smiling as his parents start to squabble. There’s a fair bit of shuffling, as his father moves his mothers chair for her before pulling up his own. They both get into frame, tensely arguing as Rey slowly shifts and starts to hide behind Ben.</p><p> </p><p>He sets an arm in front of her, guarding her as his mother shouts his fathers name as he moves her. His father grins, like a bat out of hell, as he sits down next to her. </p><p> </p><p>His mother simply rolls her eyes at him and his antics.</p><p> </p><p>And he’s also <em> covered </em> in dirt and grime, his mom grimacing as he finally settles in next to her. She sort of tentatively pats his arm, sighing as he leans back and broadly smiles.</p><p> </p><p>“Your car is saved, it is no longer a death trap. There’s still a <em> lot </em> of work to be done, and you aren’t getting off the hook without a serious run through of what I did and what else we <em> can </em> do, but Ben’s Uncle Chewie came by and helped me with the engine. Once you two are out of quarantine, you’re welcome to take her for a drive. Speedster isn’t perfect, but she’s better than she was a couple weeks ago.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben looks down at Rey, as she hides behind his shoulder and blushes. She peeks up at him, as he hums down at her. “See? Good news. You have a car again. You can… drive places.”</p><p> </p><p>She narrows her eyes at him, as he turns back to the computer. He sets his hand on her leg, as she further kind of crawls behind him. “Thank you for making that happen, dad. We both appreciate it.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben watches his mother grab her glasses, elbowing his father in the process. Ben kind of gets the hint as well, as his father clears his throat.</p><p> </p><p>“How are you two holding up, by the way? Both of you feeling alright? Need us to send over anything, any goods or services…”</p><p> </p><p>“We’re fine.” Ben sighs, turning to look back at Rey. He needs to get her out of the apartment, he thinks, and soon. There needs to be a discussion about a certain girl <em> and </em> a certain holiday, and Ben would like for that certain girl to not overhear. “Hey, have you checked the mail yet by the way? Do you think the thing I ordered is here yet?”</p><p> </p><p>She blinks at him, perking up and furrowing her brow. “I don’t know.”</p><p> </p><p>“Can you go check?” He hums, shooting her a small smile. Ben ordered a new charging cable for his phone, after Rey accidentally stole his after it stopped working. Because, it turns out, frayed cables eventually just <em> stop working </em> after a while.</p><p> </p><p>Who knew.</p><p> </p><p>God bless amazon overnight shipping.</p><p> </p><p>She looks between him and the computer, before standing up. She definitely saw through that. “Five minutes, don’t touch anything.” She sighs, leaning forward and hugging his neck as he hums and grabs her hands. </p><p> </p><p>She pats his shoulder, before walking off and grabbing her mask. Ben clears his throat, keeping an eye on her as she pulls on her shoes as well.</p><p> </p><p>“Is this about-”</p><p> </p><p>“Thanksgiving? The one holiday I wanted to celebrate with you this year? Now getting completely ruined because a certain <em> boy </em> had to please his boss in New York during a pandemic?” His mom chides, Ben cringing as he defensively crosses his arms over his chest. To his credit, November has been a <em> very </em> long month. How was he supposed to remember his quarantine time would go until the day after Thanksgiving? He was busy worrying about not dying! </p><p> </p><p>“Sorry.” He murmurs, his mom huffing as his father slowly sets a hand on her back. “I-I didn’t think this through, clearly. It’s my fault, I know.”</p><p> </p><p>Had Ben been ten years younger, he knows his mother would have taken it further. Would have dug into him, really made him feel bad about this whole thing. Because he should feel bad! His mom bought a turkey a <em> month </em> ago, and she’s been figuring out the logistics of a zoom thanksgiving for <em> weeks </em>. This was the one thing she was really looking forward to, having a real family Thanksgiving with her son.</p><p> </p><p>And now it looks like they won’t get to do that, because he had to go and fuck this all up. Because he’s just… the fucking <em> worst, </em>apparently.</p><p> </p><p>“I am… so sorry.” He sighs, keeping an eye on Rey as she quickly slips out of the apartment. She shuts the door with a click, as he checks the time. Fives minutes, she said five minutes. “But we have a bigger issue, we can figure out Thanksgiving later. I’m worried about Rey, I don’t think she’s handling quarantine too well anymore. I don’t know how to help her-”</p><p> </p><p>He fidgets a little, keeping an eye on the door as he starts rubbing his elbows to stay calm. He keeps his voice quiet as well, just in case she can hear him through the doorway or the hall.</p><p> </p><p>His mom makes a mildly concerned face, as his father slowly starts to shift away. His dad has never been good with the whole “I think my mental state is failing, and I don’t know what to do” talk, so Ben isn’t surprised that he might want to check out of this one.</p><p> </p><p>He’ll give him a pass at least, if he wants to go bury his head under an engine again. Because Ben kind of gets it, now that he understands his father a little more.</p><p> </p><p>But his mom grabs his arm, yanking him back to her before he can leave. “In what way, Ben.” She hums, as he shrugs. His dad just makes an uneasy sort of expression, as Ben sighs and tries to come up with a description for what exactly Rey has been going through.</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, trying to find the right words to explain this. “I know we’re all struggling right now, and I know this year has been tough on everybody, but Rey’s got it a lot worse than us. Financially, I have no clue what her bank account looks like but I don’t think she can afford <em> gas </em> , let alone groceries or books for school. I don’t know how she’s even going to be able to afford her car insurance, because we haven’t gotten there yet. I know she’s covered by a scholarship for campus, and she’s taking out student loans to cover everything else, but I’m really worried about how she’s going to get through the next couple months, or next <em> year </em> at that. I-I’m worried she’s going to do something stupid, or something scary, and I-“</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, calm down.” His mom hums, putting on her serious voice as she sighs. “Do you think she’s in serious danger, do we need to intervene?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shakes his head, making sure to take a deep breath. She’s right, he does need to calm down a little. Panicking won’t fix <em> anything. </em> “I’m already intervening, I bought her groceries last week and I’m trying to get her used to the idea of letting me take care of her a little more. She’s covered by the rent moratorium until that finally lifts in our state, but my priority right now is just making sure she doesn’t <em> starve </em>, or something like that. That’s my main concern.”</p><p> </p><p>His mom nods, sighing as she leans back in her chair and his father just deeply exhales. </p><p> </p><p>“I told you food pantries suck.” He sighs, turning to his mother. “Can’t use em if you can’t <em> get </em> to em.”</p><p> </p><p>She <em> glowers </em> at him, as he sets his head in his hand like he doesn’t feel her burning stare.</p><p> </p><p>“But she’s letting you help-“ His mom sighs as she turns back to him, obviously confused on why Ben is freaking out. Still unaware of a lot of Reys idiosyncrasies, apparently.</p><p> </p><p>“No she’s not.” He hums, crossing his arms and sighing. “She’s got it in her head that she can’t count on anybody else, and she’s got some serious abandonment, foster care, childhood <em> shit </em> she has to sort through. I think she was fine up until a week or two ago, when stuff started to get dire. This is… a new development for her. And I don’t know how to handle it. I need help. I need to figure out a way to help her.”</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, scratching his forehead and he thinks. His mom sighs too, although he can’t see his parents reactions as he groans into his palms and realizes something at the same time. “Shit, I don’t think me leaving for New York, when I had promised I was going to stay, helped all that much, huh? Now that I’ve got it on the mind, you know.” Because it probably didn’t, it probably helped kickstart this whole collapse. That was <em> totally </em> Ben's fault.</p><p> </p><p>Because that was when this started to fall, didn’t it? When he left her, after they had promised each other that they were going to stay to some extent. When he added a new layer of stress onto a <em> very </em> stressful year.</p><p> </p><p>God, he feels like an <em> asshole </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He groans, leaning forward and setting his elbows on the counter as he huffs. “I love her, and I don’t know how to help her without scaring her. Because she said I scare her sometimes! That happened! And that’s the <em> last </em> thing I want to hear from her right now. I don’t know how I could live with myself if I hurt her, and it’s <em> freaking me out </em>to have someone in my life that I care about that much. And I can’t watch her hurt any longer! It’s killing me. She’s going to kill me.”</p><p> </p><p>He finally looks up, his father looking woefully out of his league as his mom just stares at him with watery eyes. She gets all sappy on him, as the hair at the back of his neck starts to stand on end and he freezes. “Oh, Ben!”</p><p> </p><p>His father groans as Ben grimaces, kind of leaning away from his mother, “Lei, please don’t cry while our son is having a crisis. I can’t deal with this on my own.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben takes a deep breath, because he sure as hell didn’t mean for <em> that </em> to happen.</p><p> </p><p>His mom pulls herself together, taking a deep breath as she blinks and looks away from him. “You <em> love </em> her. You <em> love her </em>.” </p><p> </p><p>And he does, he really does, but he didn’t think his mother was going to have <em> that </em> type of reaction when she acquired that knowledge.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” He sighs, sitting up and crossing his arms. He puts on a brave face, hoping to avoid any more questions. “I do. Which is why I need help getting her to trust me. I don’t know what else I can do to make her trust me.”</p><p> </p><p>His dad narrows his eyes at his mom, as she smiles at him and whispers a quiet “I’m fine, I’m fine.”</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t look convinced, sighing at his wife as Ben awkwardly smiles along to their banter. His father turns to Ben after a long moment, crossing his arms and taking a deep breath as he thinks.</p><p> </p><p>“Kid, you’re doing all you can. You can’t force the girl to let you dote on her or nothin’, she’s gotta come to <em> you </em> . If that means letting her fall, you’ve gotta let her fall. I know you want to catch her, and keep her from hitting the ground or whatever, but she’s too damn <em> stubborn </em> to let anybody help her until she collapses. We both know this, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, unbelieving that he’s taking advice from his <em> father </em> of all people right now. What a world.</p><p> </p><p>But he is, hilariously, probably the best person to ask. Han Solo knows her a little now, and he’s not a stranger to living like she is. His dad lived penny to penny for who knows how long, he knows how to <em> scrounge </em>. The man used to be a dumpster diver for a brief stint, for fuck’s sake.</p><p> </p><p>His father sighs, looking to his mother one last time before turning back to Ben. “But you’ve gotta believe she’ll come to you when she’s ready, she has to. You keep an eye on her, make sure she’s staying sane. If things get worse, you stay by her and make sure she isn’t alone. Keep on offering that hand, and hope she takes it <em> when she’s ready </em>. You understand?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, exhaling in relief. “I can do that, I’ll keep an eye on her. Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>His mom just gently pats his fathers bicep, smiling at him as he shrugs and crosses his arms. “See? I can be a good influence. Sometimes.”</p><p> </p><p>She smiles at him, laughing as Ben smirks. Key word: sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>Ben exhales, checking the time on Rey's laptop once his parents go back to silently shooting argumentative glances at each other. She should be back any second now. “I uh- I gotta go, then. I’ll call later, I promise. We’ll figure this all out, I’m gonna try and get you-know-who to eat a full meal, and then we’ve both got work to finish before Thursday. You two gonna be alright?”</p><p> </p><p>“We’ll be fine, Ben. I’ll send you the zoom link for Thursday, okay? Oh! And I’ll drop off dinner for you and Rey! I’m doing the same for Luke, it won’t be a problem.”</p><p> </p><p>“You sure?” Ben hums, not wanting to be a burden. “I-I don’t know how I’ll get Rey to eat it, but it would be appreciated.”</p><p> </p><p>She then chooses that moment to open the door, sticking her head back into her apartment as Ben grins. Perfect timing, as always. “Eat what?” She quietly hums, slowly creeping back in as Ben sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“If my parents dropped off a meal for us, what are the chances you would be willing to share it with me? Just out of curiosity.”</p><p> </p><p>“Zero percent.” She instantly hums, not even taking a second to think as she pulls off her mask and shoes. “Too blurry, the lines would get <em> way </em> too blurry for me. I’m not gonna do that, I don’t need that.”</p><p> </p><p>His mom sighs in frustration, Ben shrugging his shoulders as she quietly groans. Now they know what he’s been dealing with for the last week! How Rey is too fucking stubborn for her own good!</p><p> </p><p>His dad reaches forward and mutes them for a moment, Ben doing the same as he calls Rey back over and reaches for her. “Come on, sit with me for a second. I was just gonna say goodbye to my parents, we’re figuring out the details for Thursday. Want you to come and say goodbye, please.”</p><p> </p><p>She makes a pouty face, staying quiet as she comes back to him. He pulls her seat closer to him before she sits, so their thighs are touching when she quietly perches next to him. </p><p> </p><p>Ben unmutes, his mother doing the same after a second as his father huffs at her. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey, we’re gonna be dropping off meals for any of my students that ask, apparently.” She sighs, Ben widening his eyes as he gets clued in on this sudden change of plan. “It was Hans' idea, and since Ben is <em> my </em> son he’s already on the list. I’ll put you on too, since you two are stuck together. You’ll get an email later, but don’t worry about any of the details. Ben will take care of it, right?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben watches as Rey nods, already automatically starting to slink behind his back as he sighs. Okay, wow, okay. That was a good way to get around it. </p><p> </p><p>He nods as he slowly starts to understand the plan, what his mother wants to do. Make it so all students have the same advantage, apparently, and Rey is totally fine with it. Who knew it was that easy to trick her into taking his help?</p><p> </p><p>He turns to look at her, as she stares up and him and gently picks at a piece of lint on his shirt. Something else is going on, he thinks.</p><p> </p><p>“You okay with that?” He asks, placing his hand back on her knee. “I wanna make sure you’re okay with that, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, Ben exhaling in relief as he turns to his parents. His mother shoots his father a look, before both turning back to Ben. “I’ll be on the zoom call, I promise. I’ll even hunt around Rey's apartment for a place to hide, so Luke doesn’t recognize the location from class if we happen to cross paths. Can we all agree this works for everybody?”</p><p> </p><p>His mother nods, his father shooting them both a thumbs up as Rey quietly whispers a “yep” against his back.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, moving to click on the button that ends the call. “Alright, take care of yourselves. I’ll see you soon, I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>“I love you too, bug. See you soon.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bye.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bye.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben ends the call, taking a deep breath as he sits back. Okay, so, they survived that.</p><p> </p><p>He turns to look at Rey, still hiding against him. She squeaks, as he stares at her and she can no longer cower behind his shoulder. “You wanna go and sit on the couch and work, or stay here? What’s the best for you, right now?”</p><p> </p><p>She shrugs, Ben sighing as he grabs her arm. It doesn’t look like she knows, not yet. It looks like she might still be processing that zoom call, as he stands and slowly pulls her to her feet. Still figuring out her feelings, her emotions about this whole thing.</p><p> </p><p>He decides she’s sitting on the couch, where she can honestly pick or choose if she wants to do work or not while he finishes breakfast. Because it’s not like Ben is gonna force her to do anything she doesn’t already want to do, anyways. He’s not that type of man. He just wants her fed, and happy. That is all he wants to do, right now.</p><p> </p><p>Plus, her mental health comes above any sort of homework.</p><p> </p><p>His mom will understand, he knows she will</p><p><br/>This year hasn’t been easy on <em> anybody </em>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Chapter 44</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey hasn’t been sleeping well for the past couple days, no doubt aided by the fact that her couch is <em> the </em> most uncomfortable place in the world. Not even her softest blanket is making it bearable, and it’s only worsened by the fact she’s been sleeping on it for so <em> long </em> now.</p><p> </p><p>And the looming threat of eviction, starvation, and sickness all kind of hanging over her head aren’t helping either. Casual things, which are apparently starting to give her stress dreams that leave her waking up multiple times in the middle of the night. She doesn’t remember most of them, just vague ideas and shapes that leave her kind of empty and aching, but they aren’t making an already difficult week <em> any </em> easier. </p><p> </p><p>By any means, really, Rey is having a tough time on the couch right now.</p><p> </p><p>But it gets particularly bad on Tuesday night, even with the relief of having the rest of the week off for an American holiday starting to settle her fears about <em> GPAs </em> and <em> scholarships. </em> Two things she doesn’t have to worry about right now, as she transfers her worries to <em> credit card debt </em> and <em> car payments </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, rolling on her side as she curls her arms to her chest. </p><p> </p><p>What an awful year this has been.</p><p> </p><p>She pulls a pillow to her front, squishing herself between the couch cushions and her blanket as she sighs. Over the past two days, this has helped her kind of get over the mountain, and at least get to a place where she can fall back asleep again. Start feeling a little bit more cocooned and all, and more like herself. Not so vulnerable, maybe, as the streetlights from outside flood her living space and cast a room that she would much rather prefer be completely dark in a sticky yellow glow.</p><p> </p><p>She huffs, though, because it really isn’t working right now. The pillow isn’t big enough, or her blankets aren’t heavy enough, or maybe she’s just a little too lonely right now. A little too empty, too hollow to make this work.</p><p> </p><p>And she hates the way her brain lights up, when she comes up with a less than graceful solution.</p><p> </p><p>No, she is <em> not </em> going to invade on Ben while he’s sleeping. She is <em> not </em> going to crawl into bed with him, even if she <em> really fucking wants to </em> now that the idea has crossed her mind.</p><p> </p><p>She <em> won’t </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She makes it a whole fifteen seconds before she’s up on her feet, abandoning her pillow and blanket on the couch as she whines and stumbles through the darkness towards her bedroom. She has no idea what she’s doing, and she can’t really picture the world beyond the present moment, but she just knows her feet are carrying her towards her bedroom and Ben at the same time in a desperate attempt for <em> something </em> to make her whole again.</p><p> </p><p>So she cracks open the doorway to her room, clutching a fist over her chest as she lets her eyes adjust and she finds a suitable replacement for whatever part of her is missing right now. Whatever piece is leaving her bruised and damaged and wide open to get hurt by him.</p><p> </p><p>She stares at Ben, as he sleeps with his mouth wide open and flat on his stomach in her bed. As he huffs in his sleep, hair messy and arms outstretched as he rests diagonally because he’s too damn tall to fit on her little full mattress without some adjustment on his part. </p><p> </p><p>She slowly slides into the room, telling herself she’ll just stay until she calms down. Until things are better. Even if she doesn’t know when that will be, if ever. </p><p> </p><p>He shuffles as the door clicks shut behind her, and she steps over to him on silent feet. She sits down on the edge of the bed, making sure it doesn’t creak before making any final decisions right now. Being careful not to jostle him or anything before she lies down and gets herself fully involved in whatever she’s doing. Whatever stupid, <em> stupid </em> decision this is.</p><p> </p><p>She stares at him, as the heater in the room buzzes and she sighs in conflict. It is a lot warmer in here too, she’ll admit. It’s not exactly frigid in her apartment anymore, having the heater on during the day along with another human producing body heat is for sure helping with that, but it does get decently cold in the apartment at night still.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, and lies down next to Ben. Surrenders, to this deep need to be <em> seen </em> by somebody else.</p><p> </p><p>And his arm immediately stretches out for her as he whines, like he had been waiting the whole time.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stills, as she stares at him in shock and he huffs again. He turns on his side, still asleep as he mumbles nonsense in the darkness, and she takes the opportunity to slide under the covers with him. To start moving towards him, and figure out what’s both comfortable and escapable for both of them. How far to push this, beyond what she needs but not into a greedy sort of territory.</p><p> </p><p>And she stares at him in confusion, as his fingers locate her waist and he happily grumbles. As he tugs at her thin t-shirt, trying to pull her closer as he whines again and her breath hitches. As she migrates closer to him, and he solidly rests his hand on her side with a long, <em> relieved </em> exhale.</p><p> </p><p>She slowly gets closer to him, curling into his chest with a shuddering sigh as one arm slowly wraps around her waist while the other goes under her head. She crosses her hands over her chest, not knowing what to do with them right this moment, as he tiredly mumbles and she places her head against his arm.</p><p> </p><p>She stares at him, all grumpy in his sleep, and she smiles as he finally starts to mellow out a little. As his hand rubs her side, and she sighs at him.</p><p> </p><p>He’s holding her the same way he did with the pillow, she realizes, that morning she came to grab clean clothes for herself. Except this time she is the pillow, maybe, and she’s able to hear him and his grumbles a little better as he settles his head above hers</p><p> </p><p>He might need this, in a way, just as much as she does.</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulls her tighter as she silently squeaks, and she slowly gets used to being kind of sort of crushed in his arms. And not in a bad way, not at all, but just a…</p><p> </p><p>A new one.</p><p> </p><p>It’s a new one, to be held like this. That’s for sure.</p><p> </p><p>Now she just has to figure out how to sleep like this.</p><p> </p><p>This part might be more difficult than she initially anticipated.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben wakes up in… an odd situation.</p><p> </p><p>That is to say, he fell asleep alone in Rey's bed, and now he is not alone in Rey's bed. And said owner of bed, Rey, is kinda sorta snoring in his arms like a little steamboat. Which is either a massive warning sign for her mental state, or a massive leap in the right direction.</p><p> </p><p>Or both, it could be both. </p><p> </p><p>Ben admits, it’s probably both.</p><p> </p><p>He adjusts her in his arms, when he realizes her neck is at an odd angle that can’t be the most comfortable thing in the world. Least he can do is make her feel more cozy, if this isn’t some haywire fever dream he’s having.</p><p> </p><p>He stares for a moment, before deciding that he has to do something about this. This isn’t right, something is very clearly wrong here.</p><p> </p><p>He shakes her awake, grabbing her shoulder and whispering her name as quietly as possible, just to see if he can get her moving. She comes to with a small shudder, groaning as she pushes her face into his chest and claws at his back with curious fingers</p><p> </p><p>Ben places his hand on her spine, rubbing as she whines again and he gently exhales. “How’d you get in here?” He sleepily grumbles, as she crawls closer to him with a huff. She’s front to front with him, he thinks, and he slowly realizes that one of her legs somehow found its way between his. Weird.</p><p> </p><p>She shrugs, and he stares at her as she sighs and shuts her eyes again. She might have to wake up a little first, before he gets any answers out of her today. That might just be the way this goes.</p><p> </p><p>He stares at her, deciding to make use of the time between now and when her brain eventually decides to catch up and get with the program. He slowly places gentle touches along her back and shoulders, just to see if she likes to be held and to try and keep her awake in the meanwhile. He wants to take this opportunity to learn what’s comfortable for her as he hums in interest, and she tiredly sighs again.</p><p> </p><p>He wraps a hand around her shoulder, setting his whole forearm against her back and pressing her closer to his body. She happily hums at that, her hands tugging at his shirt and he realizes that she just kind of wants to be held right now.</p><p> </p><p>So he does just that, using the arm that’s supporting her head to pull her closer. Bringing her against his body, as she sighs and he decides he doesn’t have to know why she’s here.</p><p> </p><p>He’s just happy she felt comfortable enough to join him.</p><p> </p><p>Now he just has to figure out how to get up without revealing the fact that he’s not wearing <em> pants </em>.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey doesn’t even act like sleeping in the same bed as Ben was <em> noteworthy </em> , as they carry on through Wednesday and Ben helps her start to understand <em> why </em> Thanksgiving is a big deal in the US. That’s the big topic of discussion, not the whole ‘Rey deciding to surprise Ben by sleeping in the same bed as him for no apparent reason’.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s just a bunch of people getting together for dinner,” She insists, as Ben tries to figure out if he can make anything as an apology to his mom before tomorrow night, “and twitter tells me it’s based in awful colonial and genocidal roots so-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, looking up at her as she sips on her breakfast tea and blinks at him. Smartass.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, yes. The roots of Thanksgiving are awful and racially charged and just overall kind of gross because of the way we treated it for literal <em> centuries </em> . <em> But </em> it’s also the <em> one </em> holiday where everybody gets together, and my family doesn’t fight, and I can just chill out. There are no presents to stress over, no decorations to put up, no social obligations except for the ones <em> you </em> make. You can do it as low-key or as high-key as you like, and that’s kind of beautiful. Season of giving, and all. I can go full hermit mode, and ignore everybody.”</p><p> </p><p>He bends down, trying to see if Rey has sugar or not. Because that will make or break <em> whatever </em> he’s trying to make right now. Full hermit be damned, he is kind of excited to share this with Rey. Her first <em> real </em> thanksgiving, because apparently Finn's family always traveled to his grandparents and Rey always turned down his invitations. On the basis she would feel <em> so </em> out of place, and just decided it would be better to stay home.</p><p> </p><p>Ben will be her first real Thanksgiving, and he wants to make it a good one. He <em> really </em> wants to make it a good one.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, as he pops his head up. No sugar, he might have to go shopping today. Darn.</p><p> </p><p>“Also, there’s a parade.” He hums, setting his hands on his hips as he sighs. Any holiday that has a parade is automatically worth something, in his book.</p><p> </p><p>Rey perks her head up, eyes going wide and sparkly as he sighs and tries to figure out how to get around this. “There’s a parade?”</p><p> </p><p>He nods, and he thinks he knows <em> exactly </em> what Rey is thinking.</p><p> </p><p>Yes, there’s a parade.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Chapter 45</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben wakes up sometime that night, finding Rey hanging over him as he grunts and blinks into awakeness. What’s going on? What did he miss? What’s wrong?</p><p> </p><p>“I’m-I’m sorry-“ She whimpers with a shaky voice, starting to pull away as he groans and turns on his back. “I- shit, I didn’t mean to wake you up. I’m sorry. I’ll leave.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, it’s okay.” He soothes, grumbling as he wraps an arm around her. He clumsily pulls her under the blankets as she squeaks. She’s doing it again, coming to sleep with him, although he doesn’t know <em> why </em> she’s doing it again. “It’s okay, sweetheart. We’re okay.”</p><p> </p><p>She huffs at him, as he sleepily wraps his arms around her. “It’s okay.” He sighs, falling back asleep as she cards a hand through his hair.</p><p> </p><p>Last thing he remembers is Rey sighing at him, as he tiredly pushes his forehead against hers.</p><p> </p><p>Weird.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey wakes up in the same position she was in the morning before, Ben pushing a curl behind her ear as she sighs and groans at him. Ah, she did it again. That's right, she woke up and made it a whole eighteen seconds this time before pitifully crawling back to Ben's embrace. A whole three more seconds than the night before, what an accomplishment.</p><p> </p><p>She sticks her tongue out, yawning as he chuckles at her and she sighs. “You okay?” He murmurs, leaning his head against hers. “You wanna tell me what’s going on yet? This isn’t like you, I’m worried.”</p><p> </p><p>She thinks for a moment, before shaking her head. “Not particularly.” She hums, exhaling as she shuts her eyes again.</p><p> </p><p>Ben laughs, rubbing his nose against hers as he sighs. “Okay, okay. Not gonna push it. But you’ll tell me if anything is wrong, right? You trust me?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, wrapping her arms around his chest as she sighs. Just to prove her point, she slings a leg over his hip as well. </p><p> </p><p>He grunts, as she smiles at him. “I trust you. Just tired. Less talking, more sleeping.”</p><p> </p><p>He huffs, she can feel his breath on her face as she sighs and pulls herself away from him. His hands land on her shoulders, tucking her back under his chin. Kind of trapping her in his arms, as her body goes all soft and fuzzy at the sensation of being held like this.</p><p> </p><p>They just lay there for a moment, Ben reaching past her to grab his phone as she squeaks. She’s kind of lost all control of her body at this point, melting into a messy pile of limbs and thoughts as he inadvertently pushes her ear against the perfect spot on his chest for her to hear his heartbeat.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, checking the time as she shifts a little. He makes some type of whiny noise, as she moves her leg to more comfortably hook around his. His heartbeat is <em> strong </em>, all sorts of comforting as she tries to keep herself together.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve gotta get up, they’re doing the parade soon. I know you wanna watch it.” He sighs, rubbing her back in soothing motions as she groans. </p><p> </p><p>She pulls back and pushes on his chest, trying to both have her hands on him while still moving a little bit aways from him. “<em> You </em> get up, I don’t wanna.”</p><p> </p><p>He huffs at her, as she pouts at him. They’re still somewhat linked together, Rey realizing she’s lying on top of his arm as he moves to awkwardly hang over her. The positioning isn’t great, really, for either of them to get up right now.</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t watch tv for you, that’s a new level of laziness that hasn’t been <em> developed </em> yet, sweetheart.” He hums, using his right hand to steady himself as he sighs. Rey takes a second to examine his appearance, all the little changes in his face when he’s exhausted and just coming back to life after a long night's sleep. The way his hair kind of flops forward, even as she reaches up and pushes it out of his eyes for him. </p><p> </p><p>She grabs his face between her palms as he chuckles at her, dramatically groaning in response. He has very nice eyes, she very much enjoys his dark brown eyes. Especially when they’re on her, she thinks.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, go turn on the tv.” She finally instructs, arching her back to let him move his arm. “You <em> sure </em> you’ll be able to find it on the roku? You’re not very good with it.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can try.” He grumbles, flopping back down next to her with a grunt. </p><p> </p><p>She stares at him, as he rubs his eyes and yawns. As he stretches his arms in the air, and pops his back.</p><p> </p><p>As he continues to just lie there, and she wraps her arms around a pillow.</p><p> </p><p>“You gonna go or…”</p><p> </p><p>“Give me a second.” He grumbles, staring straight up as he sighs. “I need to figure out how to tell you this.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey stares at him, furrowing her brow as he sighs. She watches the wheels turn in his head, as she narrows her eyes at him and he hums something that sounds oddly suspect.</p><p> </p><p>“I am… not currently wearing pants.” He explains, Rey quickly cycling through a couple emotions as he places his hands together and turns to her. Shock, then confusion, then maybe a little disgust, and then just straight up confusion again.</p><p> </p><p>“You are… not wearing pants.” She states in return, as he nods with an <em> incredibly </em> serious look on his face.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m pants-<em>less </em>.” He hums, still staring at her. Oh, okay. Cool, cool, cool.</p><p> </p><p>Ben, a very attractive man, is pantsless in her bed, <em> cool </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She quietly groans, burying her head in her hands as she tries to come to terms with the fact that this is the <em> second </em> time he’s done something like this to her. First the zoom call, and now in her bed… “Again? Really? What is with you and wearing proper clothes?”</p><p> </p><p>“I <em> am </em>wearing underwear.” He sighs, exhaling heavily as she groans. A giggle slips between her lips, though, at the absurdity of this man and all of his intricacies. “In my defense, pants are awful and I didn’t think this would be happening today. I’m sorry, I would have put on pajama pants if I knew you would be here this morning. Honest.”</p><p> </p><p>She just blinks at him, as she realizes that she did the same exact thing yesterday. The crawling into bed, ambushing him and everything. Exact same cycle, except today <em> he’s </em>the one who needs to get up first. Therefore, the pants reveal.</p><p> </p><p>“Wait-“ She hums, rolling onto her stomach as she shifts next to him. She hits his lower leg with her foot, feeling the soft skin of his calves as he goes all red in the face. “Please tell me you were wearing pants yesterday, when I first came by. Please don’t tell me you’ve been in just your underwear this whole time.”</p><p> </p><p>He goes all red in the face, grimacing as she groans. He <em> has, </em> the <em> bastard </em> - “You’re such a <em> boy </em>-“</p><p> </p><p>“Hey!” He squawks, as Rey sighs. She grabs his face, as she sets her chin on his chest. He is <em> such </em> a boy. And she loves it! She really does! But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t send her reeling sometimes, to realize that Ben is <em> a boy </em>. To realize that he has rules that are different than hers, like apparently not having a problem just existing without pants at a friends apartment.</p><p> </p><p>She scoots up a little, sleepily curling into his side as he groans. “You’re not wearing <em> pants </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m not wearing pants.”</p><p> </p><p>She gives herself a second to process, before starting to giggle into his shirt. Before burying her face into his side, and fully starting to shake and giggle at him as he grumbles in return.</p><p> </p><p><em> Idiot </em>.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben <em> does </em> put on pants eventually, instructing Rey to close her eyes while he gets up and grabs them. Until he’s <em> decent </em> again.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t stop laughing, though, giggling as he noisily stumbles around the room in the search for pajama pants. “I have them,” he insists, when she asks him what’s taking so long, “I knew I was going to need them, and I have them. I just don’t know where they are.”</p><p> </p><p>When he finally says she can open his eyes, she immediately understands why he doesn’t wear these pants very often.</p><p> </p><p>Because they’re fucking <em> embarrassing </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“<em>Where </em> the hell did you get those?” She gasps in shock, as Ben huffs and looks at his legs. Or, more aptly, the unicorns all over his legs. The unicorns which look entirely too happy to be on his legs.</p><p> </p><p>“My mother thinks it’s <em> funny </em>.” He sighs, as a way of explaining the pastel blue pajama pants with the white and gold unicorns all over them. And the pink and purple hairdos adoring their heads, as they leap across rainbows and clouds. All somehow in his size, to boot.</p><p> </p><p>His mother buys his pajama pants.</p><p> </p><p>Huh.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, furrowing his brow as he looks back up at Rey. “It started as a joke that got <em> way </em> too out of hand, I don’t wanna talk about it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey raises a hand to her face, snorting as he sets his palms on his hips and sighs. He walks over to her, as she groans.</p><p> </p><p>“Here, grab my hands.” He hums, offering out his palms. “I need your help making your tv work, I don’t know how to do it on my own.”</p><p> </p><p>“It isn’t that difficult!” She hums, as she takes his hands and he pulls her to her feet. She stumbles a little, but he keeps her steady as she sighs. “You’re just <em> weird </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>He pulls a face at her, looking all confused as she slowly pushes him out of the way with her palm. He follows close behind her though, like he’s been tending to do lately. “I’m not weird, <em> you’re </em> weird.”</p><p> </p><p>She turns around, grabbing his shirt in her fists when they get to the living room. She backs him up towards the couch, angling and manipulating his body towards her desired location, as he huffs and she grabs the remote from the coffee table. He nearly knocks over one of her plants, but he is at least awake enough to be a little more aware of his body than she is right now.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re weird.” She hums, reaching up and pressing down on his shoulders. He stares at her in confusion, but does <em> exactly </em> what she wants him to do with a curious tilt of his head. “You’re just- weird.”</p><p> </p><p>She sits down in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck as he freezes and his breath hitches. It takes her a moment to get comfortable, eventually just climbing between his legs as she places her head in his neck. His own leg twitches in response, as she takes a deep breath against his body and sighs despite her pounding heart.</p><p> </p><p>He eventually reciprocates, wrapping his arms around her torso and gently pulling her against his chest and supporting her. She tightens her grip on him, pushing closer as she starts running a hand through his hair.</p><p> </p><p>“Just weird.” She squeaks again, as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>He’s just… weird.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>rey: you're weird.</p><p>ben: :/</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Chapter 46</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben panics as Rey watches from the couch, grabbing an oven mitt and pulling out the apple tart he was <em> trying </em> to make as an apology for his parents. And Ben isn’t a bad cook by any means! The man knows his way around a kitchen!</p><p> </p><p>But it turns out that same man hates her oven, and her lack of mixing tools, and pretty much everything else about her kitchen.</p><p> </p><p>And he can’t bake, the man <em> can’t bake </em>. It’s an odd gain of knowledge, to realize that Ben Solo cannot bake to save his life.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you done? I don’t know if you’re done yet.” He hums, holding the tart up and examining the bottom of the glass pan. He sighs, groaning as he sets it on the counter and takes a deep breath to calm himself.</p><p> </p><p>Rey realizes the top is a little <em> singed </em>, for lack of a better word, as she brings herself and her blanket cape to his side. She stares at the tart… situation, as he grumbles and furrows his brow.</p><p> </p><p>“You should have partially baked the crust, before you put the apples in.” She hums, because baking is the <em> one </em> thing she’s good at in the kitchen. It requires exact directions, scientific measurements. Baking is a science, and it turns out Ben really isn’t good at science when she found him ignoring half the directions and combining two recipes they found online because it ‘didn’t look right’.</p><p> </p><p>Meaning, he forgot to partially bake the crust. And now the apples are overcooked and the crust is undercooked.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” He mumbles as his phone goes off again. He grabs it with a groan, running a hand through his hopelessly messy hair with a huff. Poor thing.</p><p> </p><p>Rey slowly reaches up, as he gets absorbed in the device and furrows his brow in frustration. She does her best to fix his hair for him, as he grumbles and leans down to aid her in her effort to reach up and touch him.</p><p> </p><p>“Your mom?” She asks, as he nods with a quiet grumble. The sun is just starting to set outside, and she told Ben that they were going to be the first stop on their tour-de-Thanksgiving. Apparently two other students took her up on the offered meals after she sent the email out on Tuesday, both alone for the holidays this year, along with the meal for <em> Luke </em> they’ve prepared. Which means they’ve got four stops, including Ben and Rey, before dinner.</p><p> </p><p>That also means they’re waiting on his parents right now, as Ben stares at his phone and Rey hums at his only <em> slightly </em> disastrous attempt at baking.</p><p> </p><p>“We’ve got a couple minutes.” He sighs, turning down to her. “Help me get this packaged for them, it’s what we’ve got.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, moving to grab a set of potholders or something as Ben scurries around for foil. She ends up finding them both, or course, although she lets him package up his attempt at baking with his little frustrated grumbles and all. “Can you grab the door for me, sweetheart?” He finally hums, as she sighs and goes to the rack by the doorway first.</p><p> </p><p>“Mask first, then door.” She hums, grabbing his entirely too out of place black mask among all her colorful ones. It sticks out like a sore thumb, really, next to all of her pretty patterned ones.</p><p> </p><p>She stares at him for a moment as she turns back to him, tart still cradled between his palms, and she tries to figure out how to do this. How to get the mask on him, while he’s got his hands full.</p><p> </p><p>“Don’t freak out.” She hums, finding the loops on the ears as she turns it right-side out. “You okay if I touch your face?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just blinks at her, as she stares up at him. He furrows his brow, working his jaw a little as she holds her breath. It’s not like she hasn’t touched his face before, she knows this, but this somehow feels <em> different </em>. Different in a way where she needs to ask him first, check in with him before she does this.</p><p> </p><p>More domestic maybe, like Ben isn’t on a two week layover at her place.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah-“ he hums, leaning down as she quickly loops the black fabric over his ears, “of course, of course you can touch my face. That’s fine with me.”</p><p> </p><p>She hums in affirmation, popping up on her toes as she gets it wrapped around the lower half of his jaw. She checks that he’s all good, absentmindedly rubbing his chin with her free hand as she steps away and sighs.</p><p> </p><p>Ben straightens his spine, and she crosses her arms, before remembering that she needs to open the door for him. That’s why he originally asked for her help, of course. “Okay, go,” she squeaks, motioning him out the door after it creaks open with a firm twist of the knob. “Go.”</p><p> </p><p>He narrows his eyes at her, before slipping out the front door. Rey takes a deep breath as he leaves, shutting it behind him as something strikes in her heart. Like a shard of ice, unexpected and <em> cold </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck, that wasn’t a fun thing to do. She doesn’t think she likes saying <em> goodbye </em> to him very much.</p><p> </p><p>Shit.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben makes his trip downstairs quick, placing the tart right outside the front door of the apartment complex before trying to figure out what to do next. If he has the time to run back upstairs and wait, or what.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t get much of a choice, as his phone goes off and he quickly checks it as he walks back inside. His parents pull into the parking lot behind him, as he leans against the staircase and sighs.</p><p> </p><p>Thank goodness he put it outside, and checked that it had cooled off enough to be touched with bare hands before leaving. Should make this whole odd situation easier.</p><p> </p><p>He texts his mom, as his father gets out of the drivers side of his car with two takeout boxes in hand. They have a small argument, parked next to his car in the lot, as he sends off the message.</p><p> </p><p>Ben watches, with rapt interest, as his father takes five steps before turning back to the car. He makes some type of wide motion with his arm, as Ben huffs and chuckles.</p><p> </p><p>They continue arguing, standing in the middle of Reys apartment building parking lot, before his dad dramatically throws a hand in the air. He goes back to walking towards the front door, sulking, as Ben sighs and crosses his arms after tucking his phone back in his pocket and he begins to watch this whole thing play out.</p><p> </p><p>He watches his dad, as he avoids the ice he had previously warned them both about, and he walks up to the front door. As he looks around, seemingly lost, before finally swapping the apple tart for the two to-go boxes. </p><p> </p><p>His dad doesn’t even <em> notice </em> him standing there, as Ben frantically waves his arms and tries to get his attention. A simple hello through the glass, or a wave back would suffice.</p><p> </p><p>His dad jumps, as Ben finally settles for calling his name after he realizes he has nothing to throw at the door to grab his parents attention.</p><p> </p><p>Ben waves, as his dad stares in shock for a second. Confused by the presence of his son, clearly, in the main entry of this apartment complex.</p><p> </p><p>And then he’s turning around, calling back to the car as his mom hurriedly opens her door. She’s all wrapped up in a winter jacket, as Ben sighs and waves to <em> her </em> as well. Oh, great, now it’s a whole thing. Ben has made this into a whole <em> thing </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She stands there, pointing to her phone before his starts buzzing. He pulls it out of his back pocket, taking the call she apparently wants him to answer as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Hi, honey!” She hums, as Ben refrains from groaning. His dad starts heading back to the car, tart in hand, as Ben sighs. He hopes it’s good, he didn’t even get to <em> try </em> it.</p><p> </p><p>“You doing okay? How’s Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>“Good, good, we’re good.” He sighs, stepping forward and moving towards the door as his dad returns to his mom. Ben hears snippets of the conversation through the phone, as he awkwardly waits inside and watches. “We’re good, how about you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Good! Tired,” she sighs, “but glad to see you’re doing okay, thank you for the dessert.”</p><p> </p><p>“It’s an apology. For not being there this year.” He groans, crossing a hand over his chest as his mother instructs his father to get back in the car before he freezes, apparently. He has no idea what the plan is here, only that his dad is driving the Falcon again and he looks <em> thrilled </em> about it.</p><p> </p><p>His mom sighs, Ben can hear and see it, as she turns back to the apartment building. He doesn’t know if she can really see him or not, but he hopes she does as he sighs in return.</p><p> </p><p>“You sure you’re okay? Both of you? I’m worried, bug.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m fine, I promise I’m <em> fine </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>“And Rey?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shrugs, making a noise of indifference into the phone. “We’re working on it, she’s acting weird again but… what’s new. I’m sure she’ll be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>There's a drop of dead silence between them, as his mom sighs again. If he repeats it, it has to be true. Right?</p><p> </p><p>Right?</p><p> </p><p>“Okay, I’ll text you when we get back home.” She hums, as Ben exhales. “Promise you’ll reach out if you need anything else?” She asks, turning back to the car as he nods.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course, I love you.”</p><p> </p><p>And something changes.</p><p> </p><p>She freezes by the open door, Ben watching in great interest as she places a hand on the top of the car and she takes a deep breath. She stares off into the distance for a moment, kind of spooking him as he sighs. He doesn’t really know why, but she does this before heavily exhaling into the phone line. He’s actually mildly worried about her, as she sighs and he runs a hand through his hair. What’s going on?</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, I love you <em> so much </em>. Okay? I love you too, and I’m sure your dad says the same. Right, Han?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben hears his dad grunt from the other end of the line, something that sounds vaguely like “what?” as his mom groans and he laughs.</p><p> </p><p>“Nevermind. I love you, stay safe.” She hums, waving back to him and blowing a kiss before getting back in the car.</p><p> </p><p>“Bye, mom.” Ben responds, impatiently placing a hand on the door handle. He’s hungry, he’d like to get his food now without an awkward staring contest or anything.</p><p> </p><p>“Bye, honey. I love you <em> so </em> much, okay?” She hums, before either he hangs up or she does. It happens at the same time, anyways, it doesn’t matter.</p><p> </p><p>He watches his parents drive away, nervously exhaling as he waits for them to go. He opens the door once they get out of eyesight, grabbing the two boxes labeled “Ben” and “Rey” on the top.</p><p> </p><p>It isn’t about halfway back to the apartment before he realizes why his mom froze, why she looked so shaken.</p><p> </p><p>Ben thinks that might be the first time since he told his parents <em> I love you </em> since he got back in contact with them a year and a half ago.</p><p> </p><p>Whoa.</p><p> </p><p><em> Jeez </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Now that’s something to think about for a while.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben watches as Rey moves around the room in front of him, searching for something as he sits on a zoom call with his parents and a <em> very </em> stoic Luke Skywalker. A Luke who his mother is very unhelpfully trying to get him to talk to, after the three <em> ambushed </em> him when he said that he could stay on for another fifteen minutes or so.</p><p> </p><p>After all, Rey said she was content eating by herself and watching something on her phone with headphones while he talked to his family. No, she <em> insisted </em> he do this, she would be fine on her own.</p><p> </p><p>Although he fucking hates it, because this was not the Thanksgivng he wanted to give her tonight. He didn’t want… two separate <em> things </em> . He wanted to eat with Rey, and maybe talk to his family a little after. Not to try and do those two things at the same time, especially now that <em> Luke </em> is involved.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t feel like he belongs here right now. And that kind of sucks.</p><p> </p><p>But what he didn’t know was that it’s possible to shoot daggers at someone through a zoom screen, as his uncle so unkindly glares at him, but he learns something new every day. Especially when this specific member of his family is involved, he guesses.</p><p> </p><p>“So, Ben, you should tell Luke what you’re working on right now! You’re interested in what’s going on in the airline industry, right Luke?” His mom hums, trying to heal over these <em> very </em>deep scars. Ben loves his mom, he really does, but this is very difficult for him to do right now.</p><p> </p><p>His uncle just kind of shrugs, as Ben tries not to make his discomfort more obvious. Of course Luke is interested in what’s happening in the travel industry right now, everybody is. It’s a mess, and it’s going to destroy a lot of livelihoods with the way it’s going. It’s all just… unpredictable and bad! Like everything is right now!</p><p> </p><p>Ben looks up at Rey, as she stands in the living room and comes to check in on him in the kitchen. He’s sitting on his side of the peninsula, and she must see something in his face that is begging for help, because she shows him what she found in the palm of her hand.</p><p> </p><p>The dog-whistle. She got the dog whistle. </p><p> </p><p>He nods, keeping his face very serious and still as she wipes it off on her shirt and cleans it again. Ben cleaned it himself after he used it, but he appreciates the attention to detail on her part.</p><p> </p><p>She leans over the counter, placing the whistle between her lips as she waits. Ben tries not to get all jittery with excitement, as he bites his cheek to stop from <em> grinning </em>at the absolute brilliance of this woman.</p><p> </p><p>And when Ben opens his mouth, and starts getting into all the nitty gritty details of his career, Luke's dogs start <em> howling </em> and <em> screaming </em> from somewhere in his living room.</p><p> </p><p>“No!” He shouts, turning back to them as they nip at his feet or something. “Oh my god, stop! I took you to the park earlier! Stop!”</p><p> </p><p>They just continue to bark, Rey silently trying not to giggle as Ben keeps an eye on the screen. His mother looks <em> deeply </em> confused for a moment, as his father snorts so hard he has to turn to the side to stop from spraying beer all over their computer screen.</p><p> </p><p>And his mom gets it, a moment later, and he can’t tell if she’s disappointed in him or astonished at the fact that <em> they’re getting away with it </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I, uh, I think that’s my cue to go.” Ben hums, Luke still cursing out his tiny dogs in the background as his father coughs a little and clears his throat with a bright chuckle. “I’ll see you later, thank you for dropping off dinner. I love you, bye.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!” His mom shouts, as Ben clicks the red button to leave the meeting and his computer goes silent.</p><p> </p><p>His phone starts buzzing, a bunch of texts coming in as Rey starts giggling and he winces.</p><p> </p><p>Oops. That might have been a mistake.</p><p> </p><p>“How much trouble are you in?” She jokes, voice a little wheezy from laughing so hard as he smiles. He grabs his phone to check, grinning as he reads his mom's texts </p><p> </p><p>
  <b>You are in SO much trouble</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Benjamin Bail Solo you are in SO much trouble</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>Your father won’t stop laughing</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>You are in SO MUCH TROUBLE</b>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben grimaces, as his phone buzzes a couple more times with iterations of exactly <em> how </em> much trouble Ben is in. Which is going to be a lot, he guesses, as Rey leans over his shoulder and gasps.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh my <em> god </em> .” She giggles, raising a hand to her face as he slowly wraps an arm around her and brings her closer. “Oh my <em> god, </em> Ben!”</p><p> </p><p>She goes silent, reaching down and using her finger to scroll through his mothers many messages as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m in <em> so </em> much trouble.” She hums, Ben listening as she gulps beside him. </p><p> </p><p>He turns up to her, watching as she goes all pale. Okay, so, now she’s clearly spiraling. Not the intended effect here, but one they’re going to have to deal with clearly.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, hey. She’s just messing around. You’re not in trouble.” He hums, raising a hand to her face. She shuts her eyes, kind of nervously twitching her nose as he gently rubs his thumb along her cheek. Just to check she’s not freaking out too much, as he turns her face to his. “She’s just joking around, my dad thinks it’s hilarious. You’re fine.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, although she doesn’t look half as convinced as she should be. Ben ends up grabbing his phone again, as she furrows her brow and he checks the device. </p><p> </p><p>She crosses her arms, going all serious on him as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Just so we’re clear, you’re joking. Can I get some clarity that we’re not in trouble? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> And if we are, it was all me. I bought the whistle, I asked Rey to blow it to give me an out </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Sorry, you know how I feel about Luke rn </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Mom? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>Ben gives her a moment, although he <em> really </em> wishes she would hurry up as he sighs and Rey leans against him with an unhappy huff.</p><p> </p><p>She finally responds, as Ben exhales and leans his head against her arm.</p><p> </p><p>“See, we’re all good!” He cheerfully hums, rubbing her side as he shows her the text messages. “She’s just poking fun at me, we’re all good. I promise, we’re all good.”</p><p> </p><p>He stares up at her, as she reads the messages his mom sent. A quick confirmation that, yes, she’s joking. She thought it was very funny, although he <em> better </em> not try any shit like that again.</p><p> </p><p>Also a small scolding for teaching Rey such mean tricks, getting her to work for him as his evil minion or something. Scheming with him, or whatever she said.</p><p> </p><p>She finally smiles a little, as he wraps both arms around her stomach with a sigh. She sets his phone down, as she leans into his shoulder and awkwardly hugs him at what could quite possibly be the <em> worst </em> angle for this.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, doing his best to hug her back as she finally starts to calm down a little in his arms.</p><p> </p><p>He hates whatever made her this way, whatever she had to endure to become like this.</p><p> </p><p>He <em> hates </em> it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Chapter 47</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey watches as Ben stands in the doorway to her bedroom, and she gathers her blankets and her pillow from where she set them across the living room during the daytime. She watches as he stares at her, all menacing and broody with his crossed arms and black shirt tight at his arms. Like a disgruntled crow, with green dinosaur pajama pants instead of feathers.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing,” he sighs, tilting his head at her as he grumbles, “why- <em> what </em> are you doing?”</p><p> </p><p>She pops her head up at him, as she tosses her pillow and her blanket back on the couch. “Going to bed, like we do every night.” She hums, because it should be obvious. The routine is obvious, by now.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he growls a little to himself. “Are we seriously not going to talk about this? About what you’re doing right now? Rey, come on.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” She chirps, genuinely curious as to what Ben could be getting at. This is what they’ve done <em> every </em> night. This is fine. This is- this is <em> safe </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, stepping over to her. He all but looms over her, as she leans back from him. “Do I need to wear pants? Do I need to be planning on getting woken up by you in the middle of the night? How long are you going to last before I go to sleep? Ten, maybe twenty minutes? Come on, I don’t wanna play this game any more. This isn’t working.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, because the message is heard loud and clear. If she wakes up tonight, no invading Ben's space. No more nonsense, no more <em> pretending </em>-</p><p> </p><p>She gets it loud and clear, she’s <em> weird </em>. She knew it was weird from the moment the concept crossed her mind. From the moment she crawled into bed with him.</p><p> </p><p>She’s just- She’s weak minded. That’s all. She’s weak when it comes to him, sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, as she crosses her arms and stares at the floor of her apartment. “I-I get it. I get it, Ben. I won’t do it anymore, I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>He huffs, as she shuffles on her feet. She feels like she’s about to <em> cry </em> , although she doesn’t know why. She has no clue <em> why </em> this means so much to her, why it ever did.</p><p> </p><p>It was stupid. She’s stupid.</p><p> </p><p>“No, shit- That’s not-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben groans in frustration, grabbing her torso between two strong hands. Right at the bottom of her ribs, as she squeaks at the sudden physical contact. “Jump.” He commands, rubbing her sides as she gawks. Who does he think he is-</p><p> </p><p>“What?” She hums, turning to look up at him as he <em> lifts </em> her into the air. As she <em> screams </em> and he slings her over his shoulder, wrapping an arm around her waist with a groan. Holy shit!</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!” She screams again, verifiably freaked out as he turns back to her bedroom. “Put me down! Please!”</p><p> </p><p>He huffs, and she scowls as he <em> chuckles </em> a little at her predicament. The- bastard-</p><p> </p><p>And it’s not like Ben hasn’t picked her up before, Ben has <em> very </em> much picked her up before, but not like this. Not like a <em> bag of potatoes </em> or something as she squeaks against his spine and tries to stop herself from falling on the floor as she scrambles against his back so she isn’t upside down and panicking. </p><p> </p><p>But the next thing she knows he’s carried her into her bedroom, and he’s leaning forward so she goes falling backward on her bed as she scrambles against his back and screams again. The breath gets knocked out of her, as she <em> slams </em> against her comforter with an unpleasant squeak from the mattress and he groans.</p><p> </p><p>“Ow, <em> shit-“ </em>he hisses, as she stares in shock at the ceiling. </p><p> </p><p>What the <em> fuck </em> just happened?</p><p> </p><p>“You have… sharp nails, sweetheart.” Ben sighs, sitting at the edge of the bed as she just continues to stare at the ceiling of her bedroom. He shuffles around a little, shutting off the lights in the living room before coming back to her.</p><p> </p><p>He just stares at her, as she stares at the ceiling in pure shock. Adrenaline courses through her limbs, as she tries to understand what the <em> fuck </em> just happened. Okay, so, she <em> hates </em> being upside down. That’s a thing that she just can’t stand. “You okay there?” He mumbles, poking at her knee with his hand. His hand that just helped pick her up and drag her to her bedroom without a care in the world.</p><p> </p><p>She nods, she thinks, and he sighs in relief. She tries to understand this whole thing, as he sits down next to her with a quiet groan.</p><p> </p><p>“Ow.” He mumbles again, Rey turning to look at him as he touches his shoulder and winces. “You have… some sharp fucking nails, you know that?” he hums, turning peer to her with a quirked eyebrow. Like <em> he’s </em> the one surprised here.</p><p> </p><p>“You <em> picked me up, </em> and <em> took me hostage </em>!” She whines, throwing her hands in the air as he shrugs down at her. “You can’t just pick me up! I need to be warned first!”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, although she gets the feeling he’s half listening as he pulls and pushes her into a sitting position next to him. She exhales, placing a hand over her racing heart as she wheezes. Ben has picked her up and carried her <em> twice </em> before, and that was when it was either her decision or when she was half asleep. Not when she’s <em> tossed </em> over his shoulder very suddenly and violently. “Yeah, yeah. Next time I’ll tell you before I pick you up. I get it.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey gawks at him, as he goes to her elbows. “How are these doing, by the way? I haven’t had a chance to check on them since I started staying with you. Healing up good?”</p><p> </p><p>He pokes and prods at her elbows, now pretty much healed and scabbed over, as she stares at his face. Completely focused on her arms, as she watches for any sign that he regrets this decision. </p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t even care. Ben <em> doesn’t even care </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She spots a thin scratch at this shoulder, realizing she <em> did </em> actually scrape him up pretty badly with a guilty gasp.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh- my god.” She hums, reaching and pulling at the collar of his shirt as he winces. “<em>This </em> is why you can’t do that, Ben! You’re bleeding! I hurt you!”</p><p> </p><p>“I’m <em> fine </em> .” He hums, grabbing and moving her hand as she squirms. “I’m more concerned with making sure <em> you’re </em>okay, got it?”</p><p> </p><p>She ignores him, moving to her knees and tugging on his collar as he grunts. It goes further than she can see like this, so she goes to his back and pushes him forward as he squawks.</p><p> </p><p>She pushes his shirt up, exhaling as she realizes it doesn’t look as bad as she feared. “You need to put a bandage on that.” She hums, tentatively resting a hand on his spine as he turns to her. “Please let me put a bandage on that, I feel <em> so </em> bad-“</p><p> </p><p>“It’s my fault, I picked you up-“ Ben hums, as she shakes her head and moves away from him. Closer to his side, so she’s facing him as she sits next to him.</p><p> </p><p>“But I shouldn’t have scratched you! I hurt you!”</p><p> </p><p>“You were defending yourself.” He sighs, moving away from her as she whines.</p><p> </p><p>He just kind of looks at her for a moment, as Rey worries over him. She doesn’t know why he’s so <em> okay </em> with this, as he reaches out and places a hand on her side. </p><p> </p><p>“Rey, I’m fine. It was an accident, it doesn’t even really hurt anymore. I’m sorry if I worried you.”</p><p> </p><p>She just stares at him, so <em> beyond </em> confused by this man.</p><p> </p><p>How can he be so <em> gentle </em> with her?</p><p> </p><p>“What do you want from me!” She asks, grabbing his shoulders and shaking him as she freaks out in front of him. As she tries to <em> understand </em> him.</p><p> </p><p>And Ben just stares at her, as she searches his eyes for anything, absolutely anything, to clue her in on what he’s doing. Why he tells her to stop sneaking into bed with him, and then drags her towards that same bed when she guesses she <em> misunderstood him maybe? </em> Why he picks her up and hauls her over his shoulder, and when she completely panics, doesn’t get angry with her when she fucks up and scratches the hell out of him.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t know <em> what </em> to feel, what she’s <em> supposed </em> to feel, as he grabs her sides again and moves her. Moves her out of the way, or closer to him, although she honestly doesn’t really know <em> what </em> he’s doing right now.</p><p> </p><p>“You make me feel like an <em> ass </em> with my words, sweetheart.” He sighs, further confusing her as she groans. She doesn’t- none of this makes sense. She doesn’t know what to <em> do </em> with him!</p><p> </p><p>He tells her to scoot, as he grabs the comforter and moves it from under her legs with a huff. She moves to stand up, to go back to the couch and forget this whole weird experience ever happened, but then Ben is tugging on her shirt and dragging her back to him. Leaning over her, shutting off the lamp on her side table, and grumbling to himself as he settles.</p><p> </p><p>And dragging her under the covers, her duckling print covers, with a grumpy little sighs as well.</p><p> </p><p>“This is what I want.” He whispers, reaching out and laying an arm over her as she squeaks. “I don’t know why you’ve been doing this, but it’s okay. I get the loneliness, Rey. I promise, <em> I get it </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, crossing her arms over her chest as he slowly rubs his hand up and down her side. As he stares at her, and she blinks back tears that just barely threaten to spill over because <em> this is so much</em>. And his voice cracked when he said it, and he’s working hard to not just get it, but to help <em> her </em> understand it. How awful it is to feel so isolated, and so <em> alone. </em></p><p> </p><p>And <em> he’s not upset with her</em>. Through everything, that's what matters most. That she was right about him, that he would <em> never </em> hurt her.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, when she <em> miserably </em> fails at not crying in front of him.</p><p> </p><p>It’s not the first time she’s cried in front of him, she knows this, but it’s the first time she’s been this <em> vulnerable </em> in front of him. The first time she’s cried because she’s scared, and worried, and <em> sick </em> with stress about everything the world has put her through so far. Not crying because she nearly died, or because she half froze sitting by herself on the sidewalk when she didn’t have to, or even because she was drunk and he was being nice to her- </p><p> </p><p>But because she’s <em> tired </em> . And she <em> can’t do this any longer </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Because she’s lost, and confused, and <em> fucking terrified </em> about the future.</p><p> </p><p>Ben just quietly sits there, rubbing her side with one hand as she tries to hide behind the comforter. But he pulls her out, and the blanket back, when she starts retreating under the fabric.</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I know.” He hums, his own voice cracking again as he sighs. “I know, it sucks. It hurts so much, everything <em> sucks </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey just nods, as Ben deeply sighs and tugs her firmly against his chest. She automatically clings onto him, wiping her eyes against his shirt as she shakes and tries to take a deep breath. Tries to get herself under control before she completely embarrasses herself here tonight. She tries to tell him how scared she is, how <em> petrified </em> she is of the world right now, but she feels entirely incapable of doing much else than clinging onto him and crying right now. Like that's all she’ll be capable of for the next three <em> days </em>, if she’s honest.</p><p> </p><p>So she does just that, as he sighs and hugs her tight against his body. Restricts her against his chest, as she sobs. “It’s okay, it’s okay.” He quietly hums, wrapping her up in his arms. “You’re gonna be okay, we’re gonna be okay. I promise, we’re gonna be okay.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, not really believing him as she sighs and hiccups. But he pulls her tighter, and his own voice cracks and shatters as he speaks to her, so she has to believe there is <em> some </em> truth to the statement. That maybe it can’t get any worse.</p><p> </p><p>And she finally hears his heartbeat, once she manages to get her gross, snotty tears under control and he shushes her. As she finally starts to pull herself back together, and Ben tucks her into the blankets as he sighs.  A drumbeat, to time her breathing to and calm down with.</p><p> </p><p>And she can hear his heartbeat, still, as he rubs her back and whispers in her ear about how it’s still okay. How she doesn’t need to worry anymore, because they’re gonna keep an eye on each other. Because that's what these two do, no matter what. They do this for each other</p><p> </p><p>She eventually falls asleep in his arms as he holds her tight and comforts her, still so fucking confused on why Ben couldn’t just tell her this in a place that <em> isn’t </em>her damn bed.</p><p> </p><p>Fuck, she doesn’t know what she’d do without him. </p><p> </p><p>She loves him so much, she doesn’t know how she’d survive without him right now.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben wakes up before Rey does, by a long shot.</p><p> </p><p>Except, he can’t really make use of the extra time, because she’s got herself wrapped around his <em> entire </em> torso. Clinging onto his front as he silently stares at the wall above her head and rubs her back. As she whines in her sleep, dreaming and kind of murmuring to herself sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>But Ben doesn’t really have any sort of desire to change the situation, as he lies there and <em> does nothing </em> for a while. As he lets himself just kind of sit in his brain, and let thoughts come and go until it finally quiets a little more up there.</p><p> </p><p>And Ben realizes that what he’s doing is essentially <em> meditating </em> , something he hasn’t actively done… ever. Something that he realizes he probably <em> should </em> be doing, when he also realizes that this is the first time his brain has been quiet in a really long time.</p><p> </p><p>And it’s at about that point that Rey finally shifts a little in his arms. That he finally pulls away to look down at her, as she blindly grabs at his bicep and turns so she’s got her back to his chest.</p><p> </p><p>And Ben stares at her, as she whines and worries in her sleep. As she grabs a pillow in front of her, and pulls it to her chest with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>As she sandwiches herself between his arms and a pillow, and he tries not to laugh too loudly into her hair.</p><p> </p><p>This girl is… ridiculous.</p><p> </p><p>He loves her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Chapter 48</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“You <em> sure </em> you’re gonna be okay?” Ben worries, as Rey nods from the doorway to her bedroom. He’s all packed up, and ready to go, but he’s having second thoughts about leaving her alone right now. “Are you <em> sure? </em>You’ve got dinner planned, you’ve got stuff to do…”</p><p> </p><p><em> “Ben </em>-“ She hums, walking over to him and grabbing his face between her palms. She squishes him, as he huffs. “I’m not a child, I can take care of myself.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know, I know,” he groans, grabbing her hands and squeezing them tight as he pulls them to his chest. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care, or I don’t want you to call me the instant anything goes wrong. If you start feeling overwhelmed, or anxious, or-“</p><p> </p><p>She wraps her arms around his chest, as he sighs. She’ll be fine. She survived six months on her own before he came along, so she’s fine. She’s going to miss him, after that brief period of relief that always comes after a guest leaves and she gets her alone time, but she’ll be fine when the loneliness comes back now.</p><p> </p><p>“I need to stop worrying over you, don’t I?” He sighs, as she snorts into his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” She exhales, holding him closer as he grumbles again. He does.</p><p> </p><p>But she knows he won’t, and she’s perfectly okay with that right now.</p><p> </p><p>“If I ever overstep, you’ll tell me, right?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, because she probably would, as he sighs. He wraps his arms around her, and she feels him set his jaw against her forehead for a moment with a huff.</p><p> </p><p>“But I’m keeping my phone on, and I’m coming by tomorrow to pick you up so you can work on your car some more. And I’m still gonna bug you about groceries, and if I catch you skipping meals again I’m gonna need you to start texting me what you eat and <em> when. </em>Got it?”</p><p> </p><p>She groans, as he rocks with her a little. She hates it when he does this, she really fucking hates it.</p><p> </p><p>“Fine.” She hums, leaning away from him as he pulls back. “But I’m not gonna text you. Because I’ll be fine.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, as he sets his hands on her hips. “I know, I know you’ll be fine. But just in case, if anything happens, you know how to reach me. And I know that you’ll use it if you need someone to talk to, right?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, and he finally sighs.</p><p> </p><p>They stand in silence for a second, Ben hugging her again as she pops up on her toes and sets a hand against his neck.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m still gonna worry.” He huffs, rubbing her back as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” She whispers, because she does.</p><p> </p><p>Ben just… spends a lot of time worrying over her.</p><p> </p><p>If she’s honest? It’s kind of nice.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben's mom <em> shouts </em> his name as he comes into the house, loudly groaning as he pulls off his mask and she comes hurrying from the kitchen for him. As she throws the laundry she was carrying somewhere to her left, and she drops what she was doing the instant the door opens and closes behind him.</p><p> </p><p>He gets the breath knocked out of his chest, as she <em> collides </em> into his body and yanks him down into a hug. She tells him how much she missed him and how happy she is he’s home, as he groans and grows increasingly uncomfortable under her attention. Because he loves his mom, he really does, but she can be <em> a lot </em> sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>And then she promptly <em> slaps </em> his bicep, hard enough to sting, as he winces. “And don’t you <em> dare </em> do that again! Am I <em> clear? </em>”</p><p> </p><p>And boy, is it.</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, uneasily smiling as she huffs and crosses her arms at him. She pinches his cheek for good measure, after he stands still for too long, and he grumbles again.</p><p> </p><p>His dad then chooses that moment to come in from the garage, black stains all up and down his work pants, as he grins at Ben. “You’ve <em> gotta </em> see Rey’s car, kid, the girls gonna be thrilled.”</p><p> </p><p>And Ben just freezes, because he <em> totally </em> forgot about this.</p><p> </p><p>That his dad can be the definition of <em> too much </em>.</p><p> </p><p>And he’s had unrestricted access to Rey's car for <em> three weeks </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh <em> god </em>.” He mumbles, as his mom starts pushing him to the doorway. “Please don’t tell me you did anything too crazy-“</p><p> </p><p>“No! Me?” His dad hums, as Ben sighs. “Come on, kid, I wouldn’t do that to you. See, a <em> wingman </em>-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben rolls his eyes, looking down to his mom as she dramatically sighs. She makes a talking motion with her hand, looking up at Ben as his father continues to wax poetics about being a wingman and bridging the gap between Rey and Ben via her car, apparently .</p><p> </p><p>Ben smiles, scrunching up his nose as she rolls her eyes at her husband. She has <em> clearly </em> not been impressed by his romancing tactics, which gives <em> far </em> more insight into how Ben should actually try and romance Rey.</p><p> </p><p>Wait, is he trying to romance Rey?</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Should he? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>He shakes his head as his father proudly stops in front of the door to the garage again. “Anyways, enough about me. Check this out!”</p><p> </p><p>He opens the door, Ben feeling his mom grab his arm as he stares at her car. His stomach drops, although he nervously smiles and chuckles in exchange.</p><p> </p><p>Rey is going to <em> kill </em> him.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Shit. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. Chapter 49</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben is… remarkably more nervous this morning. Like <em> weirdly </em> nervous, as he pulls up to his house and sighs. She watches as he takes a deep breath from his place next to her, and turns off his car before moving to grab his gloves or open the door. He came to pick her up this morning again, so she can work on her car and then <em> hopefully </em> drive it back home by the end of the day.</p><p> </p><p>“So, don’t be mad,” he hums, as she narrows her eyes at him, “but my dad <em> definitely </em>went a little overboard on your car.”</p><p> </p><p>She blinks at him, as he gets out of the vehicle. He grabs his coat, shrugging it on as she stares at him.</p><p> </p><p>“In what way?” She squeaks, hurriedly standing up and getting out with him. She stares at him as he huffs, placing her hands on the roof as he breathes out a cold puff of air. “What did you <em> do </em>?”</p><p> </p><p>“What did <em> I </em> do?” Ben hums, Rey watching as his eyes widen. “I was with you! I didn’t do anything!”</p><p> </p><p>She huffs at him, as he makes a sort of nervous noise. As he looks absolutely panicked for a moment, before taking a deep breath and running a hand through his hair. </p><p> </p><p>He offers his palm to her, as she comes around the front of the car so they can get this over with. So Rey can see the state her car is in, and deal with it sooner rather than later. “I swear, I didn’t <em> do </em> anything. I will take the blame for a lot of shit my parents do, but not this. This was all my dad. I swear to god, this was all my dad.”</p><p> </p><p>She gives him a second, thinking before she grabs his hand and moves under his arm. He starts leading her towards the house, once his car is locked and he presses the appropriate button on his keychain to raise the garage door.</p><p> </p><p>And they get about three steps into the driveway, before she freezes. Before she stops dead in her tracks, and Ben nearly walks into her and knocks them both to the ground.</p><p> </p><p><em> Her car looks great </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Well, it would have looked great in any sort of drivable state. Just, in general, her having a car that wouldn’t immediately kill her was the main goal she had for this month. She could deal with the backfiring engine, or a shaking axel, or even the air conditioning having a broken control panel that set it permanently on ‘antarctic’. </p><p> </p><p>But her car doesn’t just look <em> drivable </em> , it looks <em> safe </em> . It doesn’t just look <em> good </em> , it looks <em> great </em>.</p><p> </p><p>And it doesn’t really look like her car anymore, if she’s honest. Which is the best part.</p><p> </p><p>“The dent is gone!” She shouts, pointing at the left side of the back bumper with a giggle. “The dent from when I backed into a fire hydrant is gone!”</p><p> </p><p>She looks up at Ben, to find him staring down at her in confusion. “You backed into a <em> what now </em>?” He quietly asks, as she giggles again.</p><p> </p><p>She hangs onto his hand, dragging him into the tiny garage with a gasp. She looks inside the windows, realizing the whole thing just looks <em> cleaner </em> . Like it’s been cleaned <em> professionally </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Cleaner than she’s ever been able to get it, that’s for damn sure. </p><p> </p><p>Maybe the back seat will finally stop smelling like cigarettes and she won’t have to drive with the windows down when it’s hot!</p><p> </p><p>She giggles again, raising a hand to her face as she turns to him. “Ben-“</p><p> </p><p>And she’s suddenly struck speechless, as she turns back to the car and realizes how much work went into this. How much effort, how much <em> time </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t know what to <em> say </em> , what to <em> do </em>.</p><p> </p><p>God, she owes Ben <em> so much </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She opens the door, poking her head in as she examines the dash before moving to the open hood and checking out the engine. Even the cracked glass of her speedometer, caused by an art project of Finns and one <em> very </em> bad road trip, has been fixed. She doesn’t know how Han did this, how he even <em> got </em> the right sized glass panel in the first place- Or he got the engine to look so <em> clean </em> and <em> organized </em>-</p><p> </p><p>“Is that a happy ‘Ben’ or an angry ‘Ben’.” He whines, reaching out and gently grabbing her arm as she leans over the whole engine cavity. Kind of pulls her attention back to the present, with a firm grasp of his hand on her sleeve.</p><p> </p><p>She pops back out, still shocked into silence. Still astonished that this is <em> her car </em> . <em> That she can drive this car </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She turns to stare up at him, certain she looks like an idiot with her jaw dropped and her hands kind of frantically searching for something to hold on to. To keep her grounded and in her own body.</p><p> </p><p>Holy shit, her car is fixed. He kept his promise.</p><p> </p><p>Someone kept their promise.</p><p> </p><p>She jumps up on her toes, pulling him down into a hug as he huffs. As he exhales, and his arms keep her upright. He stops her from falling, in all honesty, as she meets him halfway on shaking legs.</p><p> </p><p>“Stop putting me in debt of your kindness.” She warbles, hugging him tighter as he sighs. </p><p> </p><p>He holds her closer, as she buries a hand in his hair. </p><p> </p><p>“You owe me <em> nothing </em>, Rey. And you never will.” He tries to affirm, as she nods.</p><p> </p><p>She nods, although she never quite believes him when he says shit like this.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“You’re <em> covered </em> in silt, Ben.” His mom sighs, as he trudges through the house on Sunday afternoon. It’s day two of having his father and Rey back in the garage, and having total chaos unleashed on that part of the house. They made the decision, last night, for Rey to just ride home with Ben and for him to pick her up this morning. Apparently there was a hidden issue in the bottom of the car, something needed to be replaced…</p><p> </p><p>Either way, they’re almost done. They’ve spent the whole day doing checks and tests and planning on when Rey will meet them for a smog test sometime during the new year, when her current registration runs out. Ben has been under the hood more than he might like to admit, and his father taught him how to change coolant as Rey laughed at him, and now he’s covered in silt and dirt.</p><p> </p><p>He always seems to be covered in soot, after working with this car.</p><p> </p><p>“Blame dad.” He grumbles, moving into the kitchen and filling up the two water bottles he’s been sent back with. “You know why I never got into the car thing? I don’t like it. I’m bad at it.”</p><p> </p><p>“And you hate anything you’re not instantly good at?” His mom hums, reading something from the couch as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>He points at her, as the bottles fill up, “You didn’t have to call me out like that, you know.”</p><p> </p><p>She puts her hands in the air, as Ben goes back to filling up the water bottles.</p><p> </p><p>They stand in silence for a moment, as Ben squeaks the caps back on the bottles once they’re full. He realizes he has black marks on his lower arms, as he slowly moves to wash them off and watch the silt go down the drain. It takes a moment, and a lot of scrubbing, but he gets the job done.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, as he moves to dry them off and get back to the garage before anybody does something without him.</p><p> </p><p>“How’s our girl doing, by the way?” His mom asks, keeping her voice low as he sneaks past the living room. So the noise doesn’t creep through the walls, as Ben shrugs and he processes her question.</p><p> </p><p>“Uh, good?” He sighs, holding a bottle in each hand, “she’s tired, I don’t think she’s been sleeping well or something, but she’s doing better. Having this- it’s helping her feel in control.”</p><p> </p><p>He makes it another two steps, before turning back to her, “Wait, when did she become ‘our girl’?”</p><p> </p><p>His mom shrugs, slowly flipping through the travel magazine she’s looking at. “I don’t know, sometime after she became ‘your girl’.” </p><p> </p><p>Ben stills, thinking for a moment.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s part of the family now, Ben. You know this. You love her. And she doesn’t have anybody else.” She hums, as he nods. Mildly aware of this. She continues, as he tilts his head in wary thought of this current conversation they’ve having. “I appreciate you keeping an eye on her, you’re not the only one who’s worried. I want <em> all </em> of my students to be safe, I feel responsible for them.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you for keeping an eye on her for me, bug.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, kind of uneasily nodding before he hurries off to the garage. </p><p> </p><p>At least he isn’t the only one worried sick about her anymore.</p><p> </p><p>He thinks that’s a good thing, means neither of them are alone anymore.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Sunday night comes, and Rey stays later than she probably should.</p><p> </p><p>Late enough where Han went back inside to end his work day, and she ran out of arbitrary tests and trials to run on her car. Late enough where they already drove Speedy up and down the street, and there really isn’t anything left to do besides going home for the night.</p><p> </p><p>Late enough where Ben is leaning over the top of her car, staring at her with sleepy eyes, as she looks at her drivers seat and sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“You don’t wanna go home, do you?” He hums, yawning as she nods. It has to be near midnight now, and she knows waking up for class tomorrow is going to be <em> hell </em>, but she doesn’t want to go home.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, as she leans over the top of the car and looks at him.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna talk?” He asks, tilting his head as she shrugs. “You just tired, or you wanna talk?”</p><p> </p><p>She shrugs again, not really knowing. Both? Maybe.</p><p> </p><p>He reaches out, grabbing her hand as she sighs. “I don’t know how to make this better, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>“I miss you.” She blurts out, burying her head in her arms as she sighs. “I miss you, a lot. My apartment is too empty without you, and I don’t know what to do with myself when I’m alone, it’s scary. I told you I would be fine, but I’m- I’m really not. And now you don’t have a reason to talk to me! My car is fixed! I-“</p><p> </p><p>She makes a noise of distress, stretching over the top of the car as Ben sighs. He grabs both of her hands, as she groans.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What if he leaves her? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“You want me to come and stay with you?” He hums, squeezing her palms. “I don’t know how I’d explain it to my parents, but-“</p><p> </p><p>“No.” She sighs, squeezing his palms in return. “No, I-I know you have priorities other than me. I can’t be selfish, and ask you to do that.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben goes silent, as she sighs. She hangs onto his hands, as he examines her palms.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re gonna need more groceries soon.” He hums, lifting his head up. “And I’m gonna have to do that, so, we need to plan on going shopping sometime this week. Tuesday, maybe, if you’re okay with me bringing you back stuff if I go alone.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, as he sighs again. She’s working on getting over the whole ‘Ben buying her food’ thing, trying to accept that he’s going to do that for her now. Well, at least for the foreseeable future. Until…</p><p> </p><p>Until who <em> knows </em> when.</p><p> </p><p>“Or, you know, I can’t stay here all day. Your place is quiet. Might need to come by to do some work, might stay for dinner if that’s okay.” He hums, further sowing the seeds for future hangouts between them. Future excuses for them to exist in the same space together.</p><p> </p><p>“I could make that work,” she hums, staring at him as he sighs. “I-I can make that work.”</p><p> </p><p>He nods, furrowing his brow as she plays with his fingers.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah, she can make that work.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0050"><h2>50. Chapter 50</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben keeps his phone on him all day Monday, constantly picking it up and carrying it with him wherever he goes. His mom asks him about it sometime around five, when she decides to put him to work on making dinner for the family after hearing about his escapades of <em> cooking </em> in Rey's apartment.</p><p> </p><p>“So, why are you walking around with your phone like it’s a <em> child</em>.” She hums, poking fun at him as he groans. As he tries to get prep done for searing and slicing fish.</p><p> </p><p>He shrugs, examining the knives they have in the kitchen. This is the first time he’s actually been given permission to cook in the house, because his parents didn’t know this was a skill he had picked up during his time away. It had never come up, and Ben didn’t feel like it was his place to jump in and take up that responsibility. “I need to have it on me in case Rey texts, I don’t want to miss anything from her if there’s an emergency.”</p><p> </p><p>“Has there been one yet?” She sighs, tilting her head at him as he grimaces at the state all of their cookware is in. At the knives, hopelessly dull and chipped along the blade. “Has she texted yet?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shakes his head, setting the knife that could not be more obviously misused back in the drawer. He wonders if they have a sharpener, or if he’ll have to invest in one for them. “Not yet, but she might. I don’t want to miss it if she does. I <em> can’t </em> miss it if she does.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, as he goes to another drawer with a bunch of extremely dry and brittle wooden spoons in them. He pulls one out, pointing it at her as he stares in confusion. “<em>How </em> the hell did you feed me for eighteen years, mom?”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>So </em> much takeout.” She hums, shaking her head as he sighs. “We ate <em> so </em> much takeout, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>He groans, placing the spoon back in the drawer.</p><p> </p><p>No wonder all of the restaurants around here know the Solo household by name.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0051"><h2>51. Chapter 51</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Monday passes slowly, but Tuesday is <em> hell </em> . It’s like time has decided to hit Rey fully in the chest, when she realizes she has finals in <em> two weeks </em> and she’s reduced to frantically trying to figure out what the <em> fuck </em> they’re going to look like. Are they proctored? Open book? Videos? Projects? Recordings? How does she turn in the <em> book </em> her engineering principles class requires?</p><p> </p><p><em> Oh god, she’s so behind on the book </em>.</p><p> </p><p>She panics, and completely forgets that Ben promised to come by with food.</p><p> </p><p>Actually, she fully forgets to eat too.</p><p> </p><p>Which she knows doesn’t bode well for her when he knocks on the door that afternoon and she groans after realizing who it is and what <em> time </em> it is.</p><p> </p><p>And he just stares at her, after she yells that she <em> heard him </em> and for him to give her <em> two seconds </em>before opening the door.</p><p> </p><p>“You look concerned.” He hums, holding two bags of groceries and a loaf of bread in his hands.</p><p> </p><p>“I have finals!” She shouts back, pulling him inside as he squawks and her brain shorts out at the contact she initiated with his arm. “I still have finals! I forgot about finals!”</p><p> </p><p>“Ah.” He hums, slowly making his way to the kitchen as she groans. “<em> Finals </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods. She doesn’t want to play this stupid game anymore, she doesn’t want to do <em> finals </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m going to drop out of college.” She whines, dragging her feet back to her computer to continue to try and work on this. “I’m going to drop out of college, live under a bridge, and get deported back to England. I give up.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, grumbling as he sets the bags down in the kitchen and walks up behind her. She watches him as he easily moves around her apartment, like he belongs in this space that she is so beyond happy he’s back in. “No you’re not, you’re not gonna give up.” He quietly hums, wrapping his arms around her stomach from behind as she groans. “You’re too stubborn. I know you’re too stubborn.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, leaning back against his chest as he sets his head on top of hers. She rests her hand over his, rubbing his knuckles as she thinks.</p><p> </p><p>He’s right, she is too stubborn.</p><p> </p><p>“You eat yet?” He hums, shuffling behind her as she huffs. She <em> knew </em> he was going to ask that. She knew this was coming.</p><p> </p><p>“No, but-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben steps away, as she groans at the absence of his body behind hers. “It’s nearly <em> five </em> , sweetheart. No excuses. You’ll focus better if you’re not <em> starving- </em>”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ve been busy!” She whines, pointing at her laptop as he moves to the grocery bags. Because she has been! This is all so <em> confusing </em>, and weird, and-</p><p> </p><p>This was not how she wanted to close out her first semester in an engineering program, she’ll leave it at that.</p><p> </p><p>“Then I’ll cook for you!” He huffs, starting to unpack as she whines. “Easy, I’ll cook while you work. Is that okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She glares at him, as he grumbles. No, it’s not okay. He’s too nice to her, he’s <em> always </em> too nice to her.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be fine,” she hums, going back to her laptop, “I’ll figure out dinner later, I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben just huffs again, starting to unpack as she types.</p><p> </p><p>“Well, I was going to stay and make us <em> both </em> dinner-“</p><p> </p><p>She looks up at him, narrowing her eyes as he grabs cheese and eggs and turns to go to the fridge. As he opens the door and starts restocking her kitchen with tiny grumbles and what looks to be a checking of inventory with a quiet sigh.</p><p> </p><p>She wants him to stay.</p><p> </p><p>“Is that the only way I’ll get you not to leave?” She whines, crossing her arms as her stomach goes all uneasy. “Because I don’t like that.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, of course not.” He hums, closing the appliance and returning to the other side of the peninsula. His side, really. “If you want me here, I’m here. We don’t have to make up excuses for that. Not if you don’t want me to.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey thinks for a moment, before nodding. He’s right, they don’t need excuses to hang out with each other. This is enough.</p><p> </p><p>He grabs her hand, squeezing before he stands up. “But I’m hungry, and you have food now, so I’m making us dinner anyways. Sorry.”</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!” She squeaks, as he grins and walks over to the other end of the room. As he starts going through her cabinets, quickly finding everything he needs to make them a meal, apparently.</p><p> </p><p>Like he belongs here, in some capacity, just because he’s spent so much time here already.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, and goes back to searching for information about her finals as Ben starts trying to make them dinner.</p><p> </p><p>She feels better now that he’s back <em> home </em>.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben looks at Rey as she hums his name, closing her laptop as she groans.</p><p> </p><p>“What’s up?” He sighs, looking between her and the stovetop. She sets her head in her hands, pushing her computer to the side with a heavy exhale.</p><p> </p><p>“You really think I can do this?” She asks, staring up at him for a moment. Hazel eyes with deep shadows under them sink into his soul, as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>He turns to her, turning the stove down a little before he forgets. “Rey, if anybody can do it it’s you. You’re stronger than you think, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, pulling her laptop back in front of her with slow hands. “I hope so. I really hope so.”</p><p> </p><p>He exhales, turning back to the sizzling stovetop as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>He really hopes so too.</p><p> </p><p>He just wants her to be happy.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, you need to <em> sleep </em>.” Ben hums, wrapping his arms around her from behind as she whines. She grabs at her laptop, half finished project pulled up on her screen, as he lowers his head and grumbles into her neck.</p><p> </p><p>“Let me save first.” She mumbles, saving the document with bleary eyes. She nearly misclicks a couple times, having kind of fallen asleep at her computer, but Ben apparently woke up from where <em> he </em> had fallen asleep on the couch when Rey almost fell off of her seat with a squeak a couple minutes ago.</p><p> </p><p>He holds on tight, as she saves the document with a sigh and turns to him. “Happy?” She asks, as he nods. She’s almost done with the first draft of this booklet, the one she was really behind on. Once she’s done with this, she’ll feel much better about everything.</p><p> </p><p>He laughs, as she turns to him and shuts her computer off for the night. “You’re <em> tenacious </em>, that’s not due for a week and a half,” he hums, yawning as she nods, “and you still doubt if you’re capable of getting this degree.”</p><p> </p><p>“Sometimes, tenacity isn’t enough.” She hums, running a hand through his hair as she sighs. “Sometimes you need to get lucky. And we both know I tend to lack in that department these days.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, although he heavily sighs at her statement. She doesn’t think he likes it very much when she talks like that.</p><p> </p><p>“I think you’re pretty lucky.” He hums, stepping back and grabbing her hands as she jumps off the barstool and gets to her feet. “I mean, you found me. I don’t think that’s nothing.”</p><p> </p><p>“No, it’s not.” She hums, kind of uneasily stepping towards his body as she exhales. “I got <em> really </em> lucky with you.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, as she starts playing with his sleeves. </p><p> </p><p>She waits a moment, not really sure what she’s going to stay next. Giving her brain a second to communicate with the rest of her body, as her eyes grow heavier with every passing second. Even with the yellow lights of her living room still on, she’s honestly about ready to fall asleep on her feet. She has <em> no </em> clue what time it is.</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, gently grabbing her wrists as she exhaustedly stares at his big hands. “I should-“</p><p> </p><p>“Stay.” She hums, tugging on his jumper sleeve a little. “You should stay. Please.”</p><p> </p><p>He pauses, one hand starting to rub circles into her wrist with his thumb. She feels him freeze, stilling in front of her as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Okay.” He breathes, placing a hand on her hip. “I- Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>She feels him slowly move both of his hands to her hips, as she sucks in a breath. Unsure what happens next.. “Can you jump for me? I’m gonna pick you up, and I don’t want to scare you again. I’d like to avoid getting scratched this time, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, and prepares to jump up once she feels his hands settle and firmly grab her sides. Once he gives her the explicit instruction, and he bends his knees to help her get some air. She squeaks, feeling him tense and grunt underneath her, as he pulls her against his chest and she wraps her limbs around his torso and clings on for dear life.</p><p> </p><p>He grabs her ass, accidentally, before she gets a better hold around his neck and her legs lock around his waist. He apologizes <em> profusely </em> for doing so, as she squeaks. Even if she didn’t really mind, all that much.</p><p> </p><p>“You’ve gotta shut off the lights.” She warbles, kind of hoping to distract from <em> that </em> topic as she hides her blushing face in his neck. “We shouldn’t waste electricity, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” He grunts, starting to move around the apartment as she hangs onto him. She knows when the lights go out, the yellow behind her eyelids dimming as she focuses on the warm feeling of his body against hers. The sound of his breathing, the gentle sigh he makes when he bends down to grab something from the countertop.</p><p> </p><p>She whines, inadvertently, when he places his face in her neck. His lips, just kind of ghosting her clavicle, as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” He automatically hums, shushing her as she whines. “I’m not gonna drop you. You’re okay.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey quickly realizes he might be soothing <em> himself </em> on that one, as he gulps. That, despite the fact he’s already proven his ability to do this, a part of him might be worried he’s going to hurt her or something.</p><p> </p><p>“I know.” She quietly whispers, as he brings them both into her bedroom. As he gently sets her down on her bed in the darkness, moving her so they’re both on it, and he just kind of hangs over her until their eyes start to adjust to the limited light in the room. The lack of moonlight, and the feeling of his body over hers. </p><p> </p><p>She grabs his face between her palms, to steady herself as he moves and huffs above her. As he scoots, and stares down at her.</p><p> </p><p>“You wanna go get changed?” He hums, slowly starting to rest his weight on top of her as she inhales. “Or, I don’t know. I don’t know what to do here, Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>She just wraps her arms around his torso, holding him to her chest as he sighs. He crushes her a little, although she knows he doesn’t mean to, as he moves his weight to his elbows on either side of her body. He makes sure she’s comfortable, as her heart pounds out of her chest.</p><p> </p><p>She’s wearing leggings and a crewneck anyways, it’s not like she’s in jeans. It’s not like this is an uncomfortable way to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>“I just want you to stay.” She sighs, trying to find his head with her free hand. Trying to run her hands through his hair. “I don’t care, I just want you to stay.”</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll stay.” He sighs, turning on his side as he grunts. He keeps her against his chest, though, as she tries to figure out where his body is in the dark. Where he is, in relation to the rest of the world.</p><p> </p><p>She ends up with her head somewhere below his, as she feels his warm breath on her forehead. As he slowly rubs her side, and he sighs in front of her as she grabs the spot under his arm, against his ribs. Tries to steal some of his warmth, against her cold hands.</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly he’s reaching behind his back, grabbing something, and then there’s a blue light behind her head as his arms return to their rightful place around her. His face gets all lit up, as she blinks at him as he pulls her closer.</p><p> </p><p>“Texting my parents to let them know I’m staying the night.” He hums, turning to look down at her and explain what’s happening before looking back at his phone. His left arm doesn’t leave where it’s trapped under her body, as the right types and he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>She nods, wrapping her legs around one of his as she settles. She realizes he’s still wearing his jeans, as she buries her face in his neck. “Are you sure this is okay?” She squeaks, feeling him adjust next to her. Feeling him turn to look down at her again, even though she can’t see it with her eyes closed. “I don’t want you to be here for the wrong reasons. I don’t want you be here because you feel like you <em> have </em> to-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben answers her by tossing his phone to the side, and holding her tight against his chest. “No, I’m here for you. Just you. I’ve got you.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, and they sit in silence for a couple minutes. Rey taking advantage of his kindness, of his willingness to <em> stay </em> even though he has no reason to, as he gently reassures her with gentle touches that he <em> wants </em> to be here with her</p><p> </p><p>She starts thinking of ways to pay him back, an act of service in exchange for some physical touch. To try and communicate how much this means to her.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben?” She whispers, as he tiredly hums. “If you wanna take your jeans off, you can. I’ve already seen you in your underwear, I don’t care.”</p><p> </p><p>She squeaks, as he pulls away from her. As his arms move and she gets kind of jostled in the process. “Oh thank <em> god </em> .” He murmurs, as she giggles at the utter relief in his voice. “I fucking hate pants. I <em> hate </em> these pants.”</p><p> </p><p>She laughs as she feels him shift next to her, and suddenly something flies across the room as he sits up and yeets his pants towards her dresser.</p><p> </p><p>He groans, as he lies back down on his back. Rey giggles as he brings her into his arms, and she feels him kind of tentatively tuck her into his side.</p><p> </p><p>She rubs his bare leg with her clothed ones, as he grumbles a little and she curls up against his chest.</p><p> </p><p>“I hate that you know this about me.” He murmurs, as she continues to laugh. “I mean, thankful that you don’t care, but I <em> hate </em> the fact that this is the foundation of our friendship. I hate the fact you saw my underwear before you saw my face.”</p><p> </p><p>She snorts into his side, fingers accidentally skimming the elastic of his briefs as she slips a hand under his shirt.</p><p> </p><p>“Get over it.” She hums, grinning into his side as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>She doesn’t think she’ll <em> ever </em> get over it, if she’s honest.</p><p> </p><p>She likes that Ben screws up sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>Makes him feel more real.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. Chapter 52</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Good morning,” Rey yawns, as she wraps her arms around Ben from behind. He jumps in shock as he nearly drops his tea, which he made <em> for himself, </em> thank you very much, and she pushes her face into his spine.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, <em> god </em>, you scared me.” He hums, turning around to face her as she rubs the sleep out of her eyes. As she looks up at him kind of dreamily, quietly smiling as she sways on her feet. </p><p> </p><p>He smiles down at her, tilting his head down as she reaches up and grabs his face. </p><p> </p><p>“You left.” She sleepily hums. “I woke up and you were gone. You scared me.”</p><p> </p><p>“Only came out here to take a call, sweetheart.” He sighs, setting his mug down before starting to work through her tangled hair with his fingers. “Didn’t wanna wake you up. You <em> really </em> needed to sleep, I think.”</p><p> </p><p>He holds his tongue as she nods, stepping forward and against his body again.</p><p> </p><p>But he is <em> very </em> bad at holding his tongue, it turns out, as she grumbles and rubs her face against his chest. As she tiredly wraps her arms around his body, and she practically <em> melts </em> against him the moment his hand gets to that spot behind her shoulder blades he’s slowly learning she likes so much.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you been sleeping okay?” He asks, kind of worried about her as he grabs her face and turns her head up to his. So he can examine her eyes, as she nods against his hand.</p><p> </p><p>She seems to stop, though, and think for a moment as she furrows her brow. Like maybe that was an automatic reaction, not the truth.</p><p> </p><p>She finally shakes her head in a no, Ben sighing as he wraps his arms around her. “What's going on, then?” He asks, setting his head next to hers. Leaning his cheek against her temple, as she sighs. </p><p> </p><p>“I missed you.” She quietly murmurs, shrugging as he holds her. </p><p> </p><p>She missed him. That's all.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben makes the decision to stay, working from his phone while Rey types away on his laptop. He ignores the texts from his mom, who he knows will be beyond curious on why Ben didn’t come home last night, as he sits across from Rey on the couch and finishes all of the emails he has to do for this <em> very </em> slow work day.</p><p> </p><p>The workday which he finishes by noon, on his cellphone, in Rey's home.</p><p> </p><p>He stares at her, as he holds his phone in his palm and watches her work. Watches her mindlessly bite her finger, as she makes what Ben believes might be her <em> thinking </em> face at her laptop. As she sighs in frustration, and pulls at her arm with her free hand.</p><p> </p><p>He decides to distract her, if not for his own sake then for hers.</p><p> </p><p>He has to figure out how to do it first, though, as he examines how she’s sitting on the couch. Cross legged and turned to face him, leaning back against the side. </p><p> </p><p>Surely her couch is big enough for them to sit side to side, right? They can make that work?</p><p> </p><p>He decides to try, reaching over to the coffee table and setting his phone down before shifting over to her side of the couch. She squeaks as he squeezes between her and the back cushion, groaning as he grumbles and moves around a little. </p><p> </p><p>“What are you <em> doing </em>?” She asks, giggling as she lifts up her laptop and he slings a leg over hers for good measure. To trap her, and get them both to a more comfortable place.</p><p> </p><p>“Physical touch.” He hums, placing his head in her shoulder as she furrows her brow and narrows her eyes at him. He places his arm across her body, holding her close as he makes sure she doesn’t fall off. “You’re showing me the <em> appeal </em> of physical touch. This is your fault.”</p><p> </p><p>“<em>My </em> fault?” She hums, setting a hand on his side as he nods. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” He sighs, shutting his eyes as she sets her laptop back down on his leg and she continues typing. As he sneaks his other arm under her neck, so it doesn’t go numb.The distraction didn’t work, apparently. “Your fault.”</p><p> </p><p>She hums, half listening to him as he sighs again.</p><p> </p><p>Definitely her fault.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey <em> finishes </em> the first rough draft of the booklet, before moving to her engineering assignment for the day and beginning to comb through the disgustingly confusing mess that are all of Professor Skywalker's assignments. It’s like nobody <em> proofreads </em> this shit, none of it makes sense.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, turning to look down at Ben as he snores against her, his head slowly sliding down her side, and eventually settling in her lap. Like the way he’s been leaning for the past hour or so, after deciding to attach himself to her at some point early this afternoon.</p><p> </p><p>She slowly reaches out, running her hand through his hair as he snuffles a little. As he adorably curls up beside her, and she starts playing with his hair.</p><p> </p><p>As she uses him to calm herself down a little, sighing as she treats him like a cat, or a small dog. Petting him, as she explores his cheek and his ear with her fingers. “What am I gonna do with you, Ben.” She whispers, moving her hand down to his shoulder as he stretches an arm out across her body.</p><p><br/>What the <em> hell </em> is she going to do with him?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0053"><h2>53. Chapter 53</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey survives the last week of classes and the ensuing finals attached by the skin of her teeth. Ben is a godsend, despite his extremely distracting nature, when he comes over to run through notes and flashcards and topics with her. When he helps her cheat, just a little, on her psychology exam that his mother apparently has been trying to get rid of for the last fifteen years.</p><p> </p><p>Not that she needed his help on that one, but having him stand by her and confirm her thinking process helped. It helped a <em> lot </em>. She scored near perfect on it, thanks to him.</p><p> </p><p>And when he has to take a phone call right after, to shout at somebody about a lost collection of documents or something, he goes to his car to yell instead of doing it in her apartment. Because he said she was under enough stress already, and that she didn’t need to deal with his attitude too.</p><p> </p><p>She made him tea when he came back with a scratchy throat, and held him when she saw through how much he hates this part of his job. How emotionally raw it left him to have a conversation like that.</p><p> </p><p>Because Ben doesn’t like to hurt people, but sometimes that’s an expected part of his career for him right now.</p><p> </p><p>And she barely gets through her engineering final, calling Ben in a panic as soon as it’s submitted and she realizes she nearly failed it. About three points away from failing, she thinks, as she also realizes that she’ll lose her scholarship if she flunks this class or ends up with less than a B-.</p><p> </p><p>And at this point, it isn’t looking very good for that B-.</p><p> </p><p>And he comes over right away, to talk her out of a panic attack as they draft an email to Luke asking about questions and topics that had never been discussed in class. Things that weren’t covered, and questions that were generally confusing to both of them when he reviews it with her.</p><p> </p><p>Bad wording, mostly, but one even had a mistyped answer. Which even Ben, who apparently barely passed this exam when he took this class so long ago, said was uncharacteristic for Luke.</p><p> </p><p>And Rey watches as he slowly gets more and more angry, like a rolling thundercloud over her shoulder, as he realizes what’s happened. That Luke didn’t even fucking <em> read </em> the exam or something. That, clearly, the material taught in the class and what was on the final was so extraordinarily different that it <em> couldn’t </em> have been written by the same man.</p><p> </p><p>She grabs his hand, when he growls behind her and tenses up as they reread the email and all of the evidence they found. They’ve also BCC’ed his mother, Ben hoping having her know what happened will help get this whole dumb issue sorted out and make sure everything is okay.</p><p> </p><p>And she watches him take a deep breath, wrapping an arm around her as he tries to rationalize.</p><p> </p><p>But, somehow, she’s still beyond pleased that Ben was angry on her behalf. That she means that much to him, that something which doesn’t even truly affect him means so much to him.</p><p> </p><p>He sets an arm around her, as they send the email off, and Rey mentally starts preparing for the worst.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben's dad hits him on the arm, when he gets dragged out to go Christmas tree shopping with them. Not that he didn’t want to go Christmas tree shopping with them, it’s just-</p><p> </p><p>Okay, it’s kind of embarrassing to be twenty eight years old and still be getting dragged around a Christmas tree lot with his parents. To have his mom excitedly calling him over to trees she thinks are just right, during her first trip outside in literal <em> months </em> , and asking him what he thinks about generic spruce trees while his dad just kind of follows after them with non-opinions about <em> everything </em>.</p><p> </p><p>So Ben doesn’t really want to be here, for fear that literally anyone he might know could see him. Anybody visiting from home for the holidays, or teachers from his time in school-</p><p> </p><p>Until his dad points across the lot, at the front, near the tent, at a brown haired girl in a familiar jacket and two bright blue knit gloves. The knit gloves she’s yet to replace, despite the fact that it’s starting to snow and the ground is slowly turning to slush under their feet.</p><p> </p><p>He watches her for a moment, unbelieving, because <em> in what world </em>-</p><p> </p><p>“Is that Rey?” His mom hum, stepping up between Ben and his father.</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, gobsmacked, because it <em> is </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Huh. He didn’t know she was doing this today.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben! Go say hi!” His mom hisses, pushing on Bens sleeve as he squawks. He looks between his parents for a moment, in their matching blue medical masks, as his mother shoos him towards the girl.</p><p> </p><p>He groans, as his dad crosses his arms and Ben starts walking off. Great, now he has an <em> audience. </em> Why does there have to be an <em> audience </em>?</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, trying to compose himself as he wanders across the lot to Rey. As she crosses her arms, and stares down at a group of the itty bitty two foot tall trees. Perfectly Rey sized, really.</p><p> </p><p>“You need to stop following me.” He hums, as she <em> shouts </em> in surprise. She flips around to look at him, a hand held over her heart as Ben takes in the Christmas tree patterned mask she’s wearing and her colorful pom-pom hat.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, Jannah must have sent her more. Good to know.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben!” She warbles after a moment, placing her hands into two fists by her sides. “Jeez, I-“</p><p> </p><p>She just huffs at him, making an adorably aggravated face before stomping over and jumping up on her toes to wrap him up in a tight hug. “It’s good to see you, I missed you.” She sighs, shoving her face in his neck as he grins.</p><p> </p><p>“You say that <em> every </em> time you see me.” He laughs, lifting her up in his own embrace as she squeaks. Pulling her feet off the ground, and kind of swinging her a little as they hug.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, in kind of “I know, I know” sort of way as he pulls back. Sets her back on the ground, and dusts the snow off of her pretty shoulders with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing out here, anyways?” He hums, as she steps up next to him. As she crawls under his arm and the flap of his jacket, and looks out over the sea of tiny trees with him. Cuddles up next to him, really, in what he thinks might be a bid for warmth.</p><p> </p><p>“I need a Christmas tree.” She hums, looping her finger through his belt loop. “I don’t have one yet.”</p><p> </p><p>He nods, looking out at the trees as she sighs. She needs a christmas tree, then.</p><p> </p><p>“I also have fifteen dollars, and a wish, Ben Solo. Fifteen dollars, and a <em> wish </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben hums, rubbing her side as he sighs. “Fifteen? What happened to the twenty Jannah gave you?”</p><p> </p><p>“Gas money. Had to actually <em> get here </em> in the first place, you know?” She explains, wiggling against his side as he nods down at her. That makes sense. He doesn’t know how much she had in her tank when she left his parents place last week. How much she used during the week, either, although he can’t imagine it was <em> much </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Ben looks over the trees with her, letting her lead the way, as he realizes most of them are closer to thirty. There’s a couple really sad ones, around the twenty dollar range, but the majority are closer to thirty.</p><p> </p><p>He turns to look down at her again, watching her sigh and cross her arms over her chest as she leans against him.</p><p> </p><p>“How’d you know Jannah sent me money, anyways?” She asks, looking up at him as she squints against the snow in curiosity. “I didn’t tell you she sent me money.”</p><p> </p><p>He grabs her chin and turns her face up to his, gently tapping her mask with his thumb. Right over the middle, on top of a tree. “You’re wearing a new mask, sweetheart.”</p><p> </p><p>She blinks at him, before raising a hand to her cheek as her eyes widen. “Oh! I am! I forgot.”</p><p> </p><p>“Bigger things on the mind?” He hums, motioning to the trees with his head.</p><p> </p><p>She nods, and he smiles at her as she quietly models it for him. It’s cute. She’s <em> really </em> cute.</p><p> </p><p>She grins, Ben can see how her mask moves and her eyes sparkle under his attention. It never fails to astonish him how easy it is to make her happy, how easily she finds joy in simple acts like this. A new mask, holding his hand, or just existing in the same space as him. Such simple acts that make him feel like <em> enough </em> for her.</p><p> </p><p>But now wouldn’t be the right time to act on that feeling of enoughness, especially when his parents are surely watching.</p><p> </p><p>The crush in his chest quietly grows a little, as he holds her close. </p><p> </p><p>As she sadly looks out over the Christmas trees, and Ben thinks he might know what she’s thinking.</p><p> </p><p>“Hey, I’ll cut you a deal.” He quietly hums, patting her side as he stares down at her. She turns to look up at him, leaning against his arm as he scowls.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben-“</p><p> </p><p>“You’ll have wasted the five dollars you spent on gas to get here and get back home, and you won’t even have anything to prove for it. Let me pay the difference on your Christmas tree, and you can make it up to me by letting me help decorate it with you. Deal?”</p><p> </p><p>She groans, throwing her head back, but she agrees with a gentle groan after about five second of hard thinking. “Fine, deal.”</p><p> </p><p>He offers his hand, and she shakes it with one firm movement. They have a deal.</p><p> </p><p>“And you say <em> I’m </em> stubborn.” She hums, stepping back and placing her hand on his chest. “ <em> You’re </em> stubborn.”</p><p> </p><p>He chuckles, as she pats his side with something akin to fondness. Something gentle, but affirming of the comfort level between them and how easily they fit together.</p><p> </p><p>He looks back to his parents, watching them not so sneakily keep an eye on the two from behind a tree. One of the ones his mother liked, he’s sure of it. He should get back to them, let them know what’s going on.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m gonna go tell my parents we’re sticking together for a while, you wanna come with?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey perks her head up, quickly daring a glance around the lot with wide eyes. She turns back to Ben once she finds them, kind of hiding in front of him now as he helps her shift to a more secretive spot. She shakes her head in a no, quickly explaining that her classes aren’t technically done yet. Final grades still have to be submitted. Rey can’t do <em> that </em> yet.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re watching you- us.” She quietly hums, staring up at him as he nods. They’re <em> nosy </em>, that’s what. His parents are far too nosy for his liking right now.</p><p> </p><p>He sets a hand on her side, firmly rubbing as she takes a deep breath. “Ignore them, please. They’re just- they’re my parents. They’re worried I’m gonna blow this up, or something. I’ve blown a <em> lot </em> of good things up before.”</p><p> </p><p>“I wouldn’t put it past you.” She sighs, crossing her arms as she huffs. Yeah, they’ve both been witness to his temper. They know how destructive it can be when not managed properly.</p><p> </p><p>But Rey redacts her statement with a shrug, placing a hand out in front of her as she stares up at him. “Well, maybe a couple weeks ago I wouldn’t have. I-I don’t think that’s something we need to worry about now. You know? You’re-you’re-“</p><p> </p><p>“A worrywart, apparently.” He sighs, as she laughs. </p><p> </p><p>“Yeah.” She hums, grabbing his jacket and starting to get him all turned around. He is, but he’s <em> her </em> worrywart. “Now go worry somewhere else, I’m busy.”</p><p> </p><p>“Jeez, fine, okay.” Ben sighs, putting his hands in the air as she giggles. “I’m leaving, but I’ll be right back! Give me a couple minutes.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, when he looks back at her, before finally starting to make his way across the tree lot again. His parents excitedly greet him, although it’s mostly just his mother, as she drags him behind a tree that doesn’t even go above his <em> neck </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“How is she?” She excitedly hums, Ben quickly trying to get his bearings as both of his parents look at him in curiosity.</p><p> </p><p>“She’s fine.” He groans, tucking his hands in his pockets. “I think I’m gonna go home with her, though. If that’s okay with you two.”</p><p> </p><p>His dad shoots his mom a look, something along the lines of an ‘I told you so’ kind of expression as Ben sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Of course,” she hums, ignoring his fathers pointed looks as she crosses her arms, “long as we all agree on a tree first, and then you can go do <em> whatever </em> with Rey.”</p><p> </p><p>Well, okay. That was an easy plan made.</p><p> </p><p>Ben hums, looking around. He spots a tree a couple feet away, pointing at it. “I like that one.” He shrugs, kind of indifferent. Kind of wanting to go back to Rey as soon as humanly possible. “It’s… green.”</p><p> </p><p>“Finally! An opinion!” His mom hums, stepping over and examining it. She takes a full walk around it, his father quickly following behind her and checking the bottom for gaps. It can’t be much different than the others, but they both seem thoroughly <em> content </em> with this choice. </p><p> </p><p>“Han, you go find someone to help us get this to the car. Ben, you go check on Rey. She’s still staring at the Charlie Brown trees.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben looks behind him, where Rey is indeed drifting closer to the Charlie Brown trees. The <em> really </em> sad ones, who look like they’re on those last legs already.</p><p> </p><p>And that just won’t do, not for someone as wonderful as Rey Niima. </p><p> </p><p>He sighs, turning to his parents one last time. “I will go check on Rey. And when you get the receipt number, bring it over to me. I’m already paying for Rey’s tree, she’s got like fifteen bucks in her account. It’s a whole thing, I’ll cover this one too.”</p><p> </p><p>“What?” His dad hums, looking more than a little alarmed as his mom sighs at the whole situation. “How does she only have fifteen bucks in her account? She said she would be good through Christmas?”</p><p> </p><p>Wow, it’s like nobody believed him when he said this was serious <em> two and a half weeks ago </em> . Rey <em> lied </em> to his dad when he asked if she was okay, because that’s what she does. She panics, and freaks out, and draws back into herself when anything goes wrong.</p><p> </p><p>“Since our whole economy collapsed!” Ben hums back, starting to walk backwards towards Rey. “It’s- she made it doing modeling work for a friend. She can’t find a job. It’s a- I’ll explain it later, I promise. Immigration issues.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben turns around, starting to walk towards her again as his dad sighs. Setting his sights on her as she hums to herself and checks out the tags on the baby trees. </p><p> </p><p>The last thing he hears before leaving earshot is his mother excitedly whispering to his father, “She’s a <em> model </em>, Han!” </p><p> </p><p>Christ, he’s not looking forward to explaining this later.</p><p> </p><p>Although, he admits, Rey is more than pretty enough to be a <em> professional </em>model.</p><p> </p><p>She’s fucking stunning, actually.</p><p> </p><p>He doesn’t know why he didn’t notice that sooner.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0054"><h2>54. Chapter 54</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey watches as Ben manages both her and his parents, continually having to go and <em> deal </em> with them as she wanders around the trees. As she finally finds one she likes, before moving to look inside the tent and start examining the decorations and the Christmas paraphernalia they have set up.</p><p> </p><p>Which also means she gets a primetime view of the argument they have, Ben pinching the bridge of his nose as he takes a deep breath and his dad shrugs. As his mum rolls her eyes at him, and says something in return.</p><p> </p><p>As Ben slowly walks off, and returns to Rey looking <em> more </em> than a little exhausted.</p><p> </p><p>“I love my parents,” he hums, tucking his hands in his pockets as he steps up next to her, “but, holy shit, do they know how to fight.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, daring a look back at them. His mother sighs again, as his father shrugs and they walk over to where the bottom of the tree is being trimmed.</p><p> </p><p>“Are they gonna be okay?” She asks, as Ben nods and grabs her hand. </p><p> </p><p>“They’ll be fine, I promise. My mom just doesn’t want my dad doing any heavy labor, so once I’m done with you they’re gonna need me to help bring the tree in. Is that okay?”</p><p> </p><p>The true question goes unspoken between them, as Rey nods. <em> Are you going to be okay if I don’t stay the night tonight, because every single time I’ve come over in the past two and a half weeks I haven’t been able to leave you </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, gulping as she kind of slowly comes to terms with this. She’s not clingy, she’s not clingy, <em> she’s not clingy- </em></p><p> </p><p>“That’s fine.” She squeaks, grabbing his hand and swinging it between their bodies. “You, uh, you should go take care of them, Ben. I’ll be okay. I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>She reminds herself she doesn’t own him, and that she <em> likes </em> how out of the way he goes for his family. How he’s really trying to keep his home life stable, when nothing else is.</p><p> </p><p>How much that means to her, to see him really working on that part of himself just because he thinks it’s the right thing to do. How <em> important </em> that is to her and her values, to have him prioritize time with his home and family. His parents.</p><p> </p><p>He groans, looking back to them one last time. Staring, for a moment, before turning back down to her. “I have an idea, I’ll tell you while you show me what tree you picked out. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, grabbing his hand and pulling him back outside of the tent. She reminds herself to find some way to thank him, to show him her gratitude for doing this. For meeting her halfway, on the twenty dollar tree she found.</p><p> </p><p>But Ben takes one look at it, wilted needles and all, and scoffs as he drags her back over to the thirty dollar ones. “Okay, no, we can do better than that sweetheart. You’re worth more than that.”</p><p> </p><p>She turns up to him, as <em> he </em> drags <em> her </em> back over to the thirty dollar ones. As he starts looking through them with her, looking <em> astronomically </em> tall among the tiny little trees. He tells her it was kind of a fire hazard as she stares at him, if he’s honest, with how dry and brittle it looked against the others.</p><p> </p><p>She smiles, hanging onto his fingers as he gathers snow on his shoulders with every passing second. As he mutters to himself, and asks her opinion on what she thinks about this one or that one.</p><p> </p><p>She loves him, she loves him <em> so, so, so </em>much.</p><p> </p><p>He makes her feel so <em> happy </em>.</p><p> </p><p>What more could she possibly want?</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben helps Rey get her tree to her car, as she keeps an eye on his parents for him. As Han tries to help the young man helping <em> them </em> get the tree strapped to the roof, and his mother just quietly watches and judges from the sidelines.</p><p> </p><p>And Ben walks with her, barely putting any effort into carrying her little two and a half footer as they trudge through the muddy parking lot.</p><p> </p><p>“How did you become so nice?” She asks, looking up at him as he pokes his head up over the top of, what is essentially, a Christmas bush. “Just out of curiosity, how did you end up so <em> nice </em>?”</p><p> </p><p>Ben shrugs, turning to look down at her. “Honestly? I wasn’t. For awhile. I was kind of a dick.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, reaching out and grabbing his arm as they dodge a puddle and he sighs. He murmurs a quiet “careful” to her as she smiles, petting his bicep in reassurance that they’re alright. Muddy shoes have been avoided, once again.</p><p> </p><p>He sighs, glancing at her as she slowly guides him to her car. Keeping a watchful eye on her, to make sure everything is okay or something silly like that. “Then I kind of… I had a bad day. A bad case, a bad fight… It was… I had a shitty day. And I looked in the mirror when I got home, lonely as hell and with nothing to prove for it-“</p><p> </p><p>He takes a deep breath, chest moving up and down as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“And I decided I wasn’t happy anymore. So I called my parents, and worked on it. I worked on… being nice again.”</p><p> </p><p>“Hard work?”</p><p> </p><p>“No, not after it became a habit.” He hums, glancing down at her and smiling again. “Not after I realized that people fed off of my energy, and it was <em> easier </em> to be nice. Not after I started to recognize what was making me upset, and started trying to fix it. Trying to add to the general happiness of the world, not the misery.”</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, pulling her lanyard over her head as they get to her car. “Like quitting your job?”</p><p> </p><p>“Like <em> eventually </em> quitting my job.” He corrects, adjusting the tree in his arms as she unlocks the trunk and opens it. Yes, he will <em> eventually </em> quit this god awful job of his, once he finds a new one.</p><p> </p><p>Rey can’t wait until he finds a new one, just for his own sake. She knows he deserves it, nobody else could deserve it <em> more </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“You gonna be alright?” He asks, gently placing the tree on it’s side in her trunk. Adjusting it, making sure none of the branches get squished, before he moves to stand up again.</p><p> </p><p>Rey quickly places a hand on the back of his head, as she squeaks out a warning and he squawks in alarm at the sudden movement on her end. “Careful! Don’t bump your head!”</p><p> </p><p>She fixes his hair for him, as he <em> slowly </em> backs out of the trunk. Far more cautious, this time, although his eyes are wide in shock. “Thank you.” He sighs, leaning down for her as she works to fix his messed up hair with busy fingers.</p><p> </p><p>They stand in silence for a moment, once Rey gives him the all clear and steps back a little. Once she crosses her arms, and she sighs in the awkward silence between them. </p><p> </p><p>“I, uh-“ Ben motions his thumb to his parents, Rey daring a look at them as they <em> very </em>clearly keep an eye on the exchange between the two. “I should be going. Sure this works for you? You’re okay with me coming by to decorate later?”</p><p> </p><p>Rey suddenly realizes something, snapping her fingers and pointing at Ben with wide eyes. “I don’t have any decorations. Finn kept them all when I moved.”</p><p> </p><p>He just blinks at her, before throwing his head back and groaning. “Rey, oh my <em> god </em>-“</p><p> </p><p>She starts giggling, as he grabs her face in his palms and she grabs his upper arms as laughter shakes her whole body. “You’re a disaster. I-I care about you <em> deeply, </em> but good god you’re a <em> mess </em>.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, hugging him as he sighs. She knows, she knows she can be a little forgetful sometimes. When she’s stressed, or overwhelmed, and tiny things tend to slip between the cracks. </p><p> </p><p>Like having Christmas tree decorations, for the Christmas tree she just got. She, in all fairness, hadn’t planned this far ahead. She wasn’t sure she’d even <em> get </em> here in the first place-</p><p> </p><p>“Okay,” he hums, pulling away from her with a sigh, keeping his arms locked around her. “I guess we’re going ornament shopping, then. Stay ready to go, okay? I’ll text you when I get to your place, it’ll be fun.”</p><p> </p><p>“Fun.” She sighs, already anticipating and realizing that it’ll be <em> Ben </em> helping her with this again. Ben with the wallet, and the funds for fun. “Is this gonna make you happy?” She worries, “I don’t wanna do this if you’re not <em> certain </em> this is something that’ll make you very happy.”</p><p> </p><p>“It would make me <em> ecstatic </em>.” He sighs, moving his hands to her hips. “I would be thrilled to help you build your own Christmas tree decoration… collection. To do that together.” </p><p> </p><p>She nods, giggling again as he hugs her one final time.</p><p> </p><p>Rey loves Ben Solo’s hugs, she thinks they might be her most favorite thing in the whole world.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0055"><h2>55. Chapter 55</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ben races through the house, trying to finish wrapping Rey's present as he huffs to himself and searches for tape.</p><p> </p><p>“Slow down, kid.” His dad hums, dodging Ben as he stomps down the staircase and quickly apologizes. He’s <em> late </em> , he promised Rey he would be at her place five minutes ago and he’s <em> late </em>.</p><p> </p><p>“I need tape!” He shouts, “what happened to all the <em> tape! </em>”</p><p> </p><p>“Check the drawer under the coffee maker, hon!” His mom calls, as Ben groans and goes to search there as she strings lights around the Christmas tree currently in their living room. He keeps the package and the cut wrapping paper under his arm, as he groans.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you find it?” She asks, as he finally wraps his fingers around a plastic tape dispenser. Thank <em> god </em>-</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah! Got it!” He yells back, moving to the dining table. He starts wrapping up her present again, quickly taping it shut as his dad watches from the living room and unhelpfully helps his mom test and string Christmas lights together.</p><p> </p><p>He struggles, a little, because the package is small and his hands are not.</p><p> </p><p>“What’cha doing there, kid?” His dad asks, staring at him as his mom struggles with shoving the lights in-between the branches of the tree. “What’s the rush?”</p><p> </p><p>“Rey and I are going Christmas shopping,” he hums, trying to stick the wrapping paper together in a way that doesn’t look completely disorganized. “She doesn’t have anything to decorate her tree <em> with </em>, so we’re going shopping. I told her I would be there at three, because the store closes at five, but-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben looks up, at the tree that it took a <em> hilariously </em> long time to get set up and watered. It wasn’t cut straight on the bottom, so there’s a towel shoved under part of the tree stand and Ben had to get flat on his belly to get under it while his mom fetched little glasses back and forth for him.</p><p> </p><p>“I’m late.”</p><p> </p><p>His mom sighs, still focusing on untangling lights as she shakes out a <em> bundle </em> of wires.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you staying the night again?” She asks, his father turning up to her as Ben shrugs. </p><p> </p><p>“Uh, we’ll see. I don’t know yet.” </p><p> </p><p>He hopes he is, even if that hadn’t been the original plan. Even if that wasn’t the way he was planning on spending tonight, at her house and <em> most likely </em> snuggled up in her bed.</p><p> </p><p>Although, when has he ever <em> planned </em> on spending the night at Reys?</p><p> </p><p>He pauses, as he stands over his gift for her.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe he should pack his laptop, just in case.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>When Ben pulls up to Reys apartment, she’s already standing in the parking lot with her phone in one hand and her keys in the other.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re late!” She shouts, giggling as he gets out of the car and groans.</p><p> </p><p>“I know!” He calls back, shutting the door behind him as he sighs. “There was- I- It’s a long story. Hello, again. You look beautiful.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, giggling as he walks over to her and wraps an arm around her. As he sets his head on top of hers, and she tucks a hand under his jacket.</p><p> </p><p>He motions to his car, gently tugging her towards the vehicle with a sigh. “Come on, let’s go.” Because they need to get a move on if they’re going to do this, Ben wants her to have enough time to decide how she wants to decorate her tree and pick her ornaments out. He considers this kind of a big deal, after all. For her to have her own Christmas tree.</p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head, tugging on his hand as she drifts away from him. “I’m driving, get in.”</p><p> </p><p>He tilts his head as she tugs on his palm again. </p><p> </p><p>“Do you have gas?”</p><p> </p><p>“Nope.” She hums, continuing to tug, “But I have a credit card.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben immediately gets a bad feeling about this.</p><p> </p><p>“No.” He sighs, letting her hand go and watching her return to her drivers side door. “I don’t know what your plan is, but no. <em> Hard </em> no.”</p><p> </p><p>“Why?” She squawks, turning to him as he goes back to his car. He opens up the passenger side door, pulling out her present as she protests his earliest refusals. “You haven’t even heard it yet!”</p><p> </p><p>“Because I know you, and I know how you <em> think </em>. And considering the state of our world, I don’t want you making any long term decisions that could put you or your bank account in harm's way. Got it, sweetheart?”</p><p> </p><p>She narrows her eyes at him, as he moves to stand by her passenger side door. The passenger side door to her less awful but still slightly terrifying station wagon. Because, despite his fathers stamp of approval and his best work, Ben will <em> always </em> be slightly terrified of this car.</p><p> </p><p>They move to sit down, Ben placing his present for her in her lap as she goes to buckle her seatbelt.</p><p> </p><p>“Ben-“</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t know what your plan is, but if you’re making it because you think you need to be <em> desperate </em> for money or whatever, I don’t want you making it. I want you to know I’m here for you, and I’m here to help take care of you. You owe me nothing, I just like making sure you’re okay.”</p><p> </p><p>She blinks at the package in her lap, as Ben tries to find the seat adjuster for his seat. He struggles a little, as she sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t like being dependent on you.” She hums, turning up to him before kind of starting to pick at the wrapping paper a little. “If something happens, I don’t want to be dependent on you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You won’t be, I promise, you won’t be.” He hums, finally getting the seat to a more comfortable place. So his legs aren’t squished, and he can more easily get settled in. “I <em> want </em> you to be independent. I <em> want </em> you to be able to support yourself. But until then, until it’s safe and you’re back at a good place financially, I want you to rely on me. Or Finn, if you don’t want all your eggs in one basket. I guess.”</p><p> </p><p>“I can’t just <em> ask </em> Finn for money.” She groans, grabbing her keys and starting the car before taking her present and throwing it back towards Bens lap as he huffs. “He’s- he’s not like you, Ben. He’s not a lawyer, he’s an art student in college who works full time at his parents <em> plant nursery </em>. I can’t ask him for more than I already have. He’s already given me too much.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben sighs, putting the present back in her lap as she starts to pull out and drive. He ignores the way his heart stops, and he restrains himself from grabbing onto the door handle with white knuckles. “Okay, okay, I get that. I get it. You can’t do that, I get it.”</p><p> </p><p>They drive in silence, Ben watching out the side view mirror as her apartment disappears in the distance and she sighs in the silence between them. She doesn’t even turn on the radio, as she furrows her brow and thinks.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t want to depend on you.”</p><p> </p><p>“You never have.” He hums, reaching out and grabbing her hand as she settles. “You’re stubborn, but so am I.”</p><p> </p><p>She scoffs, gently smiling as she glances at him. “That sounds like a challenge.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben groans, turning to look out the window as he rubs her palm. “It’s so not, I just want to point out the fact-“</p><p> </p><p>“That we’re equally matched?” She groans, Ben nodding in response. Because they are, they’re equally matched. They’re both just as stubborn, just as silly, as the other. Just as lonely, just as nervous-</p><p> </p><p>He turns to look at her, as she drives and he glances at her fuel gauge. They have to stop soon, he knows they have to stop soon. He’ll have to convince her to let him deal with this before they get to a gas station, or something.</p><p> </p><p>“Rey, I worry about you more than I probably should.” He exhales, squeezing her hand again as he stares down at their intertwined fingers. “But it’s only because I care so much about you, and I want you to have someone in your life who can be that person for you. Because I know what it’s like to be alone, and I <em> never </em> want you to have to go through what I did. I don’t want you to need me, I want you to <em> choose </em> me.</p><p> </p><p>“Now open your damn present, Rey Niima. They won’t fit me, and I don’t want to deal with returns.”</p><p> </p><p>She squeezes his hand, giggling as he grins at her.</p><p> </p><p>He loves that she’s so hesitant to take his kindness, sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>It tells him he’s giving it to the right person.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Ben looks in through Rey's car door, as the gas pump runs on his left and she groans at him. “You <em> know </em> I won’t be able to get you anything in return, Ben. You <em> know </em> I can’t return the favor.”</p><p> </p><p>He sets his hand on her head, glove pulled off after he got the pump going so he can play with her bun a little and guide her eyes to look up at him. “I know, that’s okay. I don’t care.”</p><p> </p><p>She glares at him, staring up from where he pushes a curl behind her ear. From where he tightens her mask, this one with artistic little deer across the front, against her face.</p><p> </p><p>“I don’t care. In fact, I couldn’t care less. I just want you to be happy, I promise.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, Ben watching what skin he can see on her face and neck turn pink as she slowly and gently pulls the tan and gold wrapping paper apart. As she stares down at the gift he got her, red ribbon tossed to the side as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>“Gloves. You got me gloves.” She hums, turning to look up at him with stars in her eyes. Because he likes to think he’s a half decent listener, and he’d like to think this was exactly what she <em> needed </em> from him. “Thank you.”</p><p> </p><p>“They match mine.” He hums, slowly showing her the tag and stitching on the inside of his. The black faux leather, and the weather proofing on the outside and fingertips. “But uh, look on the inside. They’re no snowflakes, and you can’t use your phone with them, but-“</p><p> </p><p>Rey giggles as she peeks on the inside, Ben turning to the gas pump and pulling his own back on as he moves to grab it. As the pump shuts off, and he pulls his wallet from his back pocket to start paying before she can stop him.</p><p> </p><p>“They’re pink, on the inside.”</p><p> </p><p>“And the stitching around the edges. I tried to look for something more colorful, but this was the best I could do-“</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you, Ben. They’re perfect.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben turns to her, grinning as she examines them. As she thumbs at the insides, and excitedly undoes and redoes the strap at the wrist. </p><p> </p><p>He feels like he did a good job on that.</p><p> </p><p>Yeah. He feels like he did a really good job on that.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0056"><h2>56. Chapter 56</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Rey looks absolutely <em> giddy </em> as they explore down the aisles of the home decor store she dragged him to, yanking on his hand as she finally locates the Christmas decorations and tree toppers. The tinsel and sparkle of generic Christmas decor bright against the pale linoleum tile and gray shelving units of every department store during the holidays.</p><p> </p><p>Ben adjusts the single string of lights he found under his arm, as she bops along to Christmas music and clings onto his fingers. As she stays extra close to him, now that they’re in a public space that might find them separated at any moment.</p><p> </p><p>Ben shuffles closer to her, as she sighs and looks at the packages of ornaments. The ones that are left, at least, in the store right now.</p><p> </p><p>Production is down, across the board. Shelves everywhere are a little less full than they were last year. Everything is a little <em> less </em>, although Ben can’t find it in himself to complain if it means less people are out and about right now.</p><p> </p><p>“Those are pretty.” Ben hums as he points to some silvery and gold ones, feeling her adjust her grasp on his free arm with a sigh. Her hand wraps around his bicep, as she tilts her head and hums in thought. As she thinks, and makes her decorative decisions. </p><p> </p><p>She shakes her head in a no, pulling him down the aisle a little. “I want red ones, they feel more homey. You know? Silver feels too department store-y. I want something <em> warm. </em>”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, tracking her logic. That makes sense. Rey deserves to have a home that feels <em> homey </em> . She deserves to feel at home in her home. Ben knows <em> everyone </em> could use a little bit more homeyness, this year, if he’s honest.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, gently tugging him a little further down the aisle. Continuing their search.</p><p> </p><p>Ben just stares at her, not really knowing how much help he is right now. How much his own tastes align with hers.</p><p> </p><p>She looks up after a moment, pointing at a tree topper and some ornaments as she sighs. As Ben tracks her line of sight with raised eyebrows. All on the top shelf, nice and small, lies her goal. Little red ornaments perfectly sized for her tiny tree, Ben thinks. And just enough, too. It’s a miracle they’re still actually in the store, amongst all the empty shelves.</p><p> </p><p>Probably helped by the fact they’re on the top of the shelving unit, well hidden from anyone who isn’t used to looking <em> up </em> apparently.</p><p> </p><p>She jumps on her toes, as she drops his hand, and she reaches up to try to grab them with an impatient grunt.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stares, as he realizes what the problem is.</p><p> </p><p>She’s too short, even with her hands and arms outstretched and her toes lifting her up as much as possible. Even with her awfully adorable frustrated noises, tiny and upset. Her fingertips just barely grab onto the box, as Ben stares up at her palms. And Rey is, by no means, especially short. She’s only short compared to <em> him </em>, like most people are.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you want me to-“</p><p> </p><p>“Nope.” She huffs, a little out of breath as he sighs. “I’ve got it.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben looks down at her for a moment, as she makes another grab. As she settles back on her heels, and just when Ben thinks she’s about to give in, tries again and just <em> barely </em> misses.</p><p> </p><p>Ben stares for a moment, at her sneakers as they squeak against the tiled floor, and he thinks he might have a solution.</p><p> </p><p>He sets the box of lights on a shelf, before grabbing her sides and lifting her up as she squeaks. “Grab it.” He grunts, as she closes her hands around the box and the tree topper. As she squeals, and he sets her back down on the floor with a groan.</p><p> </p><p>She blinks up at him, as he grabs the lights again and she clutches the decor to her chest.</p><p> </p><p>“Thank you.” She squeaks, while Ben just nods and grumbles. He knows.</p><p> </p><p>He knows.</p><p> </p><p>『✰』</p><p> </p><p>Rey… feels good.</p><p> </p><p>As she looks over her apartment, staring at the tree in the corner of her living room that happily sparkles and glows against the fading sunset, as the space heater Ben brought her a month ago buzzes and oscillates, and the Yule log she found on YouTube repeats a Christmas song she’s got memorized on the tv.</p><p> </p><p>As the gloves he just bought her, because he pays attention to these sorts of things, sits on the counter behind her. Now a little used during their shopping trip, next to his.</p><p> </p><p>She feels good.</p><p> </p><p>Happy, even.</p><p> </p><p>As she feels Ben wrap an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to his chest as he sorts out the takeaway they picked up on the way home, happier, even.</p><p> </p><p>Which is the first time she’s been able to say that in a <em> really </em> long time. Like, a <em> really </em> long time.</p><p> </p><p>Like a fucking… a <em> long </em> time.</p><p> </p><p>She sighs, and shuts her eyes as Ben places his head on top of hers as another carol starts. As he exhales against her hair, and rocks with her a little in her kitchen to the beat while he quietly hums along. As he holds her, and rubs her side with his hand the way he does when he holds her at night, and she’s <em> so </em> glad she isn’t alone right now.</p><p> </p><p>As their false fire crackles in the background, she wraps her arms around his torso and listens to his heartbeat solidly thump beneath her head. She couldn’t imagine a more perfect moment.</p><p> </p><p>And, granted, her standards are not especially high for this sort of thing-</p><p> </p><p>But this is all she’s ever wanted. For the first time in her life, maybe, Rey is <em> content </em> with the cards she’s been given.</p><p> </p><p>“It’s snowing.” Ben suddenly hums, stepping to the side to get a better look out the window as Rey follows close behind him and she clutches tightly onto his fingers. As she looks out the window with him, and watches a verifiable <em> flurry </em> gust by her balcony. He sighs, taking it all in with her. “It’s snowing out, might not be able to drive home tonight.” </p><p> </p><p>She nods, stepping up next to him and exhaling as he leans over the counter. “Well, I wouldn’t want you driving home in the snow, Ben. You should just stay. Safer that way.” </p><p> </p><p>He nods, turning to look up at her as he swallows a smile. As the corners of his mouth turn up, before he quickly turns back to the sliding door.</p><p> </p><p>“Yeah?” He asks, making room for her as she scoots in next to him and crawls under his arm again. “I should?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, placing her cheek against his shoulder as he squeezes her between his chest and the counter. “You should.”</p><p> </p><p>He nods, kind of looking at her for a moment as she shuts her eyes and sighs. Kind of examining her, as she huddles under his arm for safety.</p><p> </p><p>“What else should I do, Rey.” He hums, gently patting her side as he sighs. Wrapping his hand around her hip, as he turns to her. “What else do you think I should do? What <em> ever </em> shall I do to repay your kindness.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey shrugs, not really sure what else she could <em> want </em> from him <em> . </em></p><p> </p><p>And then she comes up with something, something she knows she shouldn’t ask for but that she’s wanted since the moment she met him. Something that she wants to risk right now, even though she doesn’t know what his response will be when she asks him for it.</p><p> </p><p>“You could kiss me. Maybe. Just a little. But only if you wanted to. Only if you <em> really </em> wanted to, Ben.”</p><p> </p><p>It comes out more joking than she means it, heart quickening in her chest as he stares down at her, and she doesn’t know what the <em> hell </em> he’ll manage to make out of this bizarre request of hers. Spurred on by the fact she knows him like the back of her hand, and that she isn’t afraid to let things like that slip from her mouth anymore.</p><p> </p><p>Although, in hindsight, that might have been an awful way to come out and say she thinks he’s the most handsome man she’s ever met. Because she also knows he’ll barely be able to read between the lines on that one.</p><p> </p><p>Ben Solo is not particularly gifted with being able to <em> read between the lines </em> sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>Rey knows this, and she accepts this as part of the Ben Solo package deal.</p><p> </p><p>But Ben seems to pause for a moment, as Rey sighs and breathes him in. The smell of clean laundry, and his skin. She keeps her eyes closed against his shirt, scared that maybe she went too far and got <em> too </em> comfortable with him. Briefly wondering how much effort it would take to transmogrify into an ant because she knows <em> that </em> came out of nowhere-</p><p> </p><p>He leans down, and tentatively places his lips against her forehead as she freezes. As she opens her eyes, and looks up, and he shifts to get a better look down at her with those wonderfully brown eyes of his. The same brown eyes that are half lidded, and just a touch darker than she remembers.</p><p> </p><p>“Maybe.” He hums, exhaling as she stares up at him. As he places his hands on her face, and she slowly realizes that he’s stiff and tense and <em> stressed </em> in front of her. “Maybe I could, but I would need you to know I really wanted it too. That I like you a whole lot, but it’s not the only reason I want to be around you. That you’re my friend, too, and I wouldn’t want that to change. I wouldn’t wanna fuck this up.”</p><p> </p><p>“It won’t.” She hums, staring up at him as she grabs his biceps and her heart pounds in her chest. Pounds at the <em> possibility </em> that he’s actually taking her silly offer seriously. “It won’t, I promise. I promise it won’t.”</p><p> </p><p>Ben nods, still staring down at her. Still nervous, and cautious, and <em> scared </em>.</p><p> </p><p>And Rey really thought he would have just gone ahead and kissed her by now, but she realizes that her Ben isn’t about to do that anytime soon as he blinks at her with a brow so furrowed she thinks he’s going to get a headache. In any universe, any reality, Ben was never going to be the one who kissed her first.</p><p> </p><p>So she jumps up on her toes, grabs his face, and pulls him down to properly press her lips against his. Kisses him because he’s clearly too much of a baby to do so himself, and she’s completely fine with that.</p><p> </p><p>Kisses him, and gives him permission to kiss her back in the same sentence. </p><p> </p><p>And Ben is a <em> good </em> kisser. Not that Rey has had an extraordinary amount of experience, by any means, but as she falls back on her heels and he tilts his head, she realizes she bagged herself a <em> good kisser. </em></p><p> </p><p>And she giggles, at that realization, as Ben takes a mile for every inch and grins into her mouth. As he seems so hesitant to leave her, when they finally need to separate for a breath or two to get some air. When his forehead remains pressed up against hers, her hands exploring his chest in a way she hasn’t previously felt comfortable doing.</p><p> </p><p>As he keeps his eyes shut, and makes some type of happy grumble, and she wiggles her nose against his in glee at the absolute insanity that must have possessed her to finally make that jump towards him. The insanity she’s <em> so </em> suddenly glad she leaned into for a brief moment.</p><p> </p><p>“You-“ he hums, moving his hands to her waist as he sighs and gawks with an open mouth. “I-“</p><p> </p><p>“What? Not good enough for you?” She scoffs, kind of ruining the moment as he beams again. As he shakes his head, and his shoulders, and he laughs into her neck as he collapses against her with a groan. </p><p> </p><p>She knows why she did it, why she finally admitted that she very much likes the idea of kissing him.</p><p> </p><p>Because she knows he won’t leave her. Because she <em> trusts </em> him not to leave her. Because he means the world to her, and she couldn’t go another <em> second </em> without him knowing so.</p><p> </p><p>Rey stumbles back, always forgetting how much <em> muscle </em> this boy's body contains until half of it is on her shoulders. She squeaks under the sudden shift in weight, remedying her balance as he huffs hot air against her skin.</p><p> </p><p>He kisses the exposed length of her neck, though, mollifying her and pulling her tight against his body as he holds her close to his chest and she tries not to laugh at the fact he’s suddenly all over her. That all he needed was <em> permission </em> to do so. “No, sweetheart, it’s the exact opposite.” He finally huffs in response to her previous statement, chuckling as she slowly pushes her face into his cheek.</p><p> </p><p>She giggles, as he grumbles into her skin and she starts running her hands through his hair. As he sighs, and she leans against him with a deeply satisfied exhale.</p><p> </p><p>She realizes, quickly, that she <em> really </em> fucking cares about this boy.</p><p> </p><p>Ben pulls away, and starts kissing her forehead again as she squeaks. Starts wrapping his arms tightly around her torso, kind of pulling her off of her own feet as she struggles to keep her balance and stay attached to him. She struggles to not fall, as he grumbles and kind of drags her around like he’s <em> purposefully </em> trying to knock her off balance or something.</p><p> </p><p>He kisses her cheek, as she giggles and he sort of squishes her face.</p><p> </p><p>And then her other cheek, as he giggles and repeats the process again and again. </p><p> </p><p>“Stop! Ben!” She squeals, as he resorts to biting at her skin once he’s pressed kisses all over her face and she starts realizing what he’s doing. As one hand goes under her legs, and the other behind her back, and she understands that he might be <em> trying </em> to tickle her here.</p><p> </p><p>As Ben essentially <em> trips </em> her, damn him, and he picks her up with a low laugh that is <em> far </em> too giddy for her standards.</p><p> </p><p>He sets her on the counter after a brief trip through the air, though, which gives her the perfect view to watch him as he grins at her and she gets a <em> really </em> good look at his dimples for the first time. Bordering kiss stung lips, and the biggest grin she thinks she’s <em> ever </em> seen on his face.</p><p> </p><p>She sticks her thumbs in them, as he kind of carefully figures out where to set his hands on her body. What to do, now that they’ve gotten <em> that </em> out of the way.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re never getting rid of me now.” He laughs, adjusting his posture and staring at her as he braces his hands on the counter. “God, I hope you know that, you’re <em> never </em> getting rid of me now.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey giggles, continuing to press her thumbs in his dimples as he quickly pecks her nose again. She knows. She saw this coming the <em> moment </em> she kissed him.</p><p> </p><p>She’s <em> never </em> getting rid of him now.</p><p> </p><p>“Even if Luke doesn’t curve the exam? And I get sent <em> all </em> the way back to England?” She hums, as Ben scoffs at her and pinches his brow.</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll <em> make </em> him curve it, sweetheart. I know where he <em> lives </em> . You’re not losing that scholarship, you’re not leaving the states. I know everything is shitty, and bad, and who knows what the <em> fuck </em> next year looks like, but-“</p><p> </p><p>Ben opens and closes his mouth, trying to form words for a moment as she takes advantage of his silence and gently pulls his face towards hers. Gently rubs his jaw, smiling as he struggles.</p><p> </p><p>She kisses his forehead, as he all but melts in her palms. As he turns into putty between her fingertips.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re not leaving. If I have to kick my uncles ass, I’ll do it, but you’re not leaving. That’s final. We both know this, sweetheart. And if you do, and I fail miserably in my mission to keep you here, I’ll <em> happily </em> go with you, Rey. You’re not getting rid of me that easily, because you’re the <em> only </em> good thing about this god awful year.”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, not quite sure how he’ll pull any of this off without getting them both in trouble, but certain he’ll figure out a way.</p><p> </p><p>Because if there’s one thing Rey knows about <em> her </em> Ben, is that the boy <em> always </em> finds a way.</p><p> </p><p>And she trusts him, now, to take care of it.</p><p> </p><p>Even if the worry remains, like it always has, when she finally gets settled down in a new place and starts to get comfortable again. When she starts to find herself, and it ends up getting ripped away before she’s ready to let it go.</p><p> </p><p>Because wouldn’t that just be the cherry on top for this year? To get sent back home because her fucking professor was being a jerk? Wouldn’t that just be perfect? Right after Ben <em> kisses </em> her?</p><p> </p><p>He kisses her again, quickly, before pulling away with a sigh. “You’re also coming by for Christmas, although I don’t know what that’ll look like yet. Which means we’ll have to tell my uncle anyways, because you <em> know </em> how my mom feels about holidays, and-“</p><p> </p><p>“Ben, Ben, Ben-“ Rey soothes, rubbing his cheek as he excitedly puts things together in his mind. Giggling as he plans, and schemes, and <em> lights up </em> with all of these ideas he’s so prone to making. And even though it’s a little much for her, because Ben can be a <em> lot </em> sometimes, she finds she doesn’t mind half as much as she thought she would. Because it means he wants her in his life, which is more than she can say for <em> literally </em> anybody else who she’s thought of the way she thinks about him-</p><p> </p><p>“Lets just get through today, okay? Make sure this is permanent or something? Then we can talk about discussing me with your parents.”</p><p> </p><p>He nods, quietly smiling as he stares at her. God, yeah, that’s going to be an interesting conversation, isn’t it? Hi, my name is Rey, and I’m both your previous student and I like to kiss your son. He’s paying my grocery bills, and you already know me because I spend almost every weekend in your garage and said son spends at least one night a week in my apartment because I can hardly sleep without him anymore. Surprise! We’re in an undefined relationship!</p><p> </p><p>But, on the other hand, she doesn’t think she’s genuinely ever seen him this happy. This <em> thrilled </em> at any sort of plan or prospect involving the two of them.</p><p> </p><p>And she likes it. She really likes it when he’s happy.</p><p> </p><p>She runs a hand through his hair, just in case she’s seeing things or something. Because she doubts she can make him <em> that </em> happy.</p><p> </p><p>“You should kiss me again.” She hums, as he grins from where he’s giddily standing in front of her. “You know, just to make sure we like it. Double check our work, and everything.” Just in case it all goes away tomorrow.</p><p> </p><p>Ben groans, moving forward and grumbling as he kisses her again. Whining deep in the back of his throat, which is a noise she has <em> never </em> heard him make before, as he gently slides a hand up her back. “Good idea.” He mumbles in-between kisses, making Rey snort as he continues to grin at her. He is… eager, to say the least.</p><p> </p><p>And she likes it, because it’s <em> so </em> Ben Solo to be so excited to kiss her like this. So Ben Solo it’s <em> disarming, </em> to be kissed like this.</p><p> </p><p>She laughs, giggling as he pushes at her nose with his. Laughing as he pulls away, staring at her like she’s the only thing in the universe as he sighs.</p><p> </p><p>She struggles not to tell him she loves him immediately, because she does, but it’s <em> way </em> too early to let that slip right now.</p><p> </p><p>He gently pulls her to the edge of the counter and holds her in a warm embrace.</p><p> </p><p>“You’re the only good thing about this god awful year, Rey Niima.” He hums, leaning his head against hers. “I swear to god, you’re the only good thing. I want you to know that you’re the only good thing that came out of this stupid, bad mess.”</p><p> </p><p>Rey nods, because she understands the sentiment. She feels the same way about Ben, about the absolute <em> blessing </em> that came from meeting him during this fucking <em> awful </em> time in her life. “I know.” She hums, kissing the spot under his eye because it’s the easiest for her to reach right now. “I know, I-I know.”</p><p> </p><p>He falls silent, the tone changing as Rey strokes his hair. As the magnanimity of this sinks in, what this means for them. </p><p> </p><p>What this could mean for their <em> future </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Rey thinks it might take some adjusting on her part to get used to being in a-a <em> something </em> , sharing so much of herself with somebody else, before she realizes that she thinks most of the adjustments have already been made between them. That most of what they do might qualify as romantic type <em> things </em>, the more she thinks about it.</p><p> </p><p>The more she thinks that he knows her.</p><p> </p><p>More than anybody else.</p><p> </p><p>Better than she thought he did, maybe.</p><p> </p><p>That’s fucking terrifying.</p><p> </p><p>He pulls away, grabbing her face between his palms again as he stares at her. As he reads into her, the way he is <em> so </em> good at doing sometimes. “And I know things aren’t magically going to get fixed overnight. I know we live in a fucked up world in a fucked up country during a fucked up time. But I found you, somehow, and I want you to know how important that is to me right now. How much it means to me that you’re here, and you’re fighting through it just like everybody else is. And you’re being good to me when nobody else is. I want you to know that I’m grateful for you, and together we’re gonna face whatever fucking shit this year has to throw at us before it ends. Okay? We’re not doing this alone. It’s not gonna tear us apart. We’re better than that. We’ve both faced bigger demons than Luke <em> fucking </em> Skywalker or <em> rent </em>. I know we have. We’re gonna get through it, okay?”</p><p> </p><p>She nods, blinking back tears as she takes a deep breath. Because it's <em> so </em> much easier to face this shit when she’s not alone, it’s so much easier to do it <em> together </em>-</p><p> </p><p><em> And Ben just fucking knew that she’s still terrified about the tiny details </em> . <em> Because he knows her </em>.</p><p> </p><p>He kisses her forehead again, wrapping his arms around her and holding her as she sits on the counter and he sighs. She sets her face against his neck again, holding him tight as he continues. “I know you’re scared, I don’t know how I know, but I know you’re scared. But you liked it when I was kissing you, so I think I’m just gonna keep on doing that until you tell me to stop. Okay?”</p><p> </p><p>He grabs her hand, holding it as she shudders and sighs against his skin and his hair. As she nods, and pulls herself together in front of him. “Together,” he hums, “no matter what comes next, okay? We’re doing this <em> together. </em> I promise. <em> ” </em></p><p> </p><p>Rey nods again in understanding, holding on tight as he sighs against her skin and coos into her neck. As he shushes her, when she hiccups into his shoulder in wild relief, even though she can feel him silently blinking tears onto her neck. </p><p> </p><p>She’s not alone any more.</p><p> </p><p>Isn’t that nice.</p><p> </p><p>Who would have thought that would have been a possibility, that Rey could <em> have </em> this with anybody but herself.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe the world isn’t so awful after all, if people like Ben Solo are in it. </p><p> </p><p>Hatred of pants and all, maybe the world isn’t so awful when people like Ben Solo are in it.</p><p> </p><p>Isn’t that a nice thought to end the year out on.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>we made it.</p><p>the marathon is run. we made it.</p><p>god, I CANT believe how long this ended up being. I can't believe it even went down some of these paths in the first place, but so. much. shit. just kept on happening this year that I HAD to keep on adding to it and writing it down.</p><p>until I finally shut it down at Christmas, because I have a better feeling about this year. and I know it hasn't looked so great so far, but im choosing to be an optimist about it because I think I need that right now. But, if it's any consolation, at least we're out of fucking 2020.</p><p>Thank you for reading, really and truly. It means the whole damn world to me that people actually read what I write, even if if know half of it is nonsense sometimes. But it really does, and I appreciate it so much.</p><p>also, yes, rey kissed ben and now he's already planning their wedding. the man is a romantic. he would follow her anywhere, no matter where the next year takes them.</p><p>I wish you all well!! happiness and health and all that good shit!! you deserve it!! yes! you! Thank you for reading!! </p><p>I lov u</p><p>also find me on twitter (bird app) @binarystars3 if you wanna talk or follow for any other writing updates! if people let me know they're from here, I'll start doing a better job of teasing work and stuff bc I've got a couple other projects in the pipeline!</p><p>but I do get emo sometimes so. idk :)</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey! did you like this work? I got more!!!</p><p><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27346021">Ghost'ed</a> - Short story, ghost hunters AU</p><p><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26681842/chapters/65078968">Tell Me It's Alright</a> - Highschool AU! Multi-chapter!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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